Sixten's Quotes Page

This site abides by the

• "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
  - sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office
• "It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little. Do what you can."
  - Sydney Smith
• "Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case"
  - Newspaper headline
• "Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One"
  - Newspaper headline
• "The reverse side also has a reverse side."
  - Japanese proverb
• "When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire."
  - From school test paper
• "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
  - Sign in a Budapest zoo
• "Come to think of it, there are already a million monkeys on a million typewriters, and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare."
  - Blair Houghton on Internet
• "The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children."
  - Clarence Darrow
• "One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow."
  - Vincent T. Foss
• "The blood flows down one leg and up the other."
  - From school essay
• "If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
  - Abraham Lincoln
• "There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it."
  - Bertrand Russell
• "When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."
  - Clarence Darrow
• "Henry Purcell is a well known composer few people have ever heard of."
  - From school test paper
• "When I take a long time - I am slow.
  When my boss takes a long time - he is thorough."
  - Unknown
• "The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office."
  - Robert Frost
• "I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set I go into the other room and read a book."
  - Groucho Marx
• "Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good."
  - Samuel Johnson
• "Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."
  - Unknown
• "Traffic Dead Rise Slowly"
  - Newspaper headline
• "God heals, and the doctor takes the fee."
  - Benjamin Franklin
• "A fool and his money are soon invited everywhere."
  - Unknown
• "Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, "Gadsby", which contains over 50,000 words -- none of them with the letter E."
  - From 'Trivia and Useless Information'
• "Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."
  - Mark Twain
• "Dealers Will Hear Car Talk Friday At Noon"
  - Newspaper headline
• "After all is said and done, more is said than done."
  - Unknown
• "Committee -- a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done."
  - Fred Allen
• "Here lies my wife. Here let her lie!
  Now she's at rest. And so am I."
  - On a stone on a grave yard
• "Where's there's smoke, there's dinner."
  - Unknown
• "Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them."
  - Adlai Stevenson
• "The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier to give up than bad ones."
  - Somerset Maugham
• "The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase. If you pursue happiness you'll never find it."
  - C.P. Snow
• "The future's not what it used to be."
  - Jesse Berst's Bywords
• "Lady Astor once told Winston Churchill 'if you were my husband, I would poison your coffee'. His reply 'if you were my wife, I would drink it!'."
  - From 'Trivia and useless information'
• "Living with a saint is more grueling than being one."
  - Robert Neville
• "The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people."
  - G. K. Chesterton
• "Princess Ann was the only competitor at the 1976 Montreal Olympics that did not have to undergo a sex test."
  - From 'Trivia and Useless Information'
• "Spouse: Someone who stands by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you had just stayed single."
  - Jesse Berst's Bywords
• "We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time."
  - Arthur Hoppe
• "An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
  - Agatha Christie
• "Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under socialism, the reverse is true."
  - Polish proverb
• "The national flag of Italy was designed by Napoleon Bonaparte."
  - From 'Trivia and Useless Information'
• "Senate Panel to Grill Democratic Chairman"
  - Headline in 'Yahoo News'
• "What this country needs is more unemployed politicians."
  - Edward Langley
• "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life."
  - Orrin Hatch
• "Democracy substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few."
  - George Bernard Shaw
• "Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your children."
  - Jesse Berst's Bywords
• "Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours."
  - Milton Berle
• "Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years"
  - Newspaper headline
• "Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
  - Mark Twain
• "A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you."
  - Bert Leston Taylor
• "A lecture is an occsion when you numb one end to benefit the other."
  - John Gould
• "A narcissist is someone better looking than you are."
  - Gore Vidal
• "I am sitting in the smallest room in my house. I have your review in front of me. Soon it will be behind me."
  - Max Reger
• "Illegal Aliens Cut in Half by New Law"
  - Newspaper headline
• "Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it."
  - Stephen Leacock
• "A bore is a fellow talker who can change the subject to his topic of conversation faster than you can change it back to yours."
  - Laurence J. Peter
• "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
  - Former Australian cabinet minister Keppel Enderbery
• "Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control."
  - Bumper sticker
• "Wherever you go, there you are."
  - Unknown
• "In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah."
  - In a school paper
• "In Vermont, USA, it is illegal for women to wear false teeth without the written permission of their husbands."
  - Trivia and Useless Information: Monthly Top 20, May 1997: American Law.
• "A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience."
  - M. de Cervantes
• "In the story of Cinderella, her slippers were originally fur, but they became glass because of an error in translation."
  - From 'Trivia and Useless Information'
• "In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered to by a physician."
  - From 'Trivia and Useless Information', May (1997): American Law
• "Watch the little things; a small leak will sink a great ship."
  - Benjamin Franklin
• "Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then - we elected them."
  - Lily Tomlin
• "If the auto industry were like the computer industry a car would now cost $50, would get 500 mpg, and at a random time would explode, killing all passengers."
  - Unknown
  Thanks to Douglas I've got this as it should be:
  "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving 25 dollar cars that got 1000 miles per gallon."
  -- Microsoft's Bill Gates, on General Motors
  "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
  -- Statement released by General Motors in response to Gates' claim
• "It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere."
  - Jesse Berst's Bywords
• "What do you get if you soak a 720 kB diskette in hot water?"
  "DD Tea, of course."
  - Unknown
• "It�s the worst wheel of the wagon that screeches the loudest."
  - Spanish proverb
• "History is a set of lies agreed upon."
  - Napoleon Bonaparte
• "Compaq is considering changing the command 'Press Any Key' to 'Press Return Key' because of the flood of calls asking where the 'Any' key is."
  - from 'Laff Central'
• "Monaco's national orchestra is bigger than its army."
  - from 'Trivia and Useless Information'
• "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met."
  - Abraham Lincoln
• "Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him."
  - Aldous Huxley
• "Hitler, Nazi Papers Found in Attic."
  - Newspaper headline