Throughout my political career, nothing has thwarted my arguments on the side of logic and reason as much as religion.  I could write an entire book on how religion is ruining our lives but then some born again terrorist would come to my house and kill me.  I don’t want to offend anyone out there, so if you are deeply religious, maybe you should skip this chapter, because you might become so inflamed that you come to my house and kill me.
    I’ve tried to debate with religious people about the existence of God.  If you have tried this too, you know what a pain it is.  Take my advice: Just don’t bother.  They’ll never listen to a thing you say.  They’ll just keep saying you should accept Jesus into your heart and a bunch of crap like that.  I once argued with one of my classmates about it for days and all that changed was he tried to give me a bible and a Jars of Clay CD.  I was no closer to believing in God and he was no closer to not believing in God.  Again, just don’t bother.
    Why don’t I participate in religion?  I think I don’t because I’ve seen what nuts people turn into when they become religious.  Religious cults are the stupidest things ever.  People shooting abortion doctors in the name of God are insane.  I don’t pretend to know whether there actually is a God or not.  I do know this: Religion is a manipulative factory that churns out evil terrorists to do its bidding.  That is extreme, I’ll admit.  But take a look at Islam, the most oppressive religion in existence today.  The women are forced to cover themselves and really can’t leave the house.  (And covering your entire body in the heat of the middle east is no laughing matter.)  Anyone who breaks the laws of Islam is allowed to be beaten to death by the religious police.  Men are allowed to marry up to four women at one time.  It amazes me that there are American citizens who are members of the church of Islam.
    Anyway, the best argument I’ve heard against religion is as follows.
    Back when Jesus came and religion hit it big, religious guys had all the power.  So the Pope would have been like the president back then.  Anywho, all the religious nuts of the time (the priests and nuns and all those kinds of people) thought that if anyone tried to learn something, like about science, you didn’t have faith and deserved to be bludgeoned to death.  Scientists and doctors were hunted down and killed like they were the scum of the Earth.  It was called the Dark Age, because no scientists were allowed to learn anything so they couldn’t make light bulbs.  The Dark Age lasted for like 1000 years, during which humanity had it very lousy.  Some, including myself, believe the effects of the Dark Age are still around.  (Look at some of the people who shop at K-Mart.)  But, for arguments’ sake, we’ll call it 1000 years.
    Anyway, this means that because of religion, today’s medicine and technology are 1000 years behind where they should be.  In other words, if there had been no Jesus and all that stuff back in zero a.d. or whenever it was, we would have had all the vaccines, treatments, and cures for diseases we have today a thousand years ago.  All the people who died of the plague died needlessly because of religion.  All the people who died of smallpox died needlessly because of religion.  For all we know, there will be a cure for AIDS, cancer, and all the other viscous diseases we have today in a thousand years.  That’s not an unreasonable statement.  If it is true, all the people who are dying today because of those diseases are dying needlessly because of religion.  What about technology?  Imagine if we had invented the airplane a thousand years ago.  Imagine if we had invented the space shuttle a thousand years ago.  Think of how advanced we would be today.  Thanks a lot, Jesus.
    Now, to be fair, and since I’m such a fair guy, I’ve thought up a pretty decent counter-argument to this speech and it goes like this.
    "You make it sound like today’s technology in the hands of the people a thousand years ago would be a good thing.  Imagine if we had invented the atomic bomb a thousand years ago.  Imagine if warlords like Genghis Kahn or Napoleon had had nuclear weapons.  The planet Earth would have been blown to tiny bits years ago from war.  You should get down on your knees and thank God that he sent Jesus.  Religion saved all our asses."
    That’s a pretty good argument.  In fact, it’s damn good.  But there’s a counter-argument to that counter-argument and it goes something like this:
    The morality and ethics of a society mature as technology matures.  So, in other words, the farther along our technology gets, the more we calm down.  The Dark Age is a good example of that.  Is humanity as a whole less savage than it was a thousand years ago?  I think so.  There’s probably a counter-argument to that counter-argument but my head hurts from contradicting myself so much.  If you have the counter-argument, feel free to e-mail it to: [email protected].  And no, "You suck!" is not a valid counter-argument.