EEL CULT FAQ

 

What is the eel cult?

We are a trans atlantic cult dedicated to the widespread use of electric eels as transportation devices, and the employment of congers as offensive weapon systems.

Why?

Why not? It's a laugh.

What are our aims?

To take over the entire world except for Wales, Kentucky and a little village called Todwick down the road from Lewis.

Why join?

Because you know you want to!! You get to worship the eelmistress, and you get a trendy eel name as well!!!!

Who are the leaders of the eels?

The eelmistress and the eelmaster are at the very top of the hierarchy, and are considered to be semi-godlike. The legend says that they were sneezed out of a giant volcano 200 million years ago, although that's total bullocks.

So who are they?

The eelmistress is jamie11176, presently operating from Torrance, CA. Her male counterpart is Lewis from across the Atlantic. He's English.

Any other top eels?

Yep. There is field marshal the lord sir jeremy, commander in chief of the invincible eel armies. He is the first second generation eel member, and was responsible for introducing the hot wheel as the primary anti personnel eel weapon. Then there is Christy The Eel Countessa and in charge of spanking the enemy into submission. And there is Brian, "Sheep Slapper With Many Notches on Snorkel" our main man behind the scenes of the Torrance Eel Headquarters. No one makes a move in his city without him knowing it.

Any others?

All other members of the eel network are referred to by their eel names,as their bottoms are pretty, but large and hard to disguise. Head of eel intelligence is "she who creaks in rubber knickers" responsible for covert eel squirming. There is also a minister for kinky sexual practices. Her name is "woman whose bottom makes thunder."

Are all members willing ones?

Nope. One unwilling press ganged recruit is "she who stimulates with spoons" recently acquired from the dungeon of the damned, one of the hottest recruitment centers. members are often bribed to join, one example being "he whose sausage welcomes chickens."

How can i join?

That's the spirit!!! Simply e-mail the eelmistress or master and you'll receive your special membership pack and eel name before you know it. Just tell us something about yourself so we can make up a name.

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