Freedom

Written March 12, 1998

Melissa drove because Scott had no license. Scott didn't have a lot of things - his own car, a job, an education, motivation - but she had fallen for him before she found out what a dead weight he was. She was only lucky that he hadn't become her financial responsibility.
She probably would have driven anyways. She wouldn't have trusted him with her life. Who knew how many drugs he had taken today? He was acting pretty mellow for his normally high-strung self.
It felt strange driving to a park that she used to walk to almost every week during childhood. It reminded her of their inequality - he came from a single child family where he was spoiled with all the conveniences. He'd never gone hungry or had to wear hand-me-downs or had to walk places because his family didn't have a car. Under normal circumstances, this would not have bothered her - she wasn't going to lose a friend just because they had a better childhood - but he always talked so matter-of-factly about how all poor people were scamming society. Melissa had once told him of their poverty. She wasn't prepared for the reaction she got. He got a disgusted look on his face and said something to the extent of "You're cured of it now." Just during this car ride, he made several derogatory comments on how Milwaukee was being overrun by the homeless.
She chose to park in a parking lot rather than on the street. They had a picnic lunch with them, and the picnic tables were closer to the lots. This was a celebration of four years together, yet she wasn't sure if she wanted it to be a festive time. Those four years had taken a lot of time and effort on her part. She didn't think today could go by without a fight.
It turned out that it didn't really matter where she parked - Scott just walked past the tables with the picnic basket. He headed straight to the open fields where the geese flocked in summer. It was early autumn, and the geese were thinning out along with the leaves.
"I don't want to have to deal with geese droppings," she warned.
He faltered for a step or two but then pointed to the picnic table someone had pulled next to the water.
"We can sit over there," he said smiling, obviously proud of himself. Melissa couldn't help tsking at how simply he could be made happy. He didn't know how to work hard for anything.
They crossed the asphalt path once more and headed left to the large geese pond that was the center of Wilson Park. Sitting down at the picnic table, Scott pointed to the concrete steps beneath the park building that rested on the shore.
"Canoes."
But Melissa was too busy inspecting from a distance the island in the middle of the pond. Trees covered ninety percent of the land so she couldn't make out the inner space. So much could be hidden in there. So much could be lost. And she could be the one to find it. She couldn't take her eyes from the isolated bit of land. Scott didn't take offense - he began unpacking the Styrofoam containers from Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Before he could reach for his standard drumstick and breast, she blurted out, "I'm leaving you."
At first Melissa thought she hadn't been heard. He didn't react in any way. He continued to spread the picnic lunch by settling the Coke cans in their place.
"Did you hear me? We're through." Melissa emphasized this by standing up. Scott didn't understand subtleties. They wouldn't be here today if he did. She had to be painfully blunt.
"I didn't think you were serious," he said. He had paused in the middle of unwrapping his plastic spork. She had his full attention, but she noticed he still didn't look devastated or surprised. After a moment of hurt, she eventually gave up when she realized he would never let go of his ways. Women were as dispensable to him as the drumstick he was even now tossing to the animals.
"We don't belong together, and I feel you may be holding me back."
Scott went back to his chicken licking the grease off his fingers and looked again at the canoes. Melissa looked once more at the isolated island, shrugged, and began walking towards the swings. They were behind Scott, and she only saw him turn once while she slowly kicked her legs to gain speed. He made no effort to join her - Melissa reasoned he wanted to eat before the food got cold. Before she could lose her nerve, she jumped off and left him.