Tina

Written March 11, 1998

Tina pushed open the door to her studio apartment and bumped it closed, hearing the rattle of the door' chains as it shook in its frame. She didn' worry about disturbing the neighbors even though it was almost 11 -they kept night hours like she did. She paused long enough to kick off her toe-pinching black flats. She only did half a shift tonight because Gina needed the money more than she did. She should have been home half an hour ago, but she had stopped by a nearby McDonalds and the corner gas station for food. She tossed her necessary groceries - Virginia Slims, tampons, and a carton of milk - onto her goodwill armchair which was still sporting her frilly uniform and apron from yesterday. She'd need to wear it again tomorrow because there was no wash money until payday. She stepped into the kitchen to set dinner - a Big Mac and fries - on the counter next to various old Chinese takeout boxes and the Styrofoam container of last night's lasagna. Before she could eat, she stopped in the bathroom to fill a pitcher with steaming water. She stripped off her pantyhose and tossed them in the sink after inspecting them for runs. Noticing none, she picked up the clear nail polish from the counter and put it away in the cabinet. She reached across the toilet to see if the other pantyhose had dried over the shower curtain rod. Taking the pitcher from the tub, Tina sighed and pulled her bun free. She poured the hot water into the small massage tub at the foot of her chair and pulled at her apron strings. She reached to move her groceries from her seat and took the mail from the plastic bag. On top of the pile was a disconnection notice from the phone company. She tossed it aside onto her pile of past due notices from other utility companies that was sitting on the TV tray that served as her dinner/coffee table. She dipped her toes into the warm water and wiggled them around. The only other pieces of mail contained advertisements and a letter from her mother. She didn't want to open it. The dread she felt came from knowing her mother's worries about her "precious little baby." She had just explained to her mother a year ago that New York was calling her and she'd make a great living here. Her mother's small town ideals were not what she had in mind for her future. For the past 5 months, she'd been trying to hide her failure from her mother. All visits were cut off, and Tina's letters had dwindled to once a month. But she knew the letter had some good news. For the past three months, her mother had sent her a $200 check to cover expenses like food and electricity. Glancing at the bills, Tina realized she should have been using it for the utilities, but stopping at McDonalds was more expensive than the grocery store - almost the whole check this month had gone to food. And she'd need at least 1/4 of this one for an AIDS test.