back
written in 1993
by Chris Chong and Lucas Gustafson
If a tire were to be made out of rubarb I would not drive the car because the tires would have bad grip. And if you had a car that was dipped in shrimp batter I wouldn't try to open the door because it would crumble the delicate crust. And if the fuel was the V-8 crap I wouldn't even trun the key because, hey, who likes burning veggie juice?
What about all that motif stuff?
What is that? Who can tell us but the writers on the wall? Well I can, the guru of useless nothing. Let me spit my loving curses into your mind so that we may lay in our grave of contentment and rot forever.
Is George Burns gay, or just too old to pinch his own butt?
Well, if this information was confidential, I would climb into the President's window and ask the question, "Are you and Burny Boy going out for pizza? Or does he just wear the delivery hat to tease you?" Then when all the security dudes come in I would get in bed and move the covers a lot to pretend I was Clinton's wife Because she's a deep sleeper.
Can I speak to Satan?
Anyone can speak to Satan. Just stomp on the ground and say, "Hey! I'm not scared of you or your molten flesh because I'm no sinner! Oh except for that candy machine thing..." Then the next morning, when my teeth fall out and my limbs go shrivelled and black I would just say, "Sorry...".
Have you ever thought of making love to my couch?
Well to tell you the truth (which I always do) I have made love to my couch...
God, I think that is sooo sick!
I'll tell you something sick. Me and the neighbours tree...
Stop it you pervert! You pig! You...you...what was that again?
The tree was oak and a little stiff...
Of course it's stiff, it's a tree. It's old and you look sooo handsome!
That is sooo romantic...I wish I was a lumberjack.
So you can touch all the trees? Naughty!
No, no so I can hack those cheating liers into bleeding phalangies!!
You are so violent, so jealous...I love it more and more!
Let us go and hackety, hack my velvet couch! Fun, fummmmm.
Dont't hack it up too much, I want some fluff to stuff down my underwear.
What do you think of George Burns fingers?
I love the yellow cigar texture on the fingernails. You could smoke his clippings for a week.
But I love, best, the dirt...in the bendy parts.
So much flavour! Yummidy, yum!
His flesh is so...smoked flavoured. His skin sooo...rough on the butt!
Is he gay? I think him and Clinty Boy have a thing with pizza.
Clinty Boy has such nice fingers...
I want a sample of his urine for my collection. To go besides Micheal's.
You pick them yourself? I wish I had a urine collection. The urine in the toilet bolw always gets mixed up my mum's.
Yes, don't you hate it? I just pretend to be the bowl myself and they pee-pee into my mouth.
I use a milk bottle myself...
And all that crappy rubarb...
It always smells like home. I love it!
This text was a report between myself and an artist friend one day during our senior year in high school. It clearly reflects our state of mind. It was a time where the wierd and incomprehensible hung out in the art rooms.