The Fifth Element

That having been said, let me point out that this movie, which this is supposed to be a review of, made absolutely no sense. The Frenchness of the director, Luc Besson, is not an acceptable excuse. There was only the tiniest, most feeble imitation of a plot, and most of the characters in the movie seemed not only to be actively ignoring the need for narrative coherence, they often seemed to be directed in ways that totally undermined the "story." There was, first of all, way too much going on, even for me, someone who has often complained about the lack of dialogue, action, characterizations, and just plain content in the movies. I will try to list just some of the things going on that I can recall: there is a hot babe from outer space who is also the Savior of the Universe (yeah right); leathery-looking Evil Aliens who can also shape-change into human-looking people if need be; an Evil Mastermind with a ridiculous corn-pone accent (played with way too much enjoyment by Gary Oldman); a rugged, reluctant-hero type (Bruce Willis playing the same character he has played in every movie he has ever been in, which is the same character he played in that TV series he was in with Cybill Shepard ages ago); a totally flaming talk-show host on speed who who seems to have been conceived as the Most Annoying Drag-Queen Ever, and you can tell that this movie was not directed by Americans because this character was shown seducing a female stewardess; a chronically nervous priest and his Comically Bungling acolyte; a black president, and a buffoonish set of police and space-marine-army figures. There were even old stereotypes that I haven't seen in years, like the obnoxious mother that is only a grating voice on the phone (it was genuinely funny, though, that this was the Stalwart Hero's (Bruce Willis's character) mother -- usually this kind of movie hero is not afforded anything resembling an ordinary family life, though sometimes he is allowed to be Tragically Orphaned), and the shelf-chested, horse-faced military wench.

The plot, as far as I was able to make out, involved a Great Evil heading towards Earth to obliterate it, apparently at the behest of some Evil Aliens (I missed the first few minutes of the movie and got this info from another website). For no reason other than the fact that he is Eeville, Oldman's character, Mr. Zorg, serves this Great Evil thing. So do the shape-changing aliens -- they just like to blow things up and stuff. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending uopn your point of view) all the evil characters are kind of stupid, which is a great shortcut way of dispensing with them. The denouement is beyond silly, involving a pyramid in Egypt and a sigularly unconvincing declaration of love from our hero to the loquaciously babbling (in a made-up language) and kinkily attired (thanks to none other than Jean-Paul Gaultier) heroine.

The sets are the best thing in the movie, being designed in that same oversized, colorful-yet-grungy look that seems to be de rigueur in today's fantastic movie, from Brazil onwards. Parts move about and break apart or blow up in an amusing fashion, and the effect is not so much futuristic as alternate-worldish, as if we were in a different universe which had been designed by Cirque du Soleil. I have already named who is to blame for the costumes (the above-mentioned M. Gaultier).

I can't say that I was bored while watching the movie. I was certainly diverted, and it was better than watching CNN, or sports, or having a sharp stick poked in your eye. Well, almost better.

By Ligeia

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