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Monster Chiller Horror Theater
I hate going to the movies. My friends hate persuading me to go to the movies, because they know they will hear me whine for hours about how I hate being stuck in a small (these days) dark room with a bunch of strangers, the sticky theater floors, the crippling theater chairs, the obnoxious children that infest every type of movie that isn't foreign or "U." Most of all I hate paying cash for something that will usually be on cable soon.But occasionally I get dragged to the movie theater. Here are my reviews of those films which have, for one reason or another, crossed my field of vision. Note: I plan to include movies I have seen on television also.
Reviews:
The Fifth Element -- Make no mistake: George Lucas was Shakespeare compared to this.
Wilde -- This won't be shown to the kids in Advanced Placement English like Mel Gibson's Hamlet was.
X-Files: the Movie -- Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich.
Velvet Goldmine -- Ziggy died for this?.
Titanic - spoiler! The ship sinks
One Night at the Video Store - Emma and Brassed Off.
What I Did For Christmas - I saw You've Got Mail and Star Trek: Insurrection.
Shagadelic - Austin Powers 2: the Spy Who Shagged Me.
Gwyneth Paltrow Can Act! - Shakespeare In Love.
The horror, the horror....? - The Blair Witch Project.
Short Reviews - three films I saw recently: South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, The Thomas Crown Affair, and Mickey Blue Eyes.