day 4

I fell asleep fighting with my self.
I don't remember who won 
but the loser is still alive.
I guess we'll fight again 
when I recall what we fought about.
But until one of us dies, I'll never be able to sleep.

When I'm done fighting, maybe I'll just pray.


day 7

I fell asleep praying to a God who didn't hear.
I don't remember the prayer
but the hurt is still so real.
I guess I'll pray again
when I recall what I prayed about.
But until God hears my prayer, I'll never be able to sleep.

When I'm done praying, maybe I'll just fight.


day 11

When I win the fight, and when God hears me pray, 
I think I'll go to sleep so I can face another day.

I am a skeptic about so much. So I'm always having questions about spiritual matters. I wrestle with those questions. One of those questions revolves around the power of prayer. I don't know if I'm praying in vain to a God who doesn't hear. Yet I keep praying. I guess I've always been partially just talking to myself. Struggling through things. I don't have a lot figured out about God, so I guess until I do, I'll continue the ritual of fighting and praying. By the way, I picked the numbers for a reason--advice for myself. Word 4 word 7? Word 11.