I've always been a terrible liar. I lie quite a bit so you would think I would be good at it by now, but I'm not. Being in the closet is basically like lying--you try and act straight so people won't know that you're gay. Well, I'm not very good at this closet thing. I have been an utter failure at pretending to be straight around my parents.

It's not that I act any differently--I don't fit the stereotype of a flamboyant queen, and I don't even have a limp wrist, but my sexuality is a big part of who I am, and so there are things that I read or do that give away the fact that I'm gay. Like this web site.

I've lost track of all the times my dad has walked into my room while I've been working on this site. I always try and minimize or hide the screen as soon as I hear someone walking in. Since I usually don't hear them come in due to the fact that I have music blarring constantly, it's obvious to everyone and their mother that I'm trying to frantically minimizing screens to try and cover up something. Plus, yesterday when my dad came in the room I didn't even think about the fact that the words "The Journals of a Bisexual Vegan" were on the top of my screen. He had to notice, but he didn't say anything.

But there's more than the web site. If you take a look at the list of books I'm currently reading you'll notice that most of them have a gay/lesbian theme to them. Those boosk are sitting right next to my bed. I used to keep them at the back of a drawer where people wouldn't see them, but I just got tired of digging them out every night. So now they sit where anyone can see them. I placed a "straight" book on top of them, but it wouldn't take much to see what the rest of the books are about. So much for hiding it all.

Plus, while I was in New York I bought a gay pride triangle pin that I keep on my bookbag. When I started class in July I made up my mind that I wanted to be out to anyone in my class so I placed the pin on my book bag along side a cross pin and an aids awareness button pin. So anyone that takes the time to lift up my bookbag will undoubtedly see the gay pride rainbow triangle pin. I usually try and place my bookbag with the front down since I am supposed to be in the closet, but sometimes I forget.

My choice of music and movies have opened up a bit as well. I check out CD's from the library by openly gay or lesbian artists. I rent movies that have blatantly gay themes. I recenly bought the Object of my Affection. The only two tv shows that I watch regularly are Will and Grace and the Real World, both of which are known for their gay characters.

Everything around me seems to scream "gay" and yet for some odd reason I still haven't told my parents that I'm gay. Do I really think they don't know? If I still think I'm in the closet, then my door is made out of glass, because anyone that looks can see quite easily that I'm gay.

Post Script (August 22): After coming out to my parents, my mother assures me that she was totally caught off guard and didn't suspect at all. So I guess I'm a better at hiding things than I thought.