Quotes!
Human Comedy: "What is the first line of the book?" Something about soil and a gopher hole and pushing up moist dirt.
A Light in the Forest: "What indian name does True Son use when he referes to the Earth?" The big blue ball. "What indian name does True Son use when he referes to the Night?" 5,000 black guys sky diving. "What indian name does True Son use when he referes to the Moon?" The majical cookie. "What does True Son do when the boat of white people approaches him?" He says, "The fat Muffin Man is coming!!!"The Illustrated Man: "How does Hollis lose his left hand?" He was hungry. "Describe Lespere." He is a dumb american who came to California for 'The Cheese'. "What does Willie Johnson want to do to the Earthling?" He poisons, stabs, shoots, hung, stretch, disimbowl, and quartered the guy.
Alas, Babylon: "Who is Edgar Quisenberry and what is his obsession?" Edgar Quisenberry is this guy who has an obsession of eating VCR's and Televisions for lunch. "Whose nickname is Fish-Eye?" This really, really fat 800 pound goat who uses its own milk for putting out fires. "Who is Lib McGovern?" He's related to 'Mad Libs'. "Who is Malachai Henry?" His mother, Fedichini, and his father, Raveoli, like to take Malachai on pizza explorations. "What does Lib think is her only asset?" Her asset is to take green jello and mix it with egg-nog and carrots and make this weird lubrication for her father. "What is Sam Hazzard's principle hobby?" His principle hobby is to soak himself in lamp oil and bacon grease and burn himself while sky diving. "What happened to the President of the United States?" His plane runs into a Hippo, then threw a zoo and crashes into a river full of Mayonnase. The President died because it wasn't 'Best Foods'. "Who is Jim Hickey?" He gets hickeys alot. "What did Sam refer to when he said: 'We inhabit the same purgatory, the dark level of not knowing.'?" Some guy eating macoroni and cheese. "What does Peyton use to catch fish?" A stick, rope, bobby pin, and a baked bean. "What did Randy ask Paul to get for Dan?" Steak knives, niddles, and a partrige in a pear tree.A Christmas Carol: "What does the Ghost of Christmas Present have clinging underneath his robe?" His balls. "What does the Ghost of Christmas Future show Scrooge?" His butt. "Who is Charles Dickens?" Some guy. "Who is Peter?" The little person men play with when they are alone. "What has happened to Tiny Tim?" He gets crushed by Big Tim!
And Then There Were None: "How does Blore Die?" Like this, *POW!* "How does Armstrong Die?" His arm wasn't so strong, so he fell from the tree and then this beetle shot him with the revolver. "How does Lombard die?" He sees that everyone else is dieing, so he asks an indian to rip his heart out. "Who do you think the killer is?" Some guy, possibly Duane!The Maltese Falcon: "Who is Floyd Thursby?" Related to the day Thursday, he likes to eat sun dried tomatoes. "What happens to Miles Archer?" He is killed by a 'parked' car. "What has happened to Cairo's forehead?" It got blown off by a bolt of lightning! "What does Cairo accuse Spade and Brigid of doing to him?" By tying him to a tree, singing 'Mary had a Little Lamb', putting strawberry jam on him, and then putting 3 snails on him. "Who says 'I am a liar, I have always been a liar.'?" Jim Carey says this in the motion picture "Liar Liar". "Why is Brigid going to stay with Effie Perrine?" Because they are both marsopials. "Describe Mr. Gutman." He was the legendary hero who gutted 30 some men in a course of 2 days.
Monday: Eat 4 dozen eggs and a beef for breakfast. Go to school and get some donuts. Ask Chris and Ben for food in Science. Get a bagel at break. Copy homework from someone else. Eat lunch: pizza, salad, sandwitch, cookies, and a Diet Coke. Woodshop: make a shelf for food. Home: go on computer while eating chips. Eat sloppy joes and burritos for dinner. Go to Darion's and get more food. Sleep.
Tuesday: Eat a dozen jelly donuts from Red's, a dozen sprinkles too. Go to school and get a donut. Get some food from Science Class. Get a bagel at break. Lecture today: time for Duane Comics! Eat pizza, sandwich, and root-beer for lunch. Make a bowl for food in woodshop. Go home and go on computer. Wrestlemania: Darion will come over to give me food. Go to sleep.Wednesday: Eat a whole box of bisquick pancakes with extra syrup. Go to school and get a donut. Get food from Ben and Chris in Science. Get a bagel at break. Write answers on my hand for the pop quiz. Eat 5 sandwitches for lunch + a sprite. Make a food cabinet in woodshop. Go home and get bike. Bike with Darion to Taco Bell and get tacos and burritos. Go home and sleep.
Thursday: Eat 3 bags of chocolate chips for breakfast. Go to school and get a donut. Ask for food from Chris and Ben and maybe Lucas in Science. Get a bagel at break. Duane Comics instead of reading next section. Eat about 5 burgers for lunch. Make a fork and spoon for food in woodshop. Go home and get a snack. Eat a pot of maccoroni and cheese for dinner. SleepFriday: Eat ice-cream for breakfast. (Hey, it is friday.) Get a donut at school. Get food from the whole Science Class. Get a bagel at break. Test: look at answers from person next to me. Eat lunch at the bake sale. Make a spear to catch my own food in woodshop. Go home and watch TV and eat food. Take my weekly dump. Eat a steak carcass for dinner. Sleep.
Saturday: Eat a chocolate cake for breakfast. Go on computer and eat cookies. Eat fish filets for lunch. Go bowling with Darion and then get pizza for dinner. (Darion gets one slice, I get the rest!) Get a ride home from Duane and then go to sleep.Sunday: Foot-ball game! Lay on couch and eat milkshakes all day!!!!!!!!
"Anthony, which fern produces the gamete: a sporangiophyte or a gametophyte?" Oh. Umm... it is a, uh... a fern? "I know it's a fern, Anthony! But is it a sporangiophyte or a gametopyte?" Umm... (Psst! Ben, help me out here!) Oh, I know, it's a gametophyte. "And why is that, Anthony?" Umm... Because Ben told me!!!!!
Ben, give me food. I can't do the lab unless I have some food.