Work
Or Dilbert in colorized 3 D!
Well I decided that since I have been having so much fun tormenting people with the other pages I might as well let you know how my work life is... guess what?? It isn’t any better then the rest of my dreadful pitiful life... but it does keep me amused... Let me start with the list of characters and a brief description of each.... and you judge for yourself if Scott Adams isn’t using my work life for his damn comic strip.
I’ll start this with the list of characters so that you will know who we are talking about... too bad that I’d get sued if I used their pics... I think you would really enjoy seeing what these people look like... but I ain’t about to give those scum sucking lawyers any ammunition.
Characters
Jody - President and CEO... Well just CEO now... she somehow convinced this other company to buy us and she gets to stay as the CEO for a couple of years. You talk about a dumb blond... Hell she makes Pamela Lee look like a frigging rocket scientist... You really have to see this old woman to believe it but I swear I would not make this up... she had a face lift last year and the skin still hasn’t stretched out... she looks like she is walking around with saran rap pulled across her face....
Paul - VP and Treasurer... quiet little book worm, glasses included... mousy little guy always looking to make a buck... His deal of the century was buying a Packard Bell 486 66 with monitor for the low low price of $1,895.00... what a bargain... when I told him he could get a Dell P200 for the same price he threw a tantrum... no shit... he cried and everything, because the store he bought the Packard hell at was going out of business and he couldn't return it...
John - CIO ( chief information officer) John is ex navy... what more has to be said... how much information can he have??? Well John isn't really that bad... I think he is just biding his time... he has to stay politically correct with the powers that be and he is pretty cool with me... people say the reason I get away with so much is because he is protecting me... I wish he wouldn't... they say that he gets to live vicariously through me... that I do all the things he wishes he could do but can't... he does have his family to think of... John only does three things that we can figure out... he hides in his office, he protects my job and he screws up my servers every two weeks or so... John's favorite word is UT OH... when we hear this we know the servers are going down and the phones will light up... happens every two weeks or so... I beg him to stay out of my server room and to let me do whatever it is that he is doing... but he never listens...
Brenda - EVIL HR Director - Brenda is very very scary... She weights about 200 lbs, wears tight revealing dresses, has a pot marked face, a voice deeper than mine and I have a very deep voice, and short blond greasy hair. She cakes on makeup with a putty knife to try and hid the zit marks and actually thinks she looks damn fine. She is very scary... word has it that she was fired from her last job as HR Director for sexually harassing both men and women... from what I've seen so far I'd believe it... She actually hit on me one day... I warned her that my girlfriend was a lawyer and could kick her ass... astounding enough she stopped playing with me... THANK YOU JESUS!!!... Anyways... we think she graduated the fifth grade but we aren't real sure... her spelling and grammar are a whole hell of a lot worse than mine... We think she actually writes the Walter Miller home Page...the spelling is identical.
Grace - Director Client Services - We just call her the "Bitch", that or the mole....I swear to god.. she has more moles on her body than anyone I've EVER met. She is Jody's daughter and so we are stuck with her... She is even dumber than her mother and that's hard to do... Anyways... we figured out how to get what we want with her... Say I need a new server... to get one all I have to do is sleep with her. You are probably saying "we don't think so, Dave." Well lets put it this way... every guy under management ( they don't count) that has slept with her has their own office... everyone else gets a cube! I shit you not... even the old black guy, Carl, that sorts the mail has his own office and it is only because of one reason....
Steve - Director of Data Operations - Steve is my boss... poor guy... he just got married and got saddled with me... I really feel sorry for him... This is his first management job... so I feel that it is my duty as an employee to train him... Steve is a pretty cool guy and does try to keep us in line... it doesn't always work... who are we kidding, it never works... but he does try and we like him... so we'll let him stick around... after us he'll be able to handle anything....
The Cubans - The IT department - The main Cubans are Marty, Leon and myself... our main function is to keep data flowing... Marty and Leon do the database management and I handle the networks... that is what we are suppose to be doing... what we really do is answer really stupid questions and mess with peoples minds... So far.. and remember I've only been at this job 3 months... we have sent two Directors screaming from the building... impregnated 3 women ( not me, Marty and Leon! Leon 2, Marty 1, but Marty is quickly trying to catch up.), pissed Grace off by just staring at her during a staff meeting... no kidding... we just sat there staring at her... finally she got so upset she asked her mom to make us stop...plus I cussed out the EVIL HR Director... people have taken to calling us Larry, Moe and Curly... nutyanyahn....Hey Moe look at the girls, look at the girls... We think that the rest of the company is jealous of us...they actually have to do work while we get to play...
Norbert - We don't know - Really we don't know what Norbert does... all we know is that he is also an offspring of Jody's, he is like 29 years old and he screws up the data base daily...and when we tell him to stop he calls his mother and tells her we are being mean to him... at which time Jody tells John that we aren't doing our jobs and John tells Steve to find out what we are doing and We tell Steve that Norberts crashing the database again, by which time Grace calls up to find out why the database isn't working and everyone is standing around... Like I said... this job is fun... So Steve tells John one of us yelled at Norbert for screwing up the database and John tells Jody that the database crashed and we are fixing it and Jody tells John to have Norbert help us. See why I want to be fired??? Oh one other point about Norbert... this is great... Before his mommy gave him a job screwing up the database he used to work at a funeral home... but he was fired... I made the mistake of asking him one time in front of a whole lot of people why... he turned really red and went crying to his mom... His mom came and told me herself... first and last time that happened... not to discuss it... We think we know what happened... but if you have any ideas... email me with them... I promise not to use them against you... [email protected].
Carl - Mail Sorter - Carl is pretty cool.... even if he is boinking Grace right now... He didn't have a desk when I first started working here and now he has his own office... I wonder what I could get if I boinked Grace??? Nawwwww... I'll never be THAT desperate.. and I'm pretty desperate right now... Anyways... Carl is retired from the U.S. Postal service... he still wears his little blue postal smock and likes to show us his "combat" scars... really... he has bullet holes from working at some postal facility that made the news... I asked him one day which was worse... being under gun fire or having to boink Grace...his only remark was..."I got me a office didn't I?" So Carl's pretty cool...
Dave! Does Chickens!!!! WHAT???
It was to be another boring Monday, when Marty decided to liven it up a little... He brought a rubber chicken to the office... little did he know that Leon and I had plans for that chicken....
While Marty left his chicken unattended to go to lunch, Leon and I jumped into action... Leon got busy making a noose from rubber bands and I sat down to write the suicide note...
Good bye cruel world,
I realize that this is the chickens way out, but hey I'm a chicken. My only regret is that I only had one life to give in crossing that road... but the other side must be a better place. I'm sorry... I just couldn't take answering one more silly question or telling one more person how to select a printer... May you all live long and cluck... and tell my wife to hang loose....
R.Chicken
We hung the chicken up in the data processing department and taped the note to the chicken... Now you have to understand... we gave up our lunch for this... Well Marty came back from lunch and immediately missed his chicken... I then immediately wrote a company wide email....
To: All employees
From: The chicken rescue department
RE: R. Chicken
You are requested to please inform us immediately if you know the where about of R. Chicken. R. Chicken was last seen being spanked by Marty in IT... Don't ask.. he is very upset right now...Please if you have seen R. Chicken tell us with a complete description of where, when and under what circumstances. We have checked the road and it doesn't look like he crossed it. Thank you for your support and remember to tell Marty... It takes a tough man to make a chicken tender....
Yes I really did send this through out the company... The responses were fantastic... I wish I would have kept them to share with you.... About this time... there was an enormous scream heard from the data processing department... they had come back from lunch to find poor R Chicken hanging from the ceiling... Well the scream brought the EVIL HR Director running ( or should I say rolling) in and to make it short and sweet...while the rest of the company laughed for two days, the powers that be were not happy with us... We all got counseled on the appropriate work place behavior and this incident wasn't appropriate... and you wonder why I hate people that can't take a joke.
Hey look.... Dave! has a snake....
10 October 1997
Well my continuing effort to be fired from my job still hasn't bared fruit... this week we tried a different approach... one that I thought would work... or at least it would have worked in any other company... or at least with any other person... sometimes I guess you are so pitiful that people will let you do anything...
This week we decided to put to good use a rubber snake that one of the women brought in to scare her co worker... I found the snake sitting on Leon's desk and figured it would be funny to put the snake in my pants with half of it hanging out my zipper... well I showed my fellow Cubans what I had done and asked if one of them wanted to pet my snake... well they busted up laughing and dared me to go into data processing and do the same thing again with the women there... OK... I admit it was juvenile... but hey I thought it was funny and I am trying to get fired... so I did it...
Well that cracked all the women up... here I go walking into their office space with this rubber snake hanging out of my pants and announce in a very loud voice... "Would anyone like to pet my snake?"... I don't think anything would have happened if they hadn't made so much noise laughing.... Well the noise brought my supervisor, their supervisor and the EVIL HR director running... Don't ask me how it is that the evil HR Director always shows up when I pull one of these stunts but she does...
Anyways... I was busted... I couldn't get the snake out fast enough... so I just left it in and walked casually back to my cube... they asked me what was going on in data processing... and I told them I had no idea... it was then I walked around one of the tables and they saw the snake hanging from my pants... the data processing supervisor screamed and jumped back... the EVIL HR Director started screaming about what I thought I was doing and my supervisor just rolled his eyes and walked back to his office shaking his head...
Well we had a nice little meeting in the conference room... they wanted to know why I did it... I told them that I thought it was funny and that the company needed to lighten up a little...So they told me that I wasn't that funny... which totally crushed my spirits... and to not do it again... That's it... don't do it again... so I looked at them and told them I didn't think it would be as funny the second time anyways... sheesh... these people are a rough crowd....
Brenda The Evil HR Director Gets hers....
or Payback for a bitch is a bitch
Ok.... Sorry but we are going to make this a very quick story.... Seems that Brenda has gotten way out of hand and it was time to enlist some special ops people to take the bitch down...
OK.. If you have been reading this page you know that Dave don't cook... so I enlisted the help of a Dave wanna be.... you know those people that really wish they were as cool as you and will do anything to be your friend because they think that by being your friend some of your coolness will rub off on them??? Well that is the kind of person I got to help me... only they could cook... So I had them make me a very special cake... A chocolate cake... One that I knew the Evil Brenda would scarf down as soon as she saw it.
Well this was the mother of all chocolate cakes... with one very special ingredient... EXLAX... yes..exlax makes a great chocolate substitute and when you use two whole boxes in one cake it works perfect... Well I fedexed it to her house for delivery on Wednesday... Making sure she knew it was from the whole office... no I didn't sign my name... I signed someone else's... namely I signed Graces name to it... HAHAHAHA Killed two bitches with one cake...
So anyways... we don't hear from her on Thursday and Friday she is back and totally pissed... seems she figured out something must have been up with the cake because every time she ate some on Thursday she had the runs 20 minutes later... not to mention her family also had some cake... I think what really pissed her off was the fact that she ran out of Toilet Paper late Wednesday night and her husband shit himself making a run to the store...
Well she is pissed and has vowed to fire the person responsible if she ever figures it out... My cohort in crime is scared... but what do I care... I gave my notice and for the next couple of weeks I'm going to have mucho fun at their expense....
so remember... if a chocolate cake shows up at your door... don't eat it... it might be me...
Dave! is out of a job...
Or the shit really hit the fan today!!!
The shit really hit the fan this week... I realize that some of you may or may not believe this one... but it is just too weird to be made up... as regular readers know by now... I have been trying to get my company to fire me... I've tried a lot of little annoying things, but nothing that would give them cause... my goal was to get fired so that I could collect unemployment while I go back to school to get my network engineers certifications... well it didn't work out and they wouldn't fire me... so on Wednesday I decided to resign... I wrote this really cool resignation letter and gave it to my supervisor on Tuesday.
I say it was really cool because I really buttered them up by telling them what a joy it had been to work for them and how I really hated to leave but that I must look towards my future... yada yada yada.... Well my supervisor tried to get me to stay... I actually figured he would be glad to get rid of me since he spent so much time trying to calm down other managers that I was screwing with... but he told me he actually liked me and didn't want to see me go... and asked if there was anyway I would stay... I told him "sure.. there's always a way to get me to stay" and he asked me what it would take...
Well I told him I wanted a $10,000 raise and for the company to pay for my classes... if they did that then I would stay and take the classes at night... well he came back with a counter offer... I just looked at him... Counter offer?? When I didn't say anything he wanted to know what was up and if I would agree to it... I just looked at him for a second and then answered... "Oh... you mean this is a negotiation??? I didn't realize that it was a negotiation... I wasn't prepared for this..." He asked me what I meant... (nice guy but damn he can be stupid sometimes) so I told him that if we are going to negotiate then I want to take back my original offer and put my true first offer on the table... He asked what I meant... so I told him that since we were going to negotiate then I wanted a $20,000 raise, an office, a real cute, dumb personal assistant, a company car, a college education and 8 weeks vacation a year...
He looked at me with this glazed over stare and asked what the hell I was talking about... So I explained to him that I wasn't negotiating that if the company wanted me to stay then then what I wanted was the only way I was going to stay...if they weren't willing to give me what I wanted then I was leaving... so he said he didn't think he could get me what I wanted... so I said that the resignation stood and I would be gone at the end of the month. He looked real hurt by it... I felt kinda bad because I like my boss... it's everyone else I don't really like... but he was cool and told me he'd write a letter of recommendation if I wanted... I told him that would be nice and in return I wouldn't crash their servers between now and when I leave... I was kidding... I don't know if he knew that... he got the real scared look on his face... kinda like a deer caught in the head lights of an on coming semi...
Anyways... so I resigned on Tuesday... by Thursday word had leaked.. OK I admit it... I leaked it just to freak people out... and Thursday got real interesting real fast... Seems our Chief Marketing Officer decided that she didn't like working there since I was leaving and walked in first thing packed up her desk and left... no notice just left... well when the president found out about that she had a fit... she started yelling and screaming at all the other managers during the senior staff meeting and by the time it was over the head of another department figured she didn't want to work there either and she resigned... back up her stuff and walked out... no notice, nothing written... just said "screw you" to the president and walked...
Well it was getting really interesting... the rumor mills were going full force and shit was trickling down...People were taking bets as to who would be next...no one was working... we were all trying to figure out what was said where and when and by whom... it was exciting... most excitement we've had there since I started... well the president and her daughter decided they had to do something to try and get some damage control going... so they decided to take a walk around the outside of the building and see if they could come up with a plan... well they were over heard and this is a copy of the email I sent telling the rest of the staff about their conversation...
Daughter ~ Mom, why does everyone hate us so much and are quitting?
Mom ~ Well dear, they are jealous of our brains and our beauty.
Daughter ~ We are beautiful aren't we mom?
Mom ~ Yes dear... not everyone has these lovely moles, I mean beauty marks, covering their bodies...
Daughter ~ But Mom, they are saying we are dumber than maggots. What does that mean?
Mom ~ Well dear, maggots are very smart animals... They have to be... look at all the free food they keep finding...
So that was the email I sent out... most everyone thought it was a hoot...
So then they decided it was time to hold a complete staff meeting to let the company know that everything was fine and that nothing was changing and that they still had control... Well right in the middle of the meeting my big boss, the Chief Information Officer, stands up and announces that he is resigning effective the middle of November... I really thought the president was going to cry... her mouth dropped open but nothing came out. Her face got real red and tears started to form... well they called a quick end to the meeting, sent everyone back to their work areas and called another senior staff meeting to see if anyone else was quitting... you could here the screaming two floors away...
Well by this time... everyone was shell shocked and we just sat at our desks and sent emails around... we formed a pool to see who would be the next manager to quit... everything got real quiet and spooky... everyone was afraid to say anything out loud so we just sat there until it was quitting time... luckily it was close and we didn't have to wait too long.... so we left... laughing and joking and everyone had their bets in....
Friday morning rolled around and we're all walking on egg shells... rumors are a flying and people kind of look like zombies... afraid to make eye contact with anyone... so management decides they need to hold another meeting to decide what to tell the troops... well an argument breaks out in that meeting and the Evil HR director stands up and tells the president that the reason everyone is leaving is because the president and her daughter are dumber than maggots... no shit... told her to her face that she was dumber than a maggot... I didn't realize that my email had made it to management...
Well the president decides that instead of that being the case it must be because the Evil HR director is evil and turning everyone against her so she starts screaming really bad words at the HR director and the HR director quits... right there... storms out... tells the president she will be hearing from the evil HR directors attorneys and that she didn't need this shit... DOHL!!!!
Well that is when the exodus starts... the marketing department walks out... all except one person and that was because he was on sick leave... then 5 of the data processors walk out because their boss walked on Thursday and they were afraid that the presidents daughter was going to be put in charge of their department. Then two of the ladies that work for the presidents daughter quit because they didn't want to be known for working for someone that was dumber than a maggot. One of the programmers then quits because he couldn't handle all the stress that was going on, followed closely by the receptionist... she said the reason she quit was because she couldn't attend all the meetings and was feeling left out.
All I can say is that Monday should be real interesting... we got word late today that the company that owns our company heard what was going on and is flying in a management team on Monday morning to try and straighten this out while there are still a few people left in the company.... So I guess we'll see how Monday goes... I hope everyone liked the email I sent them at 5:30 p.m. today... it went like this....
"What does our company employees and the energizer bunny have in common???"
"They keep going and going and going"
Anyways... stay tuned for Mondays update.....
I didn't do that.... yes I did.....
OK.... as many of you know... I resigned my position as network administrator to go back to school to get my network certifications so that I could make a lot more money... well my exit seemed to cause a whole lot of people to leave...I don't know if it was timing or if for some reason they thought their lives would be meaningless by staying there when I wasn't around... either way I was gone...and so were they.
So as I departed... I found out that the president... the one they call Jody had decided that since the CIO was leaving she was going to become the new CIO herself... hey she is the president... she can do that if she wants... this from a person that doesn't know a server from a workstation... so I decide that it is time to boost moral!!!! What a nice guy I am... :)
So anyways... I get a picture of the president... and a picture of a nude female... wearing nothing but leather boots and sitting behind a computer and I kind of merge the head of one on to the body of the other... if you don't know which way I went with this you shouldn't be reading... I can really do that well... as long as I have just the right pictures laying around.... and added the phrase... The New CIO!
So anyways... I emailed it into the company this morning, this nice picture that everyone can view from their desktop... The Cubans knew it was me from the start and emailed me back with up to the second reports... no one else has figured out it was me yet.... now if the Cubans will just keep their mouths shut...
But the following reports were submitted so far... the email server has been taken off line... Jody is throwing temper tantrums like you wouldn't believe... she wants to know how people are able to do this... She is screaming and crying... She wants to know who else can see it.... well just wait till she gets a look at her own home page next week... :0..... People are laughing hysterically and her daughter has lock herself in her office and is afraid she'll be next....
The problem is that they have to bring the email server back on line... they don't have a choice... and they don't know what will be next!!! :) I do.... ahahahahahahaha So I'll try to update you on the further developments... or at least let you know what happens when I redo the company web page!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA I'm so evil!!!! I should be an HR director!!!! :)
Quick update... They had a consultant come down from a company on the 6th floor to block out the email account that I used to send in the pic... like that is going to stop me... so long HotMail... hello Big Foot! They think they can stop me.... HAHAHAHAHAHA They don't know who they are dealing with!!!!
Well... it seems that the redoing of the company homepage was the last straw. The company that owns the company that I used to work for came up from Atlanta. The team walked in with an attorney and rent a cops. It seems they didn't find this amusing anymore and shut the company down. They called the company together for a meeting. Fired everyone (laid off was their words) and packed up all the computer equipment, files and logs and shipped them back to Atlanta. A friend of mine that was still there, trying desparately to find a new job sent me the update. So that was the end of the company. I hear from people from time to time... Brenda is on longterm disability with cancer... Marty is working as a consultant making a huge amount of money... and Leon is working in the IT department of another are company. He is their me... He has control of all the systems and has learned from the master.... need I say more???
New Job... and I get to work with Abbot and Costello!!!!
Ok... so how was I suppose to know that no matter where you are employed you will find mindless morons that logic is just totally lost on??? Well Lets say this new job of mine... with a major Airline and I ain't naming any names... but for the life of me I still don't know how they keep the planes in the air with people like this working for them... but hey here is the Story....
It started off easy enough... I had a gateway down... well actually not the whole gateway... just one line... ok so there are only two lines on the gateway... one was down and one was fine... so I call out to the main site where the mainframe is to have the line recycled so that it would come back up... now for you people that are not technically computer savvy... ok... lets be honest... for you people that don't the difference between a floppy drive and a hard drive... A gateway is a means to communicate long distances ( it doesn't have to be long distance... it just is in this case...) between a mainframe computer and a network of desktops... so I call the main number and there is this recording... it says if I'm having trouble with a desktop to press one and if I'm having trouble with a gateway press two and if I'm having trouble with a server to press three... now guess which number I pressed??? You got it... I pressed two... I'm having trouble with a gateway... duh Louie!!!... So I press two and this lady comes on the phone and wants my employee ID number... so I give it to her... now I know that once she types in those six little numbers she is going to know... who I am, where I am, what my job function is and roughly what it is that I'm calling about....I mean... I did press two... right??? So She then asks if I am me and I tell her yes... OK... so I had to bite my tongue... the urge to tell her no that I just like using other peoples ID's was almost overwhelming.... But I tell her yes... I'm me... and she asks what my problem is... So I tell her I have a line on a gateway down and need it recycled... to which she replies... and I quote... " I'm sorry... We don't handle gateways here... you have the wrong number."... the next words out of my mouth were... "WHAT???!!!!???" How could that be I asked... I pressed two like your message said to... and she told me she didn't care what I pressed that It wasn't her department... Ok... now this is cool... So I ask in my most polite voice... you have to remember...I'm just a contractor... of which she knows this because of my employee ID... so I can't be rude... I would like to go full time... well at least I think I did... so I asked if she could transfer me to the correct area... and with a huge sigh she said she would... so the next voice I hear is "This is Airport hardware...My name is Bob ... How can I help you?" Now I'm not saying that the lady was having a midol kinda day or anything... but I knew right away she had transferred me to someplace I didn't want to be... So I ask good ol' Bob where he is located... So he tells me... The airport right up the street from me... now remember... I'm trying to talk to people at the mainframe... IN ANOTHER STATE!!!!! So I tell Bob that I think I was transferred incorrectly and that I was trying to talk to someone about a gateway... Well ol' Bob replies that he has worked on Gateways and he is sure he can probably help.... Now I'm thinking to myself... this is going to be good... but hey I'm willing to try anything... besides... I'm just a contractor... so I tell Bob what my problem is and he tells me to hold on a sec... so I do... the next thing I know Ol' Bob has his manager conference in and is trying to tell us both that he can't help because it needs to be recycled at the mainframe... WELL DOUBLE DUH LOUIE!!!! So I tell Ol' Bob that that is what I told him to begin with and could he please transfer me to the correct place... So his manager says hold on, he knows where to transfer me and it would only take a second... OK thinks I... then the reality hit... I realized a split second before I heard the voice... yep you guessed it... back to the original lady... who wants my employee ID again... I tell her that I just talked to her and she transferred me to the wrong person... at which time she tells me... "Sir, I can't help you without your employee ID.." So I give my ID again and She asks... yep..."Is this Dave!?" To which I tell her yep... hadn't changed Identities in the last five minutes... and then she asks what the problem is... so I tell AGAIN... and she says her department doesn't handle that... And I'm thinking... God... Abbott and Costello should work here...so I ask her to please transfer me to someone that can... Well this time I don't know where I get transferred to... but the conversation just went from bad to worse... the following is the short version....
Me: Yes I have a line down on a gateway and I need it recycled...
Him: What is the gateway number...
Me: Gateway number XXXX Line number XX
Him: I can't do that here...
Me: You are in the same location as the Mainframe aren't you?
Him: Yes
Me: Do you work in the department that handles the gateways for the mainframe?
Him: Yes
Me: From where you are sitting can you see the gateways??
Him: Yes
Me: Well can you walk over and recycle mine?
Him: No, I told you... we can't do that from here... you have to do it from your end...
Me: I can't do it from my end... I'm catching the signal here... You all are sending it....
Him: Yes, but you have to do it from your end....
Me: I can't recycle from here... if I recycle from here I have to recycle the whole gateways and that will take down about 250 users... who are booking flights and making lots of money.... I need you to recycle the line so the other 250 users can get back on...
Him: Oh... I understand... you want me to recycle the line....
Me: Bingo!!! Now we're cooking with gas.... that is exactly what I want you to do...
Him: I can't do that from here....
Me: OK.. let me put this to you in terms you can understand... I'm flying this plane see... and I want to land at your Airport... got it??
Him: I follow you so far....
Me: Now I ask you for a runway to land on...
Him: I get it... Use runway B
Me: Cool... thanks... now since it is dark can you turn on the runway lights?
Him: Sure....
Me: Now turn my runway lights on by recycling my line....
Him: I can't... you have to do that from there....
Me: How am I going to turn on the runway lights from the airplane??
Him: I don't know but if you don't you're going to crash....
Me: Well DUH!!!!
Him: Silence....
Me: Well thank you for being helpful....
Him: Sure no problem....
I bet it wasn't a damn problem for him... he didn't do anything and I crashed my billion dollar airplane.... well alls well that ended well... I got hold of one of my coworkers and they had a direct line to a guy up there... that knew the other guy... He recycled my line for me... and promised he'd show the other guy where the runways lights were... we'll see....
We've seen... it gets better... hold on... more stories are coming....