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VICEVI
Vicevi
U cemu je razlika izmedju zene i kondoma?
Ni y cemu! Oboje provedu vise vremena u tvom novcaniku nego na tvom djoki.
U cemu je razlika izmedju zene i ljubavnice?
U 20 kg.
U cemu je razlika izmedju muza i ljubavnika?
U 45 minuta.
U cemu je razlika izmedju danasnje zene i kompjutera?
Zeni ne prihvata 3 1/4 inch flopy-drive.
Zasto muskarci vise vole zensko telo od zenskog mozga?
Pa lakse se napuni!
Zasto Plavusa jedan sat bulji u flasicu soka?
Na flasici pise: CONCENTRATE.
Zasto plavuse vole kabriolete (kola bez krova?)
jer ima vise mesta za noge!
Sta je predigra za plavusu?
Posla sata ubedjivanja.
Zasto plavusa ne moze da radi kao prostitutka?
Jer ne ume da gleda na sat.
Why do brunettes take the pill?
Wishful Thinking.
What is the most common disease that blonds have?
CRS - Can't Remember Shit.
How would a blond punctuate the following?:
Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Kako se zove dete plavuse i portorikanca?
Retardo!
Sta kazes plavusi kad nece da se tuca?
Aj uzmi jos jedno pivo!
What`s a brunette that smells bad?
A blonde upside down.
Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Everybody gets a turn.
What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
An IN-body experience!
What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A know-it-all bitch.
Sta je to kad je plavusa izmedju dve crnke?
Mentalni blok.
Sta se desava kad ponudis 2 dinara za plavusine misli?
Dobijes kusur.
Kako se zove Plavusa dok vozi auto?
Air-bag.
Kako mozes da zabavljas plavusu satima?
Napisi: okreni na drugu stranu (sa obe strane papira)
Sta kaze majka plavusi pre nego sto izadje uvece u grad?
Ako nisi u krevetu do 12, onda se vrati kuci.
Zasto NASA zaposljava plavuse?
U toku je istrazivanje crnih rupa.
What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
Your job still sucks after 6 months.
What is a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme!
Zasto su vicevi o plavusama uvek kratki?
Da bi ih crnke mogle razumeti.
Kako se zove bolest koja paralizuje plavusu od pojasa na dole?
Brak.
U cemu je razlika izmedju plavuse i Jambo Jet-a?
Pa nije bas svako bio u Jambo Jet-u.
How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A 69 interrupted by a period.
zasto svi misle da plavuse imaju meko srce?
Zato sto ne mogu da kazu NE.
U cemu je razlika izmedju plavuse i kugle za kuglanje?
Pa kugla ima orijentaciju.
Koja je jos razlika izmedju plavuse i kugle za kuglanje?
U kuglu mozes da stavis najvise 3 prsta.
Zasto je nemoguce zbuniti plavusu?
Jer se zbunjena i rodila.
Sacime plavusu najcesce pomesaju?
Sa dusekom na naduvavanje.
Pita frajer plavusu: El ti se pusi posle seksa?
Plavusa: Nemam pojma, nisam proverila!
zasto plavuse nikad ne voze brze od 68km/h?
Na 69 gube kontrolu.
Zasto plavuse u Americi puze preko ulice?
Na znakovima pise: DON'T WALK.
u cemu je razlika izmedju plavuse i tiganja?
nikakva! Moras prvo da ih dobro zagrejes pre nego sto stavis meso.
Zasto plavusa pere kosu?
Odrzava mentalnu higijenu.
Zsto plavusa ne moze da polozi vozacki?
Jer zna da vozi samo na zadnjem sedistu.
Zasto plavusa mrzi kompjuter?
Kad joj se zaglavi, ne zna da ga odglavi.
Kada plavusa shvati da ima mozak?
Kad dobije glavobolju.
Sta vidis kad gledas plavusu u oci?
Kako je izgledala praznina pre nego sto je Bog stvorio svet.
Zasto plavuse uvek cute za vreme seksa? Sta se to desi pa plavusa izgubi 98% svoje inteligencije?
Razvod.
Zbog koje dve stvari u vazduhu, plavusa ostane u drugom stanju?
Njene noge.
Koja je razlika izmedju plavuse i prostitutke?
Pa prostitutka zna kad je bilo dosta.
U cemu je razlika izmedju plavuse i postanske marke?
Nikakva, lizes je, onda je nalepis, i na kraju je posaljes drugom.
Kako se naziva plavusa koju je svoju kosu ofarbala u crno?
Vestacka inteligencija.
Sta kaze plavuse kad je pitas:
Da li si seksualno aktivna?
Nisam, ja samo lezim!
Zasto je plavusa zbunjena kad rodi blizance?
Ne zna ko je otac drugog deteta.
Zasto se plavusa nikada ne svlaci pred drugim zenama?
Ne ume da se skine beez muskarca.
U cemu je plavusa slicna sa flasom?
Obe su prazne od grlica navise.
Sta jedu nevine plavuse?
Hranu za bebe.
Zasto je plavusa toliko ponosna na sebe kad uspe da slozi slagalicu?
Jer na slagalici pise: Od 2 do 4 godine.
Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
She thought it was diet coke
Sta radi plavusa dok cuti?
Laze samu sebe!
U cemu je razlika izmedju plavuse i vrata.
Nikakava, svako kroz njih prolazi.
Kako mozes da stavis 4 plavuse da sede na jednoj stolici?
Okrenes stolicu naopako.
How do you plant dope?
Bury a blonde.
Zasto se plavusa smesi kada seva?
misli da je neko slika.
Sta je prva stvar koju plavusa uradi kad se ujutru probudi?
Ide kuci.
Kako znas da je plavusa gledala ljubavni film na TV?
Karmin je svuda po ekranu!
U osnovnoj skoli su plavusa, crnka i crvenokosa.
Koja ima najvece sise?
Plavusa, jer ima 18 godina.
Sta plavusina leva noga kaze desnoj?
Nista,nikad se ne sretnu.
Zasto plavusa ide kod ginekologa kad je boli zub?
Cula je da genitalna terapija leci sve probleme!
O cemu masta iskompleksirana crnka?
Da je plavusa sa mozgom.
Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
It took her 2 weeks to figure out that you could play it at night!
Why couldn't the blonde write the 11?
She didn't know which 1 came first!
How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
One.
Three blondes are stranded on a island.They each have one wish.
The first blonde says I wish I was smart so I could get of the island so she turns into a brunette and swims off the island.
The next blonde says I wish I was smarter the the first one so I could get off the island, so she turns into a red-head and builds a baot and sails off the island.
The third blonde says I wish I was the smartest so she turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
A brunette, redhead and a blonde explore a native island.
They get attacked by natives.We need your skin to make our boats so either we kill you, or you can kill yourselves with honour.
The girls of course chose to kill themselves with honour, so the natives show them a plate of weapons. The brunette takes a knife, I just want everyone of you to know that I love my boyfriend very much.And she lays dead.
The redhead takes a dagger ,I just want everyone one of you to know that I was about to graduate.And she lays dead.
The blonde goes to the dinner table and takes a fork. She stabs herself all over once,I just want everyone to know that your boat is going to leak!
There was one red head, a brunette, and a blonde stranded on a deserted island and the closest land was 24 miles away.
So the red head decided to try and swim to land. After swimming as far as she could, without making it, she drowned.
Then the brunette tried swimming and she didn't make it either.
Then the blonde started swimming to land and made it 23 miles and got tired so she swam back.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
GIFTED!!
There two blondes one on each side of a river one blonde yells to the other how do you get to the other side.
The blonde yells your already there.
Zasto plavusa ne zna da napravi kockice sa ledom?
Izgubila je recept.
Kako udavis plavusu koja je u podmornici?
Kucas joj na vrata.
What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
Black roots
There once was a blonde who was at a bar with her friend.
They were watching the 6:oo news. There was a story on a guy threatening to jump off a building and kill himself.
The blonde's friend said, I bet you $20 he will jump.
The blonde said,OK, you're on! Sure enough, the man jumped off and killed himself.
The friend said I can't take your money, I have to admit I already saw this on the 5:00 News.
And the blonde replied, Take it, you won. I saw it on the 5:00 News too, but I didn't think he would jump again.
A blonde with two red ears went to the doctor. She explained:
I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang. Instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it on my ear.
Oh Dear! exclaimed the doctor in horror. But ... what happened to your other ear?
The jerk called back.
3 blonds were assigned to paint a room in a church.
It was a really hot day and the blonds were getting really hot in their clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked.
Later they heard a knock on the door....
Who is it?
The man who knocked replied, I'm the blind man.
So, the blonds decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The blonds let him into the room....
The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said:
Where do you want the blinds?
A blonde and a brunette jump off of the Empire State building. Who lands first?
The brunette because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.
What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period.
What is the difference between a blonde and the Titanic?
They know how many men went down on the Titanic
Koja je razlika izmedju plavuse i daske za peglanje?
Daski je tesko rastaviti noge.
Why did the blonde girl jump off the empire state building?
She thought her maxi pad had wings!
Two blondes are walking along the street when they see a mirror lying in the street.
The first one picks it up and looks in it.
That face looks familiar, she says .
The second one grabs the mirror and looks at it.
Of course you do, you idiot, its me!
Kada dve zene misle da su najbolje prijateljice?
Dok ogovaraju trecu!
Po cemu se prepoznaje prirodna plavusa?
Po tome sto ne razume uputstvo za farbanje kose.
U cemu je razlika izmedu plavuse od napred i otpozadi???
Nikakva-u oba slucaja te gleda iz tupog ugla.
Koja je razlika izmedju budale i kretena?
Budala zna odgovor a kreten ne.
Pitali pijanicu: oko cega se vrti zemlja?
"Oko mene", rece pijanica.
Kako crnogorac tuca?
Pa ugura ga i ceka zemljotres.
Zasto su crnogorci casni?
Lenji su da kopaju jamu drugome.
Carinik pita crnogorca: Imas li nesto za carinu?
Crnogorac: Samo 2 kalkulatora!
Carinik: Daj da vidim.
Crnogorac izvadi 2 pistolja.
Carinik: Pa to su pistolji!!!
Crnogorac: Pa mi se sa time obracunavamo u Crnoj Gori.
Jesi li cuo Mujo da moze doci do gradanskog rata u Bosni?
Zabole me uvo, ja sam sa sela.
Vratio se Huso iz Njemacke i donio mobilni telefon.
Pita ga zena Fata: Sta ti je to bolan Huso?
Pa telefon, odgovori Huso.
Kako bolan telefon, pa gdje su mu zice?
Sad cu ja to tebi objasnit, rece Huso i ode u kupatilo.
Odatle nazove svoj kucni broj i rece:
Ajde fato dodji da mi istrljas ledja!
Ma ne mogu Mujo, onaj moj hajvan se vratio iz Nemacke.
Sta je to girica?
To je kit koji je prosao sve faze socijalizma!
Kako je nastao guster?
Tako sto je pirocanac hranio krokodila.
Zasto Srbi prosipaju VIAGRU u Dunav?
Da se podignu mostovi.
Setaju se Eva i Adam u raju i kaze eva:
Adame el me volis?
Pa normalno da te volim! A koga bi drugo?