"The X-Men in:
THE PHOENIX SAGA - Pt. 1"
(as originally envisioned by Mark Powers)
by Rick

PROLOGUE: In the effort to keep all stories current and up to date for all of the new 6-year old readers that have come on board since the cartoon, MARVEL-LESS COMICS will now RETELL the Phoenix stories, allowing Mark Powers to add his touch of excellence to them. Read on!

(scene - The NASA Building. The XMen are enjoying a fun day of touring the compound)


Professor- Here you see, my XMen, how they use small robotic cars to patrol the ground of Mars, and check for water and ice.

Rogue- Booooooooring!

Kitty- No kiddin', Rogue. No offense, Prof, but if I hear one more of your boring descriptions of all of this NASA equipment, Im gonna be forced to give you a shove down the stairs.

Professor- Um......ok, then. I guess it's time to meet the others for lunch.

Kitty- Good. I'm hungry. Did you contact Cecilia Reyes, the world's most renowned shuttle pilot, and tell her to meet us here?

Rogue- Huh? I thought Cecilia was a doctor?

Kitty- No, dear......that was Lobdell. If Powers says that she's a shuttle pilot, then she's a shuttle pilot.

Professor- Uh...yes. Yes, I did contact her Kitty. Let us go meet her.

(THEY WALK TO THE CAFETERIA. THERE THEY MEET WOLVERINE, MARROW, COLOSSUS, NIGHTCRAWLER, GAMBIT and CECILIA)

Rogue- Howdy, people.

Marrow- Well, look what the "cat" rolled in.

(EVERYONE SNICKERS)

Wolverine- Oh, Marrow. (wiping tear from eye) You crack me up!

Professor- Har-dee-har! Reeeeal funny! Hello, Cecilia. It is nice to see you for the first time.

Cecilia- Hello, Charles. Um.....don't you remember that you tried to get me to join the team a couple of years ago?

Professor- (whispering) Sh! Cecilia! Don't talk about things that were pre-Kelly. Powers will get those erasers after us again!

Cecilia- (whispering) Oh, okay. (louder) Why, yes. It is nice to finally meet you.

Colossus- And why have you asked us to meet you here, Cecilia?

Cecilia- Well, NASA has found another large asteroid heading towards Earth. They want me to pilot a team of astronauts to the rock, and blow it up, before Hollywood finds out about it, and they try to get Elijah Woods to be in the sequel of DEEP IMPACT.

Storm- Goddess! We cannot allow such terror!

Wolverine- So, let me guess......you want US to pretend to be astronauts and fly to the rock with you?

Cecilia- Well, I was hoping that you would. However, I'm afraid that Marrow cannot go, because we do not have any spacesuits that will fit her, due to those large bones sticking out of her back.

Marrow- Whatever! (makes the "w" with her hands and walks away) Like I wanted to go anyway! I had tickets to the NSYNC concert tonight, and I wasn't planning on missing it! Hmph!

Cecilia- Well, we must find someone else to go. We have to have 9 people on board.

(JEAN GREY WALKS IN)

NightCrawler- Look! It's Maddie Pryor! GET HER!

(EVERYONE DOGPILES ON JEAN AND STARTS HITTING HER)

Jean- Ow! Stop it! It's me, Jean! I left Scott and came back here looking for a place to stay.

Storm- Goddess! You left Scott? Why?

Jean- He makes this terrible clicking sound with his teeth when he sleeps and I just couldn't take it anymore! I used my telepathy to make him think that our hat rack was me, so I could leave.

(MEANWHILE IN ALASKA)

Scott- Oh, Jean.........(kisses hatrack)

(BACK AT NASA)

Cecilia- Well, problem solved. Jean will go with us to space.

Rogue- Ok. Let's suit up and board the shuttle.

(EVERYONE GOES OFF AND GETS DRESSED. A FEW MINUTES LATER, THEY BOARD THE SHUTTLE)

Cecilia- Ok. Everyone strap in. We take off in 5 minutes.

Kitty- So, all we have to do is land on the rock and blow it up?

Gambit- I believe so, chere. Cecilia said that it should take 8 hours max.

Kitty- Good. Uh.....have we met?

(SHUTTLE TAKES OFF)

Wolverine- Whoa! The force is so strong, it's forcing my hair to lay down.

Kitty- Wow! That's pretty strong!

Rogue- Oooooh, my stomach! I think I'm gonna.......(HURLS)

NightCrawler- Mein Gott! How many Chicken McNuggets did you eat?!?!?!

Cecilia- Listen up everyone! We have enemy fighters on our tail!

Gambit- Those are Shi'ar ships! Why are they attacking us?

Professor- I do not know. I've tried to contact Lilandra telepathically, but I keep getting a busy signal.

NightCrawler- Um.....okaaaaay. Anyways, we should try to contact them on the radio, and see why they are after us!

(COLOSSUS ACTIVATES HOLOGRAM COMMUNICATOR)

Jean- Uh.....hello? Is this thing on? Hi! We are from the planet Earth. We are on our way to blow up the asteroid that is heading towards Earth. Why are you shooting at us?

Shi'ar Guy- Because, you have a stowaway onboard your craft! A Shi'ar!

Jean- But, how? We just left Earth a short while ago.

Shi'ar Guy- She teleported aboard while we were taking her back to the prison planet. She has stolen Queen Lilandra's royal Furby, and we have been sent to retrieve it.

Jean- Well, why not just follow us, and after we blow up the asteroid, you can board us and find the girl.

Shi'ar Guy- Good idea. We shall do that. Shi'ar Guy over and out.

Kitty- Good thinking, Jean. (rolls her eyes)

Cecilia- Everyone! Get in your seats and buckle up! We are landing on the asteroid now.

(CECILIA LOOKS SHOCKED)

Cecilia- What the--?? That's no asteroid! It's a small rock that's no bigger than a basketball! Those retards at NASA must've been looking through the Hubble the wrong way again!

Professor- Oh well. Bump the rock off the path of the orbit of Earth, and we can go back. I don't want to miss the new episode of FRIENDS that's on tonight.

(CECILIA BUMPS THE ROCK FROM ITS ORBIT AND TURNS THE SHIP AROUND)

Colossus- Well, THAT was worthwhile.

Gambit- Oh lighten up, Piotr. You should be used to super-hyped-up stories with a big let down by now!

Jean- Well, I guess we should let the Shi'ar troops come on board and get the girl.

(THEY RADIO THE SHI'AR AND ALLOW THE TROOPS TO BOARD)

Shi'ar Troop #1- Don't mind us. We'll just be a minute.

Shi'ar Troop #2- Yes, we shall. As soon as we sabotage your engi........I mean, find the girl, we will leave.

(THE TROOPS GO TO THE ENGINE ROOM, THEN COME BACK)

Shi'ar Troop #1- Well.....it looks like we were mistaken. No stowaway here.

Shi'ar Troop #2- Nope. Not at all. Well, we should be going now.

Jean- I sense something weird.

Kitty- Are they trying to sabotage our mission?

Jean- No. I read their minds, and one of them thought that Remy had a nice butt.

Gambit- (turning around to look at his butt) Thanks, Susan Powter!

Cecilia- Okay, people. We are approaching Earth's atmosphere. Buckle u......

(SUDDENLY THERE IS AN EXPLOSION)

Storm- Godde........ok, wait. Why is it that everytime there is something shocking happening, I have to yell Goddess?!?! From now on, Im yelling something else. I think I shall shout LOshiftkey.

NightCrawler- Ok, you do that! In the meantime, we should look for what caused the explosion.

Colossus- No need! Those Shi'ar troops planted a bomb in the engine room in order to blow us up! But why?

Kitty- Well, since that is a question that can be considered a new plot, I wouldnt hold my breath for the answer.

Cecilia- Oh, God! We are heading towards Earth at 20,000 mph, and I just broke my nail! Who will pilot the shuttle NOW??? Whomever volunteers will have to stay out here while the rest of us hide in the asbestos insulated compartment in the back. The volunteer is sure to die.

(EVERYONE LOOKS AT EACH OTHER. SLOWLY, YET IN UNISON, EVERYONE POINTS TO JEAN)

Jean- Um.......I guess I have to do it. I'll absorb your flight training telepathically and use my telekenesis to shield myself from the radiation. Don't try to stop me, my friends. I know that I must do thi.....

(THE DOOR SLAMS TO THE COMPARTMENT, LEAVING JEAN ALL BY HERSELF)

Jean- Ok, Jeanie. You can do this. Let's see...........push the red button, then the blue one, then the green one, then steer with the handles. Gee! This is easy! WHOA! Wait a minute! I forgot to absorb Cecilia's training! CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!!

(RADIATION BEGINS TO FILL THE COCKPIT)

Jean- NO! The radiation is breaking through my TK shield! I'm losing conscienceness! Someone help me! I'm passing out........

(A YELLOW ENERGY FILLS THE COCKPIT AND ENTERS INTO JEAN. JEAN RISES AND WALKS BACK TO THE CONTROLS)

Jean- How odd! I suddenly feel empowered by an alien force! I now know how to fly the ship to safety.

(LOOKS OUT FRONT GLASS)

Jean- Unfortunately, we are 20 feet from the ocean.

(SHUTTLE CRASHES INTO OCEAN. EVERYONE EMERGES FROM WRECKAGE AND FLOATS)

Cecilia- Is everyone okay?!?!

Kitty- We are fine! But, where's Jeanie?!?!?!

Wolverine- No sign of her! She must've died.

Colossus- No! It cannot be!

(SUDDENLY JEAN BURSTS FROM THE WATER'S SURFACE. SHE APPEARS TO BE ON FIRE, AND IS NOW WEARING A BRIGHT YELLOW OUTFIT WITH A LARGE FEATHER PLUME ON HER HEAD.)

Storm- LOshiftkey! Jean appears to look different! What has happened to her?!?!?!?

Jean- Fear not, XMen. I am no longer the woman you knew. I have been possessed by a universal power that is beyond belief. I am no longer Jean Grey..........behold........BIG BIRD!!!!!

Rogue- Big Bird?

Kitty- Her bright yellow costume, bright-orange stockings, and large yellow-feather plume must mean that she has been possessed by this BIG BIRD energy persona, and now she has its powers.

Wolverine- This is almost as bad as that time Arcade trapped us and made us fight out of an evil circus!

(JEAN PASSES OUT AND FALLS TO THE WATER)

Rogue- We need to rescue her and take her to the hospital.

Gambit- I'll take her. You guys hide all of the wreckage and then come to see us.

(REMY TAKES JEAN TO THE HOSPITAL. A FEW MINUTES LATER, THE OTHERS ARRIVE)

Professor- How is she Gambit?

Gambit- She's fine. They gave her some Tylenol and said to watch her in case she slips into schizophrenic sessions.

Storm- What has happened to you my friend? Professor.....what effects will this BIG BIRD FORCE have on Jean?

Professor- We will have to wait and see, Ororo. All we can do now is wait. Hopefully, she will be able to keep it under control and she will not turn into some evil BIRG BIRD creature.

NightCrawler- Man, if THAT wasn't crappy foreshadowing, I do not know what is!

Rogue- Well, Professor. We're all heading home. Contact us if there is ant change in her condition. And don't worry, I'll tape FRIENDS for you.

Professor- Thank you, my XMen. I shall keep in contact with you.

(EVERYONE LEAVES.)

Storm- Well, my frriends. We should all go home and rest. I've read the script for the next story, and we are gonna be doing a LOT of fighting.

NightCrawler- Ok. I'll go pick up Marrow from that NSYNC concert, and then I'll contact Scott to let him know what's going on.

Rogue- Oh, mah God! We forgot all about Scott! How are we gonna tell him that not only has Jean been possessed, but she is also divorcing him?!?!?!

Colossus- I wonder how he'll take the news?

(AT THAT MOMENT IN ALASKA, WE SEE SCOTT AND A HATRACK LYING IN BED)

Scott- (smoking cigarette) Mmmm......you've been quiet this evening, Jean. Was it good for you?

(SUDDENLY IN JEAN'S ROOM)

Jean- (sitting up suddenly and glowing with power) I AM POWER INCARNATE! I AM BIG BIRD! AND I WANT OUT OF HERE! 'G' IS FOR 'GONE' AND THAT'S WHAT I AM! GONE!!!

(JEAN FLIES OUT OF THE WINDOW. THE PROFESSOR ROLLS BACK INTO THE ROOM)

Professor- Oh no! I knew I shouldn't have eaten those 14 bean burritos at Taco Bell! I step......er, roll out of the room for 10 minutes to use the bathroom, and all hell breaks loose! She's gone!

(PROFESSOR STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW)

Professor- JEEEEEEEAN?!?!?! COME BACK!!!!



.........TO BE CONTINUED...........