Sami's right eye twitches.
    A very unhappy Jessie and James are sitting to her left; to her right is Starr. Batts, Raichu, and Meowth are off checking out the layout of the building. Sami is glaring at the Pokémon convention's latest newcomer through binoculars—a gaudy-looking woman with platinum blond hair, a low-cut red dress, minks and jewels galore, and a rather clueless-looking man for an escort. A primped-up Persian is by her side.
    "Why did your eye just twitch, Sami?" Starr queries, staring at her partner's profile (for more reasons than one).
    "Don't ask," Sami replies flatly, lowering the binoculars. "Damn…and I was hoping never to see her face again…"
    "Whose?" Jessie pipes up. She glances over at the newcomer; her blue eyes promptly fill with stars. "Oh, WAOOWWWWWW!!!!" she gasps, clasping her hands together. "I can't believe it's really HER! In PERSON!!!!"
    "Indeed," Sami grumbles.
    Starr stares. "Who?"
    "Martina Greyweirs," James explains expertly. "Didn't you know?"
    Resisting the urge to throttle him, Starr shakes her head no.
    "She's only the richest woman on Cinnabar Island! They call her the Queen of Cinnabar! She's the sponsor to tons of parties and celebrations there!" James explains, looking smug that he knew something she didn't. He sighs and grows starry-eyed, and adds, "And her only child, Faris Greyweirs, is soooo beautiful and wonderful and smart! I wish she was my girlfriend..."
    "Martina's also a whore, a bad mother, and can't manage her money at all," Sami snaps. "God, I can't stand that woman!!" Her eyes slide over to Jessie and James. "Figures those two idiots would idolize her," she mutters.
    Starr stares at the lavender-haired Team Rocket member as Jessie and James both give her Sephiroth-type Death Glares.
    Jessie, in her fury, stands on her and James' branch. (Yes, they're all sitting in a tree.) "How DARE you mar the name of such a fashion entrepreneur as Martina Greyweirs!!!" she roars, growing a couple of tiny fangs. James inches away to the less sturdy part of the branch. With a little whiplash SFX and a pointing of her index finger, Jessie continues, "In the name of fashion, I will punCRACK."
    Jessie and James suddenly go on an angle, as the tree branch has decided it can't support their weight any longer. "Ish?" Jessie utters before she and her rather clueless partner plummet towards the (very hard) ground.
    Sami and Starr peer down at their mangled forms. "I wonder if Jessie even knows what an entrepreneur is?" Sami wonders. Starr shrugs.
    With a touch of elegance, Sami jumps down from her branch next to the collapsed Team Rocket members. Starr, not quite as brave, climbs down partway, then jumps. The two of them stare at the twitching Jessie and James for a moment. (Jessie is incidentally on top of James.)
    "………ow," the two finally say (in unison, no less).
    Starr pulls a stick out from behind her back and pokes the two with it. "You two still alive?" she queries, poking at their hair (and not managing to get through Jessie's).
    In an instant, the two Team Rocket members are on their feet, blushing slightly for reasons unknown. "Don't DO that!!!" they scream in unison.
    "Why?" Sami queries with a slight smirk. "Was James too stiff for you, Jessie?"
    Jessie turns a bright shade of crimson while James looks slightly puzzled. Starr is giggling like crazy. "That's sick!" she gasps.
    "What's he means by 'stiff', Jessie?" James asks his redheaded partner. In response, Jessie whams him over the head with a rather large mallet.
    Sami grins wickedly at this. His grin decreases into a smirk. "We should get moving," he tells his teammates. "If we stall for too long, we'll miss our chance. Jessie, James, you create a distraction while Starr and I steal the Pokémon."
    James recovers from his hit. "Why are we only a distraction?!" he whines.
    Sami rolls his eyes. "All right then, how about this? You go in through the front, and make a lot of noise so everyone pays attention to you. We go in through the back and make virtually no noise, so nobody pays attention to us. You get aaaaaaaaaall the attention! That better, Jimmy!?"
    James scowls. "I hate that nickname," he mutters.
    "Get a move on, Jimmy!" Jessie snaps, dragging him away by his collar, causing him to yet again cutely stick his tongue out.
    Starr stares after them as Sami smiles. Once they're out of eyeshot, Starr turns to her partner. "Hey…Sami?" she starts. "About what you said earlier… about Martina?"
    "Yeah? What?"
    "How would you know what kind of mother she is?"
    Sami flinches slightly. "Do you promise not to tell anyone what I'm going to tell you now?"
    Starr nods slowly.
    Her partner sighs, then runs a hand through his bangs. "Martina Greyweirs is my mother," he confesses.
    Starr blinks… and her mouth drops open. "No WAY. "
    "Yeah, I know… I'll explain later," Sami says.
    "No WAY! You're a GIRL!?!?!" Starr demands.
    Sami stares at her, taken a little off balance. She smirks. "Yes, Starr, I am a girl," she replies. "Like I said, I'll explain later. For now, we have a job to do." She runs off towards the back entrance.
    Starr blinks, then scratches her head. "There goes that love interest…" she mutters to herself, then follows. "Haruka lives…"

    Ash, Misty and Brock gaze around the convention centre in amazement. They've never seen so many different rare (and overly pampered) Pokémon, or so many different varieties of snack food. Pikachu looks as though she wants to make a beeline for the snack table right away, but decides to wait things out as Ash exclaims, "WAAAAOWWWWWWWW!" and whips out his Pokédex.
    As her trainer clicks away on the scan button at a rapid-fire pace, Pikachu observes her fellow Pokémon. She sees a few Scyther, a Clefairy, Eevee and its evolved forms Flareon, Jolteon and Vaporeon, and an Electabuzz (dumb excuse for an electric Pokémon in Pikachu's opinion. Why go for something so big and oogly when you can get just as much power in a smaller, cuter package with Pikachu?), which doesn't look too thrilled at the prospect of wearing a bow tie to match his owner's spotted cummerbund. There's also a Porygon perched next to an ice sculpture of Articuno on the snack table.
    "Pika pi!" Pikachu informs Ash, patting the brim of her trainer's hat so it falls over his eyes.
    "Huh?" Ash utters as everything goes suddenly dark. Lifting his hat brim again, he sees a smiling upside-down Pikachu.
    "Pi pikachu!" Pikachu says again, pointing to the snack table.
    "But we just ate!" Ash protests…until he sees the Porygon, at which point he rushes over to get a better look. Pikachu is nearly tossed off Ash's head onto the floor, but she manages to keep a grip on the back of his hat and make it over to the snack table without falling.
    Before striking up a conversation with the Porygon's trainer, a smiling girl with indigo-blue hair, Ash takes a quick glance around the room to memorize the locations of his friends. Brock is off trailing a group of pretty girls and their Clefairy around the room, and Misty is in a conversation with a bunch of Vaporeon trainers. Ash shrugs, then says hello to the girl, who looks up and smiles more.
    Meanwhile, two strange-looking people in waitresses' uniforms tiptoe around the back of the table.
    One, with short periwinkle-coloured hair, immediately begins scarfing at the chocolate hors d'oeuvres on the table.
    The other whips out a paper fan from somewhere and whams her counterpart in the head.
    Starr, however, fails to notice this ensuing chaos, as she's too busy mulling over the revelation she's just received from Sami.
    "Sami is a girl…not a guy…her mom is that skanky-looking woman over there, the Queen of Cinnabar…then that means, if idiot James has his information straight, Sami is Martina's daughter and her real name's Faris." She exhales a tiny puff. "Whew. This is very confusing…"
    "What are you talking to yourself over there for?" Sami inquires. "You're supposed to be on the lookout."
    Starr says, "What are we supposed to do, bash a couple waitresses in the head and steal their uniforms?"
    "Yeah, like James Bond," Sami says dryly.
    "Jaaaaaaaaaames Bond," Starr corrects, imitating James announcing his presence in the Team Rocket motto.
    Sami laughs a little. "Cut it out. We're supposed to be serious."
    "How can I be serious when your mother is mooning me and flashing me at the same time?" Starr indicates Martina's abbreviated red dress. "Although I admit that's a very nice dress she's almost wearing."
    "If you mention it to her, she'll say, 'Oh, it's just something I threw on!' If you ask me, it looks as though she almost missed."
    Starr snickers.
    Sami rolls her eyes. "Come on. I guess now's as good as any time to pull this off."
    "Wait, not yet, the Idiot Squadron has yet to take the scene." Starr points to Jessie and James, lurking behind the snack table disguised as waitresses. She starts to laugh. "James is dressed as a woman….!"
    "He has issues," Sami says.
    "You sound like my friend Kenji." Starr giggles harder.
    "Well, he does."
    Starr looks closer at James-in-drag. "I wonder how the heck he manages to fill out the top of that thing so well."
    "I wonder what would happen if we threw cold water on him," Sami snorts. "And don't worry. I predict the diversion will strike about………………..now."
    At Sami's 'now', suddenly a purple mist begins to fill the banquet hall.
    Starr sneezes.
    As the mist clears, two figures are revealed standing proudly on top of the bandstand.
    "Prepare for trouble!!!"
    "And make that double."
    "See, what'd I tell you?" Sami gestures in their general direction and rolls her eyes.
    "To protect the world from devastation!" Jessie proclaims.
    "To unite all people within our nation," James announces.
    "To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
    "To extend our reach to the stars above."
    "JESSIE!"
    "Jaaaaaaaaaaaaames."
    Jessie and James make a bunch of poses in front of an elaborately flashy backdrop of stars, comets and a large red R that has come out of nowhere.
    "TEAM ROCKET! Blast off at the speed of light!" Jessie cheers, posing for the final time.
    "Surrender now, or prepare to fight!" James concludes, flourishing his trademark red rose.
    Instead of the standard reply from Meowth, though (or another of Starr's sarcastic outbursts), a loud snoring noise comes from beneath the table.
    Jessie and James do a double take, search the room, and finally lift up the tablecloth over the punch table, revealing a snoring Raichu, Batts and Meowth beneath it. Meowth sports a pink punch-moustache, and when Jessie samples the beverage, she discovers it has indeed been spiked, thus accounting for the comatose state of their feline counterpart.
    "MEOWTH!!!!!" Jessie roars directly in the snoring kitty Pokémon's ear.
    Meowth only rolls over and purrs, much to his teammates' dismay. "Turn out the light, it's too early."
    As if to comply with his wishes, all the lights in the dance hall abruptly go out, bathing the room in darkness.
    "HAH! You two call that an entrance?" a different, sarcastic female voice inquires from somewhere in the darkness.
    "Amateurs," an unidentifiable voice adds coldly.
    "What? Who's there?" Ash demands. "Who are you?"
    Two spotlights suddenly flash on from somewhere, illuminating two silhouetted figures on a balcony.
    "STARR EVANS!" one yells, stepping into the light. Her green eyes flash as she grins and pushes back her dark red hair.
    "Sami Hill!" the cold voice proclaims as a guy with lavender hair steps forward.
    Ash cringes a little. Sami Hill has red eyes, which freaks him out slightly.
    "Team Rocket: Elegant, intelligent, and powerful!" Starr says.
    "If you aim to oppose us, get ready to lose," Sami finishes.
    "HAH. You against all of us?" one trainer says smugly. "I'd like to see it! SCYTHER, GO!" He reaches into his pocket and throws a handful of air instead of the expected Pokéball. "Huh?"
    "We kinda took the liberty of relieving you of your Pokéballs," Starr shrugs with a light smile.
    A collective gasp goes up as all the trainers in the room realize they are sans la Pokéballs (except Ash, Misty and Brock-- they've been spared for some reason).
    "HOW DARE YOU, YOU EVIL, EVIL PERSON!???!!" Martina shrills, causing the ice sculpture to develop a few hairline cracks and the crystal beads on the chandelier to vibrate slightly. She also jolts Raichu, Batts and Meowth awake.
    Sami's eyes narrow slightly. "How dare you," he retorts.
    Jessie blinks twice. "What are you talking about, Sami?"
    The trainer of the Scyther with the bow tie fumes, "You steal other peoples' Pokémon for your own gain! You're the very definition of evil!"
    Sami smirks a bit. "Actually, the definition of 'evil' is…" He pulls a dictionary from somewhere within the void and flips through the pages for a second before stabbing one finger at an entry, clearing his throat, and reading. "…And I quote 'evil: 1) Morally bad or wicked; 2) An act which causes suffering or brings suffering upon others.'" He closes the dictionary and flings it backward over his shoulder, effectively whamming James in the head and causing his eyes to become nifty little spirals.
    "Emrnsbgghghaaaaaaaaaaaaa…?" James mumbles.
    Starr watches this with interest as Sami goes on. "I'm not stealing Pokémon. What I'm doing is liberating Pokémon from their grossly irresponsible and incompetent quoth-unquoth 'trainers'. I'm doing this for the interests of the Pokémon you neglect to gabber on about all the so-called important things money can buy. Do you even bother to take some time out of your busy, busy lives to actually care for your Pokémon yourselves, or do you just keep them in their cute little Pokéballs and brag to all the other rich snobs that you've got rare Pokémon?"
    Nearly all the partygoers look at one another guiltily. Martina turns an interesting shade of red.
    "Heh," Sami snorts. "I thought as much. I'M evil? Maybe you should get a second opinion on who the evil one really is from your rare, valuable Pokémon that all your hired hands worked so hard to care for." He turns to Starr. "Let's go. I feel nauseous just looking at this pathetic bunch."
    Unfortunately, James finally keeling over into unconsciousness causes any possibility of a dramatic exit to fly out the window.
    "EEF!" Jessie squeaks as her parter lands on her like a ton of bricks. She staggers into Starr, who yelps and falls backwards into Sami, effectively knocking them all off the balcony to the dance floor below, where everyone proceeds to crash-land directly on Martina.
    "Urk…" Sami says finally. "This would be amusing if I wasn't in so much pain…."
    "You think YOU'RE in pain, try landing directly on top of a $600 spike heel!" Jessie wails. "Starr, get OFF! You weigh a ton!"
    "Yeah, well, you aren't a CK model yourself!" Starr snaps back. "And are you sure that's a spike heel and not Jaaaaaaames?"
    "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!" Jessie screeches, causing a few more hairline cracks in the ice sculpture. She leaps up, runs around the room in small circles three and a half times bowling over any partygoers in her path, and stampedes out the door. This also effectively sobers up Batts, Raichu, and Meowth.
    Starr observes the carnage. Everyone is now either unconscious or twitching on the floor. "Wow, Jessie actually did something marginally cool…. She knocked out all the witnesses."
    "Disturbing, isn't it?" Sami remarks.
    James blinks twice and comes to. "Did we win?"
    "Get up!" Starr snaps, kicking the sole of James's foot. "Thanks to you passing out, we almost blew the whole mission. Come on, we've got to get out of here!"
    Sami grabs one of James's arms and Starr grabs the other. As they haul him out the door, James is slightly thankful that this time Jessie isn't choking him, but being whammed into doors by Starr isn't much better.

    "Pika pi~~~~!" Pikachu says worriedly, poking Ash's nose repeatedly in an attempt to wake him up. Finally he blinks and opens his eyes. "PIKA!"
    "Owww…my head," Ash groans, sitting up. The last thing he remembers is being plowed into a wall by a spazzing Jessie. "Pikachu, what happened?"
    "PI pika pi! Pika pika PI PIKACHU PI PIKACHU! Pi~~~, pika pi! Pi pikachu!!! Pi pika pika pika!!!!" Pikachu exclaims, gesticulating wildly as she describes the klutzy albeit effective escape made by Team Rocket.
    Ash does a quick check for his Pokéballs, confirms that they're all there, and nods. "Pikachu, you stay here and take care of Misty and Brock. I'll go stop Team Rocket!"

    "We're almost there! Keep running!" Starr gasps, charging full speed ahead. Though she's a little shorter than Sami and James, she's quite a bit ahead of James, with Sami close on her heels.
    "Shouldn't… you… let… the driver… get to… the helicopter… first?" James wheezes.
    "Sure, fine, whatever, go ahead!!!" Starr gestures hospitably. James puts a little more speed on and charges ahead, scrambling into the helicopter. She's about to open the doors and get in when suddenly she notices something is amiss. In fact, it's Raichu who is a-missing. "RAICHU!!! Sami, we left them behind!!!"
    "Batts!" Sami gasps. "I'll go back to get them, you stay here," she tells Starr, turning and running back in the direction of the convention.
    Starr opens her mouth to protest, but by the time she says anything Sami is halfway back to the convention hall.
    Fortunately, Sami finds Raichu, Batts and Meowth running for the helicopter. She sends Raichu and Meowth back and is about to ask Batts if he's all right, having endured screeching from both Martina and Jessie, when she hears a familiar voice yell, "Team Rocket!"
    She looks up to see a very determined Ash Ketchum standing in front of her.
    "What?" she asks irritably.
    "I can't let you get away with stealing everyone's Pokémon!" Ash declares.
    "Even if they have lousy trainers?"
    "Huh?"
    "Those trainers wouldn't know how to take care of a Pokémon if their lives depended on it; their servants do all the work. Those Pokémon would be better off with Jessie and James than with trainers like that."
    "Oh." Ash blinks, then resumes his challenge. "Anyway, I challenge you to a battle! If I win, you take those Pokémon to a Pokémon Center so Nurse Joy can find them good homes."
    "And if I win, I keep them," Sami says.
    "All right!" Ash nods, then turns his hat backwards and throws out a Pokéball. "CHARIZARD! I choose you!"
    There's a bright flash, and Charizard appears. However, it looks more interested in catching up on a few Z's than battling.
    Sami and Batts look at one another.
    Ash acquires a faint sweatdrop. "Uh, Charizard!! Flame Thrower attack!"
    "Char…" Charizard yawns, pulling a beach chain, sunglasses, and a fancy tropical-looking drink complete with small paper umbrella from the void. She settles down and begins to soak up the rays.
    Ash drops his head and the sweatdrop increases greatly in size. "AWW, Charizaaaard…!"
    "I don't think it's listening to you," Sami says with a faint smile.
    "I CAN SEE THAT!" Ash begins to spaz.
    "Why not?"
    "I don't know, it's been like this ever since it evolved!!!!"
    "Well, then I'd suggest you forfeit and let us go. There's not much you can do," Sami suggests.
    Charizard looks up over the brim of her sunglasses. "Char…?"
    <Forfeit,> Batts informs her. <When a Pokémon is incapable of obeying a trainer's orders and battling, the trainer automatically forfeits the match.>
    "CHAR????"
    Charizard's temper flares out of control at the thought of anyone thinking she's weak. She snarls, "CHARRRRRRR!!!!" and launches herself at Sami.
    "SAMI?" Starr leaps out of the helicopter.
    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Sami yells in surprise as Charizard begins clawing away at her shirt, effectively shredding it. As well as completely reducing Sami's jacket to threads, though, Charizard also reduces to threads the bandages across Sami's chest that retain her guy's profile.
    Unfortunately for Charizard, Sami's temper flares even worse-- worse, along the lines of Lina Inverse on a bad day. Much to Charizard and Ash's surprise, Sami kicks Charizard off her and directly into Ash, flattening them both.
    She then turns to face James and Jessie, who are staring at her bug-eyed.
    "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT?"
    James's eyes are now two cute little red hearts as he gazes deep into Sami's ruby-coloured eyes and takes in her long lavender hair, now blowing loose in the breeze since it's no longer confined under her shirt.
    Of course, he's too lovestruck to notice she's giving him a death glare so severe, it would make Solid Snake poop his pants.
    James sighs, opens his eyes, and grins blissfully before spontaneously getting a nosebleed at the sight of Sami's cleavage and passing out on the ground.
    "OH, for the love of Sephiroth…." Starr mutters as she and Jessie haul James into the helicopter. Sami leaps in after, landing on James's stomach in the process, and screams at Jessie (with fangs and flames dancing in the background, no less), "SO TAKE OFF ALREADY!!!"
    "Yes'm!" Jessie squeaks, crashing the gears of the helicopter.

    Ash manages to get out from beneath Charizard in time to see the helicopter shoot up into the sky. "Man, that Sami Hill's really strong…" he mumbles.
    "Char…" Charizard agrees, for once.

    "Damn't, isn't there any extra clothing back here?" Sami growls, digging through a box of miscellaneous stuff that someone has stashed at the back of the helicopter. "All I can find are a few of Jessie and James' stupid disguises."
    Starr picks up a bikini from the chaos of clothes on the floor. "Can we say 'Naga', anyone?"
    There's a knock on the door then, and before anyone can deny her entry, Jessie barges in. Sami finds a black T-shirt amid the weird stuff and pulls it over her head.
    Jessie notices Starr looking squiggle-eyed at the top of the bikini and says, "Oh! My bikini top! I was wondering where that went!"
    "Slut," Starr mutters under her breath, tossing it aside.
    Sami rolls her eyes. "Jessie, didn't anyone teach you to ask if you can come in?"
    "Can't say that they did," Jessie replies, then takes a good look at Sami. And gasps. "YOU'RE FARIS GREYWEIRS!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"
    "How did you know that?!" Sami demands.
    "I've seen pictures of you and your mother in fashion magazines! Martina is my idol! You're sooooooo cool! Can I have your autograph? Please please please pleeeeeeeeeeeease?" Jessie babbles excitedly, making moony-eyes as she holds out a pencil and paper to Sami.
    "Precisely how much coffee have you had today?" Starr asks.
    "Forget that. Who's driving the helicopter, is what I want to know!" Sami puts in.
    Jessie stops counting off the amount of latte on her fingers (she's somewhere in the thirties) and waves her hand to indicate that no one really cares. "James is still unconscious so I left it on auto-pilot."
    "How's his nosebleed?" Starr asks.
    "It stopped," Jessie replies.
    "What was the matter with James, anyhow?" Starr snorts.
    Sami makes a face. "Don't ask."

    Halfway through the sulking silence of the trip, James finally returns to the land of the living. He groggily sits up, and turns to Jessie, who's sitting in the pilot's seat with a gloating smile on her face. "Jessie, what happened?"
    "You passed out from a nosebleed," Jessie replies cheerfully.
    "Owwwww…" he mumbles. "I had the strangest dream… I dreamt that Sami Hill was really Faris Greyweirs, and we went out on a date…" He sighs blissfully at the memory.
    From behind him, a fist crashes into his skull. "I'm Faris Greyweirs, but I'd NEVER go out on a date with you!" a familiar voice snaps.
    James turns to see Sami Hill wearing a tight black T… and he sighs again, even more blissfully. "Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"
    On the sidelines, Starr pretends to gag.
    "Only fifty thousand times, when you were obsessed with making me your girlfriend when we went to school together," Sami replies flatly.
    James smiles. "I remember that…"
    "And I rejected you, every time."
    His smile fades away. "I remember that too…"
    Starr smirks. "High school sweethearts, huh?" she teases.
    Sami glares over at her. "Don't kid about such a thing!" she snaps. "I despised him then, and I despise him even more now. I got stuck in all the same classes as him, and it was hell on earth. Life at Pokémon Tech was bad enough without him swooning over me and trying to woo me with bad poetry."
    "Hey!!" James protests. "I wrote very good poetry!"
    Jessie snorts from the pilot's seat. "If Faris was the girl you were always babbling to me about, who was always so wonderful and gorgeous, then your poetry sucked."
    "You're supposed to be on my side!!" James complains.
    "'On your feet / You have ten toes / They look just like / Po-tay-toes!'" Jessie recites. "I remember you asking me if that was a good rhyme."
    Sami and Starr sweatdrop. "I'm glad I never had to hear that one," the center of all this mumbles.
    "That was just… practice!!" James insists, face growing bright red. "The real poetry I wrote was great!"
    "You crack-smoker!" Sami snaps. "It ALL sucked, real or practice! It would have been funny if it wasn't so pathetically embarrassing!"
    "Sounds more like embarrassingly pathetic," Starr comments.
    "That too," her lavender-haired partner mutters.
    His face still bright red, James mumbles something unintelligible under his breath and says nothing more for the rest of the trip.