Ronald Reagan: Space Cadet?
by Joseph C. Hinson
Thursday August 17, 2000

When I started this rant more than a week ago, it was to continue a recent trend of mine to bash the Republicans as much as I could. If I could bash them in the head in a cold, dark alley, I would. It was to be called "Ronald Reagan: Space Cadet?" I was using some information available online about Ronnie's penchant for wondering how relations between the US and USSR would be if an "alien threat" presented itself. Mind you, this was while he was president. After all, I had already accused Gerald Ford of being a political whore for the FBI and had insinuated that W.'s sole reason for running for president in the first place was to avenge the defeat of his father at the hands of Clinton Gore.

(Is it just me or is Clinton Gore now one person in the eyes of the Republicans? It actually includes Bill and Hillary, Al, Of course, but not presumably Tipper, who, let's face it, is a little out there.)

But to hell with that, I thought. Why hash yet another ex-presidents propensity for having shit for brains to death? True students of history already know that Reagan was a fucking idiot in every sense of the word. No disrespect to the man in the fall of his life, but history will judge he and his administration harshly. History will relegate the man's legacy to the likes of Coolridge, not Roosevelt.

The main part of that rant was that Reagan, in the 80s, said on at least four occasions something like this: "I occasionally think how quickly our differences worldwide would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world." Hey, ET, phone home, because this man was a few sandwiches short of a picnic. The man said this, of all places, to a gathering of the Forty-second Session of the United Nations on September 21. 1987.

But this is the year 2000. They do call it the past for a reason. Is it not time to move on and let a man die with some dignity? Should I not just hit CONTROL + A then DELETE and maybe find another story on a naked woman? (See my rant Bare Encounter in Colorado.)

Of course not! Why would I want to waste a good rant? Yet instead of letting me tell you how fucking dumb as hell this man was, I'll let the man himself do it for me!

The Genius of Ronald Reagan: Direct Quotes from the Gipper Himself

"Trees cause more pollution than automobiles do." -- Ronald Reagan, 1981

"A tree is a tree. How many more do you have to look at?" -- Ronald Reagan, 1966, opposing expansion of Redwood National Park as governor of California

"I have flown twice over Mt St. Helens out on our west coast. I'm not a scientist and I don't know the figures, but I have a suspicion that that one little mountain has probably released more sulfur dioxide into the atmosphere of the world than has been released in the last ten years of automobile driving or things of that kind that people are so concerned about." -- Ronald Reagan, 1980. (Actually, Mount St. Helens, at its peak activity, emitted about 2,000 tons of sulfur dioxide per day, compared with 81,000 tons per day by cars.)

"Facts are stupid things." -- Ronald Reagan, 1988, a misquote of John Adams, "Facts are stubborn things."

"We think there is a parallel between federal involvement in education and the decline in profit over recent years." -- Ronald Reagan, 1983. (It's always good to run the Department of Education to make money.)

"Fascism was really the basis for the New Deal." Ronald Reagan, 1976, on his failed campaign for the Republican nomination. (Moron.)

"The best minds are not in government." -- Ronald Reagan. (Not in his government anyway.)

 "You can't help those who simply will not be helped. One problem that we've had, even in the best of times, is people who are sleeping on the grates, the homeless who are homeless, you might say, by choice." -- President Reagan, 1/31/84, on Good Morning America, defending his administration against charges of callousness.

On 8/24/85 President Reagan tells an interviewer that the "reformist administration" of South African president P.W. Botha has made significant progress on the racial front. "They have eliminated the segregation that we once had in our own country," says the President, "the type of thing where hotels and restaurants and places of entertainment and so forth were segregated - that has all been eliminated." (In response to questions a few days later as to whether President Reagan actually thought racial segregation has been eliminated in South Africa, Larry Speakes said "Not totally, no.")

"The American Petroleum Institute filed suit against the EPA [and] charged that the agency was suppressing a scientific study for fear it might be misinterpreted... The suppressed study reveals that 80 percent of air pollution comes not from chimneys and auto exhaust pipes, but from plants and trees." Presidential candidate Ronald Reagan, in 1979. (There is no scientific data to support this assertion.)

"You know, if I listened to him long enough, I would be convinced that we're in an economic downturn, and that people are homeless, and people are going without food and medical attention, and that we've got to do something about the unemployed." -- President Reagan, 6/8/88, accusing Michael Dukakis of misleading campaign rhetoric.

"This fellow they've nominated claims he's the new Thomas Jefferson. Well let me tell you something; I knew Thomas Jefferson. He was a friend of mine and Governor... You're no Thomas Jefferson!" -- Ronald Reagan, 1992. (What a dick!)

"You glance out the window and the people are walking around Pennsylvania Avenue and you say, 'I could never say I am going to run down to the drugstore and get some magazines.' I can't do that anymore." -- President Reagan, 8/11/82, to The Time's Hugh Sidey that he sometimes feels trapped in the White House.

"Sometimes I look out there at Pennsylvania Avenue and see people bustling along, and it suddenly dawns on me that probably never again can I just say 'Hey, I'm going down to the drugstore to look at the magazines,'" -- President Reagan, 12/09/82, discussing his feelings of confinement with a People reporter.

"Sometimes I look out the window at Pennsylvania Avenue and wonder what it would be like to be able to just walk down the street to the corner drugstore and look at the magazines. I can't do that anymore." - President Reagan,  12/16/82, conveying one of his regrets to The Washington Post.

"Sometimes I look out the window at Pennsylvania Avenue and wonder what it would be like to be able to just walk down the street to the corner drugstore and look at the magazines. I can't do that anymore." -- President Reagan, 12/16/82, sharing a sudden thought with a radio interviewer
.
"You find yourself remembering what it was like when on the spur of the moment you could just yell to your wife that you were going down to the drugstore and get a magazine. You can't do that anymore." -- President Reagan,  1/27/84 , telling Time magazine about being President.

"Where am I? How did I get here?"

What Other People Have Said About Ronnie

"Ronald Reagan was the greatest president of the twentieth century." -- Rush Limbaugh

"Ronald Reagan pledged to have his budget balanced by his last year in office. By the way, when this was said back in 1979 the Federal debt was about 750 billion dollars. It's now about 4.7 trillion." -- Jerry Brown (No date given for this speech, but I'm guessing it's from 1988 or 1992.)

"I don't think he's read the report in detail. It's five and a half pages, double-spaced." -- Larry Speakes, 10/5/84, responding to the question of whether President Reagan has read the House report on the latest Beirut truck bombing.

5/27/87: CIA operative Felix Rodriguez testifies that Oliver North once said of an Iran/Contra congressional investigating committee, "These people want me, but they cannot touch me because the old man loves my ass."

"He's just so programmed. We tried to tell him what was in the bill but he doesn't understand. Everyone, including Republicans, were just shaking their heads." -- Rep. Mary Rose Oskar (D-OH), 11/13/85, on President Reagan's reaction to the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings balanced budget bill.

"Let's look back a little bit and remember that we just went through 8 years, 1980 to 1988, in which the White House was occupied by a third rate actor who everybody knew was asleep and had about as much to do with policy as the Queen of England has to do with policy in Britain. The media kind of put on a pretense for a while that he was part of it, but as soon as he went back to the ranch the pretense was over. How many interviews have you seen with Reagan since he left?" -- Noam Chomsky (No date given for this quote either.)

Ronald Reagan Links

There are a lot of web sites devoted to the man. Just do a search on Yahoo or Google and you might be amazed. It ranges from a critical look at the man and his "leadership" to downright desperate attempts by conservative weenies to look at the 80s through rose colored glasses. Here is a sampling:

God Bless Ronald Reagan -- Delusional, lunatical take on the man by a sad, sad fuck.
                                Includes a quote by the man and a playing of "The Star Bangled
                                Banner."
Pictorial History of Ronald Reagan -- Another conservative site, though perhaps
                                not as delusional as the last. There were two index pages though.
                                Includes a lot of jpegs from his bad movies from the 50s.
Ronald Reagan -- From their own site: "In honor of the greatest president of this
                                century, we proudly present the award winning Ronald Reagan
                                Home Page! In the spirit of 'Winning one for the Gipper' we bring
                                you the truth about the Reagan Era." In other words, more
                                conservative bullshit.
Ronald Reagan and the 80s -- Small text in the very bottom of the page reports that
                                "This information was gathered from a broadcast of the Rush
                                Limbaugh TV show." So at least you know he's credible.
Ronald Reagan: The Bonzo Years -- Yes! A dissenting voice from the above idiots.

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