The Epic Tie

This is a newspaper clipping from 1987.

The Doordarshan serial Ramayana has also attracted the attention of foreign cricketers participating in this year's Reliance Cup.

Scene: Banquet hall of a five star hotel in Indore. It is raining heavily outside. The time is just past 9.30 a.m. and the serial Ramayana is on. Gathered in front of the television set are members of the Australian and New Zealand cricket teams, their managers and a couple of Indian officials. Since play has been abandoned for the day the players are all watching TV.

Allan Border: What's this serial like? I've watched Dynasty, Dallas and the rest of the stuff.

First Official: No, Sir, This is the Ramayana, our greatest epic. It's our religious masterpiece.

David Boon: Something like our Bible. Good show for a Sunday. Who's the producer? A local de Mille?

Second Official: Don't know Sir. But it's produced by one Ramanand Sagar. Our President watches the show without fail, his wife too.

Jeff Crowe: Imagine our own David Lange watching a TV serial on a Sunday morning. Say, who are those two blokes on the screen?

First Official: Say, they are the hero Lord Ram and his brother Lakshman. Lakshman always walks behind Ram who is the elder brother. Mark of respect, Sir.

Jeff Crowe (turning to his younger brother): Did you listen to that? From now on, you will walk behind me all the time. You may be better batsman but you could show a little more respect towards your elder brother, like this Lakshman.

Allan Border: Are those blokes in some forest or the other? If so, what are they doing in those funny costumes?

Second Official: They are princes, Sir, spending 14 years in the forest to obey their father's command.

Manager Bob Simpson: That's the spirit. You boys, just watch and learn. I am like a father figure to you, yet when I order an extra session of net practive you sulk. We'd better buy some of these Ramayana tapes and take them home.

Bruce Reid: Where exactly is this forest? After the Reliance Cup, I would like to go and spend a month there.

Border: What for?

Reid: Look at their physique, skipper. Would you say the'd spend 14 years in the jungles? Life seems to agree with them and perhaps I may put on that much-needed extra weight on my lanky frame.

Steve Waugh (rubbing his chin): I wish I'd know the brand of razor and shaving cream they are using. Smooth, real smooth.

Geoff Marsh: These blokes have a lost look. What are they looking for?

First Official: Sir, it's a tragic story. Ram's queen Sita has been kidnapped and taken away to Lanka by Ravan, the demon king.

Steve Waugh: You mean, Sri Lanka?

First Official: Yes, why?

Steve Waugh: Golly, who'd have thought the Sri Lankans capable of such an act? Next time we meet Duleep Mendis and his boys, we'd better be careful, particularly if our wives and girlfriends are around. Their ancestors must be some blokes.

Second official: Yes, Sir. Ravan was a terrible demon. Ten heads, 20 hands.

Martin Crowe: Gad, I wonder if they ever played cricket in those days. Ravan would have needed 10 helmets. And how many bats could he have held? (The TV screen now shows Sri Lanka. Sita is shown sitting forlornly under a tree surrounded by armed rakshasis.)

First official: That's poor Sita, Sir. Lamenting their fate. Her guards are she-demons.

Simpson: This brings back memories. I remember the time when Bedi, Chandra and Prasanna bowled to me with nine men close to the bat, breathing down my neck. I was like this Sita, surrounded by demon-like close-in fielders.

Kiwi Manager Glen Turner: Bob, you are right. They did this to me too. Tied me up in knots.

(The scene shifts back to Ram and Lakshman conversing with Hanuman.)

Jeff Crowe: What's on? Who's this bloke or is that a monkey?

First official: Sir, sir, that's Hanuman, the monkey god. He's brave, fearless.

Second official: Like our Kapil Dev, Sir.

Border: I would say, more like Miandad.

First official: Hanuman takes Ram and Lakshman to his king Sugriva who had fought with his brother King Vali.

Martin Crowe: One pair of brothers are close, the other pair fight (looking at Jeff): Hey, big brother, which would you like to be?

Second official: Sir, Vali and Sugriva will now fight and Ram will watch.

Turner: Like an umpire or an adjudicator?

(They watch the fight. Ram, from his hiding place, kills Vali with an arrow.)

Dean Jones: Hey blokes, that's not fair. The umpire killing one of the fighters.

Border: Happens all the time, all over the world, mate. Umpires are like that, neutral or non-neutral.

(The serial ends and the players walk out.)

Contributed by mkota ([email protected])



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