Chamilla's Corner - Journal - March 31st, 2004 - I'm Single Again... It's Time To Play The Game...

Hmm… approached isn't quite the correct word... informed would be more appropriate. In any case, I was informed that I did not love him... and that he did not love me. That hurt... quite a bit. I mean who is he to say how I feel? He has no idea what goes on in my head, in my heart. How can he possibly tell me that I don't love him? Needless to say, being very angry, I did not respond. I listened to him go on and on about how he felt, how he agonized over a decision that effected not only him, but me as well. I turned my back on him, still mute.

Finally, I could not hold my feelings back anymore, so I turned to my computer and IMed him.

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞ The content of those IMs are as follows ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

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Now, let me get this straight, here I am a healthy 30 year old female, I have 2 children of my own, I work several hours a week while he stays home and chats up his little internet honnies, and *I* am not a candidate? Hmmm... A bit fishy here…..

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lady_chamilla: so it is someone else then
archangel666_11: it is and it isn't
lady_chamilla: honesty is generally the best policy, Joe
archangel666_11: It is partly that I am interested in someone else to have that

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Ahhh… see here, it IS someone else, why didn’t he just say, “Kim, I’ve met someone and I don’t love you anymore, I don’t think I ever actually did, I’m sorry.” But no… he has to come up with numerous excuses as to why he is doing what he is doing. Come to find out later, this woman that he ‘met’ is online. Go figure with all those internet honnies….

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archangel666_11: and I also took to heart something my brother told me a while back
archangel666_11: even though he doesn't know it
archangel666_11: about not knowing what I was missing having a kid
archangel666_11: and not wanting to leave here without having anyone to carry on after me

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Oh this just takes the cake. *chuckles… Keeping in mind, he hasn’t worked in 3 years, he has never bothered to even LOOK for work, yet this shiftless waste of skin wants someone to carry on his name. That is what his brother is for. They have the same last name, Joe has never bothered to do anything with himself with exception for leading on poor, deluded internet girls who don’t have the sense god gave them to know that Joe, or Daddy Dom as he’s been referred to by these misguided waifs, is a user. Plain and simple…. To continue with the story…

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archangel666_11: guess I'm realizing that I'm getting old
lady_chamilla: no offense, Joe, but you're not financially stable at all, you have no business having a kid, it's like 215K currently to raise a child.. you have no way of making that
archangel666_11: yeah I know that, and that's why I am going to start turning things around, even if it takes a while
archangel666_11: but I will try my best to make it happen

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Ahhh yes… trying his ‘best’. Well, to date he has yet to get off his ass; with exception for meeting one of the misguided waifs I was referring to and having HER buy HIS lunch. How pathetic…

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lady_chamilla: you've been 'turning things here' for almost 3 years now, Joe...
lady_chamilla: and where are you, unemployed and no real prospects
archangel666_11: yeah, well, it's about time I started doing a better job of it
lady_chamilla: you don't get out and really hunt for a job, making a few inquiry phone calls every once in a while isn't going to cut it
lady_chamilla: that's baloney, not looking for employment just something to make you feel better
archangel666_11: well, I have to start getting more serious about it
lady_chamilla: why haven't you in the last 3 years?
archangel666_11: otherwise what I want to do will nevr happen
lady_chamilla: 41 is a bit late to start being 'serious' about anything
archangel666_11: well, it didn't help that I was doing what I wanted before, and then lost it all because of this damn seizure disorder, really hit me harder than I thought
archangel666_11: guess I just gave up
lady_chamilla: That's an excuse, Joe
lady_chamilla: I have a seizure disorder
lady_chamilla: and it doesn't stop me from doing ANYTHING I want or need to do
lady_chamilla: and yours only happens in your sleep
lady_chamilla: not like mine
archangel666_11: well, it stopped me from doing what I wanted to do
lady_chamilla: how long ago was that, Joe?
archangel666_11: been 10 years since i stopped doing what I loved, and I had to do other things to make it, gets really depressing
lady_chamilla: 10 years Joe, plenty of time to get your ass in gear and move on
lady_chamilla: you use it as a crutch
lady_chamilla: get over it
archangel666_11: well, going to have to, so I'm going to do what I have to do to make it

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Of course, as you’ve already figured out, it’s another cop out, god forbid his latest…..love…… finds out how shiftless and useless he is... she’ll definitely .. (To borrow a younger expression)... kick him to the curb… (Probably on it too LOL)

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lady_chamilla: which means grow up
archangel666_11: and also have to think about my mom, have to be able to take care of her
lady_chamilla: *bites her tongue

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This of course comes from someone who is unable to take care of himself, he lives off of his mother. Yet he needs to ‘take care of her’. By the way… the woman is 75 years old. Go figure….

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archangel666_11: have to get off my ass and get things going here
lady_chamilla: I've been saying that all along, Joe
lady_chamilla: you've told me to 'drop it'
lady_chamilla: your poor ego was bruised
lady_chamilla: wahhh
lady_chamilla: We'd better stop this conversation right here, I'm extremely angry
archangel666_11: probably a good idea

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Aren’t I just wonderfully nice? I allowed him to assuage his poor little bit of ego and duck out of the conversation. I said what needed to be said, unfortunately he has yet to do anything about it.

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Considering my history of picking wonderful men to be with, I can’t possibly imagine why I was surprised to pick this one. Alas, I was, however. So, after being through 2 husbands, one of which who though fear was an excellent motivator to stay, and the second who did not understand that monogamy is required for marriage with me, I pick Joe. Shiftless and lazy. Since I’ve run the gamut….. I can’t imagine that there are many other types of men for me to choose from. I don’t tend to make the same mistake twice.. however, even I.. being omnipotent and all… have been known to make mistakes….And on that note..

I'm looking for a Dom who can handle a Switch. Not try to subdue me or try to take control, that would not go over very well. I am my own person, and I'm very happy with who I am.

I need someone who is my equal, who can accept that when I say 'no' without an explanation, I mean it, and if you truly know me, you'll accept that there is a valid reason behind it, even if I don't choose to explain myself. If you know who I am, you'll already know.

I'm looking for a Dom who is laid back, very easy going and is in the New York City area. I am near Paramus. I want him to make my toes curl without so much as causing a single injury.

Someone who is experienced in the art of light pain (and is not afraid to accept a little pain of his own).

I would like someone who is energetic but content with staying in and watching a movie, someone who is soft spoken and fun to be around.

Someone who has no issue with their partner making more money, but is gainfully employed.

Someone who realizes that work is not all there is to life and is willing to kick me in the butt when I work too much and don't realize it myself.

I'm looking for a Dom who is capable of communicating and accepting critism without taking offense or flying off the handle.

Someone who is patient enough to draw me out of my shell when it's obvious I need to say something yet am unable to because I feel it will hurt them.

I need a Dom between the ages of 27 and 38 because of mutual interests in things such as music, movies, television shows, etc.

I would like him to be at least 5'8" tall (this is negotiable) and clean cut. Granted there are days that I don't go anywhere and my hair has not seen a brush, however, I do keep clean and expect my partner to do so as well.

My Dom must be single, and local. I do not do the online relationship thing. There are too many ways to hurt another person that way. Granted it's not like physical violence, however, I could just as easily play a 21 year old male online as they could play a mature, responsible and caring Dom.

I need a Dom who is honest, who prides himself on his honesty and honor. Dishonesty is a pet peeve of mine. There is never a valid reason to be dishonest. If you can't say something nice or are feeling like you've been bested, don't say anything.

I am very competitive, it is one of my flaws. It serves me well in the work place, however, I need someone who is tolerant of it.

I need someone who is NOT MARRIED. I have a very narrow minded view on marriage, it probably comes from the fact that I have endured 2 failed ones. I will not tolerate anyone who is on the 'prowl' and is married. That is a sure fire way to get on my bad side in a hurry.

I need someone with a very well developed sense of humor. I myself tend to be sarcastic and perhaps someday I will tell you the story of the lively vegetables. However, this is not the time or the place.

I need someone I can get into witty verbal sparring matches and who will not be offended by off the cuff remarks.

I smoke, so if you don't like smokers, don't disturb me. I know the ramifications of my smoking, and I don't need you to tell me what a bad choice I've made. I'm aware of it, and when I feel the need, perhaps sometimes in the future, I will resolve that particular situation myself.

I have 2 children. A boy age 11 and a girl age 10. They do not live with me, they are with my parents due to circumstances I do not wish to go into; aside from the fact that their father is not allowed to communicate with them at all, not even through the mail. As you get to know me this will come up, however, I will be the one to bring it up, not you.

If you're fixated upon your own receipt of oral gratification, you've definitely come to the wrong place. I have certain issues with the act. Again, this is not the time or the place to discuss it, another subject I will bring up, eventually.

I'm not poly. If YOU are, then don't bother with me. I expect complete and total fidelity. I see no reason that I cannot be everything you need, or that you cannot be the same for me.

I’m also very careful about my safety, so, you would have to go through a screening process, and more likely a background check, but this is after quite a bit of discussion online and on the phone.