¡°21 JAKE STREET¡± / Wednesday - January 13, 1999

JAKE : Who are you, the Brothers Dweeb?
MATT : Very funny. Our class is entering the PCH Art Show and we're looking for models.
TONY : Besides, real artistes use their thumbs.
TIFFANI : Why do they do that?
TONY : I don't know. We haven't gotten to that chapter yet.
SAM : You know, Matt, I've been told I have a classic look. Everybody in my family does. It's
      in the bone structure. Note the cheeks, the eyes, the pouting lips...
MATT : Just a guess, but do you want to model for my painting?
SAM : Well, okay. But only because you want me to.
TONY : Well, I'm doing a sculpture because painting is for amateurs.
JAKE : Yeah, I'll be sure to tell that to Picasso.
TONY : How about you, Tiff?
TIFFANI : I like paintings.
TONY : NO, not that. Will you let me sculpt you?
TIFFANI : Sure, I'll model for you. It sounds like fun.
JAKE : Now there's a work of art.
SLY : Goo-ga-moo.
TONY : Nah, man, she's more than goo-ga-moo. She's goo-ga-moogelicious.
SLY : She must have just transferred.
MATT : Yeah, from heaven to my heart.
TIFFANI : Uh-oh. Feeding frenzy. Let's go before we drown in drool.
SLY : Now there's only four of us and one of her.
TONY : Well, you know what they say. First come, first served.
JAKE : I don't know, man, rushing a new chick and making an idiot out of myself just isn't my
       style.
SLY : Really? Always worked for me.
TONY : Hello.
MATT : Hello.
SLY : Hello.
MICHELLE : And who are you, the Three Stooges?
TONY : Of course not. Would you get off my foot?!
SLY : Who are you pushing?
MICHELLE : Right. Well, you seem like nice guys.
MATT : Oh yeah. We are nice guys, and I'm the nicest.
MICHELLE : Sorry, I'm not into nice. I'm into exciting.
SLY : Excuse me.
MICHELLE : No, excuse me.
MICHELLE : Hi, I'm Michelle.
JAKE : I'm Jake.
MICHELLE : I'm glad to meet you. Um, it's my first day here and I'm kind of lost.
JAKE : Well, consider yourself found. Let me give you the grand tour.
MICHELLE : Great.
MATT : Okay, Sam, I've decided to paint a profile.
SAM : But, this angle shows my bone structure better.
MATT : I'm sure it does, but I'm the artist. I'm the one with the vision.
SAM : Right, then you should agree that people would have a better vision of me this way.
MATT : Fine, if I agree to a full face, will you sit still?
SAM : If that's what you want. You're the one with the vision.
SAM : So, Tiff, how's that guy in third period math?
MATT : That's it. I'm doing a profile.
TIFFANI : Tony, would you start already. It took nature less time to carve the Grand Canyon.
TONY : Tiff, what you fail to understand is the first stroke for the artist is the most important.
        It sets the mood for the whole piece.
TONY : They just don't make rocks the way they used to.
SLY : Baboom! I just booked the Dreams into Dizzy Leonard's Rock Club.
TIFFANI : That's great.
SAM : That's awesome.
MATT : That's impossible. You have to be twenty-one to get in.
SLY : Haven't you ever heard of fake I.D.s?
MATT : Haven't you ever heard of Juvenile Hall?
SLY : Where do you think I'm getting them from?
TIFFANI : I don't know, Sly. Matt's right. Fake I.D.'s are illegal.
SLY : Aw, come on. The only reason it's illegal is because they serve liquor. We're not drinking,
      we're playing. So, it's okay.
SAM : You're rationalizing aren't you, Sly?
SLY : Yeah, is it working?
MATT : Yeah, let's do it.
JAKE : Hey, guy, I told Michelle about the Dreams and she wants to hear us.
MATT : Uh, sorry, Tony and I are working on our art projects. We didn't plan to practice today.
JAKE : I said she wants to hear us.
MATT : Then again, practice makes perfect.

(MUSIC CUE : "SHE'S NOT YOU"
MATT : SHE'S GOT EVERYTHING AND
  IN ALL THE RIGHT PLACES YOU KNOW
  SHE LOOKS ALMOST PERFECT
  THEY LOVE HER WHEREVER SHE GOES
MATT/JAKE : THEY SAY
  I'M SO LUCKY
  BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE
  CAUSE NOW I KNOW WHAT IT
       FEELS LIKE TO LOSE
MATT : I HAVE HAD THE REAL THING
  AND GIRL THIS IS ONLY AN ACT
  AND I CAN'T DENY THE FACT THAT BABY
MATT/JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM : SHE'S NOT YOU
MATT : BIG BROWN EYES
  LONG BLONDE HAIR
  JUST REMINDS ME YOU'RE NOT THERE NO
MATT/JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM : SHE'S NOT YOU
MATT : I HEAR HER VOICE
  CALL MY NAME
  I KNOW SHE'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AS YOU
MATT : SHE'S NOT YOU
MATT/JAKE : THEY SAY
  I'M LUCKY
  BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE
  CAUSE NOW I KNOW WHAT IT
  FEELS LIKE TO LOSE
MATT : I HAVE HAD THE REAL THING
  AND GIRL THIS IS ONLY AN ACT
  AND I CAN'T DENY THE FACT THAT BABY
MATT/JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM : SHE'S NOT YOU
MATT : BIG BROWN EYES
  LONG BLONDE HAIR
  JUST REMINDS ME YOU'RE NOT THERE NO
ATT/JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM : SHE'S NOT YOU
MATT : I HEAR HER VOICE
  CALL MY NAME
  I KNOW SHE'LL NEVER BE THE SAME AS YOU
MATT : SHE'S NOT YOU)

JAKE : You know, we've been hanging out together for two days and I hardly know anything
       about you.
MICHELLE : Well, you know that I think you're very hot.
JAKE : Alright, so you've got good taste. What else?
MICHELLE : Well, I like to dance.
JAKE : Me, too. Very slow and very close.
MICHELLE : Well, the problem is, you've got to be twenty-one to get into the good dance
             clubs.
JAKE : That's no problem. The Dreams are getting fake I.D.'s for a gig. I can get you one, too.
MICHELLE : Jake, you'd do that for me?
JAKE : Oh, yeah. And then we can dance as slow, and as close, as we want.
STAFELLI : I don't mean to interrupt...
MICHELLE : Jake, this is my Uncle Frank.
JAKE : A pleasure, sir.
STAFELLI : Likewise. Michelle, I just need a word... If you don't mind.
JAKE : No problem. I'll just get us some sodas.
STAFELLI : You missed our meeting yesterday.
MICHELLE : I know, I'm sorry. I got a little distracted.
STAFELLI : Come on, Tramer, you're an undercover cop. If you're getting emotionally involved,
            I can get someone else to break this fake I.D. case.
MICHELLE : No! I'm really close. Jake is going to lead me right to the source.
SAM : Matt, this is really good. It looks just like me.
MATT : Thank you very much.
SAM : Although, my mouth isn't quite right. You don't have the right shape or the right
      coloring. Those are more like my mother's lips? My Dad always said I have my uncle's
      lips, but who cares, you didn't get them right.
MATT : Well, how could I ever get them right when they never stop moving.
SLY : You got it? You got it? Put it right here.
TIFFANI : Tony, wouldn't it be easier if you worked in clay?
TONY : Ha! Clay is for wusses. Wood is for men. Ow, I got a splinter. I'm gonna die. Get it
        out.
TONY : I'll get my tools.
JAKE : Hey, Sly, I need you to get an extra fake I.D. for Michelle.
SLY : No problem. I'm talking to the guy tomorrow at Sharkey's.
TONY : Everybody back.
TIFFANI : Tony, are you sure you know what you're doing?
TONY : Are you kidding? In a battle of man against a piece of wood, man wins every time.
MATT : Well, it could have been worse. You could've destroyed the table, too.
MICHELLE : Sly, I'm glad you're here. This is for the I.D. you can count it.
SLY : Hey, I trust you. Cool. So, uh, where's Jake?
MICHELLE : I'm metting him here. How come you're all alone?
SLY : I'm waiting for the I.D. guy to call.
MICHELLE : How did someone nice like you get hooked up with a guy who makes fake I.D.'s?
SLY : You know, babe, I've been called a lot of things before, but nice ain't one of them.
MICHELLE : What I meant was...
SLY : As a matter of fact, in some circles I'm known as the "Badboy" of PCH.
MICHELLE : I had no idea.
SLY : Yeah, just yesterday I got a parking ticket. You know what I did with it? I put it on the
      car behind me and let that sucker pay it.
MICHELLE : No.
SLY : Yeah.
MICHELLE : I'm starting to think that I've been hanging out with the wrong guy.
SLY : That's what most of my dates tell me.
MICHELLE : Well, maybe you've been going out with the wrong girls.
SLY : You know, Michelle, obviously you're a girl with taste, and Jake's a nice guy if, uh, you
      like... you like nice guys like Jake.
JAKE : Hey, Sly. C'mon, Michelle, the movie starts in fifteen minutes.
MICHELLE : Um, can't we wait?
JAKE : For what?
MICHELLE : Well, you don't want to leave Sly all alone?
JAKE : Why not? He's used to it. C'mon.
MICHELLE : Uh, he may need a ride if the I.D. guy wants to see him.
JAKE : He's got a car. Let's go.
SLY : Oh, excuse me. Winkle Enterprises. Can I ask who's calling, please? I'll see if he's in.
      Ken, my man. Listen, if I bring you the pictures tomorrow, can you have the I.D.s by
      Friday? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't be so paranoid. Later. What a nut. He thinks the
      cops are on to us.
MICHELLE : You know, Sly is quite a character. Has he ever been in trouble?
JAKE : Every time he opens his mouth.
MICHELLE : How well do you know him?
JAKE : I've got a rule: Never talk about Winkle when you're trying to have a good time.
MICHELLE : Well, It's just that he seems like an interesting guy.
JAKE : I guess you don't want to have a good time, huh? Why the third degree? I feel like I'm
       being interrogated.
MICHELLE : Hey, you take me to a cop movie and I start acting like a cop.
JAKE : Well, in that case, you'd beter arrest me.
MICHELLE : For what?
JAKE : Assault with a deadly popcorn kernel.
MICHELLE : Oh, so you want to play rough, huh?
USHER : Hey, what are you doing?
JAKE : Hey, what's it look like to you?
USHER : Hey, popcorn fights are against the rules.
JAKE : Hey, then we'll stop.
MICHELLE : You know, I haven't had this much fun since High S-- I mean since I...can't
             remember when.
TIFFANI : Great job, Tony.
TONY : Thank you. I'm glad you didn't say I told you so because I ended up using clay.
TIFFANI : Oh, I would never do that. I mean just because you made a big stink about not using
           clay doesn't mean that I'd rub it in your face that I was right, right, right and you
           were wrong, wrong, wrong.
TONY : Yeah, I didn't think so. Now, I'll put it in a box for safe keeping until the Art Show
        tomorrow.
SAM : So, Matt, let's finish the apinting.
MATT : I already did. It's finished. I completely redid it last night.
SAM : What? How could you finish it without me? Let me see it. Let me see it.
MATT : Sorry, Sam, it's in there, covered. And I'm not taking it out until the art show
        tomorrow, because you'll just criticize it like before.
SLY : Okay, picture time. Everybody look twenty-one. Hey, where's Jake?
TIFFANI : He's out with Michelle. Where else?
TONY : What's so funny?
SLY : Ah, Michelle and Jake! You see, it's all an act. She's just waiting for the right time to
      dump him.
MATT : Get out of here.
SLY : I'm telling you, she wants a Winkle in her future.
TONY : Get out of here.
SLY : I'm telling you, she told me she made a mistake with Jake.
TONY/MATT/TIFFANI/SAM : Get out of here.
SLY : If I'm lying, may the roof fall in on me right now.
SLY : See? Nothing.
TONY : Well, I guess it's true what they say, that "love hurts."
SLY : What are you talking about? I feel fine.
TONY : Yeah, but as soon as Michelle tells Jake that she loves you more, he's going to hurt
        you.
JAKE : Hey, guys.
MICHELLE : Hi, guys. Hi, Sly.
SLY : Hi. I just said hi. That's all.
JAKE : What's your problem, Winkle?
SLY : Me? Nothing. What makes you think that's something's wrong?
MICHELLE : So is everything still on?
SLY : Yeah, yeah. Jake, why don't you go first? Come on.
MICHELLE : So, um, when are you picking up the I.D.s?
SLY : Tomorrow.
MICHELLE : That sounds dangerous. Maybe I should go with you.
SLY : Uh, that could even be more dangerous.
JAKE : He's a big boy. He can handle it himself. Remember? He's the bad boy of PCH.
MICHELLE : Well, I'm still worried. I'm going to go with him.
JAKE : Wait. I thought we were going out.
MICHELLE : We were, but I think we should go with Sly.
JAKE : Forget it!
MICHELLE : I don't want to forget it.
SLY : Smile big, Jake.
JAKE : What is it with you and Sly? I mean, what kind of game are you playing?
MICHELLE : Jake. It's not that simple.
JAKE : Yeah, sure it is. Here, I'll make the decision for you. Sly, she's all yours.
SLY : Yes! You guys are my witnesses.
SAM : Okay, let's do this fast. The guys will be here for practice soon. We'll get a look at the
       painting, then get out. Oh, I'm so nervous. Do you think I'll like it?
TIFFANI : I'm...
SAM : Shhh. They might hear us.
TIFFANI : Okay, Sam, easy. Be careful.
SAM : Oops.
SAM : You think it broke?
TIFFANI : I don't hear any loose pieces.
SAM : Put it back, put it back.
JAKE : I can't believe I lost a babe to Winkle. I must be losing my touch.
TONY : Well, considering he's still walking and talking maybe you are.
JAKE : What did I do wrong?
MATT : Probably nothing. Maybe she just likes Sly more than you.
JAKE : Oh, thanks, Matt. You've got my spirits sailing now.
TIFFANI : Jake, if it's bothering you that much, maybe you could go talk to her.
JAKE : Forget it, man. It's done. It's over. I'm past it.
JAKE : There she is, man. Be cool. Relax. Stay focussed...And stop talking to yourself.
MICHELLE : Winkle's getting the fake I.D.'s tonight at Sharkey's. I will be there to make the
             bust.
STAFELLI : Good police work, Officer Tramer.
JAKE : What? She's a cop?
MICHELLE : I better get to class. I don't want to blow my cover.
SLY : Bimbi, Bambi, of couse I like you, but as soon as word got out that Michelle dumped
      Jake for me, all the babes wanted a piece of the Winkle. Ciao, chicks, I'll call you.
SLY : Hey, Jake, I didn't see you there. If I would have known you were here, I would have
      fixed you up with Bimbi or Bambi.
JAKE : I don't want your leftovers, Winkle. Look, I found out why Michelle likes you more than
       me. She's an undercover cop.
SLY : Yeah, good one, Jake. How about she's a teenage vampire who wants to drink the blood
      of young band members.
JAKE : I'm serious. Don't get the I.D.'s tonight.
SLY : Blah!
SAM : Come on, Matt. I can't wait. I can't wait.
MATT : Okay, here goes.
SAM : Those aren't my lips. Those are more like my great Aunt Ming's lips. You're a terrible
      artist, Matt.
BOUVIER : Anthony, I'd love to take a look at your contribution to the show.
TONY : I did a bust of Tiffani, here, and if I do say so myself, you'll be mighty impressed.
TONY : Oh, man, what happened? This is terrible. My bust is busted.
TIFFANI : Tony, I can explain...
BOUVIER : No one can explain this. It's so profound. So unique...
TONY : So you like it?
BOUNIER : It's abstract symbolism at its best. Congratulations, Tony. Best of Show.
TONY : Well alright! Best of show!
KEN : Let's have your money.
SLY : I haven't ordered yet!
KEN : No, stupid, it's me, Ken. I've got your I.D.s.
SLY : Undercover. How clever.
KEN : Just give me the money.
SLY : Do they come with fries?
MICHELLE : Hey, what's that waiter doing?
STAFELLI : Collecting the check?
MICHELLE : But the kitchen's closed.
STAFELLI : Then that's our guy!
MICHELLE : Stop. Police! Freeze right there.
KEN : Get back. I'll use this!
TONY : Aw, the heck you will. This just won a Blue Ribbon.
MICHELLE : Thanks for the collar, Jake.
JAKE : Yeah, no problem...Officer Tramer.
MICHELLE : Jake, I...
JAKE : Hey, just tell me the truth, all right? I mean, you were just using Sly? I mean, you don't  
       actually like him more than you do me, do you?
MICHELLE : No. I was undercover, I had no choice. When I found out that Sly was the point
             man, I had to go with him.
JAKE : Then why wouldn't you kiss me?
MICHELLE : I wanted to, but I realized it wouldn't work. Not right now.
JAKE : Yeah, I guess you're right. We're in different places. But just one more thing.
JAKE : In a couple of years, look me up.
STAFELLI : I'll book this one, too.
SLY : No, no, you can't. I'm innocent I tell you. I've been framed.
KEN : Hah. You've been framed?
JAKE : Michelle, can't you do something for Sly? I mean, he did help you bust the guy.
STAFELLI : Your call Tramer.
MICHELLE : Well, we could drop the charges if you all promise never to get fake I.D.s again.
GANG : We promise.
SLY : Great, now take off the cuffs.
MICHELLE : And if you agree to testify anainst this guy.
SLY : Anythin. Anything. Now take off the cuffs.
MICHELLE : And if you promise to pay your overdue parking tickets.
MICHELLE : Well?
SLY : Don't rush me. Don't rush me.

-THE END-