¡°VOTE OF CONFIDENCE" / Wednesday - January 13, 1999

HARVEY : Remember, PCH means please choose Harvey!
SLY : What are you trying to do, Harvey? But my vote?
HARVEY : It's not real money, Sly. It's "Harvey money."
SLY : Too bad. I could have been bought.
HARVEY : Hey, Blondie, I could use a girl with your talents. Care to join my campaigh?
TIFFANI : As what? Vice President?
HARVEY : Actually, I was hoping you'd be my First Lady. Know what I mean?
HARVEY : Ow! I guess you do.
MATT : So, Jake, who do you plan to vote for?
JAKE : Vote, Garrison? We're talking about some lame election. Nobody cares who wins or
       leses. The whole thing is stupid.
MATT : So, how do you really feel?
TONY : Jake's got a point, Matt. Look at our choices. Rich boy, Harvey, or Roxanne, the radical
        environmentalist.
SAM : Radical? How radical could a high school student be?
ROXANNE : Polluter! Rolluter! Recycle that can this minute!
MATT : You put a metal detector in there?
ROXANNE : Yes, and if elected, I'll rig every garbage can in school student be?
ROXANNE : Polluter! Polluter! Tecycle that can this minute!
MATT : You put a metal detector in there?
ROXANNE : Yes, and if elected, I'll rig every garbage can in school.
ROXANNE : Danger, aerosol spray in the girls room!
STINGRAY : Yo, Jake, the principal dude told me to give you something but I forgot what it
             was.
JAKE : Could it be that note in your hand?
STINGRAY : Score!
SLY : Good new?
JAKE : My older brother, Kyle, is flying back from Harvard to surprise my folks for their
       anniversary. I have to pick him up at the airport later.
SAM : Well, either you don't get along with your brother, or you really hate the airport.
TIFFANI : Hi, Jake. We know you're upset about your brother and thought you might want to
           talk about it.
JAKE : I don't know, I trust you three, but there's no way I'm gonna talk in front of Winky Dink
       here.
SLY : Come on, Jake. You can trust me. I know sometimes I seema little uncaring, but when it
      comes to my friends, I'm very sensitive.
SAM : Hi, guys...
SLY : Shut up. Jake's about to whine about his brother.
JAKE : Wimple!
SLY : Okay, okay, I won't listen.
JAKE : I don't know...Kyle's always been so perfect. I mean, he's a straight "A" student, a
       champion swimmer. And, as impossible as this may sound, he's even better than me
       with girls.
SLY : Better with babes?!
JAKE : You listened!
SLY : Baboom! I got it, Jake. Run for Student Body President.
JAKE : Were you born stupid or is this something that developed over time?
SLY : No, I mean it. It sounds like your bro is the kind of guy who only relates to major
      success. He's got to be impressed by Jake Sommers, El Presidentay. King of the hill. Top
      of the heap.
JAKE : I'm gonna stuff you in the heap, Wimple.
HARVEY : Afternoon, future constituents... Blondie. I have a little proposition.
HARVEY : Ow! Not that kind of proposition. I was wondering if the Dreams would like to play
           this Thursday at my "Please Choose Harvey" pep rally.
MATT : Sorry, Harvey, but if we don't support your candidacy, why would we play for you?
HARVEY : Well, because I'll pay you two hundred dollars.
MATT : Go, Harvey!
JAKE : I hope you don't mind that I changed our room around.
KYLE : What's changed? My side's neat, your side's a pig sty.
JAKE : Hey, I cleaned up.
KYLE : So, what have you been up to, my little brother?
JAKE : Not much...Last month, I placed second at the Pacific Coast Bike Show. I even got in
       the paper.
JAKE : It was only on the twelfth page, but there's my name.
KYLE : Cool. Very cool.
KYLE : I got a little press myself last week...
KYLE : What do you think?
JAKE : Cool. Very cool.
JAKE : Kyle, meet my friends...
SAM : So, you're Kyle. Jake told us all about you. You know, I've always been interested in
      college myself. The only reason I'm not going now is because I'm in high school, but
      that'll change.
KYLE : You must be Samantha. And, Matt, Tony and Tiffani.
TIFFANI : Wow! How'd you know?
KYLE : Jake told me about you guys over dinner.
SLY : Then how come you don't know who I am?
JAKE : I try not to talk about you when I eat.
MATT : So, Kyle, what's it like going to Harvard?
TONY : More importantly, what's it like dating at Harvard?
JAKE : Hey, I'm sure Kyle isn't interested in talking about that to you bozos.
KYLE : No, that's okay, Jake. I love going to Harvard. I love swimming at Harvard. I love the
       girls at Harvard...
SLY : Whoa, check this out! "Kyle Sommers, All-American swimmer and Olympic hopeful, led
      Harvard to a major victory at the New England Regionals."
JAKE : Hey, Kyle, I forgot to tell you I'm running for Student Body President.
KYLE : You are?
GANG : You are?
KYLE : Way to go, little brother!
SLY : Alright, everyone, let's give a big hand to the next president of PCH... Jaaaaake
      Sooooomers!
SLY : Well, we're off and running.
JAKE : Are you kidding? I've seen noses run faster. Maybe runnin for President to impress Kyle
       wasn't such a hot idea.
SLY : It's a great idea and we're just starting. Trust me, as your campaign manager, I'll make
      sure you win.
JAKE : Why are you doing all of this for me?
SLY : Can't I just help a friend?
JAKE : You never have before.
SLY : Okay, so I may want to call in a favor or two once you're President. Now go shake some
      hands.
SLY : Go!
JAKE : Jake Sommers. How ya doin?
JAKE : The name's Jake. I hope I can count on your support.
JAKE : You! You're shaking my hand!
JAKE : Hey, you know, I think I'm getting the hang of this.
TONY : We picked up the campaign stuff like you saked, Sylvester.
MATT : Yeah, it looks real professional, Sly. Where'd you get the money for it?
SLY : From Harvey.
MATT : From Harvey? Sly, that money is so the Dreams could play for his campaign.
SLY : Yeah, so?
TONY : So, now that Jake is running, we're not going to play for him anymore.
SLY : Yeah, so?
JAKE : So? So, now he's gonna want his money back and we don't have it.
SLY : You see, that's the beauty of it. To a rich guy like Harvey, two hundred dollars is
     Bubkes. He'll never even remember he spent it.
HARVEY : Hey, Winkle, I want my money back. Two hundred dollars ain't Bubkes, you know.
SLY : Sorry, Harvey, we already spent it.
HARVEY : Mmmmhhh. An interesting pickle, Winkle. What to do? What to do?
TIFFANI : Hi, guys.
HARVEY : Great money bags, I've got it, gentlemen. I'll forget about the money for a date with
           Blondie.
SLY : Okay.
TONY : Okay?! Are you crazy, Sylvester? We cana't sell out Tiff.
SLY : Oh no? Come, let us weigh our potions : Tiff goes on date, or we come up with two
      hundred dollars...Tiff on date, or two hundred dollars...
TONY : How's Friday night?
HARVEY : Perfect.
SLY : Yo, Jake, hurry it up. You're speaking to the Young Preppie Club in ten munutes.
JAKE : How do I look?
TONY : Like a guy who's late to meet Muffy for tennis.
JAKE : All right, that does it, Sly! This new image stuff is the pits. No one's gonna listen to
       me when I look like a geek.
SLY : Hold on, Jake. I had Sam do a little polling.
SAM : You want the long version, or the short one?
ALL : The short.
SAM : We asked one hundred students how they felt about Jake. Eight said they were
      definitely for Jake but they were from another school. One guy said he thought Jake was
      the best man for the job, but that doesn't count bacause it was Sly. And the other ninety
      -one said they would rather eat liver.
KYLE : Hey, guys. How goes the campaign?
JAKE : Great. It's gonna be a landslide.
MATT : Unfortunately, Jake's going to be under all the rubble.
KYLE : I see. Well, maybe I can help. I did win a few high school elections myself.
KYLE : It all comes down to how you present yourself.
JAKE : Forget it, Kyle. We've presented me in every possible way. They don't buy it.
KYLE : Of course they don't. People aren't stupid -- they can see through a lie. You've got to
       play to your strengths and be yourself. People like honesty.
SLY : Honesty! Now there's a gimmick. How do we do it?
JAKE : We're not doing anythihg. Look, Kyle, I appreciate the advice but I can manage just fine
       on my own.
KYLE : No problem. Just trying to help.
MATT : Are you crazy, Jake? Your brother was making sense.
SLY : Yeah, and tomorrow's pre-election rally is your last chance to make an impression.
JAKE : I don't care. I'm not doing it Kyle's way.
ROXANNE : ...And, if elected, I'll make the cafeteria vegetarian. Because all creatures deserve
            respect and nurturing... Ew! A spider!!! Thank you.
HARVEY : Greetings, my name is Harvey Kramden and I'm a greedy guy. Greedy to serve you!
TIFFANI : He is so obnoxious. I'm really glad we didn't have to play for him.
MATT : Um, about that, Tiff. There's a little problem. We never gave him his money back. Sly
        spent it.
TIFFANI : Sly! Harvey may be a pompous jerk, but he doesn't deserve to get burned. We've got
           to give him something back.
TONY : Oh, we're going to give him something back all right.
TIFFANI : Okay, you guys, what's going on?
MATT : It's like this, Tiff. Harvey agreed to forget about the money if you went on one teeny
         -tiny-little date with him.
TIFFANI : Oh, I see. Because Sly is an insensitive, irresponsible poop, who'll stop at nothing to
           get what he wants, I have to degrade myself and go out with someone who makes
           my skin crawl.
SLY : Right. So, you'll do it?
TIFFANI : Give me one good reason why I should.
TONY : Because you're so nice you'd never turn down some friends in need?
TIFFANI : Oh, no, not that. Don't give me puppy dog eyes. Okay, okay, I'll do it.
HARVEY : ...So this afternoon when you vote, remember my motto: "I've already got money,
           now I want power." Thank you.
SAM : Where's Jake? He's supposed to go next.
TONY : Yeah, what's he got planned, Sylvester?
SLY : He wouldn't tell me anything. My guess is he probably chickened out.
JAKE : So, you want to know why you should vote for Jake Sommers? I'll tell you--but not
       with some lame speech filled with phony promises. It's like this...
JAKE : I DON'T TALK FANCY
 OR WEAR FLASHY CLOTHES
 I RIDE ON A HARLEY
 I DON'T DRIVE NO ROLLS.
 I'M A REGULAR GUY
 WHO DOES WHAT HE SAYS,
 WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET
 I WANT TO BE YOUR PREZ
JAKE : I'M NOT A BRAIN, OR A JOCK OR
 A SURFER DUDE.
 BUT I'M A MAN, WITH A PLAN
 AND THE RIGHT ATTITUDE.
 SO, IF YOU WANT THINGS DONE RIGHT,
 I'VE GOT THE JUICE.
 I'M RUNNING ON THE TICKET OF
 LEATHER AND LOOSE.
 LEATHER AND LOOSE
 BECAUSE I'M NO FOOL.
       LEATHER AND LOOSE
 WE'LL HAVE A BETTER SCHOOL.
 LEATHER AND LOOSE
 BECAUSE I'M NO FAKE.
 LEATHER AND LOOSE
 COME ON, VOTE FOR JAKE.
SLY : Okay, guys, let's give it up for our new President -- Jake Sommers.
SLY : Yesterday he was an ordinary man, but today... Baboom!
SLY : ...He's our President.
JAKE : Thank you. Thank you, and for my first order of business as President, I'd like to
       baboom Sly back.
JAKE : Baboom!
TIFFANI : Boy, Jake, you must be really happy.
JAKE : It does feel pretty cool.
KYLE : Jake, I heard the news. Way to go.
JAKE : Aw, it was nothing. Sometimes you just have to do things your own way.
TONY : Don't you mean Kyle's way? I mean, it was kind of his idea.
JAKE : What are you talking about? That was my motorcycle and my guitar. kyle didn't say
       anything about writing a song instead of a speech. That was all mine.
SAM : Exactly. Wasn't that Kyle's advice? "Play to your strengths and be yourself?"
SLY : Right. The honesty gimmick. Way to go, Kyle!
JAKE : Now that I'm President, things are going to be different. Let's talk about the stuff you
       guys want to change.
SLY : Hey-ho, council!
JAKE : Why me?
SLY : Before I present my proposal, may I remind the council that President Sommers is a
      close, personal friend of mine.
ALBERT : Okay by me. All in favor?
JAKE : Wait a minute. He didn't even say what his proposal was.
SLY : I humbly request the student council establish a new dress code. From now on, every
      Friday will be declared "Bikini Day."
ALBERT : Oh, no. I'm not gonna wear a bikini.
JAKE : Forget it, Wimple.
SLY : What?! We had a deal...
JAKE : I'm sorry. The council only supports things that are supposed to help the school.
SLY : Oh, right. Like you're in here because you really care about the school. I'm not the one
      who ran for President just to impress my brother.
JAKE : You know, you're right. I did this for all the wrong reasons. I don't belong here. I resign.
TIFFANI : Now remember, the only way I'm going on this date is if you guys stay with me.
           No matter what happens, you cannot leave me alone with him.
MATT : Tiff, we promised a hundred times. Isn't that enough?
TIFFANI : I'm sorry. Of course it is. Pinky swear?
HARVEY : Hi, Tiffani.
TIFFANI : Hi. I hope you don't mind, but I asked these guys to join us.
HARVEY : Why should I mind? When I'm near you it feels like there's nobody else in the whole
           world.
SAM : That's because he paid everybody else to leave.
TIFFANI : That was a very sweet sentiment, Harvey.
HARVEY : Thanks. I also brought you a rose. It's my little way of saying I hope our friendship
           "blooms" together.
TIFFANI : Thanks. It's very, very symbolic.
MATT : And very, very phoney.
TIFFANI : Do you guys mind? harvey's trying to be sensitive. It's not easy for him.
HARVEY : You know, when I lost the election yesterday, it made me realize that there are more
           important things than money and power. It changed me.
TONY : Now, if he'd only change his underwear.
TIFFANI : That's okay. You guys can go now. I'll be okay.
TIFFANI : Really, I mean it. Harvey's obviously turned over a new leaf. I like him.
TIFFANI : I said you can go now.
MATT : We can't.
TIFFANI : Why not?
SLY : Bad news, guys. Jake resigned.
MATT : On his first day? That's terrible.
HARVEY : For him maybe. But I hot the second most votes. That means I'm the new President.
TIFFANI : I thought you didn't care about that stuff anymore.
HARVEY : That was only when I thought I'd lost. But now that I won I can forget the act. I
           have the power. Yes, yes, yes. Later, Blondie!
JAKE : Man, the guy even packs great.
KYLE : Well, if it isn't Mr. President himself. How'd your first council meeting go?
JAKE : Shorter than you'd expect.
KYLE : Sure. A natural leader like you doesn't do a lot of talking. Just gets right down to
       business, huh?
JAKE : Something like that.
KYLE : Man, I wish I could stay longer and celebrate, but the swimming championship is Sunday
       and the school has all this stuff planned.
JAKE : Don't tell me...tey're going to retire your speedos.
KYLE : Funny.
JAKE : I'm being sarcastic. You know, I'm really tired of you being so good at everything. Do
       you always have to succeed?
KYLE : Hold on. If I remember correctly, you're the one who's President of his high school.
JAKE : Was. I resigned today.
KYLE : Boy, you really do get down to business.
JAKE : It's not funny, Kyle. I only ran to impress you.
KYLE : What are you talking about?
JAKE : I'm talking about how hard it is to be your brother. I get an article in the paper, you
       get the front page. I win an election, and I find out it's only because of your idea. I'm
       sick of living in your shadow, man.
KYLE : Whoa, slow down, little brother, what's going on here?
JAKE : How can I ever impress you if I can't top you?
KYLE : Jake, you don't have to impress me. I'm already impressed.
JAKE : By what? Breaking the record for the world's shortest Presidency?
KYLE : No, by you. Ever since we were kids you always did what you wanted, even if it meant
       catching flak for it. I wish I had more guts like that. But I've always been too caught up
       in what's expected of me. You, you cut your own path.
JAKE : I don't get it. At first I was mad at you for being you. Then I was mad at me for being
       me. Now I don't know who to be mad at. Where's Winkle when you need him?
KYLE : Why do you have to be mad at anybody?
JAKE : I guess I don't.
KYLE : Jake, I love you, and you've got to know, there's nothing in the world I wouldn'[t do for
       you.
JAKE : Really?
KYLE : Just name it.
JAKE : Could you get rid of these trophies? They're driving me crazy.

-THE END-