"Fallen Idol" / Thursday - February 11, 1999

SAM : Guys! Guys, check out what Uncle Tse Tse sent from China! It's amazing! It's incredible!  
       It's the most fantastic ever.
SAM : Fortune cookies!
TONY : Fortune cookies?! Hallelujah! My life is changed forever!!
SAM : Okay, maybe I exaggerated a teeny-tiny bit -- but Uncle Tse Tse's fortunes are known
       all over Kowloon for their accuracy. Check it out.
SLY : "You will find your one true love." Eh... Hey, baby.
SLY : Ooh... She's not it.
LORENA : "Somebody from your past will hurt you."
SAM : "You will embarrass yourself in front of someone of stature."
MARK : "The Blue Bird of Happiness will bestow good luck upon your head."
TONY : Awww! My cookie's empty.
SAM : Oh, no! Boo-Shing!
TONY : B-b-boo-Shing? What's that?
SAM : Misfortune! "Empty cookie means empty fortune." Sorry, Tony, you've been cursed with
      bad luck.
TONY : This is dumb. Oh, now, if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do. Boo-Shing...
MARK : Tony, what happened?
TONY : Boo-Shing!
TIFFANI : Whoa, you were right, Sam. Uncle Tse Tse has a gift.
JAKE : Oh, give me a break. They're just cookies. I mean, listen to my fortune--It's totally
       ridiculous. "You will meet your inspiration."
JAKE : It's Zane Walker! I've got all his albums. He's my inspiration... Oh, man.
SAM : Totally ridiculous, huh?
TIFFANI : Jake, he's your idol. Go say hi.
JAKE : Oh, I couldn't. It's Zane Walker. He's one of the greatest rock guitarist ever. I... I mean,
        he's the reason I started playing.
MARK : He's leaving.
JAKE : Yo! Zane! Stop!
ZANE : Uh, yeah?
JAKE : You're Zane Walker.
ZANE : Yeah, that's right.
JAKE : The Zane Walker.
ZANE : Right again.
JAKE : Zaaaane Walkerrrr.
ZANE : Well, nice talking to you.
JAKE : Yeah.
JAKE : Smooty, huh?
MARK : I wonder what he's doing in Pacific Coast.
SLY : Well, I read in the paper, he came here for some peace and quiet so he could write a
      come-back song. He hasn't has a hit in over a year.
LORENA : Boy, if you guys could get him to hear you play, he could help you get discovered.
ZANE : That's it, Lou. What do you think? Is it a hit, or what?
LOU : Zane, babe, I'm your manager. Everything you do is gold--and that song it's...it's...it's...
      GARBAGE!! GET ME A HIT, OR YOU'RE A HAS-BEEN!!!
ZANE : Come in.
SLY : Greetings. I am Baboom Babbamesh, "Guru on the Go." I bring inner peace to those who
      are stressed out.
ZANE : Look, man, I'm really not...
SLY : Hush now! Oh, your ear lobe speaks to me.
SLY : Ahh... you have a problem... One whose solution will re-establish you as a great artist.
ZANE : That's incredible.
SLY : You ain't seen nothing yet, boobie.
SAM : We are followers of the Guru--Groupies-on-the-Go. I am Peace.
TIFFANI : I am Harmony.
TONY : I am Manly.
LORENA : I am Prosperity.
MARK : I am Tranquillity.
JAKE : Zaaaane Walkerrrr.
ZANE : Wait a minute. I remember you. You're the articulate guy I met at Sharkey's. What's
        going on here?
MARK : Sorry, Mr. Walker. But we have a band, and we've come to get you to listen to our
        tape.
ZANE : Why didn't you just knock on the door and ask?
SAM : Because a certain manager of ours said you'd never agree unless we pulled this idiotic
      stunt.
SLY : Oh, I am blushing, my child.
TIFFANI : Please, Mr. Walker.
ZANE : Well, alright. Just leave a tape.
MARK : Oh, no problem. Tony?
TONY : Oh... oh, no! Boo-Shing!
JAKE : Tony, I don't believe you! You blew our one shot!
ZANE : Look, you uh, you went though a lot of trouble. Uh, just tell me where you practice and
        I'll come and give you guys a listen.
TONY : Hey, he's coming.
JAKE : Zane, glad you could make it.
ZANE : Hey, I'm a man of my word.
JAKE : Of course you are. You're Zane Walker.
ZANE : So you keep telling me.
JAKE : Uh, yeah, right... Well, let's not waste time. Have a seat. One, two, three, four...

(MUSIC CUE : "WE STAND TOGETHER"
MARK/JAKE : WE STAND TOGETHER
  THROUGH THICK AND THIN
  WE'LL BE THAT WAY TILL THE BITTER END
  WE'LL GO ON FOREVER
  WE STAND TOGETHER, TOGETHER, TOGETHER
MARK : ONE THING YOU GOT TO REMEMBER
  BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER
JAKE : HE'S NOT HEAVY YOU KNOW
MARK/JAKE : HE'S MY BROTHER
MARK/JAKE : WE STAND TOGETHER
  THROUGH THICK AND THIN
  WE'LL BE THAT WAY TILL THE BITTER END
  WE'LL GO ON FOREVER
  WE STAND TOGETHER, TOGETHER
  WE STAND TOGETHER)

ZANE : I've got to say, I didn't expect much--but you guys can really jam...Who's the main
       force here?
TIFFANI : We all contribute, but Jake writes most of the songs.
ZANE : Cool. I'm impressed. Listen, uh, I'd like you to meet my manager. I'm having a little
        party tomorrow night. Why don't you guys drop by?
SLY : Hold it. Are they're going to be any of those brainless bimbo groupies there?
ZANE : Probably.
SLY : I'll bring the dip.
SAM : Boy, Uncle Tse Tse's slipping. His fortune said I'd talk to somebody famous and get
      embarrassed, but I just talked to all these celebrities and nothing happened.
TIFFANI : You have spinach in your teeth.
SLY : Well, my fortune just came true, I found my one true love.
MARK : You mean that incredibly not blonde over there?
SLY : Her? Feh. I found twenty bucks by the cocktail weenies.
ZANE : Excuse me, everyone... I want to thank you all for coming. But before you go, a toast to
        my special guests: The California Dreams.
ZANE : This is a not new band that's on it's way to the top. Cheers.
ZANE : Good night, all.
ZANE : Don't bail yet, guys. My manager, wants to hear you play.
JAKE : Um, we'd love to, Zane, but we, we didn't bring our equipment.
ZANE : No problem. You can use my guitar... if that's all right.
JAKE : All right? I've had dreams about playing this guitar... Zane Walker's guitar.
GANG : Jake!
JAKE : Oh... right. What, what should I play?
ZANE : Your newest and your best.
JAKE : I can do that. Uh, it's called, uh "Too Much to Dream."

(MUSIC CUE : "TOO MUCH TO DREAM"
JAKE : BRIGHT LIGHTS
 BIG STARS
 BIG DREAMS
 THIS TOWN AIN'T WHAT IT SEEMS
JAKE/MARK : WHERE WAS I GOING WHEN I LEFT YOU
  WHAT DID I THINK I WAS GONNA DO
  I HAD TOO MUCH TO DREAM LAST NIGHT
JAKE : HEY NOW, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
JAKE/MARK : IT'S ALL DIFFERENT IN THE DAY LIGHT
JAKE : I JUST HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DREAM
JAKE/MARK : I HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DREAM
JAKE : TOO HIGH
 TOO FAST
 TOO FAR
 NO ONE CAN CATCH A FALLING STAR
JAKE/MARK : WHERE WAS I GOING WHEN I LEFT YOU
  WHAT DID I THINK I WAS GONNA DO
  I HAD TOO MUCH TO DREAM LAST NIGHT
JAKE : HEY NOW, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
JAKE/MARK : IT'S ALL DIFFERENT IN THE DAY LIGHT
JAKE : I JUST HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DREAM
JAKE/MARK : I HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DREAM
JAKE : I HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DREAM)

JAKE : So, uh, what do you... What do you think?
LOU : It's number one with a bullet! It's roll-over Beethoven! Elvis, eat your heart out!
MARK : So you like it?
LOU : It's okay.
ZANE : Lou's right, guys. This has got the potential to be a huge hit. But it still needs some
       work. I'm not sold on that build... and it could use a better bridge.
JAKE : No problem. I'll get right on it. Is it okay if I show it to you after I re-work it?
ZANE : I'll be here all week.
JAKE : Alright! You don't know how much this means to me.
ZANE : Of course I do -- I'm "Zaaaane Walkerrrr."
TIFFANI : Lorena, your fortune said that somebody from your past will hurt you. How's going
           through old stuff going to stop that from happening?
LORENA : Simple. One of these things might help me figure out who the person was. Then I
          can avoid them. Hey, check it out. This is a bust of my grandma I made as a kid.
          Owwww!
TONY : Ha! Your fortune came true. "Somebody" from your past just hurt you.
TIFFANI : Tony! That's not nice.
TONY : Yeah, well, it is to me. You see, I'm not the only one who gets Boo-Shing. Ow!
SAM : I wouldn't laugh, Mark. It doesn't matter how much good luck you have. Uncle Tse Tse
      says: "He who mocks Boo-Shing Shall get Boo-Shing."
JAKE : Well, I spent all week re-working the song, but I think it was worth it.
MARK : Oh, excellent. Do you want us to go with you to show it to Zane? You know, for good
        luck?
TONY : Don't worry. I'll wait in the hall.
JAKE : Zane?
JAKE : Zane, it's me. It's Jake Sommers. Are you here? Hey, uh, I finished the song.
SAM : Maybe he just stepped out.
JAKE : You're not Zane.
ESTHER : What gave it away? The earrings, or the mop?
TIFFANI : Excuse us, Ma'am, but we're looking for Zane Walker.
ESTHER : You're a little late. He already moved out.
JAKE : Moved out? I don't get it. I mean, he said he'd be here all week. Why would he say that
       if he was going to split early?
ESTHER : Excuse me, kids, I need some rockin with my moppin.
RADIO D.J. : ...And now to finish off our commercial-free music jam, here's the new over-night      
             hit by Zane Walker: "Too Much To Dream..."
ZANE : BRIGHT LIGHTS
 BIG STARS
 BIG DREAMS...
SLY : We just heard the answer. Zane ripped you off, man.
ZANE : ...THIS TOWN AIN'T WHAT IT SEEMS WHERE WAS I GOING WHEN I LEFT YOU
SAM : Man, why would Zane Walker steal somebody's song?
JAKE : He didn't. There has to be a reasonable explanation for what's happened.
LORENA : Like what?
JAKE : Like he plans on giving me the money and credit I deserve, but he's just been too tied
       up to call or something. I don't know.
TIFFANI : Jake, just because somebody's famous doesn't mean they're a good person.
JAKE : Yeah? Well, Zane is, and I'll prove it to you. I'll go make some calls and track him
       down. Who's got a quarter?
MARK : Not me.
MARK : Mm-mm... here's one.
JAKE : Uh... thanks.
TIFFANI : Boy, Mark, that good fortune sure is working for you -- I just feel bad for Tony.
           Come to think of it... where is Tony?
SAM : He's up on the roof fixing the neon Sharkey's sign.
SLY : Oh, man...
TONY : Boo-Shiiiiiiiing!!!
SAM : Tony, are you okay?!
TONY : Ow... I think so. These bushes here broke my fall.
TIFFANI : You mean the thorn bushes?
TONY : Ow.
MARK : He fell off the roof...
LORENA : Mark, you're pushing your luck. Remember what Sam said? Don't mock Boo-Shing.
MARK : Oh, who's she kidding? I'm the one with good fortune. I can mock Boo-Shing all I want
        --I'm immune.
JAKE : Okay, I just found out Zane's having a press conference. He's probably planning to clear
       things up there.
SLY : And you call me stupid. And so you should.
JAKE : Look, fine, you guys believe what you want, alright? But I'm going to go to that press
       conference and I'm going to watch Zane do the right thing.
SLY : Well, you guys go ahead. I'm going to go get Sam and, uh, Thorny Butt.
MARK : Hey, Sly, check it out.
SLY : Hey, good thinking, cuz. We pose as reporters and trip up Zane with a tough question.
MARK : Ah, forget Zane. Tony's going to trip up. And when I catch it on camera, cha-ching!
        I'm going to send it to "Wacky Videos" for a ten thousand dollar pay-off.
SLY : What the heck was that?
SAM : Your cousin stepping over the line. Shame on you, Mark, using Boo-Shing for your own
      selfish gain. You're in big trouble now.
SLY : Uh, we're not really related.
MARK : Hey, I'm a walking rabbit's foot. Now, come on, Sly, I need your help. See that mic
        wire? Tony's bound to trip over it and fall into the refreshment table.
SLY : Forget it, Mark. I believe sam. There's no way I'm dissing Boo-Shing.
MARK : Psshht...
MARK : Hey, Tony, come here a sec.
HEADCHEESE : Hey, you laughing at me?
MARK : Uh, no, no...
HEADCHEESE : Headcheese don't like being baughed at.
TONY : What just happened?
SLY : I'm not sure, but I think Mark just bought your Boo-Shing.
TONY : Yes! Yes! Yes!
        "YOU'VE GOT MY BOO-SHING -- YOU'VE GOT MY BOOOOO-SHING -- YOU'VE
        GOT MY BOO-SHING..."
SAM : Tony, don't mock it. You'll get it back.
TONY : Oh, Right. So sorry.
JAKE : Zane.
ZANE : Jake, what are you doing here?
JAKE : Well, I wanted to show you how I re-worked the song, uh, but you already split. Now
       I'm hearing it on the radio and, and...
LOU : Hey, kid, this is a private press conference...
ZANE : It's alright, Lou. I'll handle it.
JAKE : What happened, man? My friends think you ripped me off, but I told them that's crazy...
       right?
JAKE : It is crazy, isn't it, Zane? Oh, man. Come... You can't be doing this. You're my idol.
       You're millions of kids idol.
ZANE : Well, if you don't like it, maybe you should pick another idol.
JAKE : What?
ZANE : What do you think? Just because I write a few songs that you like, that I'm a saint?
        Well, I'm not. I like being a star and I plan on keeping it that way.
JAKE : Yeah, but you took my song. My song is the hit.
ZANE : No, man. When you and your friends sing a song, it's just another song--when I sing
        a song, it's a hit.
JAKE : Oh, come on. You're Zane Walker. Your music has meaning... it affects people. You know
       this is wrong. Come on, man. You're better than this.
LOU : Let's go, Zane. They're waiting.
JIMMY : Zane, how does it feel to be back on top?
ZANE : Great. I'm just glad I found another song in me.
TIFFANI : Jake, don't let him get away with this. It's not right.
SLY : Yeah, we can fight him. Let's get a lawyer and sue him.
JAKE : Forget the song, man. That's not what this is about. I mean, I can write a million more
       like that one... No song is ever going to replace what I just lost.
ZANE : Alright, who's got the next question?

-THE END-