JOKES PAGE 2

OXYGEN TUBE

Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death.

The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died.

The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read,"Please step to your left--you're standing on my oxygen tube!"

NO REFILLS

A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true", the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?"

"Yes, I'm afraid so." The doctor told her.

There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'

TEST

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.

" "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!

COMPUTER NUT

Husband (Returning late from work ) :"Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in.

Wife : Have you brought the grocery ?

Husband : Bad command or filename.

Wife : What about my new TV?

Husband : Variable not found ...

Wife :: At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ..

Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny ?

Husband : Too many parameters ...

Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband : Data type mismatch.

Wife : You are a useless nut.

Husband : By Default.

Wife : What about your Salary ?

Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.

Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?

Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot.

Wife : Are you going to drink some wine?

Husband : File system is full.

Wife : What is my value in the family ?

Husband : Unknown Virus.

LAWYER

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill.

Who gets it?

The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.