Joke of the Day

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Joke of the Day

A guy gets home from work one night and hears

a voice. The voice tells him, "QUIT YOUR JOB,

SELL YOUR HOUSE, TAKE YOUR MONEY

AND GO TO VEGAS." The man is disturbed at

what he hears and ignores the voice. The next

day when he gets home from work, the same

thing happens. The voice tells him, " QUIT

YOUR JOB, SELL YOUR HOUSE, TAKE

YOUR MONEY AND GO TO VEGAS." Again

the man ignores the voice, though he is very

troubled by the event. Every day, day after day,

the man hears the same voice when he gets

home from work, " QUIT YOUR JOB, SELL

YOUR HOUSE, TAKE YOUR MONEY AND GO

TO VEGAS." Each time the man hears the voice

he becomes increasingly upset.

Finally, after two weeks, he succumbs to the

pressure. He does quit his job, sells his house,

takes his money and heads to Vegas. The

moment the man gets off the plane in Vegas, the

voice tells him, "GO TO HARRAH'S CASINO."

He hops in a cab and rushes over to Harrah's.

As soon as he sets foot in the casino, the voice

tells him, "GO TO THE ROULETTE TABLE."

The man does as he is told. When he gets to the

roulette table, the voice tells him, "PUT ALL

YOUR MONEY ON 17." Nervously, the man

cashes in his money for chips and then puts

them all on 17. The dealer wishes the man good

luck and spins the roulette wheel. Around and

around the ball caroms. The man anxiously

watches the ball as it slowly loses speed until

finally it settles into number . . . 21. The voice

says, "DAMN!"

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Do you have duck food here?" The

bartender says "No," and the duck leaves.

The duck comes back the next day and asks, "Do you have duck food?" The

bartender says "No."

The duck comes back the next day and asks, "Do you have any duck food?" The

bartender replies, "I already told you 'No' twice! If you come back and

ask me again, I'm going to nail your feet to the floor!"

The duck comes back the next day and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The

bartender answers, "No."

"Do you have any duck food?"

Cellar Full of Whiskey

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my sister

to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else...

I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down

the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it,

with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey

down the sink which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the

bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of

it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the

bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and

drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand,

counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which

were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and

finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm

not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who

is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the US from China.

>> They decided to become American Citizens,

>> and "Americanize" their names.

>> Bu called himself "Buck."

>> chu called himself "chuck."

>> Fu was send back to China.>