Misc Sayings/Aphorisms/Jokes? I

In the end, everybody must understand for themselves. -- Martin-Lof

Omit needless words. -- Strunk and White

It was as small as the hope in a dead man's eyes.

The nice thing about standards is, there are so many to choose from.

There is no limit to the amount of good that people can accomplish, if they don't care who gets the credit.

No matter where you go, there you are. -- Buckaroo Banzai

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question.  "Yes" is the answer.

It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Now let's all repeat the non-conformist oath.

If God had meant for penguins to fly, he would have given them wings.

Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity.

Bove's Theorem: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.

College is a fountain of knowledge...and the students are there to drink.

The Dalai Lama walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. -- English Professor, Ohio University

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. -- Dave Barry

Living right doesn't really make you live longer, it just SEEMS like longer.

Thought for the day:  What if there were no hypothetical situations?

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?  Because they taste funny.

Quantum particles: The dreams that stuff is made of.

I own my own body, but I share.

A witty saying proves nothing. -- Voltaire

Eschew obfuscation.

Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Conscious is when you are aware of something, and conscience is when you wish you weren't. -- H.L.Mencken

The feeling of an unbridgeable gulf between consciousness and brain-process: how does it come about that this does not come into the considerations of our ordinary life? This idea of a difference in kind is accompanied by slight giddiness, -- which occurs when we are performing a pice of logical sleight-of-hand. (The same giddiness attacks us when we think of certain theorems in set theory.) When does this feeling occur in the present case? It is when, I, for example, turn my attention in a particular way on to my own consciousness, and, astonished, say to myself: THIS is supposed to be produced by a process in the brain! -- as it were clutching my forehead. -- But what can it mean to speak of "turning my attention on to my own consciousness?" This is surely the queerest thing there could be! ... -- Ludwig Wittgenstein

Celibacy is not hereditary.

The goal of science is to build better mousetraps. The goal of nature is to build better mice.

The sign of a confident scientist: Often wrong, never in doubt.

A metaphor is like a simile.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

I drink to make other people interesting.