Searching For More
In October 1996, I became overwhelmed with a sense of
spiritual dryness. I had lost the zeal for God that I once had, and I knew
that I wasn't growing in the Lord. I began to panic as I pondered thoughts
like, "IS THIS ALL THERE IS TO IT? ISN�T THERE MORE TO CHRISTIANITY THAN
THIS? ISN�T THERE MORE TO MINISTRY THAN THIS?" I came to the conclusion
that if a ministry like mine was as good as it got then I was EXTREMELY
disappointed.
I began to realize that all I could offer people was
intellectualism. I had an intellectual knowledge of God�I had devoted
eight years of Bible school and seminary to learning about God. I was
able to reason with people, but I did not have the power and anointing
for healing, changing lives, or effectively praying for people. I knew
I had little to offer, and this realization began to gnaw at my soul.
At Pythian Avenue, I was allowed to minister at six revivals a
year. I had maintained the many connections made through my years in
evangelism. I enjoyed revivals, so I made an agreement with my church
that I would remain active in evangelism, but on a limited basis. Usually,
I was able to space those six revivals out over the course of a year. But,
for some reason, in 1996, I had three revivals scheduled for the month of
October.
As I traveled to revivals I always had a lot of time to myself, and
oftentimes I would spend those hours thinking about God. This particular
month, I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about my RELATIONSHIP
with God. The emptiness inside had become almost painful. I wasn�t even
sure what to pray for. I just knew that I was desperate for something MORE.
I was lost in an endless search, thirsty as a deer panting for water.
This time in the valley served as a stepping stone�a precursor�to
the wonderful plan of redemption and blessing that was to unfold before my
eyes in the coming months.
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