To My Beloved Child:

I have been carrying around with me a painful and tragic truth that set in within the first week of giving you life. I don't pretend to understand what the events of that fateful day has meant to your life, but I can tell you in clear conscience that it has made mine a living hell, filled with anger, loss, resentment, and overwelming grief. This letter is about two lives that were shattered by the willful and deliberate sabatoge of a very selfish and devious character (my former husband) and his not so unwitting accomplices, the corrupt staff at the hospital in which you were born. What those people did was take from me (and you) the most precious gift beyond life itself, the true love that a mother cannot help but feel for her child, and the bonding of that innocent child's heart to the woman who truly loved her.

I can go into all the now irrelevant details once again about how you were taken from me without my consent, how it was maliciously carried out, and how I was deliberately misled into believing that there was absolutely nothing I could do to right the wrong that had been done me, but that does nothing to convey how it feels now, 21 years later. No institution, no criminal action against an exhusband, and no legal proceedings of any kind can end the horrible pain that I have felt, and continue to feel, about having had stolen from me that opportunity to bring you up in the loving home I so badly wanted to provide for you. No act of God, no forgiveness or vengeance, and no rational thoughts of how I hadn't caused this to happen can remove from my heart this terrible feeling of catastrophic loss. There was only one person alive who could help diminish my pain, and she chose to distance herself from me because of some obvious pressures and misplaced loyalty.

I tried to conceal my resentment toward the benificary of the injustice served to me by attempting to embrace the woman who raised you, and have tried my best to include her in my relationship with you. From what I have seen, it is clear that her modus operende has been to try everything she can to openly as well as covertly sabatoge any chances of our having a meaningful relationship now. She has tried to degrade me, to interfere with our plans when we met in every possible way, she refused my hospitality, and made sure our reunion was as stressful and brief as possible.

I won't pull any punches this time. What gives HER the right to INTERFERE with MY relationship with MY daughter??? It's true that she raised you, but she was only granted that opportunity through the immoral and illegal actions of others, none of which being you or me. You were STOLEN from me. SHE received what was stolen from me and had all those years I never had. She was the recepient of something that NEVER was hers to possess, and now that she knows the truth about that, she acts selfishly instead of doing what a person of good conscience would do. I wanted to raise my flesh and blood, to pass on my legacy, to impart myself into the goodness that I know is in you. You would have been raised to be who you really are, not what some segment of society deem as acts of love.

You are my daughter. No surrogates can change that basic fact of your life. My life was tragicly changed one terrifying moment when a man that I never knew forced himself on me. Inspite of my terror, and inspite of the ordeal that his assult put me through, I have loved you as sincerely and completely as any true mother can. I want a fair opportunity to get to know my daughter without interference. I do not seek to interfere with your relationship with her, but if having a relationship with you means going through her, and experiencing her interference, her raining on our precious moments, and her brainwashing you into believing things that are not true, then I refuse.

I seek a relationship with you, and only you. I am your mother. I do not ask for your love, and I certainly do not need your forgiveness, I just need a fair opportunity. This is a matter between mother and daughter, and nobody else.

Imagine if someone stole your child from you, and 20 years later you meet again. How would it feel if your child didn't give you a chance because of misplaced loyalty to the person who raised her, even though that other person obtained that opportunity through the illegal and malicious acts of others? Wouldn't you be resentful if that person deliberately interfered with your getting to know your child?

I love YOU... I do not want to change you or control you. I just want to share. In God's name, would you please grant unto me a fair chance? Must I continue to live as Jobe and suffer for things I never caused?

Please let me get to know my baby.

Doreen






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