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My gut feelings were telling me things was not right, I chose not to accept or act on them like we do, soon after we moved in together many things happened which I won't go in to slowly but surely I was taken away from my friends, until all I had in the world was him! I was sure I was happy, even though the stress was immense I didn't see I was losing my friends, I was made to leave my best friend in the world Pauline the girl I first came to Australia with it was her or him, I chose him, although I regained a very rare contact with her after a major stressful time with Darran behind his back, I was getting so ill and out of shape Look above Left!
I got paranoid with Darran, I was ALWAYS finding men's phone numbers, I began checking his email, always emails off guys, naked pictures arrangements to meet (considering we had talked about my issues and his jealousy, and had agreed never to go on the chats) of course checking the
history folders he still went there. He went on my ICQ and talked to friends of mine as me, came back saying they were trying to get me into bed, making me delete them of my list.
Darran always lost his jobs, so I supported him, running up huge debts some months I'd pay a $400 phone bill for a month. But I was in love and happy ?
I told my mum about my sexuality as it hurt me not being able to include Darran in our
conversations, mum always seemed to like Darran until I told her he was my partner, then as I heard from Darran of course she was abrupt, unfriendly and cold towards him (she was never like that I will add) as I new when I talked to her, she rarely asked me about him though but she was upset & hurting, trying to come to terms with having a gay son (which she has) she was also
feeling she was losing me, and mothers instinct, she new he was gonna hurt me.
Here's not the place to go into more detail about Darran.
After 3 years, of things happening, stress and hurt I ended it with him, It was probably the worst experience of my life. I know had absolutely no self esteem, no self confidence I was unfit, Unhealthy, Unhappy the list goes on. I went to the only person I felt at the time I could.
Pauline, I'll never forget it, she just hugged me tightly, I was crying like a baby, you can tell a true friend, after excluding her out of my life, she was their with open arms when I needed her. Pauline and her Partner comforted and helped me, even after I had hurt them so very much I did the one thing Pauline asked me not to do, by pushing her out of my life for 2 1/2 years. She welcomed me back into her life. Out of the relationship with Darran another good thing came that was meeting Noel & Anissa Darran had met them at Sleaze Ball, I didn't really know them as I tended to curl up into my own world at these parties (*the confidence thing again*) They thought I didn't talk much. Later they found I could talk and was quite a nice person they were also a tower of strength for me, they tried to get us back together. Darran had rang them telling them I had said numerous things, in actual fact he was turning round exactly what he was saying, and was saying I had said it. They soon realized that what Darran had told them and what I had done were worlds apart, they also discovered the lies he was telling them! I won't delve into this, these are deeply personal things.
Where I am today& what I have learned
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