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A person's mind can be one of the most dangerous things that exist in the world today. A person's mind can be either good or bad, depending on the person. To determine which way that the mind of a person is will depend on the attitude of the person. A person that you consider to be normal can turn into an unbalanced mind due to an unexpected serious of events. A person that you would consider to be insane ("not right") can be one of the nicest people in the world, just a little strange at times.
I have been told that I am one of the more levelheaded people in the world today, however due to recent events I don't believe that people can say that about me now. I have recently taken a deeper look into my past, and doing this has made my mind become unstable. My mind is better described as "Pandora's Box" due to how my mind is reacting to what part of my past I am confronting. Those that know me never could have seen this coming because I seem to be a levelheaded person that looks upon life as pure as anyone can. This shows that a person's past can be more dangerous than what anyone can imagine.
In the past I have said that I was depressed for a long time, and now I have begun to come out of that state of depression. The reasons behind me going into that depressed state haven't been truly clear because I didn't accept the reasons myself. Where it is technically unclear how long I was depressed for because sometimes I will say 10 years and others I will say up to 15 years. I personally do not know when I put myself in that depressed state; I just know that 10 years ago was when the "final nail in the coffin" was put in. To initially know when I was preparing myself for the "shutdown of emotions" cannot be narrowed down because of my past.
Where I have been trying to come out of the depressed state as far as possible, it was recently realized I had to open "Pandora's Box" to confront the part of my past that I didn't know how to handle. Thanks to recent events I have been able to open "Pandora's Box" and I am extremely fearful of the results of doing such a thing. I also believed that coming out of the depressed state, I could do without confronting my past, and so that past could just die off. I was wrong and will be confused for a long time to come due to this. I am not sure how to feel or look at myself now that "Pandora's Box" has been opened, however I am a little happy that it has finally been opened. To conquer my past and confront the initial reasoning behind the depressed state, will help me get through the depressed state quicker (in theory).
My mind ("Pandora's Box") is more dangerous currently than it ever was in the past. I am experiencing memories that have been "blocked out" for a long time and am feeling the emotions that can tear a person apart. I was a victim of something that lasted longer than what it should have. Something like this should have never happened to me and as a result I started to shutdown my emotions to protect myself from any ridicule that might have come up. The main reason behind my shutdown was because I cherished a friendship more than what I did myself. The more I remember about the experience, the more that I "mentally beat myself up" just as all victims of this type of act does.
To make it more clearly for any of you to understand, I was abused in the past. In normal cases of abuse it would be a family member, however in my case it was a close friend that I trusted. I was told that it was normal for this to happen; however after several years past I found out differently. The abuse stopped after I realize how bad it really was, however no one else knew that it happened. I was in a relationship before the abuse started, and I got into a relationship when the abuse stopped. When the last relationship went "south", I wasn't prepared for the emotional result of the failed relationship. Where the relationship ended poorly, I went directly into a depressed state, which I was close to being in before that relationship. At the time I felt that I couldn't deal with all the negative emotions I was feeling at the time, so I did a "shutdown" which through me directly into a depressed state.
I have always been a defensive person; I have rarely taken the offensive on anything. When the last relationship ended I saw that the only thing I could do, as a defensive person would, would be to "shutdown" my emotional state. This was the only move I could see without leaving myself open for attacks from anyone of the public (society). I saw that with the ending of the abuse (with the negative emotions/hurt I felt about that) and the ending of that relationship (and the negative emotions/hurt I felt about that), that people would have a "field day" with me. To protect myself from that, my depressed state was finalized. God could only tell you where I would be today or what I would be doing today if I wouldn't have gone into my depressed state when I did. I believe that I would be in worse shape than what I am now, however God can only tell you that.
There are many things that wrong in the world today. Many of these things exist because society refuses to believe that they exist. It is a painful truth when you look at the problems of the world. The laws that mankind have created to be a guide have been adjusted to help those people that are affected by the problems of the world. The main problem is that no matter how much the laws are adjusted, it won't change anything until society is willing to see that the problems exist. Society knows that the problems exist, however the truth of the matter is that society turns a "blind-eye" to the problems. To turn a "blind-eye" to the problems is just another way to say that the problems do not exist. I am one of the people in the society that use to think similar to this. I always believed that these problems would never catch up to anyone that I know, however I was wrong. People really don't look at the problems of the world until they affect you somehow.
The reason that society doesn't seem to care about the problems of the world is because society, as a whole, believes that if you don't look at the problems that the problems will not affect you in any way. This way of thinking is the exact reason why the problems of the world still exist today. Different generations have different experiences in his/her lives. From the start there has always been bullies in the school systems, violence across the world, and assaults of different kinds. These things still exist today because society refuses to accept that these things exist, and until society accepts these things they will exist forever.
There has been a figure that has been tossed out into the world about abuse cases. One in four children are abused, whether it is physical abuse or sexual abuse, that is the figure that has been presented. When society looks at an abuse case, society will only see these things happening in bigger areas such as cities. Society believes that the abuse cases do not happen in rural areas, and this is why abuse cases are not seen when they happen. I know of this because I thought the same way until recently. I had experienced a form of sexual abuse in my past, however never really tried to confront my feelings over it until recently. A friend had talked to me about his/her past, and then I spoke about my past. The problem is that, in the past, I just shutdown from people around me and refused to confront the problem. Sadly it was the primary reason for going into a depressed state. I had a relationship after the abuse however when that relationship went "south", I went into a depressed state that I am just coming out of. The failed relationship was the "final nail in the coffin" for me and I just "shutdown", and kept people at a distance from me.
I didn't think I needed to confront my feelings about the past because I didn't really realize that it was part of the reason I went into the depressed state, until now. The really sad part is the fact that I am a friend, still, with the one that abused me, and I do not understand how a friendship can survive something like that. There is no one other than myself and the other person that knew that it happened because I didn't want it known by the public that it had happened. I was embarrassed that I didn't know any better, and also I thought that everyone had to go through something like that at that age. I was wrong and am having problems understand the emotions I feel about that situation, especially where that person and I are friends (like family).
Where society doesn't want to see something like this come out in public, society has made it seem that these things don't exist. When something like this does come out in the public's eye, society ridicules the victim of the assault more than the abuser. This causes people to refuse to come forward when the abuse happens. No matter the person, having abuse happen to them is terrifying, and having the public ridicule you for it is worse. So thanks to the way that society looks at matters like this, people that are abused are "damned if you tell, and damned if you don't". Sad to say, but it is the truth.
Society has to learn that bad things always happen, whether you are prepared to accept them or not. It is difficult to prepare yourself for such a thing to happen, and more difficult to live with yourself after such a thing happens to you. Many family members will try to take sides when the abuse happens within the family. The unfortunate part is that if the abuse happened within the family, there is more than one person that it has happened to. The innocence of many have been destroyed thanks to abuse, and until stuff like this is properly looked at by society there will be many more innocence lost to abuse. It is time that society takes a hard look at how the world really is because these problems will not go away by themselves. Many people lose the ability to trust anyone when he/she has experienced any form of abuse.
When society singles out people that have experienced abuse, especially sexual abuse, it causes the victim to second guess everything that he/she does. When the victim finally emits to the abuse, society has a tendency to look at the victim differently. The main question that society wanders is whether that victim will continue the cycle onto another innocent person. In physical abuse victims there seems to have an endless cycle, however in sexual abuse victims the cycle can go either way. I personally do not know how a person is able to continue the cycle of the abuse onto the next generation because it isn't right to continue such harmful things onto another person. To do such a thing is wrong, and should never happen. The problem is that there are some people that do not feel that way. Society has yet to fix these problems because society refuses to accept that no one is safe from any form of abuse.
In society's eyes, abuse only happens to families that have a history of the abuse. Also society feels that abuse cases will be isolated and not have a true affect on the public. With this type of thinking, abuse will be around until the end of time. With the number being one out of four children being abused, I still cannot understand how society treats abuse cases the way that they do. The loss of innocents that comes from abuse should be on the minds of everyone in society. With the way that society looks upon abuse cases it is a wonder that the numbers aren't higher. As it stands most of society believes that physical abuse will happen to males, and the sexual abuse will happen to females. The different abuses should never be categorized in such a way, however this is how society looks upon it.
When a person comes forward to say that he/she was abused, society will automatically believe that the abuse was physical. For some reason society feels more comfortable accepting physical abuse over sexual abuse. This is especially true when a male comes forward about abuse. Everyone's first thought is physical abuse because it is more accepted by society to have a male physically abuse. When it is seen as sexual abuse, society will watch the male because it is believed that males will continue the cycle of abuse. Society needs to realize that no matter the sex of the person, the cycle of abuse needs to be stopped. Until society is willing to emit that the abuse exists everywhere, and the fact that most abuse isn't reported (such as mine). Abuse is not identified by society as something that everyone has a chance to experience; abuse is identified as something that very few people will experience. This is the problem and until it is fixed, abuse will be around until the end of time.
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