by Pema Chodron
From the rear cover:
"Openness doesn't come from resisting our fears but from getting to know them well."
Finding the courage to go to the places that scare us cannot happen without asking ourselves
'What do I do when I feel I can't handle what's going on? Where do I look for strength and in
what do I place my trust?'
When fear, anger or anxiety has a grip on you, don't turn away, have a drink, a snack, a smoke,
or switch on the TV. Instead, look your fear straight in the eyes - and see it for what it
really is ...
"A lively and accessible take on ancient techniques for transforming terror and pain into joy
and compassion."
O Magazine
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Wherever we are, we can train as a warrior. The practices of meditation, loving-kindness,
compassion, joy and equanimity are our tools. With the help of these practices, we can uncover
the soft spot of bodhicitta. We will find that tenderness in sorrow and in gratitude. We will
find it behind the hardness of rage and in the shakiness of fear. It is available in loneliness
as well as in kindness.
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We can observe ourselves with humor, not getting overly serious, moralistic or uptight about
this investigation. Year after year, we train in remaining open and receptive to whatever
arises. Slowly, very slowly, the cracks in the walls seem to widen and, as if by magic,
bodhicitta is able to flow freely.
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What do I do when I feel anxious and depressed, bored or lonely? Is 'shopping therapy' my way
of coping? Or do I turn to alcohol or food? Do I cheer myself up with drugs or sex, or do I
seek adventure? Do I prefer retreating into the beauty of nature or into the delicious world
provided by a really good book? Do I fill up the space by making phone calls, by surfing the
net, by watching hours of TV? Some of these methods are dangerous, some are humourous, some
are quite benign. The point is that we can misuse any substance or activity to run away from
insecurity.
May tap out more ... or you could get yourself a copy :)
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The third lord, the lord of mind, uses the most subtle and seductive strategy of all. The lord
of mind comes into play when we attempt to avoid uneasiness by seeking special states of mind.
We can use drugs this way. We can use sports. We can use falling in love. We can use spiritual
practices. There are many ways to obtain special states of mind. These special states are
addictive. It feels so good to break free from our mundane experience. We want more. For
example, new meditators often expect that with training they can transcend the pain of ordinary
life. It's disappointing, to say the least, to be told to touch down into the thick of things,
to remain open and receptive to boredom as well as bliss.
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Thus we become less and less able to reside with even the most fleeting uneasiness or discomfort.
We become habituated to reaching for something to ease the edginess of the moment. What begins
as a slight shift of energy - a minor tightening of our stomach, a vague, indefinable feeling
that something bad is about to happen - escalates into addiction. This is our way of trying to
make life predictable. Because we mistake what always results in suffering for what will bring
us happiness, we remain stuck in the repetitious habit of escalating our dissatisfaction. In
Buddhist terminology, this vicious cycle is called samsara.
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This coming back to the immediacy of our experience is training in unconditional bodhicitta.
By simply staying here, we relax more and more into the open dimension of our being. It feels
like stepping out of a fantasy world and discovering the simple truth.
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It is only when we begin to relax with ourselves that meditation becomes a transformative
process. Only when we relate with ourselves without moralizing, without harshness, without
deception can we let go of harmful patterns. Without maitri, renunciation of old habits
becomes abusive. This is an important point.
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We're encouraged to meditate every day, even for a short time, in order to cultivate this
steadfastness with ourselves. We sit under all kinds of circumstances - whether we are feeling
healthy or sick, whether we're in a good mood or deprressed, whether we feel our meditation is
going well or is completely falling apart. As we continue to sit, we see that meditation
isn't about getting it right or attaining some ideal state. It's about being able to stay
present with ourselves. It becomes increasingly clear that we won't be free of self-destructive
patterns unless we develop a compassionate understanding of what they are.
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For some time after the death of Atisha these teachings were kept secret, passed on only to
close disciples. They did not become widely known again until the twelfth century when the
Tibetan Geshe Chekawa organised them into fifty-nine pithy slogans. These sayings are now known
as the lojong slogans or the slogans of Atisha. Becoming familiar with these slogans and
bringing them to mind throughout our lives is a valuable bodhicitta practice.
May continue this section - about Geshe's brother ...
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When the bottom is falling out, we might suddenly recall the slogan, 'If you can practice even
when distracted, you are well-trained'. If we can practice when we're jealous, resentful,
scornful, when we hate ourselves, then we are well trained. Again, practicing means not
continuing to strengthen the habitual patterns that keep us trapped, doing anything we can to
shake up and ventilate our self-justification and blame. We do our best to stay with the strong
energy without acting out or repressing. As we do so, our habits become more porous.
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It might feel like stretching into make-believe to say, 'May this person who is driving me
crazy enjoy happiness and be free from suffering.' Probably what we genuinely feel is anger.
This practice is like a workout that stretches the heart beyond its current capabilities. we
can expect to encounter resistance. We discover that we have our limits: we can stay open to
some people but we remain closed to others. We see both our clarity and our confusion. We are
learning first-hand what everyone who has ever set out on this path has learned: We are all a
paradoxical bundle of rich potential that consists of both neurosis and wisdom.
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In cultivating loving-kindness, we train first to be honest, loving and compassionate toward
ourselves. Rather than nurturing self-denigration, we begin to cultivate a clear-seeing
kindness. Sometimes we feel good and strong. Sometimes we feel inadequate and weak. But like
mother-love, maitri is unconditional. No matter how we feel, we can aspire to be happy. We can
learn to act and think in ways that sow seeds of our future well-being, gradually becoming
more aware of what causes happiness as well as what causes distress. Without loving-kindness
for ourselves, it is difficult, if not impossible to genuinely feel it for others.
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The main point of doing this practice is to uncover the ability to love without bias. Making
the aspirations is like watering the seed of goodwill so that it can begin to grow. In the
course of doing this we'll become acquainted with our barriers - numbness, inadequacy,
skepticism, resentment, righteous indignation, pride and all the others. As we continue to do
this practice, we make friends with our fears, our grasping and our aversion. Unconditional
good heart toward others is not even a possibility unless we attend to our own demons.
Everything we encounter thus becomes an opportunity for practicing loving kindness.
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Thich Nhat Hanh suggests these alternatives: 'May I be safe and free from accidents. May I be
free of anger, fear and worries. May I not fall into a state of indifference or be caught up
in the extremes of craving and aversion. May I not be the victim of self-deception.'
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As we train in the bodhicitta practices, we gradually feel more joy, the joy that comes from a
growing appreciation of our basic goodness. We still experience strong, conflicting emotions, we
still experience the illusion of separateness but there's a fundamental openness that we begin
to trust. This trust in our fresh, unbiassed nature brings us unlimited joy - a happiness that
is completely devoid of clinging and craving. This is the joy of happiness without a hangover.
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To cultivate equanimity, we practice catching ourselves when we feel attraction or aversion,
before it hardens into grasping or negativity. We train in staying with the soft spot and use
our biases as stepping-stones for connecting with the confusion of others. Strong emotions are
useful in this regard. Whatever arises, no matter how bad it feels, can be used to extend our
kinship to others who suffer the same kind of aggression or craving - who, just like us, get
hooked by hope and fear. This is how we come to appreciate that everyone's in the same boat.
We all desperately need more insight into what leads to happiness and what leads to pain.
May type out more but I highly recommend her books - readin off a computer screen can't hope 2
compare with sittin in a nice, comfy chair with a copy in your hot, little hands!
Page 109 -
"May all beings dwell in the great equanimity, free from passion, aggression and prejudice."
Click here 4 more ...
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Strong determination is our commitment to use our lives to dissolve the indifference, aggression
and grasping that separate us from one another. It is a commitment to respect whatever life
brings. As warriors-in-training we develop wholehearted determination to use discomfort as an
opportunity for awakening, rather that trying to make it disappear. How do we abide with
disagreeable emotions without retreating into our familiar strategies? How do we catch our
thoughts before they become 100 percent believable and solidify into 'us' against 'them'? Where
do we find the warmth that is essential to the transformative process? We are committed to
exploring these questions. We are determined to find a way to realize our kinship with others,
determined to keep training in opening our mind. This strong determination generates strength
Page 130 -
Frequently there is no such reward. Staying with sorrow or pain is not necessarily an
immediately gratifying process. But over time, we begin to feel lighter and more courageous.
Familiarization with the teachings and the bodhicitta practices in an ongoing way is how we
learn to reside with distress and to experience our shared humanity. This is how we make the
teachings useful and heartfelt in our lives.
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We learn to ask, "How can I use this suffering and this joy as a vehicle for transformation?"
Search for Bodhisattva six paramitas
Click here - quite a few!
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This has been the experience of everyone who ever set out on the path of awakening. All those
smiling enlightened people you see in pictures or in person had to go through the process of
encountering their full-blown neurosis, their methods of looking for ground. When we start to
interrupt our ordinary ways of calling ourselves names and patting ourselves on the back, we
are doing something extremely brave. Slowly, we edge toward the open state, but let's face it,
we are moving toward a place of no handholds, no footholds, no mindholds. This may be called
liberation, but for a long time it feels like insecurity.
Page 167 -
There is also the opposite scenario. We use our training to feel superior, to increase our sense
of being special. We are courageous to do this training. We are turning our lives around. We are
proud to be doing something so rare in this world. We use the practice and teachings to build
up our self-image and increase our arrogance and pride.
Page 168 -
Trungpa Rinpoche said that awakening warriors would find themselves in a constant state of
anxiety. Personally, I've found this to be true.
Page 173 -
Actually, a lunatic is far less crazy than a sane person who harms us, for that so-called sane
person has the potential to realize that in acting aggressively he is sowing the seeds of his
own confusion and dissatisfaction. His present aggression is strengthening future more-intense
habits of aggression. He is creating his own soap opera. This kind of life is painful and
lonely. The one who harms us is under the influence of patterns that could continue to
produce suffering forever.
Page 180 -
In 1974, when I asked Trungpa Rinpoche if I could be his student, I was not ready to enter into
an unconditional relationship. But for the first time in my life I had met a person who was not
caught up, a person whose mind was never swept away. I realized that with guidance from him, this
was also possible for me. I was drawn to him because I couldn't manipulate him; he knew how to
cut through people's trips. I experienced that cutting through as threatening, but in a very
refreshing way. Still it took me years to develop enough trust and personal maitri to surrender
to the relationship completely. Moving closer to someone who is so dangerous to the ego takes
time.
Page 181 -
Bodhisattva training encourages us to have a passionate involvement with life, regarding no
emotion or action as unworthy of our love and compassion, regarding no person or situation as
unacceptable
Page 183 -
In working with a spiritual friend we learn to love in an open-ended way - to love and be loved
unconditionally. We're not used to this kind of love. It's what we all want but what we all have
difficulty giving. In my case I learned how to love and be loved by watching my teacher. When
I saw how unconditionally he loved other people, I began to trust that he could also love me.
I saw for myself what it means to never give up on anybody.
Page 188 -
Anxiety, heartbreak and tenderness mark the in-between state. It's the kind of place we usually
want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than buy into struggle and complaint.
The challenge is to let it soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming
intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more
tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously.
By not knowing, not hoping to know, and not acting like we know what's happening, we begin to
access our inner strength.
I highly recommend this book if you have read all this far! :)
I could have typed out much more but why noy go out & buy a copy - it is the kind of book that
can be read many times to fully absorb the advice!
Some Links:
Search for the book
"Warriors-in-training need someone to guide them," Chodron says, "a master warrior, a teacher, a spiritual friend, someone who knows the territory well and can help them find their way" (p. 113). For some people, reading this book along with Chodron's previous books, START WHERE YOU ARE and WHEN THINGS FALL APART, may be enough. Chodron is a wise teacher. Rather than praising these three books all day, I'll conclude by saying this book is sure to become one of the most trusted dharma resources on my bookshelf.
... leads us here
Search 4 some of the above excerpts
Assorted excerpts & thoughts collected from the web
The Shambhala Sun is also searchable - loads of teachers, including Pema & Thich ...
Here is a fabulous collection of articles at that site!
We can all become bodhisattvas
More teachings about compassion
We are all stuck here in samsara
Pema talks about the practice of Tonglen
"Somehow, without cultivating unlimited friendliness for ourselves, we don't progress along the path."
More at that BeliefNet site - changing pain into compassion
Buddhism community at the Amazon site
Pema advises us 2 cultivate the four limitless qualities
This being the first 2 catch my eye
Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It�s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.
Great collection of quotes - about Buddhist teachings
This Buddhist forum is also worth a look
Some excellent advice about handling difficulties
More on overcoming difficulties
Many more teachings at that site!
Or click here if that link is a dud
Excellent intro 2 Buddhist thought
Glimpse of the day has more on training our (restless) minds
"Training" the mind does not in any way mean forcibly subjugating or brainwashing the mind. To train the mind is first to see directly and concretely how the mind functions, a knowledge that you derive from spiritual teachings and through personal experience in meditation practice. Then you use that understanding to tame the mind and work with it skillfully, to make it more and more pliable, so that you can become master of your mind and employ it to its fullest and most beneficial end.
Click here & scroll down to "Love is misunderstood to be an emotion" :)
100 inspirational quotes - some from Sogyal ... saved
"We do TEND 2 reserve our fondest thoughts 4 those who agree with us & who are most like us."
Buddhist practices can lead 2 peace of mind
A little more about unconditional love
For a calm & serene mind pay NO attention 2 the faults of others :)
Was saved as Speaking of the faults in the 4remind directory
www.purifymind.com
The individual alone is responsible for his own happiness and suffering
More from the Dalai Lama - quite an interestin site!
Pema on working with chaos - also saved
As a species, we should never underestimate our low tolerance for discomfort
Also at the BeliefNet site - meditate your way 2 happiness
Boost your self-esteem & self-love
More collected advice about self-esteem
Tips 4 keeping your spirits high
Transforming fear - leads 2 a PDF file you can save & view later ...
Excellent collection of Buddhist wisdom
In the stillness and silence of meditation, we glimpse and return to that deep inner nature that we so long ago lost sight of amid the busyness and distraction of our minds.
www.trans4mind.com
People say, "I want peace." If you remove I (ego), and your want (desire), you are left with peace.
~ Satya Sai Baba
Mere education will not give you peace of mind
Clear your mind of negative thoughts
A similar theme - transforming toxic thoughts
Osho's thoughts about compassion
Comes from this search
Three steps to genuine compassion - plus some excellent links
Leads us 2 this page - about befriending ourselves
Sharon Salzberg has a bit 2 say about developing loving-kindness 4 ourselves and other beings
�If a mind of anger arises, the bhikku can practice the meditation on love, on compassion, or on equanimity for the person who has brought about the feeling of anger.� Love meditation is a method for developing the mind of love and compassion. Love is a mind which is intent on bringing peace, joy, and happiness to others. Compassion is a mind which is intent on removing the suffering which is present in others. That is the meaning of the phrase, �Love is the capacity to give joy. Compassion is the power to relieve suffering.� When love and compassion are sources of energy in us, they bring peace, joy, and happiness to those dear to us and to others also. The essence of love and compassion is understanding.
A talk by Lama Surya Das about compassion
Brings us 2 this page by one of my favourite authors
... here is a little more of Thich
If true fulfillment can't be found in worldly pleasures, then where can it be found? Happiness is a state of mind, therefore the real source of happiness lies in the mind, not in external circumstances. If our mind is pure and peaceful we'll be happy, regardless of our external conditions, but if it is impure and disturbed, we will never find happiness, no matter how much we try to change our external conditions.
More of Pema's wisdom about disagreeable emotions
An Assortment of Buddhist Prayers
At that site - a few more gems
A deeper happiness based on inner peace & contentment
More on how 2 cultivate compassion - quite an interesting site from first impressions :)
The Christian's guide to a happy life