MY "SPECIAL" ODE TO CHRISTMAS

Mom sits in silence, fear upon her face.
Kids holed up in their rooms, dreams not on christmas.
Dad's fucked up again, worse now.
A bellow sounds out, a shot, a thud.
Oops, daddy shot someone.
Guess he saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.
Children tenetively creep out and peer over the stairs.
Suddenly, wails explode upon the sight they see.
Two black boots and glimpses of red, one growing and the other immobile.
Daddy hunkered over the emmense form.
Yep he did, Santa's dead, YIPPEE!!
Mommy collapses in a dead faint.
Daddy fumes, thinking fucking bitch.
Little pitter patter of feet run from the house, joined by shouts of "Daddy shot Santa" as they run about.
Dad grabs Santa's feet, drags him to the basement, soot and blood trailing.
Mom awakens, sees the trail, bursts downstairs horrified.
Whir of chainsaw, maniacal giggle.
Guess who's gonna be sausage.
Sudden turn, bitchslap, mommy falls.
Kids still screaming outside.
Shrill shriek of sirens.
Santa's finally mincemeat.
Chunky thigh here, flabby arm there.
Literal bloodbath appears.
Daddy's finally lost it.
Children safely tucked into neighbors' bed as visions of decapitations dance in their heads.
Sleek cars pulls up closer.
Mommy wakes to see daddy dragging her upstairs, sledgehammer in hand.
Bloodcurdling scream, cops barge in, guns drawn, christmas lights twinkling off the barrels.
Such a merry christmas.
Look! Daddy's getting carted off to the funny farm.
Oh! Mommy is too, different reasons natch.
Media is a flurry, most excitement in years.
Headlines blare "Suburban Housewife Caught in Affair. Santa Dead!"
Mrs. Claus takes up with Rudolph.
Who knows what that red schnoz can do.
Children grow up to be lawyers, worst fate of all.
Mommy is let loose, married the tooth fairy in a lesbian tryst.
Daddy becomes Bubba's boyfriend in the pen.
The elves form a union, no more slavery for them.
One year like basketball, doesn't happen.
Gotta love the holidays, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
P.S. Santa was stuffed and mounted in the Smithsonian. Well, bits and pieces.