Welcome to The Church of The Almighty Dollar's Membership Page. Here you will see that being exploited costs very little money, and that anyone with a dollar and a dream can be a member of our beloved church. Unlike some churches, we welcome EVERYONE to be exploited.
That's right, for only a dollar, YOU can be a beloved member of The Church of The Almighty Dollar. And that's not all! With your 1 dollar membership, you will be given your very own church name, (first name only) the knowledge you have been exploited, and will have unlimited access to our pious chatroom! What a deal! Interested? Go to the bottom of this page and fill out the membership order form! (Note: Your church name will arrive to you via your email address)
"But wait!" you say, "I want more!" Well this is your lucky day, because here at The Church Of The Almighty Dollar, you can purchase the 3 dollar membership plan, not only will you be a member of The Church Of the Almighty Dollar, not only will you have unlimited access to our pious chatroom, but you will recieve a FULL church name! That's right. Not just a first name! But a first! a middle name! And yes, even a last name! And unlike our 1 dollar membership, this name can be either emailed OR mailed to you via the postal service! Interested? Go to the bottom of this page and fill out the membership order form!
But hell, lets face it. If you are going to pay 3 dollars-- you can afford the extra two and purchase our even more pious 5 dollar membership plan! Why not? Aren't you worth that extra level of exploitation? I think so! Plus with the 5 dollar membership plan, you get the unlimited access to the chatroom, you get a full churchname mailed to you either by email or via the postal service, but no. That is not all! If you purchase the 5 dollar membership plan, we will include your very own, do-it-yourself baptism kit! That's right! Now you can be baptized, and you don't even have to leave the comfort of your own home! And for five dollars? Exploitation never looked so good! Interested? Go to the bottom of this page and fill out the membership order form!
The next level in exploitation. The Official Church Of The Almighty Dollar Ten Dollar Membership Plan. Yes, a full churchname, unlimited access to our chatroom, the do-it-yourself baptism kit, not to mention that warm feeling of being exploited by the church that you belong, yes, that is all very well and good. But wouldn't it be grand to have proof of your exploitation. Wouldn't it be just fantastic to be able to carry that proof around with you whereever you go? I enjoy it everyday! And that is why with the 10 Dollar Membership Plan, we include all that PLUS a wallet fitting membership card, with YOUR very own church name on it! Interested? Go to the bottom of this page and fill out the membership order form!
But i've always said, that if you are doing to do something, do it right. Do it with passion. Go for the top! I present to you, The Grand Church Of The Almighty Dollar 15 Dollar Membership. This is the top of the line. You get the full churchname, unlimited access to the chatroom, the do-it-yourself baptism kit, the stylish membership card, PLUS your very own personalized house certificate, that proudly states that your house, that your apartment, that your condo, or whatever dwelling you consider home, has been officially exploited by The Church Of The Almighty Dollar. How many people can say that? Truly a conversational piece, this certificate that matches with almost any frame you can find, will be a great addition to your present home decor. Interested? Go to the bottom of this page and fill out the membership order form!
NOTE: The Church Of The Almighty Dollar accepts cash and checks only. Once we recieve your order we will email OR mail you a receipt of your order. Upon reciept of payment, we promise you will recieve your order. While The Church Of The Almighty Dollar is all about exploitation in regard to organized religion, we promise to send what you ordered. We have no desire to break the law, or piss off our members.
