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Roswell once again is the place to be seen! The Roswell poll about the existence of UFO’s brought residents from around the city and around the web flocking to Bill Carney’s “Illegitimate Comedian” site in Roswell. If you
haven’t had a chance to check out his site you’re missing a great laugh and a lot of fun.

October saw administrative changes in Roswell. Sir Raines got a new job, a new lady and his computer broke *sigh*… the result was he had to step down from his ministerial duties. Luckily for the residents of Roswell, the Illegitimate Comedian, Bill Carney, was easily bribed into agreeing to become
Roswell’s Mundane Minister of Merriment and Mirth
Be sure to
e-mail him if you have any fun suggestions or need any help with HTML.

To celebrate the appointment of Bill as a new minister in Roswell, Lady Kythera Ann and Mr Magoo threw an outrageous message board celebration on Halloween. All the best gifs, jokes, and party things that could be
found on the computers of Roswell residents were thrown into the message board free-for-all and residents throughout Fortune City and the world
Wide Web joined in for fun and merry-making.

Mr Magoo has added new graphics to his
wonderful site of sci-fi art and has added great new links
to the
Ministerial Home Building Hints & Tip page, be sure tovisit them both again and see what’s new.

Residents seem to be flocking to the streets of Roswell in such droves that many streets have been added with such enticing names as Angelic
Highway, Rune Road and Druid Drive. One of the newer residents whose pages show true Roswellian interests and excellent design are
Stanley "StormWeaver" Shaw's. Be sure to visit him!

Lady Kythera Ann, while Floating around Fortune City and the World Wide Web noticed a great lack in the availability of esoteric, occult and spiritual graphics for individuals trying to build web pages. So being the angelic kind of Lady she is, she put her graphic firm of
Crystal
Cloud Graphics
to work to design “graphics for the spiritually inclined.” The site is new, but
already there are individual animated gifs and web page designs covering the world religious traditions, cultural traditions and miscellaneous
esoteric and spiritual themes. If you need something for the holidays, are into astrology, angels, the Tao, or just want to browse some
fantastic art…be sure to visit!

Banners courtesy of  Crystal Cloud Graphics

 ODE TO SPELL CHECKERS

I have a spelling checker
I disk covered four my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.

Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore wee rote with checkers
Hour spelling was inn deck line,
Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
Wee are not maid too wine.

And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults in awl this peace,
Of nun eye am a wear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

That's why eye brake in two averse
Cuz Eye dew want too please.
Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
This soft wear four pea seas.

Author Unknown
Submitted by Lady Kythera Ann

 

INFORMATION PLEASE

Submitted by Lady Kythera Ann

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember well the polished old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother used to talk to it.

Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person - her name was Information Please and there was nothing she did not know. Information Please could supply anybody's number and the correct time.

My first personal experience with this genie-in-the-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there didn't seem to be any reason in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway - The telephone! Quickly I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. Information Please I said into the mouthpiece just above my head.

A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information."

"I hurt my finger. . ." I wailed into the phone. The tears came
readily enough now that I had an audience.

"Isn't your mother home?" came the question.

"Nobody's home but me." I blubbered. "Are you bleeding?"

"No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts."

"Can you open your icebox?" she asked. I said I could. "Then chip off a little piece of ice and hold it to your finger."

After that I called Information Please for everything. I asked her for help with my geography and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math, and she told me my pet chipmunk I had caught in the park just the day before would eat fruits and nuts.

And there was the time that Petey, our pet canary died. I called Information Please and told her the sad story. She listened, then said the usual things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I wasunconsoled. Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up as a heap of feathers, feet up on the bottom of a cage?

She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Paul, always remember that there are other worlds to sing in." Somehow I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone. "Information Please." "Information," said the now familiar voice.
"How do you spell fix?" I asked.

All this took place in a small town in the pacific Northwest. Then when I was 9 years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. Information Please belonged in that old wooden box back home, and I somehow never thought of trying the tall, shiny new phone that sat on the hall table.

Yet as I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me; often in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle. I had about half an hour or so between plane, and I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please". Miraculously, I heard again the small, clear voice I knew so well,

"Information." I hadn't planned this but I heard myself saying,

"Could you tell me please how-to spell fix?"
There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess that your finger must have healed by now.

I laughed, "So it's really still you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time. "I wonder, she said, if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children, and I used to look forward to your calls.

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister. "Please do, just ask for Sally."

Just three months later I was back in Seattle. . .A different voice answered Information and I asked for Sally.

"Are you a friend?"

"Yes, a very old friend."

"Then I'm sorry to have to tell you. Sally has been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago." But before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute. Did you say your name was Paul?"

"Yes."

"Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down. Here it is I'll read it 'Tell him I still say there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean'. "

I thanked her and hung up. I did know what Sally meant.

The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. -Hubert Humphrey

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another. -Luciano de Crescenzo


Hi there Fortunecity citizens I have come to take over your midis muHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Just kidding. I would like to say that I have some nice stuff on my web site I have a section on my site for midis, soon to be games,desktop themes, mIRC help,and links. Pluse a lot of stuff for your background for your own web site.

I have in both midi to put on soon and in real audio file and in txt format on there Candle in the Wind 97 by Elton John. To listen to or read.

Adam Clarke

http://pc-explorer.home.ml.org

  

Here it is -

The UFO poll response

"Do UFOs Exist?" - The Poll


By The Illegitimate Comedian - Mundane Minister for Roswell/Mirth and Merriment



Firstly, Thanks are in order for the residents of Fortune City who made the poll a huge success and continue to demonstrate their high degree of community spirit, etc, etc, etc... Now with that crap out of the way, the results are in!

It was our intention to answer the nagging question of, "Do UFOs Exist", once and for all by presenting, studying and analyzing the informed and intelligent opinions of the FC Community. Unfortunately, even the best of intentions seem to go bottoms-up as did this one. Do UFOs exist, damned if I know, maybe you can figure it out.

Participants in the poll ranged from the wondrous residents of Fortune City, to some of my reality-challenged comedic cohorts to even, Yes! - residents of that other Free Community whose initials are GC. We had a shaky start, being that the poll was abducted around the seventh of October, due to the providers switching his IP and using an old backup to restore data - Unfortunately, we lost the first week of posts. Thanks again to all of you who did re-post when asked, I'll remember who you are and maybe will even refrain from doing something nasty to you, if the voices aren't too overpowering!

Before we continue, please keep an eye on the boards for next month's project - Thomas T. Turkey's Head Takes A Thanksgiving Holiday . Don't blame me for this one though, it is brought to you via the abnormal thought processes of Nicole Hollowood of ABeRRANt StUdIOS. So without further du du...er...I mean ado!, here is the poll in it's entirety:


Many people throughout the world have reported seeing strange things in the sky! Their stories along with the UFOs reported are, according to the scientific communities - Just made up hoaxes, psychological illness or mis-identifications of known objects.

We at Fortune City are going to decide once and for all, at least in our own minds, if Unidentified Flying Objects (UFO) do or do not exist! The edited results of this poll along with selected opinions will be published in The Fortunian Times.

I think UFOs exist because my dog barks in the middle of the night for no apparent reason.
OR
I don't think Flying Saucers exist because if they did, there would also be reports of Flying Cups & Spoons.



Author: Flirbnic
Subject: UFOs sure do exist and I have proof
Date: Thu Oct 30 10:37:01 1997
Message:
UFO stands for Unidentified Flying Object. Not Alien space craft. If it's an object, and it's flying, and you don't know what it is, it's IS a UFO. Not a flying noodle or a space craft, a UFO.
There you go, proof that UFOs exist.

Author: Satnin
Subject: Of course they exist!
Date: Wed Oct 29 16:00:27 1997
Message:
Yes, I vote that they do exist...I have seen what I believe to be U.F.O.'s.. Besides, I can't imagine that we are the only life forms in the universe....intelligent or other wise! There are just too many things that point to the existance of others.....the statues on Easter Island, crop circles, things that look like runways from the sky, drawings found in ancient caves that appear to be beings in space suits..how did these things, among many others, come into existance? It seems to me that it would be very presumptuous(sp.) of us to think we are alone in the universe. I believe the government has lied to the people for years! Guess they think we are stupid! NOT!!!

Author: Mr G Reaper
Subject: YES YES YES they do exist
Date: Wed Oct 22 08:20:36 1997
Message:
Well, i have reason to believe they exist as do you really think that we are alone in this Galaxy BE SERIOUS just becuase we think taht we are the most intelligent life force it doesn't mean to say we are, As i could say if i wanted to that I AM GOD but it doesn't mean to say that i am. Lets be realistic to much has happened not to believe that SOMETHING IS OUT THERE.
Mr G Reaper

Author: Paulinho
Subject: The UFO question
Date: Tue Oct 21 18:38:42 1997
Message:
Is there a human explanation for UFOs/alien sitings? asks the questioner. The answer may be closer than we think. The history of our speices shows some unusual inconsistencies a recent researched example being the extraordinary construction of some of the Egyptian pyramids. Many ancient 'primitive' civilisations can show conceptual/architectual feats which seem at odds with their general level of advance.All this feeds the theory that they(we) received outside help from time to time and all eyes turn heavenwards. However I am more inclined to look under my feet: Advanced human beings (Atlanteans?) who have been around a long time pursue a separate developement UNDER the earth emerging from time to time to integrate and assimilate.

Author: KC
Subject: They have too be!
Date: Sun Oct 19 21:47:41 1997
Message:
Its either the government w/ some high tech machine there not telling us about and we don't even know whats out there... we could be so dumb, and the aliens could be so smart compared to us maybe even 100 times smarter look at the space crafts!

Author: Ren Angel
Subject: UFO's
Date: Sun Oct 19 06:44:35 1997
Message:
Do UFO's exist?
Well, there are many, many people who claim to have seen UFO's. The correct definition of a UFO is that it is unidentified, it is flying and it is an object. From this basic point it can be concluded that , yes, they do exist. The deeper question is what do they represent? Again, the problem with that is a UFO could be anything. We've all heard about the cover ups and the abductions and the crop circles and the rest but the truth is everybody, depending on their experiences or 'expertise' or whatever will have a different viewpoint. I have been a member of a local UFO organisation for some time now (B.E.A.M.S.) in Bedfordshire and I have found that once someone has a particular belief about UFO's (and I'm sure this is the case with other subjects - take religion for example!) it is very difficult to get them to accept the truth even if the evidence is staring them in the face. Now I hastily add that it is not my job to run anybody's beliefs into the ground and I won't d

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: UFO's
Date: Sun Oct 19 11:20:18 1997
Message:
Dear Ren Angel:
Your quote - "I have been a member of a local UFO organisation for some time now..."
I take your statement as further proof that UFOs do in fact exist. I also am a member of various organizations such as, "ANU or Amalgamated Nitwits Union" because I am a Nitwit. Therefore by you being a member of an UFO organization, you must in fact be a UFO yourself. Please send us your picture to be forwarded to the scientific communities for further examination.

Author: Ren Angel
Subject: UFO's
Date: Sun Oct 19 13:41:20 1997
Message:
Looks like I didn't read the instructions about length of message. Never mind.
Thank you TIC for your reply - perhaps I will post a picture of myself.
Ren.

Author: Nicole Hollowood
Subject: No intelligent life here
Date: Sat Oct 18 08:05:16 1997
Message:
Yes, I believe there are aliens out there. However I don't believe they visit us on earth. Instead I think they monitor our way of life through televison waves. And once they saw the Jenny McCarthy show they determined there was no intelligent life here worth visiting anyway!
Nicole

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: No intelligent life here
Date: Sat Oct 18 12:51:51 1997
Message:
You might be right about the Aliens monitoring our TV shows, but I don't think they've seen Jenny McCarthy yet. The way I understand it, because of the great distances involved, the nearest star system that probably supports a technologically advanced civilization, is most likely just now receiving TV broadcasts from the 1960's. They are probably rockin and a rollin to the Beatles as they appeared on the old Ed Sullivan Show on American TV. I can imagine their tenticles vibrating to, "I Want To Hold Your Hand" and wondering - Just What The Hell Is A Hand? as they gaze down to the giant suction cup attached to the end of the stump we'd call an arm!

Author: Mad Man
Subject: Marv Albert is an Alien with a UFO on his head.
Date: Thu Oct 16 20:23:12 1997
Message: (There was a nice little animated gif of Marv with his mouth opening and closing, displaying a nasty set of fangs!)

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Marv Albert is an Alien with a UFO on his head.
Date: Fri Oct 17 06:17:28 1997
Message: (I retorted with a gif of Marv wearing black garters)
Hey Mad Man: You're right about Marv Albert, during your visit this picture fell out of your wallet. Now if this isn't "Alien", what is? BTW...Me thinks you're not a Mad Man in the anger-related sense of the word, demented seems to fit nicer. Well, At least we all know you're a real sports fan, just what sport remains a mystery though!

Author: Bennett Yip
Subject: We are the Only one?
Date: Thu Oct 16 06:24:15 1997
Message:
I believe there should be other types of High IQ living thing in this university. I also think that human is created by other kind of human being.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: We are the Only one?
Date: Thu Oct 16 06:51:54 1997
Message:
Dear Bennett:
To your:

"I believe there should be other types of High IQ living thing in this university."

Yes me too. When I was in college in the early seventies, we were all chemically, reality-challanged. Glad to see the Dr. Timothy Leary mentality is alive and well.

And to your:

"I also think that human is created by other kind of human being."

I agree on this point also. As I understand it we are created by Mothers & Fathers getting funky!

Author: Bill Clinton
Subject: I believe
Date: Wed Oct 15 21:59:17 1997
Message:
What else could Hillary be but an alien.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: I believe
Date: Thu Oct 16 05:00:24 1997
Message:
Geez Mr. President, Bubba Sir. If Hillary truly is an alien, maybe you should have her arrange for Paula Jones's abduction - Sure would make things easier for you right know. BTW - I'll have to pass on the invite to the coffee thingy right now, I'm flat broke!

Author: Darth Vader
Subject: Simple humans.
Date: Wed Oct 15 21:57:06 1997
Message:
You will be mine in no time.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Simple humans.
Date: Thu Oct 16 05:11:48 1997
Message:
May the force (of gravity) be against you. Sorry for the "Luke" warm reception, but the Empire has grown a bit tired of your threats. Suggest you find yourself a new look, the "Grim Reaper" wanna-be thing is dead.

Author: Abe Lincoln
Subject: This site
Date: Wed Oct 15 21:54:07 1997
Message:
It sucks!

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: This site
Date: Wed Oct 15 22:05:09 1997
Message:
Thanks for your wisdom, Mr. President. I'm sure all of us "Suckees" have benefited greatly from your keen insight and eloquent verbal skills. BTW, hope the Prozac works for you. Now off you go, back to your assorted cans of spray paints to color the world with your assorted shades of "Brown" in the middle of the night, whilst everyone is sleeping!

Author: Gus Gus
Subject: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Date: Wed Oct 15 19:19:59 1997
Message:
UFO's do exist. Unidentified Flying Objects are unknown objects that fly around. Aliens don't exist!!!!!!!! HA!

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
Date: Wed Oct 15 20:18:18 1997
Message:
I think I can somewhat see the point through the vagueness. Per my understanding, if an object is identified as being an un-identified object, then it is no longer un-identified in the true sense of the word! - Right?

Author: roz shoshonna
Subject: saucers
Date: Tue Oct 14 19:57:11 1997
Message:
There has been for several millenium exquisite proof that flying saucers exist:
The story of the cow jumping over the moon. Now, we know that is nonsense. The cow was shipped to the moon by a flying saucer - I mean - how else would the man in the moon get milk to make green cheese?
My husband will verify that every time I get angry he sees flying saucers.
In Arizon about twenty years ago we were driving through the desert when suddenly we saw a purple light on the other side of the mountain. We started to drive in that direction when suddenly we heard a deafening hummmmmmmm and something round and all lit up whoooooshed by us - it looked look a circle of opalescent lights......we did make it to the other side of the mountains but all we saw were large footprints with the middle toe about one and a half times longer than the other four......can you imagine

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: saucers
Date: Wed Oct 15 13:59:45 1997
Message:
"....The story of the cow jumping over the moon. Now, we know that is nonsense. The cow was shipped to the moon by a flying saucer....."
Yes the cow was shipped to the moon, "In Pieces". Isn't that "Udderly" disgusting? Just read up on "Cattle Mutilations" and you'll get "Bits & Pieces" of what I'm talking about!

Author: roz`
Subject: saucers and the milky weigh
Date: Wed Oct 15 20:50:36 1997
Message:
I think you got the bull by the horns but on the udder hand, I think maybe you really have a handle on it and are a milk spiller. But don't cry over it.
As for the moo moo mutilations, I think you are confused. They were alien experimental mootations.
Did you know a space ship took Elmer and Elsie Borden to the moo n for their honeymoo n - which was stupid. Cows give milk not honey.
Oh, well, its been a long day.
roz

Author: Dan Kotar
Subject: What was it if it wasn't
Date: Mon Oct 13 21:34:46 1997
Message:
As I sat out on my porch looking up at the stars, I seen a moving light in the sky. No flashing lights like an airplane, and way to high. As I sat looking I began to see others. Still to high to be airplanes, and moving much faster. It would take approxamately 25 to 30 seconds to move across the sky and some would turn and others would be going the opposite direction. Most were moving south to north wile a few would move from the southeast to the northwest. And even fewer moved from the northwest to the southeast. I even tried using a telescope to see what it might be, but they moved to fast. Amasing what you can see at 10:00 at night on a clear night.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: What was it if it wasn't
Date: Wed Oct 15 15:38:22 1997
Message:
Yes it is amazing what one can see on a clear night with the good part of a litre consumed. It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that I know when I've had enough. I thought I saw the face of God in a bar of soap once, didn't wash for a week and wound up with a nasty case of the rot. As you can see (and smell), I've learned my lesson.

Author: DHD
Subject: UFO's are my neighbors.
Date: Mon Oct 13 19:45:31 1997
Message:
I know that aliens exist and that the Illegitimate Comedian is one! I live in the apartment next door to him and hear strange, alien sounds coming from his place in the middle of the night, day...whatever. Oops!...er...excuse me, I just heard one again and I'm embarrased to say that it turns out that what I've been witnessing is the mating process - Strange and disgusting but yet human.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: UFO's are my neighbors.
Date: Wed Oct 15 14:09:24 1997
Message:
All right Dave, knock it off!
Dave really is my next door neighbor who should keep his big mouth shut, and try a stool softener, since we're getting personal! Talk about weird sounds!!!

Author: Mickd
Subject: Abducted!!
Date: Mon Oct 13 16:38:19 1997
Message:
I was abducted by 4 foot high, black eyed aliens.....twice. They were very nice to me and asked me did i want a cup of tea, i declined as they had no sugar. So they definately exist, everyone knows that even Stephen Hawkings.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Abducted!!
Date: Wed Oct 15 17:03:13 1997
Message:
"4 feet, high, black eyed aliens......twice."
How scary that must have been for you. Not only wasted little creatures, but fighting to boot! And they had the nerve to come for you a second time still stoned to the gills (Did they have gills?) and still not getting along with each other very well. My heart would go out to you if I had one!

Author: Mr Magoo
Subject: MIB
Date: Mon Oct 13 00:13:54 1997
Message:
And you all thought MIB refers to Men in Black. This is a common misconception that I have let go, until now. MIB refers to "MAGOO IN BLACK".
I will continue to wander the continents of the world, welcoming new visitors and expelling those that seek to harm the human race. You would be amazed at the number of visitors that Earth receives on a daily bases and others would be frightened.
Rest assured that Magoo is on the job and no harm will come to those who believe.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: MIB
Date: Wed Oct 15 14:18:31 1997
Message:
Magoo:
Please, if you're ever abducted, please...please...don't attempt to drive the ship, even if the little fellas say it's all right. We wouldn't want you to go crashing around the "Milky Way" and causing alot of saddness - "...Crying over spilt milk", Don't you know!

Author: Nevwyn
Subject: Think about it folks!
Date: Sat Oct 11 16:54:39 1997
Message:
Out of all the billions of celestial bodies, ours is the only one to support life??!! What kind of medieval, religious, supersticious crap is THAT??!! And it's only logical to assume that they've visited us. Besides, I'm pretty certain that I'm from another planet (it would explain alot)! ;)

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Think about it folks!
Date: Wed Oct 15 14:22:52 1997
Message:
It sure would explain alot and cause reason to celebrate in your family. Are your parents still blaming each other and not talking?

Author: Shadow Lord
Subject: The truth is here
Date: Sat Oct 11 15:42:30 1997
Message:
I don't think that UFO's exist. Atleast not the way people describe them. Just imagine, if there is an intellegent alien race that has discovered interstellar space travel why would they come here. Out of all the millions and billions of stars that could have planets orbiting them that could sustain life, why come here. There must be aliens somewhere in the universe, but the fact that they come here in odd shaped objects just to abduct people is very far fetched.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: The truth is here
Date: Wed Oct 15 20:46:43 1997
Message:
Of course they'd come here, Why Not? After all, in example, millions of so-called intelligent people go to the polls every election to choose their leaders - A futile effort, I might add. So why wouldn't aliens want to come here. Besides, where else could they observe a civilization with such activities as: Bungie-Jumping, Dwarf-Tossing, Cow-Tipping, etc... Must be quite amusing!

Author: KID
Subject: They're following me!
Date: Fri Oct 10 07:13:47 1997
Message:
Ok now first my URL mysteriously vanishes from the message board. Then my message for this survey won't post at all. Then I manage to post a message and now you tell me its been "lost"!? Come on!
To top it all, only two people have signed my guest book (sob). Do aliens exist? Yes! and they're following ME - its a conspiracy to keep me in isolation! I fully expect an email telling this message has gone!
Paranoid?
Why do you ask?

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: They're following me!
Date: Wed Oct 15 20:55:46 1997
Message:
Dear KID:
Tried to email you to let you know that your post had again disappeared but couldn't get through. I kept getting it back with the notation - Addressee Unknown. Luckily though, your post was found in an abandoned missle silo in Nebraska USA, along with Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa.

Author: The DSTI Conspirator
Subject: Re: They're Following me!
Date: Fri Oct 10 08:38:05 1997
Message:
The aliens are after you alright.
The DSTI are after the aliens.
Conspiracy theorists are after the DSTI.
The general public are after Conspiracy theorists to explain mysteries....
you are a member of the General Public.
QED.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Re: They're Following me!
Date: Wed Oct 15 20:59:40 1997
Message:
This is too heavy for me. I'm satisfied in just believing that the aliens are after us to eat our faces!

Author: Lady Kythera Ann
Subject: UFO's :)
Date: Fri Oct 10 01:55:16 1997
Message:
Well Mr Magoo, who does not see very well and is going bald, often cannot identify objects, flying or otherwise...I often can identify them since I hang out with the angelic host...but unfortunately others don't see the angels, sprites, fairies and other flying creatures at all...so I think it must be like a radio...some of our eyes are genetically attuned to see different things than others...floating off...bye:)

Author: MIB
Subject: Beware MIB
Date: Wed Oct 15 19:05:03 1997
Message:
Tis only a disguise. Magoo in Black is the accurate description for the MIB not "Men in Black". *rofl*

Author: Lady Kythera Ann
Subject: Re: Beware MIB
Date: Wed Oct 15 20:10:14 1997
Message:
MIB! I'll remember that ROFLMAO!!!! HUGS!

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Re: Beware MIB
Date: Wed Oct 15 20:26:48 1997
Message:
Hey you guys, if you keep it up with the coding, you're going to raise the suspicions of the DSTI Conspirator. He's already been to the deep end and back so let's keep our jargon somewhat coherent, OK?
LOL ROFL DO-RE-ME-FA-SO-LA-TI-DO Again - And that makes two bucks!

Author: Mr. Blacklist
Subject: Do You Believe In UFOs?
Date: Fri Oct 10 01:10:08 1997
Message:
No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!N o!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No !No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No! No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!N o!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No !No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No! No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!N o!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No !No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No! No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!N o!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No !No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No! No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!N o!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!No!N

Author: Fish
Subject: RE: Do you believe in UFO's?
Date: Mon Oct 13 07:01:43 1997
Message:
So.. what you're saying then, is that you're not certain?

Author: Mr. Blacklist
Subject: Do you believe in UFO's?
Date: Tue Oct 14 20:03:20 1997
Message:
I have an open mind.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Do you believe in UFO's?
Date: Wed Oct 15 14:36:05 1997
Message:
Good news Mr. Blacklist. The aliens have given your website the "Finger Up". It's really a compliment, seeing as though they don't have thumbs!
For those of you who don't know, Mr. Blacklist reviews movies on his page. Pay him a visit sometime, fun stuff. Besides, he's a winner of one of my TIC-TOC Awards.

Author: Spanky
Subject: Aliens
Date: Thu Oct 9 16:51:36 1997
Message:
Of course Aliens exist, how else do you explain, people who talk on cell phones while they drive, and people who leave their turn signal on for ten miles after they have already turned, the way the coffee filters stick together and you can't get them apart at 6 o'clock in the morning, store clerks that are as bright as a marshmallow, people who use dollar bills to pick their teeth, those subscription cards in magazines that fall in my lap, not to mention the stinky perfume samples that make me gag, doctors that make you wait an hour and see you for 3.2 mins. (while sitting there naked wearing a paper towel), sand in my shoes, woman who don't blend in their blush, Reduce Frequency messages, reading four pages of a book and not remembering what the heck I just read, or how about "This is not a toy" on plastic bags (DUH) and "This is not food" on those little moisture packets, do people actually buy a VCR or television and think it comes with a snack?
They are disguising themselves as UPC symbols,

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Aliens
Date: Wed Oct 15 21:03:16 1997
Message:
Not to mention "Wrinkle Cream"! I mean, doesn't the aging process do a good enough job or what?

Author: Fish
Subject: Don't ya just love her to pieces?
Date: Mon Oct 13 06:53:04 1997
Message:
Isn't she adorable? And brilliant too! She's right, about them disguising themselves as UPC symbols. I've been working night and day to decipher them.
I've made some break throughs, but there is still much to be learned.
So far, I have discovered that skinny bar, skinny bar, skinny bar, fat bar, skinny bar, fat bar, fat bar, skinny bar, fat bar = one of the imprisoned outcasts of their society.
It's really a fantastic idea, and I have written my congressman suggesting that we also follow their example, and recycle our overcrowded prison inhabitants into UPC lables, and send them to another planet who's grocery stores are still primitive enough to key prices in by hand (or claw, or whatever)
It's a great deal all around, because they would benifit from the new technology, and we wouldn't have the prison problems we have now. And it's completely safe too! Because like their alien counterparts, our prisoners would be safely confined.. behind bars!
<*}}><

Author: B. S. Pyle
Subject: I DO NOT BELIEVE
Date: Thu Oct 9 09:58:03 1997
Message:
I do NOT believe in God, UFOs, calories, viruses, George Washington, or anything else I've never seen.
http://www.phoenix.net/~gem Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: I DO NOT BELIEVE
Date: Wed Oct 15 15:27:35 1997
Message:
That's no BS B.S.
I've pondered the existence of air and electricity, and came to the conclusion that they were nothing but myths. You see, I've always been a deep thinker, alternating between suffocating and non-enlightening thoughts!

Author: B. S. Pyle
Subject: I DO NOT BELIEVE
Date: Thu Oct 16 05:55:17 1997
Message:
You are so wise. And what about all those cleaning products that are making some people filthy rich because they've sold the public on the idea of germs and viruses?
--
Non nobis sed toti mundo nati.
mailto:[email protected]
http://www.phoenix.net/~gem Author: roz shoshonna
Subject: UFO's, God, calories, the wind
Date: Tue Oct 14 19:59:39 1997
Message:
But dahling, that means you don't believe in me. :/

Author: B. S. Pyle
Subject: UFOs
Date: Wed Oct 15 07:49:26 1997
Message:
I've always considered you a lovely illusion.
Your ardent admirer,
B.S. Pyle
--
Non nobis sed toti mundo nati.
mailto:[email protected]
http://www.phoenix.net/~gem Author: Mad Man
Subject: Response: UFO's, God, calories, the wind
Date: Tue Oct 14 20:05:36 1997
Message:
And just who the hell are YOU?

Author: B. S. Pyle
Subject: Response to Mad Man
Date: Wed Oct 15 16:20:38 1997
Message:
I am the world's foremost authority on absolutely everything. Who the hell are you?
--
Non nobis sed toti mundo nati.
mailto:[email protected]
http://www.phoenix.net/~gem Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Response: UFO's, God, calories, the wind
Date: Wed Oct 15 15:29:33 1997
Message:
Yes, said the Devil to the Sinner!

Author: The Illegitimate Comedian
Subject: I Believe...Without A Doubt! - I Saw One Last Weekend!
Date: Thu Oct 9 07:35:43 1997
Message:
There here I tell you. I spent last weekend in New York City and the things I saw on the streets totally defied the definition of human life as I've come to know it. There was this guy (I think?) walking down the street with a snake around his/her/it's neck, and had metal objects protruding from every part of his body I could see (I really don't even care to imagine about the parts I couldn't see!). He/She/It was also walking a dog and a cat on leashes, even they had metal rings through their ears. The best part was that this strange alien parade was all teathered together, with the leashes attached to a ring in each of this whatever's ears and subsequently attached to rings in the dog and cat's ear. Just try and tell me we're not being visited...I Don't Think So!

Author: Fish
Subject: That's an Unidentified Walking Object!
Date: Mon Oct 13 06:36:58 1997
Message:
I saw one of those too! In the mall.. except his hair was multicolored, and sticking straight up, about a foot high.
I suppose he noticed me watching him, because he walked over to me and asked me "Have you got a problem with me?" to which I replied "No, I don't have a problem with you at all. See, I lost a bet in my younger, wilder days. I ended up having to have sex with a peacock, and I was just trying to figure out whether or not you were my son."
<*}}><

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: That's an Unidentified Walking Object!
Date: Wed Oct 15 14:42:57 1997
Message:
Sorry about your losing the bet. Feel even sorrier for my girlfriend though. Hell, she didn't even bet on anything!

Author: The Cowardly Lion
Subject: I Do Believe In Ufos, I DO, I DO, I DO Believe In UFOs...
Date: Thu Oct 2 18:22:02 1997
Message:
Not only do I believe UFOs are real, they're piloted by Honest Politicians!

Author: Irregular Shed
Subject: Bill Gates
Date: Thu Oct 2 18:14:00 1997
Message:
UFOs exist because Bill Gates is an evil alien.
So there.

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: Bill Gates
Date: Wed Oct 15 21:12:25 1997
Message:
Sorry Shed, I think it's MS-DOS exists because Bill Gates wrote it to provide atmospheric "Windows" for UFOs, to enable them to download something alien to the human race - Productive Creativity!

Author: green17
Subject: maybe...
Date: Thu Oct 2 13:30:05 1997
Message:
I thought I saw a UFO once. But it was dandruff.

Author: BloodMonger
Subject: Global Takeover !
Date: Thu Oct 2 02:57:59 1997
Message:
Yes ! I believe in UFOs ! It's extremely unlikely that we're alone in the universe, extremely unlikely. We're not alone out there, what about the Roswell incident ? It's also proven that germs live in Mars.
Yes, I believe alien life exists out there, here I stand.
BM, one of your many neighbors.

Author: Missy
Subject: UFOs exist. I've seen your home!
Date: Thu Oct 2 01:33:10 1997
Message:
Of course UFOs exist. Remember, you flew to my home one night, and we had a late dinner in your UFO while hovering over the ocean.
Dessert was delicious!

Author: The Editor - TIC
Subject: UFOs exist. I've seen your home!
Date: Wed Oct 15 14:39:58 1997
Message:
I'm so glad you enjoyed desert so much. I wouldn't know as you wouldn't even let me have one swig!

Author: Alex
Subject: I believe!
Date: Thu Oct 2 01:30:02 1997
Message:
I DO believe in UFO's...As a matter of fact,I saw one on my summer vacation.I was at home,it was about 3:00 AM...I was listening to music on my walkman because I couldn't sleep thanks to all the heat.
All of a sudden,I heard the man on the radio saying that there was a flying thingy up in the sky,next to a BIG mountaine.
I emmediately got dressed and went up on the roof.I looked anxiously at the sky,but saw nothing,then...out from nowhere,it came out.I saw it!!! I couldn't believe what my eyes were seing. You might say,"Well he's nuts,it could have been a choper"...Nay..I know what I saw,and besides,it moved REALLy quick and didn't have those little lights the airplanes NEED to be allowed to fly. It went from one side to the other,went around the mountaine,and then came back again...It moved pretty quickly. And then..."SWOOSH..." ,it was gone.
I know what I saw that early,early morn,and it WAS,in my heart,a UFO...I really don't care about other people saying that UFO's is a rea

~The End~

 

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