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hot chocolate for the heart
Hubby and I had planned this vacation for months. I was to speak at the International Symposium on Rural Health
and Safety in Saskatoon and then we were to spend a few days visiting the hot mineral pools in Saskachewan.
But instead, here I was riding in the front seat of an ambulance with hubby on a stretcher in the back, doubling
up in pain. He was admitted to hospital at 2:30 a.m.
The next morning I went to see him. As I look at this tough, strong farmer, who had never been ill, I felt
helpless. His distended tummy made him look like he should be in the next ward.
He was sedated and being put through a number of tests.
Throughout the day I had to come to terms with the fact that he was seriously ill.
At first I was selfish and thought how this would affect me. I was in another province, six hours from home,
in a hotel room, not knowing anyone. The heck with the vacation, I wanted to be at home. I wanted my own bed.
I wanted him to be awake long enough so I could talk to him. I wanted things to be the same as before.
Suddenly the new picture window I had ordered, the new outfit or the rugs for my basement, didn't seem very
important.
Finding ways to cope with all of this was a challenge, until I picked up a gratitude journal at a book store.
I started to write this story and put entries in the journal.
I decided instead of looking at all the apparent problems I had, I would write about the things I was grateful for.
"I am grateful," I wrote:
- "for being part of a loving, caring family."
- "for the lovely fall weather so I can walk to the hospital."
- "for remembering to bring my winter coat for the cooler early mornings."
- "for everyone back home who said, 'Don't worry, we'll look after it.'"
- "for the time to write." (I always said I didn't have time to write and now I have.)
By the way, be careful of what you wish for, you may get it and not in the form you want it.
"I am grateful for the kindness of strangers" like Linda West, who sat with me at the hospital, and like
Dr. James Dossman, who looked after Clarence until the ambulance came: who with his wife, Sue, offered me the use of their
own home to stay at while they were on holidays.
"I am grateful for my grown children, friends, neighbours and family who took charge of the home front."
As I wrote, a calm came over me and things did not seem quite so bleak. Instead of having a pity party by myself
and just seeing my own problems, the gratitude journal allowed me to see a broader picture, which helped turn my fears into
faith, dread into anticipation, frustratino into a calm.
I kept thinking, what tremendous lesson am I to learn from this?
As painful and as frustrating as this whole experiance has been and still is, it has shown me that everyone cares.
The lesson has been rich in love and kindness. I'm thankful for that.
Even though we still have a long road ahead, like gentle flowers growing through rocks, the future looks promising.
Many thanks to all those who showed they cared and gave of themselves, their time, prayers, cards, letters and love.
The true test of character is how we behave when we don't know what else to do. God bless you all.
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