|
MUSIC: How bad the game music is out of 10. 10 = Awful, 0 = The Best. I'm going to be fair here, because just about all old video games had simple music. But I'm gonna rate it on how appropriate it is, how repetitive it is, and how good I think it is.
GAMEPLAY: How terrible the game is to play out of 10, 10 = Awful, 0 = The Best. If the game just involved awful, repetitive tasks, or you could probably beat it by just holding down right and turning punch autofire on, without looking, it'ld get a 8/9/10.
PLOT: How bad the plot is, out of 10. 10 = Awful, 0 = The Best. Lots of old games had terrible plots and sometimes no plots what-so-ever. If I usually find myself wondering what the hell I'm actually supposed to be doing, or I'm doing something really stupid, the game will get a 8/9/10.
HERO(INE): How crappy the character I'm playing as is, out of 10. 10 = Awful, 0 = The Best. If the character looks good, and can do some nice manuevers, it'll get a 1/2/3/4/5. Sometimes a shite game has great characters, so this is a wild card. If I have to play as a total idiot that nobody seems to like, I'll give it an 8/9/10.
ENEMIES: How irritating the enemies are, out of 10. 10 = Awful, 0 = The Best. Yet another unexplainable swarm of bees, random rolling logs, totally stupid or irrelevant characters, such as unexplainable purple people who seem obsessed with putting bombs near me and make seemingly friendly people on the street charge at me for absolutly no reason, this game'll get a 8/9/10.
FAITHFULNESS: Where applicable, how totally un-related the game is to whatever it's based on, out of 10. 0 = Perfect, 10 = Not at all. This is a subsection of the plot rating. If the game's plot is just like the movie's, it'ld get a 0. If it had nothing to do with the original story what-so-ever, it'd get a 10.
BOSSES: How fecking awful the end of level bosses are, out of 10. 10 = The Worst, 0 = The best. If I'm attacked by a claw on a rope then I'll probably give it an 8/9/10.
CONFUSION: How confusing the game is out of 10, 10 = Very, 0 = Not at all. If I have no idea what is happening, and the game sends me into a state of total insanity, it'll get a 8/9/10.
DIFFICULTY: How hard the game is, out of 10. 0 = Perfect, 10 = Too Easy/Difficult. One of the golden rules of old games is that they must be insanely difficult or far too easy. Here's where I judge that.
GRAPHICS: How terrible the graphics look out of 10, 10 = Awful, 0 = The Best. Again, I'm going to be fair, since older games can't help having bad graphics. But if I'm unexplainably attacked by unexplainable purple people, It'll get a high number.
TOTAL: A combined total percentage of the game. If a game got 0%, it would be the best game in the world, if it got 100%, it would be the worst game in the world.
|