Well, then. You've heard me babble on and on and on about all aspects of shortness. And you're thinking, "Hey, I'm under 5'3, I'm short, I'm bitter, and taking over the world doesn't sound too bad. I'd like to join." (Well, either that or you decided Bigfoot hunting sounds good right about now.) So how do you join? Well, let's see. First, you prostrate yourself in front of your shrine to the Short Person God and pray fervently for 5 hours. Then you take out a knife and slit your hand. Spread the blood along the shrine and- ... ACK! WAIT!! I was just kidding! I was just kidding! Yeesh! PUT THE KNIFE AWAY!! You're gonna poke someone's eye out or something holding it like that! There is no Short Person God or ritual or shrine or prayer. Boy, people these days... If you want to join, you can just click here and fill out the form (Many thanks to Wes Patterson for telling me where to get one), or just follow these simple instructions:
1) Email me at [email protected] with "Apply to join SPU" as the subject.
2) In the body of the email, include the name by which you wish to be known by your short brethren, your place of origin (i.e. state, country, province, whatever. So that I can say sometime in the future that we have members from "place of origin here." Be as vague or specific or weird as you want with this. After all, who am I to judge where you come from? I'm from the planet Euphoria or, currently, California.), your height, a link or URL of your own homepage if you have one, and a brief explanation of why you want to join Short People UNITE! if you want. (Brief: meaning no more than 3 sentences.) I will post the name you have given, your height, and a link to your homepage (if you have one) on the members board as soon as you are approved.
3) You must also include this pact in your email:
I swear to uphold the ideals of Short People UNITE! and to protect and stand by my short brothers and sisters. I will respect all short people for who they are and for their courage to stand up for their shortness. I will always keep a megalomaniacal attitude in my heart and will remain bitter and nasty toward tall and medium-height people, but tall people most of all. On the day that all short people are finally united, I will help to eradicate all the people of the world taller that 5'3. Until then, I will wait patiently and just be really snotty towards tall people. I recognize Kristine Castillo (better known as Kris) as the president of Short People UNITE! and will remain loyal to the cause. The tall shall perish and the short shall rule the world.
You can cut and paste that whole thing on the email, I don't expect you to write the whole thing out. Wouldn't hurt to read it, though. I don't wanna think that I thought that whole thing up and took the time to write it out and nobody's gonna bother to read it.
4) Send it and wait patiently for an acceptance or denial letter. If you're accepted, you will receive an email with something along the lines of "Welcome to SPU" or "You have been accepted" etc. as the subject. It will also tell you what number member you are so that if you would like to find your name on our members board (when I put it up) and just kinda bask in it for a while, you can do so. If you aren't accepted, which is unlikely unless you're too tall, you'll receive an email with something along the lines of "Too bad" or "Sorry" or "Are you a tall person in disguise?" as the subject. In the body of the email will be the reason for the denial of your application. Don't feel bad if you are denied. This is an exclusive club and probably not for everyone. Namely, tall people.
Well, there
it is. Thank you so much for joining, or considering joining, or whatever
you're doing reading this big long thing.