"I didnt know the guys then, and it was that bastard Granger who initiated the deal. I just took the soul and did the deeds, as it happens it sort of turned out for the best.."Satan on the beginning of the scandal
It wasn`t a pleasant time for the band but without it there would be no HBO. So it is a fairly important stage. It seems odd that a man who was so addamant to destroy the band was actually the man who did what he promised them, ie to manage and therefore make the band the success that they are.
I`m sure you all know most of the doings in the Dirty Games, it`s been documented enough. Still there are many factors that people still get wrong. So I shall start the tale from the beginning.
So Satan was bribed, and the games started. Starting with setting Lardass and Tankass against each other. They practiced for hours and hours after work each and every day. They were picking up the instruments too fast, not good in that Mr Granger had weighted them down and it was playing hell with their backs. Yet it did help steady them for their exhausting but brilliant stage shows which were later to come.
Mr Granger set Lardass and Tankass to practicing and sent out Notforustwo out on the search for a drummer. We`ll get on to that later.
Lardass and Tankass practiced religiously and learnt quickly. This was not going well for Mr Granger, so he started rumours about them amidst the local populace and against each other. This grew rapidly out of control....very quickly and is a part of Mr. Grangers downfall, the reason that he is now dead....thank god.
Notforustwo`s search proved fruitless, as he was sticking to the list that Mr Granger had provided. The reason that he could never get anywhere, and why he was eventually arrested for continuously harrassing the local village was that all the names were taken from the obituaries of the local paper. Mr granger had warned the band of the time consuming act of searching for other members, and suggested he do it. He could often be seen perusing the newspaper, and then the phone book, then when needed he would hand out the list and Notforustwo`s life would get progressivly worse.
Mr Granger was not a very nice man.......or was he
The town was nearing uproar when the infamous Interim gig was organised by Mr Granger. The Interim was a gogo bar on the border of town that was severely in need of some customers. With the scandal that was rising about this new odd band that was about and the lure of topless women dancing about the management felt sure of some custom. Possibly even a regular slot, and that was not a pun.
So the gig was organised and though it is history now you can read about it here as this is the history you fools....
Notforustwo was released by the police when he forced them to take 50 pounds of his money. Notforustwo was not a happy chappy, he had cottoned on to Mr. Grangers deeds and so was about to have a few words with his vampiric brethren....
Tankass distrusted Lardass with a passion and vice versa, they knew enough of various instruments to start writing and recording little bits. Lardass had a little dictaphone which he would use to record the bits and pieces that they wrote. In Tankass`s eyes he was starting to conveniantly forget the dictaphone whenever Tankass came up with a decent bit of guitar work.....
What Tankass didn`t know was that Lardass did actually lose the dictaphone, and the only reason it seemed to be lost whenever he wanted to use it was because he only ever used it whenever he wanted to record something.
Tankass was shown where the dictaphone was, by Mr Granger who had conveniantly cemented it into the wall with a control wire hanging out of it. And from this wire hung the brand new 8mm Tape Sale banner that Mr Granger had put up shortly after stealing the Dictophone. He would record everything that happened throughout the practice sessions and then take the tape home and distort the riffs, before selling them to other shops as muzac. Everyone hates muzac, and so when people used to walk past the shop and hear Lardass and Tankass playing what to them was just a slightly better version of the Muzac they had just heard the hatred would flair again.
I hope you haven`t forgotten about Satan, of course how could you.....
Mr Granger showed Tankass where the dictophone was and told him that he had seen Lardass concreting up the wall and had hung the banner as a taunt. After all they didn`t even sell 8mm tape. Tankass forgot that he had been the one to plaster over that odd spot in the wall that Mr Granger had pointed out and had then hung the banner. Instead he got angry and stuck the dictaphone up his ass...
If he could`ve found Lardass`s harmonica he would have stuck that up his ass too but that was currently lost, and resting painfully up Mr Grangers ass. Tankass instead was going to say that he had found Lardass`s harmonica and replace it with his own, after he had stuck it up his ass, but he couldn`t find his harmonica. Lardass knew where it was, and he played a D with every burst of gas.
The next day Mr Granger announced the Interim gig to the duo and was also the day that Notforustwo was arrested. They sent him a note to say that he was expected to play the next day. The problem was still with a drummer, they didn`t have one, but they all seemed to have very itchy asses.....
Tankass fiddled, sat played his piece, fiddled farted and then sat again. Lardass was not impressed and was getting progressively angry at him until he broke wind and an odd drone sounded from nowhere. They rehearsed and rehearsed and at about 12:00 that night Notforustwo showed up again, late as usual. They performed one number, then played a song before going home and to bed. The next day their lives ended and The HBO was Born