#davidbowie chat logs (IRC DALnet)

Some bitter repartee between Einar and myself (it's good to be back): [Added 11/24/00]

ThinWhiteEinar: I'd like to live somewhere in South America and grow my own stuff
ThinWhiteEinar: Patagonia
ThinWhiteEinar: That's my dream
KaffeeIstGut: i wanna have an agent that knows someone living in south america who grows his own stuff
ThinWhiteEinar: And I'd make friends with old nazi fugitives and have great discussions
ThinWhiteEinar: And Bowie could come crawling to me, and I'd produce his album
KaffeeIstGut: yes, when he gets lung cancer in 15 years and needs that good pot
KaffeeIstGut: i'll do the cover
KaffeeIstGut: you produce it
KaffeeIstGut: and damnit, we'll get another good album out of the bird yet
ThinWhiteEinar: Yeah, and you can play the tambourine and stand aloof too
KaffeeIstGut: all my dreams realized
ThinWhiteEinar: We'd make a blues album
ThinWhiteEinar: "Lung cancer blues"
KaffeeIstGut: lol
ThinWhiteEinar: "My super model baby left me blues"
KaffeeIstGut: lol
ThinWhiteEinar: "I've made some terrible records and just can't forget about it-blues"
ThinWhiteEinar: "Barbara Streisand's got me phone number blues"
KaffeeIstGut: lol
KaffeeIstGut: "paul mccartney's got more money than me blues"
KaffeeIstGut: hell
KaffeeIstGut: "even elton john's got more dough than me and a hotter spanish houseboy blues"
ThinWhiteEinar: It's a great idea
ThinWhiteEinar: "My Spanish houseboy went to the press blues"
KaffeeIstGut: "all my friends are making good records again but all i can do is rehash my campy 60s tunes blues"
ThinWhiteEinar: And we could make a country&western album too
ThinWhiteEinar: "I'm a poor lonesome homo far away from home"
KaffeeIstGut: lol
KaffeeIstGut: "my black shiny britches don't fit no more and my platform sandals scare the baby"
ThinWhiteEinar: "I ain't got a horse, and I ain't got a wife/I got the lungs of a vulcano and the name of a knife"
KaffeeIstGut: nice

More Bowie drug analogies... [Added 08/30/00]

KaffeeIstGut: they're talking about south park in #davidbowie
KaffeeIstGut: how did it happen that south park fans and david bowie fans inhabit the same fan-bubble?
KaffeeIstGut: he's become
KaffeeIstGut: trent reznor
KaffeeIstGut: i want to die
VenusInFurs: it's true!
VenusInFurs: no, no
VenusInFurs: you've moved on
* VenusInFurs crosses her fingers
KaffeeIstGut: lol
KaffeeIstGut: nooo
KaffeeIstGut: i've met
KaffeeIstGut: people in their 40s
KaffeeIstGut: that still can't let go
KaffeeIstGut: i'm hopeless
KaffeeIstGut: he's so addictive
KaffeeIstGut: he's the crack of the music world
KaffeeIstGut: i won't be free until my teeth fall out and I die of malnutrition in a bowie-house in philadelphia
VenusInFurs: lol
VenusInFurs: is there such a thing?
VenusInFurs: I wanna go
KaffeeIstGut: hehe
KaffeeIstGut: noo
KaffeeIstGut: don't start
* KaffeeIstGut shakes ashley
KaffeeIstGut: SAVE YOURSELF
KaffeeIstGut: anyway
KaffeeIstGut: the beatles-house is down the street
VenusInFurs: hee
VenusInFurs: just one hit
KaffeeIstGut: not nearly as much guy-guy action,though
VenusInFurs: that's all I want
VenusInFurs: woohoo
KaffeeIstGut: i know it
VenusInFurs: I was on the 12-step for the beatles
VenusInFurs: now I only occasionally indulge
VenusInFurs: special occasions, you know
KaffeeIstGut: right
KaffeeIstGut: weddings
KaffeeIstGut: anniversaries
KaffeeIstGut: mondays
KaffeeIstGut: ho ho ho
VenusInFurs: hey!
KaffeeIstGut: i know, i know, you're reformed
VenusInFurs: I don't appreciate that
KaffeeIstGut: what happened to the homemade beatles shower curtain?
VenusInFurs: I'm not an addict, damnit

Alcoholism, anal sex wordplay, and a sign which reads, "Please do not pet the Bowie". [Added 08/27/00]

KaffeeIstGut: i'm going to bed
Marlboro1: alone KaffeelstGut?
KaffeeIstGut: yes, unfortunately
Marlboro1: want some company?
KaffeeIstGut: no, only lela can share my bed of brownies and lust
KaffeeIstGut: but i might fudge the rules if you were david bowie circa '77
KaffeeIstGut: without the alcoholism
Marlboro1: I did look like him back then. hehe
Marlboro1: but I had a better ass then he did.
KaffeeIstGut: oh strike that
KaffeeIstGut: he's probably cute drunk
KaffeeIstGut: everyone has a better ass than he did
Marlboro1: Bowie was a nasty drunk
xSibylVane: he didn't have an ass...too thin...
Marlboro1: very mean when he was drunk, very mean and nasty
KaffeeIstGut: sounds characteristic
KaffeeIstGut: all i read about was the wild sobbing in public
xSibylVane: awwwwww....
Marlboro1: Bowie could cut you with his comments when he was loaded and back then he was coked and drunk all the time.
xSibylVane: i should have been there to console him.
KaffeeIstGut: i can imagine
KaffeeIstGut: he would have bitten your shoulder instead of cry on it, sibyl
xSibylVane: really? niiiiiiice....
xSibylVane: should that be unappealing?
xSibylVane: i would give all the money i ever had and go in debt for years for him to bite my shoulder.
Marlboro1: and leave a print of his teeth too, hehe
KaffeeIstGut: yes
KaffeeIstGut: and have him sign it
KaffeeIstGut: "david bowie's mouth was here"
Marlboro1: a nice soft bite is nice
Marlboro1: lol
KaffeeIstGut: i'd probably feel the same way were it 1977
KaffeeIstGut: oh, i wouldn't mind a hard one, it'd be a good story to explain the scar
* KaffeeIstGut laughs
KaffeeIstGut: "I tried to console him...and the little fuck bit me!"
KaffeeIstGut: "he's not nearly as cute in person as he was on dick cavett"
* xSibylVane would be extremely jealous
* KaffeeIstGut goes on to warn the world against petting the bowie
Marlboro1: That woman who said Bowie raped her also said he bit her.
xSibylVane: *L*
KaffeeIstGut: a woman said he raped her?
KaffeeIstGut: i never heard that
Marlboro1: Oh hell yeah, back in 88 87 .
KaffeeIstGut: weird
Marlboro1: It went to a hearing in Texas but the judge through out the case.
KaffeeIstGut: wow
xSibylVane: david bowie could never rape me.
KaffeeIstGut: i don't know how i missed that
KaffeeIstGut: i live in texas
KaffeeIstGut: :P
Marlboro1: They didn't believe her, she was one of those slammers that hang around bands.
KaffeeIstGut: yeah
Marlboro1: I can't remember her name,
KaffeeIstGut: well, i don't doubt he slept with her, i don't even doubt he bit her, but the idea of him raping anyone is pretty preposterous considering his size
Marlboro1: How about Steven Strange saying Bowie kissed him back in 80
KaffeeIstGut: now, i do remember that one
Marlboro1: during the making of the Ashes to Ashes video
KaffeeIstGut: gave me a chuckle
KaffeeIstGut: i don't doubt that one either
KaffeeIstGut: hehe
Marlboro1: me too
Marlboro1: Steven said he melted. hehehehe
KaffeeIstGut: *grin*
KaffeeIstGut: wouldn't you? even if the cat was drunk
Marlboro1: So did Jagger put it in Bowie or did Bowie put it in Jagger?
KaffeeIstGut: hmm
KaffeeIstGut: well
KaffeeIstGut: jagger did have seniority
Marlboro1: always wondered about that one
Marlboro1: lol
KaffeeIstGut: so i'll bet bowie got it first
Marlboro1: Jagger has a flat ass
KaffeeIstGut: but bowie's awfully manipulative, so i'm sure he got his time in the driver's seat
KaffeeIstGut: so to speak
Marlboro1: lol
KaffeeIstGut: i didn't realize what an awful pun i'd made until i typed it
* KaffeeIstGut laughs
Marlboro1: lol

Codeine + Bowie, bad mix? [Added 8/18/00]

KaffeeIstGut: man, station to station is overwhelming me too
KaffeeIstGut: earlier, the codeine/"Heroes"(song) combination had me curled up in the fetal position on my bed
KaffeeIstGut: most bowie just does not go with slow drugs
KaffeeIstGut: i mean, he's going too fast as it is
KaffeeIstGut: but when i'm not coffee'd up, in fact the opposite
KaffeeIstGut: i feel like i'm jogging behind a marathon runner, struggling to keep up
KaffeeIstGut: but i just keep lagging behind
KaffeeIstGut: farther and farther back
KaffeeIstGut: so
KaffeeIstGut: in other words
KaffeeIstGut: back to space oddity
KaffeeIstGut: heh
dizthewonderkid: lol
KaffeeIstGut: or something pre-coke at least
dizthewonderkid: listen to bauhaus
dizthewonderkid: that's slow
dizthewonderkid: or better yet
dizthewonderkid: try the velvet underground
dizthewonderkid: as codeine is related to heroin
KaffeeIstGut: well, you know
KaffeeIstGut: it's a good thing bowie wasn't a speed freak
KaffeeIstGut: because with his intellect
KaffeeIstGut: combined with a drug that fast
KaffeeIstGut: the music created would be gibbering nonsense to anyone who wasn't on that same amphetamine wavelength
dizthewonderkid: he'd make absolutely no sense
dizthewonderkid: exactly

Sexier than Mick Jagger, that's for sure... [Added 8/11/00]

KaffeeIstGut: wow
KaffeeIstGut: you know
KaffeeIstGut: we poke fun at Iman
KaffeeIstGut: but ahm
KaffeeIstGut: check this out:
KaffeeIstGut: http://www.teenagewildlife.com/Interact/cp/files/3-17182-bowieiman.jpg
* KaffeeIstGut 's jaw drops
* nailbunny 's eyes light up

[long pause]

KaffeeIstGut: sooo if I become a crusty old rock singer will I land a babe like that?
nailbunny: shit, this is like
nailbunny: Greek sculptures of goddesses
KaffeeIstGut: yah, her breasts are perfect
KaffeeIstGut: i mean PERFECT
nailbunny: yes, but
nailbunny: she'll make you wear awful swimwear
KaffeeIstGut: lol
KaffeeIstGut: and get your teeth capped
KaffeeIstGut: don't forget that
* nailbunny pries her tongue off the monitor
nailbunny: sorry
KaffeeIstGut: hah
nailbunny: :x
KaffeeIstGut: i feel so bad
KaffeeIstGut: gawking at a naked picture of his wife
KaffeeIstGut: should I feel guilty for that?
* nailbunny laughs.
nailbunny: well
nailbunny: I don't.
KaffeeIstGut: yeah
KaffeeIstGut: you're right, i really shouldn't
nailbunny: I'm a big fan of porn, I'll take it how I can.
KaffeeIstGut: heh

Who needs emus when you can raise Bowies? [Added 8/8/00]

KaffeeIstGut: someday
KaffeeIstGut: when cloning becomes more advanced
KaffeeIstGut: my friend and I have this dream
KaffeeIstGut: we're going to buy a farm out west
KaffeeIstGut: and raise bowies
MizDiz: i can see where this is going
MizDiz: ha!
KaffeeIstGut: you know, like an emu farm
MizDiz: i'll come and stay with you
MizDiz: a bowie farm
KaffeeIstGut: right
KaffeeIstGut: and we'll sell some of them
KaffeeIstGut: and keep the rest
KaffeeIstGut: and people can buy them when they're young and we can raise them to their specifications
MizDiz: build a 1972 London model
MizDiz: and a 1977 Berlin
MizDiz: and a 1995 New York
KaffeeIstGut: you know, if, say, rex ordered one
MizDiz: lol
KaffeeIstGut: and he wanted an emaciated soul david
KaffeeIstGut: we could starve that one
KaffeeIstGut: and he'd grow up thin and neurotic
KaffeeIstGut: and eventually
KaffeeIstGut: cloning will be so advanced
KaffeeIstGut: that we will be able to tinker with his genes
KaffeeIstGut: and create the perfect bowie
MizDiz: i think you've got quite an idea on your hands
KaffeeIstGut: the most delicate, beautiful bowie imaginable
MizDiz: he would implode in his perfection
KaffeeIstGut: and it will be my masterpiece
* KaffeeIstGut laughs
KaffeeIstGut: and we'll give him the best education, and he'll write all the songs the imperfect bowie should have written after scary monsters
MizDiz: well, i'll sign up for one
KaffeeIstGut: woo, my first customer
KaffeeIstGut: they'll be very expensive though
KaffeeIstGut: and not just anyone can have one
MizDiz: i'd like a TVC-15 model Thin White Duke
MizDiz: oh it's worth it
KaffeeIstGut: but i think i trust you to raise a good bowie
MizDiz: he'd be in good hands
MizDiz: thank you
KaffeeIstGut: hehehe
*** Bladz ([email protected]) has joined #DavidBowie
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Bladz
Bladz: helloeveryone
KaffeeIstGut: hey bladz
KaffeeIstGut: i bet bladz would like her own bowie
Bladz: no thanks
Bladz: I would prefer a Borden
KaffeeIstGut: but i don't trust her, she'd bleach his hair like that picture she put on the message board
Bladz: *laughs*
MizDiz: she would
MizDiz: i don't know kaff, i think there should be a ban on all bowies with blonde hair and a tan
KaffeeIstGut: yeah, we'll have to give a test to every bowie applicant
KaffeeIstGut: "do you like let's dance?"
KaffeeIstGut: and if they check yes, no bowie
KaffeeIstGut: and, "will you perm your bowie's hair?"
KaffeeIstGut: if yes, no bowie for you
MizDiz: "will you allow your bowie to sell out wenbley stadium and/or madison square garden?"
MizDiz: and yes, no bowie
* KaffeeIstGut laughs

Worse record, Tonight or Never Let Me Down? [Added 7/29/00]

LiquidSatan: anyone here like tonight?
KaffeeIstGutTM: hmmm
KaffeeIstGutTM: i don't hate tonight
KaffeeIstGutTM: as much
KaffeeIstGutTM: as i hate never let me down
LiquidSatan: never let me down i've listened through once
LiquidSatan: tonight i've listened through twice
LiquidSatan: the only reason i listened through it twice was because it was in my cd player and it just played again
KaffeeIstGutTM: tonight is mostly covers
KaffeeIstGutTM: bad covers
KaffeeIstGutTM: hideously bad covers
KaffeeIstGutTM: the likes of which have never before been recorded
KaffeeIstGutTM: but it's still better than Never Let Me Down.
LiquidSatan: tonight tries to be funky
LiquidSatan: and it hurts me
LiquidSatan: deeply
KaffeeIstGutTM: i kind of like the tina turner duet
KaffeeIstGutTM: it's Tonight... the reggae version!
KaffeeIstGutTM: the lifeless
KaffeeIstGutTM: thin
KaffeeIstGutTM: reggae version.
LiquidSatan: it makes me want to cry
* KaffeeIstGutTM laughs
KaffeeIstGutTM: yeah, it did that to me too
KaffeeIstGutTM: "make it stop... *whimper* make it stop..."
LiquidSatan: nlmd made me choke on my own tears and vomit
*** KaffeeIstGutTM is now known as KaffeeIstGut
LiquidSatan: is it too dizzy that they didn't allow on the rerelease of nlmd?
KaffeeIstGut: beats me
LiquidSatan: i think it is
LiquidSatan: i have the tape of nlmd
LiquidSatan: then i bought the rerelease cd
LiquidSatan: i think the rerelease should have contained almost nothing from the original
LiquidSatan: all new songs
LiquidSatan: or stuff that he didn't put on outside
* KaffeeIstGut cackles

The return of the yacht-speedo picture... will its reign of terror never end? [Added 7/22/00]

KaffeeIstGut: did you look at the screen shot of ann's wallpaper?
* Bob-Ed giggles.
VenusInFurs: no...
Bob-Ed: My dad demanded I change it back.
KaffeeIstGut: lol
VenusInFurs: OH MY GOD
* Bob-Ed laughs.
KaffeeIstGut: lol
VenusInFurs: what
VenusInFurs: um
VenusInFurs: what is that in his bathing suit?
KaffeeIstGut: lol
VenusInFurs: do I want to know?
VenusInFurs: has it been explained?
* Bob-Ed dies.
KaffeeIstGut: well, you've seen the man who fell to earth, we certainly konw it's not HIM
VenusInFurs: no shit
KaffeeIstGut: so that is kind of comforting
VenusInFurs: well, no, it isn't
VenusInFurs: I'd rather know it's all him
VenusInFurs: than try to imagine what he put in there to make it look that way
Bob-Ed: Every time I try to load that screenshot, my browser crashes.
Bob-Ed: I think it's a sign.