Cutting Class
"Jill," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind
telling me whose class you're cutting this time?"
"Like," the young teen replied, "uh, see, okay, like it's like I really
don't like think like that's really important, y'know, like because I'm y'know, like I
don't get anything out of it."
"It's English class, isn't it?" replied the smiling teacher.
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Philosopher
A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his chauffeur, who listened in awe
at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.
Then one day the chauffeur approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to
switch roles for the evening's lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the
chauffeur handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the
guests, a woman in the back asked, "Is the epistemological view of the universe still
valid in an existentialist world?"
"That is an extremely simple question," he responded. "So simple, in fact,
that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do."
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Rejected Children's Books
Some children's books you can't find in Barnes and Noble:
You were an accident
You're different, and that's bad
Pop goes the hamster, and other microwave games
Strangers have the best candy
Some kittens can fly
The little sissy who snitched
Where would you like to be buried
All dogs go to Hell
What is that dog doing to that other dog
The kids' guide to hitchhiking
Bi-Curious George
Dad's new wife Timothy
Babar meets the taxidermist
The pop-up book of human anatomy
Things rich kids have that you never will
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Top 10 Blond Inventions
1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered flashlight
3) Submarine screen door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9)Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag
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Legal Fee's
A man walks into a lawyer's office and asks how much the barrister's rates are. The lawyer
says fifty dollars for three questions.
The man asks, "Isn't that awfully expensive"
"Yes," the lawyer replies, "what's your third question?"
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Bad Math
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The
company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him,
"What is three times seven?"
"22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he
*knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one
to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in
and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss
shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."
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A man left to go help in the Crusades and decided that his wife should
wear a chastity belt. So he
locks her up and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him 'If I'm not back in four
years,
unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.'
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust
behind
him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. 'What's wrong?' he asks.
'You gave me the wrong key.'
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ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION
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