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Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by
the world-famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers...
My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your
name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if
I don't call back, it's you.
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a
message.
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my
parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me
enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I
have plenty of money.
Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They
give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still
with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic thought- recording device. After
the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach
you, and I'll think about returning your call.
Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead.
Wait for the beep.
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're
doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it
left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth,
we'll get back to you.
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Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed
adultery. The priest says,
'Oh no, was it with Marie Brown?.' Joe says, 'I'd rather not say who it was with.' The
priest says, 'Was it with Betty Smith?' Joe says, 'I'd rather not say,' So the priest
gives him absoultion and Joe
leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he recieved absolution. Joe says,
'Yes, and two very good leads!'
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