6 out of 7 model fathers agree; Dick Co. is better than Flanders
We at Dick Co. have a mission. We want to sattisfy you; our valuble customer. We love you and think your grand! And all we want in life is for you, yes you to be happy. We want you to become part of the Dick Co. family.
Let us assure you, the Dick Co. family is much better than your crappy family. We will all love and respect you while at the same time tricking you to buy our product at ludicrously high prices. Can your REAL family do that for you? NO! Your real family can kiss my nice shiny Dick Co. ass! And then they can join the loving family too!
We take all this love, and stick it in to every single one of our products. (Except model 347265bx) Thats the feeling you get when you buy a Dick Co. product. We admit this may sound like we're just trying to be mushy so you'll buy our product. And hey, we'll even admit that we ARE just trying to get your buy and we couldn't care less about you. But, whats careing really mean? Lets take a look at the root of the word. Care, which is derived from Care Bears, means a large hungry beast. Our research specialists say that Care Bears were Bears with random images on their chests. Bears are not the nicest of creatures, they eat and kill people everyday (day as in year). What if we were bears? What if we came to your house and ate you and the ones you love? That wouldn't be all that pleasant would it? NO. So, as you can see, the best way we can care for you is to NOT care for you!
But at Dick Co., we take not careing for you to the next level. Not only do we spend more money on bribing the health inspector (who would otherwise shut down the whole Dick Co. operation for many health violations) than we would have to spend to make our product safe, but we also randomly replace some boxes of our product with bombs!
Each employee at Dick Co. has a smile on their face and loves serving you! So, remember, a buy for Dick Co. is a buy for a non-bear related loving product full of love and other things... like love.
Dick Co. does not actually love you. We infact hate you. We don't care who you think you are, we couldn't care less about your petty pointless lives. We only pretend to even almost like you so you would buy our product. Supposidly, if you read this you would know that we are tricking you, but no one ever reads the fine print! HA HA HA HA HA HA! And even if you did, only one out of about 600,000 people would be smart enough to comprehend it, and thats a market we can afford to lose. Because we don't need them, we don't need anybody (as long as people buy our product). Because, as we all know, we are GOD