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We at Dick Co suggest you do not try to comprehend this for it will confuse you and make you unhappy Do not attempt to hire a specialist to decifer this, they will rip you off, Dick Co will not* 1: The product under question is in fact not under question but above the reasoning in which the questioning was administered within the allowed bounds. Or, in the case of a non-questioning situation, party 1 must have a proof of identity and a signed permission slip signed by the product itself. Obviously the handwriting will be checked by our handwriting specialists to make sure that it is not a forgery. In the case of a forgery, party 1 will be sent directly to jail with out a hearing, judge, or lawyer. This keeping in mind that the automatic pentalty is death adminstered by raging bison (failing bison; raging wildabeast) Obviously party 1 will be assumed guilty. In the case of a non-forgery, party 1 will be shot, in the head, by a raging wildabeast (failing that, a raging bison) 2:Party 1 must have bought the product within four days of a passing vernol equinox during the spring or fall seasons. In which party 1 must have had previous knowledge of the purchase's purpose within the situation in which party 1 intended to deploy the products useful-ness. The useful-ness will be determined by the Dick Co. useful-ness experts. No arguing will be made about the verdict made by the experts at all. Any party (as long as its party 1) caught aruing will be subjected to tauntings and having rotten fruit thrown at them untill they die. Usually the cause of death is in fact starvation or bacterial infection caused by eating the fruit. But Dick Co will not care, and they will not send cards to your family. They will just send the bill for the lost rotten fruit. Obvioulsy, upon the verdict, Dick Co will refuse the warranty to party 1. Party 1 will then be asked (aka forced) to pay a service fee to the expert and to Dick Co in punitive damages ranging from $2000 to $20000. This will be paid in cash only or else party 1 will lose their house. 3: In the small chance that party 1 actually does get the requested refund, party 1 must then spend the elleged money on Dick Co. products. More specifically, the type product that party 1 had purchased in the first place. And in the common event that that object is sold out, due to the extremely popular nature of Dick Co. products, party 1 must take the one that was returned for a refund, and then promptly use the money given to them as a refund to pay for the product. Then, party 1 must use the product in front of everyone and enjoy using the product for its perticular task. If party 1 does not convincingly convince our judges that he or she does like the product, then lions will be released in to the product testing area in which party 1 will be currently residing. Whats left of the carcass after the lion is done eating will be sent to party 1's family by way of UPS. Warning, the carcass will not be chilled. 4: The following form must be filled out completely and sent in to Dick Co. 3 working months before the warranty expires.
*Like hell were not ripping you off! Dick Co. pretty much invented the whole concept of ripping people off. And we rip more people off and rip them off better than any other company, go ahead, check the numbers. Dick Co allways comes out on top! Dick Co. is just about the worste company to buy from ever, yet, we never let our many MANY customers know. Luckilly the average person is stupid, so they never will catch on. God Bless the fact that people are stupid. |