I've learned -
That you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. Unless, of course, you have some really strong rope and a secluded little cabin out in the woods where no one can hear you. And then, oh yes, then they will be glad to profess their love for you. But its a little too late for that, isn�t it?

I've learned -
That no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back, and that�s when my dog tells me to kill them.

I've learned -
That it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it and about 45 minutes to cook it at 350 degrees.

I've learned -
That it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. But, if you have the wrong who, you will end up without any what or who.

I've learned -
That you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something or have some really good drugs.

I've learned -
That you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do, because, chances are, they can do it a lot better than you.

I've learned -
That it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it and how much the lawyer keeps.

I've learned -
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life or you can be unhealthy for life and have a heart attack in an instant.

I've learned -
That no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides, and it will make a lot more sandwiches.

I've learned -
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be, the surgery is painful and expensive, and they don�t make good looking women�s shoes in a 11EEE.

I've learned -
That it's a lot easier to react than it is to think but its also a lot faster, and that can come in handy in my neighborhood.

I've learned -
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them and they might forget about changing that will.

I've learned -
That you can keep going long after you think you can't, if you have the right prescription.

I've learned -
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. At least, that�s what the judge said.

I've learned -
That either you control your attitude or it controls you. Either your attitude or those damn voices, all depending, of course, on the lunar cycle.

I've learned -
That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place, like lots and lots of money or maybe her little sister .

I've learned -
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. Or, then again, maybe they just don�t want to get fired.

I've learned -
That learning to forgive takes practice, and who�s got time to practice?

I've learned -
That there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it, so screw them!

I've learned -
That money is a lousy way of keeping score but it�s a hell of a way to play the game.

I've learned -
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time. I�ve also noticed that we usually do nothing on his night to buy, the cheap bastard.

I've learned -
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up, but usually they just go straight for the groin area.

I've learned -
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. But sometimes when I�m angry I don�t even have the right to be angry so I figure, �hey, I might as well be cruel too, because I�m already in the wrong�.

I've learned -
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. But, the phone bills can be astronomical.

I've learned -
That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. And given time, proper discipline, and sensory deprivation, they will eventually come around to loving you just the way you want them to.

I've learned -
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. But, then again, the presents are cool.

I've learned -
That you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it. Leave that stuff to their teachers.

I've learned -
That your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't just biological, but of the soul. No, wait, those people are called �friends�. My family is all those dueling banjo playin� freaks that show up at the reunions.

I've learned -
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. Either that, or start going to a licensed body piercing establishment with sanitary instruments.

I've learned -
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself, because most of the time, those �others� are going to be looking to get even and you need to be on your toes instead of sitting around wallowing in self pity.

I've learned -
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. O.K., you can�t stop the whole world, but you can sure shut down an office building for the afternoon with an anonymous phone call and a piece of pipe in a box left in the lobby.

I've learned -
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. Forget that, its my parent�s fault and I�m pissed.

I've learned -
That sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to. That�s when I choose my really big friend.

I've learned -
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do. It�s when the gunplay starts that I�m outta there.

I've learned -
That sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions and sometimes ahead of a big truck.

I've learned -
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. Some friends, however, change more than others. Based on the stench surrounding Kyle, I have him pegged for about once a week.

I've learned -
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. Then again, I�ve never really bought that story that this loser was my real Dad.

I've learned -
That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. And boy, is that other guy stupid because, there�s no way it could be that!

I've learned -
That no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process, especially when they become teenagers and can defend themselves a lot better.

I've learned -
That there are many ways of falling and staying in love, but my favorite is still outright deception.

I've learned -
That no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life, unless it kills them.

I've learned -
That no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most. But, if you are their �pillow�, then you will get tired of them always laying around on you.

I've learned -
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. Especially that guy who jumps in your car at the intersection with the gun.

I've learned -
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help, usually in prescription pain killers and tequila .

I've learned -
That writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains but nothing beats heavy drinking.

I've learned -
That the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us but that its probably all I can afford at this time.

I've learned -
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being but a big ol� deer head is pretty cool.

I've learned -
That the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon so you have to be real careful about delivering the ransom note and picking up the cash.

I've learned -
That although the word "love" can have many different meanings; it loses value when over used. You know, kinda like a prostitute.

I've learned -
That it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe. So, who needs that? I always opt for standing up for what I believe in, whenever I can remember just what that is.