"Battle of The Bands" / Monday - January 4, 1999

MATT : Hey, Tif. Catching some last minute waves?
TIFFANI : Yeah, I have to surf as much as possible before school starts.
SLY : Please do not say the "S" word.
TONY : Hey, guy, I am psyched. School starts Monday.
SLY : Aaargh! He said that word again.
JENNY : Why are you so cheery about...
JENNY : School?
TONY : Because, this year I'm going to be the most happening dude at Pacific Coast High. I'm
        getting and earring.
MATT : Are you going to get a pearl necklace to match?
TONY : Oh, Matthew, that was so funny. You must be watching the Comedy Channel. In case
        you didn't know, girls dig guys with earrings.
ANGELA : Hi, Matt.
MATT : Hi, Angela.
ANGELA : Well, nice talking to you, Matt.
MATT : Bye, Angela.
JENNY : Oooh, crush, crush, crush.
MATT : Hey, c'mon, we have nothing in common. I'm rocker, she's President of the Classical
        Music Society. Besides, she's not very...graceful.
SLY : Are you kidding? She's so clumsy, she could get hit by a parked car.
TIFFANI : Oh, come on, guys. Give her a chance. She isn't that bad.
SLY : Beep. Beep.
TONY : Whoa, man, check this out. "PCH's Battle Of The Bands" is next weekend.
JENNY : Hold on. Let's not get our hopes up. We're just going to lose to Bradley And The
         Billionaires, again.
TONY : Yeah. Last year those rich snobs made us feel like a bunch of low-down-no-talent-
        don't-quit-the-day-job-fools.
TIFFANI : Didn't you guys hear? Bradley's family moved.
JENNY : Boy, Matt, you must be relieved.
MATT : What's that supposed to mean?
JENNY : Oh, come on. Bradley Livingston has beaten you at everything your whole life.
MATT : That's not true. I beat him in the spelling bee in third grade.
JENNY : No you didn't. You misspelled potato.
SLY : All right, enough about Bradley. If we're gonna win that five hundred dollars, we've got a
      lot of practicing to do. Work, work, work! No slacking off!
SLY : Well, my job's done.

(MUSIC CUE : "THIS TIME"
ALL : THIS TIME
THIS TIME
YEAH YEAH
   OH OH)

MATT : And we're out. Good session, guys.
BRADLEY : Don't you guys know there's a law against noise pollution?
MATT : Bradley? What are you doing here? I thought you moved?
BRADLEY : Oh, we did. To a bigger mansion across town.
TONY : Well, there goes the neighborhood.
BRADLEY : You look upset, Matthew. Oh. You thought you were going to win the band contest
            this year. Didn't you?
MATT : You haven't won yet, Brad.
BRADLEY : Oh, give it up, Matt. I beat you at everything. I could even beat you at a simple
            coin toss.
MATT : What makes you think you're going to sucker me into something stupid like that.
BRADLEY : Call it.
MATT : Heads!
BRADLEY : Sorry, tails.
MATT : Two out of three!
BRADLEY : You lose.
TONY : Yo, man, don't let the dude intimidate you.
JENNY : Besides, you're embarrassing us.
MATT : That's it, Bradley. Get out of my house.
BRADLEY : See you, loser.
MATT : I can't stand this. Why do we have to wait until tomorrow for the results?
TIFFANI : I like it. The anticipation is kind of fun. Will we win? Will we lose? I'm all goose-
           bumply.
JENNY : You know, you're beginning to sound like Tinkerbell.
SLY : Hey, hey, you can all relax. Uncle Sly has the results.
TONY : Oh, man, that's impossible. The judges' metting was confidential. What did you do? Spy?
SLY : No! I just happened to be looking for my car keys in an air vent, and I overheard them.
JENNY : Who cares how you found out? Who won?
SLY : Nobody.
TONY : What?
SLY : We tied with the Billionaires. We have a run-off this Friday night.
JENNY : Forget it, we're sunk.
SLY : Hey, not so fast. Here's the deal: Dirk Nelson, the Football Captain, voted for them. And
      Susie Scarpelli, our luscious Student Body President, voted for us.
JENNY : That means Angela is the deciding vote.
SLY : Exactly. And that's where your brother, Mattie boy, comes in. All he's got to do is date
      the girl. She's crazy about you.
MATT : No way, Sly. I don't even like her.
TONY : You don't have to marry her, Matt. Just sweep her off her two left feet.
TIFFANI : He can't do that. It's not right. It's immoral. It's deceitful...
SLY : It's perfect.
MATT : Forget it, Sly. If I'm gonna beat Bradley, it's got to be on my own merits, not by
        cheating.
SLY : What's the matter with cheating?
JENNY : Hey, Tony. It's all set. I called "Lance's Hole-In-One Ear Piercing Hut." Your
       appointment is tomorrow.
TONY : Tomorrow? There are hot ladies waiting for me, today.
JENNY : I'll see if I can change it.
TIFFANI : I'm impressed, Tony. It took me a month to work up the courage to go. You're really
           brave.
TONY : Brave?
TIFFANI : Well, yeah. The thought of that gun made me queasy.
TONY : Gun? What gun?
TIFFANI : Well, they have a gun that shoots a needle through your earlobe. It's not supposed
           to jurt, but mine stung like a bee. No, more like a wasp. No, like a scorpion...
JENNY : You're all set. Today at three.
TONY : Today?! Are you nuts? I can't do it today! Sharkey asked me to work overtime. What's
        the matter with you?
SLY : Come on, Matt. One innocent dinner with her.
MATT : Sly, get off my back. For the last time, I'm not dating Angela.
BRADLEY : Oh, Garrison. Listen, my folks reted out Disneyland for our victory party. Why don't
            you come. We need someone to dress as Goofy.
MATT : Do ou think Angela's busy for dinner tonight?
SLY : I love this boy.
MATT : Forget it. I'm not asking Angela out. I just can't do it.
SLY : No sweat. I'll ask her out for you.
TONY : You?
SLY : Did I stutter? Yeah, me. Plenty of girls go out with me.
TONY : But none of them go out with you twice. Come on, Matt, I'll coach you.
ANGELA : Hi, Matt.
MATT : Hi, angela.
MATT : Angela, I, um,..um...
TONY : What the man is trying to say is you are um - believably beautiful.
ANGELA : Thanks, Matt.
MATT : Yeah, and I uh...uh...
TONY : ...Uhn--derstand that you're not seeing anyone at the present time.
ANGELA : Well, no, no, I'm not.
MATT : Good, because I...uh...
TONY : Oh, man, enough of this Porky-pig-lock-jaw-stuff. Angela, will you go out to dinner
        with Matt tonight?
ANGELA : I'd love to.
TONY : Solid. He'll pick you up at six.
MATT : I think I did pretty good.
SLY : Way to go, Matt. Come on, let's go find you simething waterproof to wear.
JENNY : Hi, Tony.
TIFFANI : Tony, let's get your ear pierced now. Lance is open all afternoon.
TONY : Oh, yeah. The needle-gun-guy. Well listen, I've reconsidered. I don't need an earring to
        be cool.
JENNY : It's okay, Tony, We understand -- You're scared.
TONY : Scared? Ladies, let me tell you about the Tony Wicks' Pyramid of Fear. On top you've
        got me -- no fear. Below me you've got your Michael Jordans and Denzel Washingtons.
TONY : Next comes your mamby-pamby men like Schwartzeneger and Stallone. Under that
        you've got your chicken-livers and your Urkels. And then way, way down at the
        bottom you've got your fraidy-cat girls -- like you. So don't talk to me about scared.
JENNY : "Fraidy-cat girls?"
ANGELA : I have to admit, Matt. I was surprised you asked me out. I mean, you never really
           seemed interested before.
MATT : Oh, I was interested. I just didn't realize it until my friends pointed it out.
ANGELA : Well, I'm glad they did.
MATT : You know, you don't look like you normally look. You look nice... I mean, not that you
        don't normally look nice... It's just that tonight you don't look normal... Oh, boy.
ANGELA : It's okay. I know what you mean. I put in contacts and let my hair down. Now, If I
           can just keep myself from doing something klutzy.
MATT : You're doing fine.
ANGELA : Thanks.
MATT : It's okay. It's just a little fire.
ANGELA : On, I'm so sorry!
MATT : That's all right. Just a little water.
ANGELA : No, it's terrible. This always happens. It's why I don't get dates. You might as well
           take me home before I accidentally stab you with my butter knife.
ANGELA : Ow!
MATT : Relax and let's talk.
ANGELA : Right. Let's just talk.
MATT : Look, I don't think this is going to work. We're obviously two different people.
ANGELA : Yeah, I guess you're right.
MATT : I mean, don't get me wrong Angela. You're a very nice person but let's face it, you're
        classical. I'm rock n' roll. You're Beethoven. I'm the Beatles.
ANGELA : I love the Beatles.
MATT : You do?
ANGELA : Sure, why wouldn't I? I like all kinds of music. In fact last Saturday, I was at the
           U-2 concert.
MATT : So was I. Third row center. I was so close, Bono Sweat on me.
ANGELA : Too cool. Do you have their new album?
MATT : Of course. But what I really like is their early stuff.
ANGELA : Yeah, like "Sunday, Bloody Sunday." What a political statement.
MATT : Yeah...
ANGELA : Yeah...
TIFFANI : Where's Matt? We were supposed to start practice an hour ago.
JENNY : One hour. Sixty minutes. Thirty-six-hundred seconds. That's three-million-six-
         hundred-thousand nanoseconds of my life gone! Thank you, Matthew.
SLY : Hey, give him a break. He's insuring our victory. He took Angela to the beach.
TONY : Man, I hope she didn't drown him.
SLY : And here he is now, safe and sound. How goes the scam?
MATT : Well, let's put it this way. We don't have to rehearse anymore.
SLY : Yes! It worked! We won! They lost! Poor Brad! Too bad! Ha-ha!
MATT : Hold it, Sly. You don't understand. We don't have to rehearse because there's no way we
        can win.
SLY : Are you crazy? If you tell Angela the truth, she'll be so mad she'll never vote for us.
      Ergo, you lose to Bradley. Again.
MATT : I know, but I can't do it to her, Sly. It was bad enough when I didn't know her. But
        now I'm starting to like her.
ANGELA : Matt, this is so romantic. The same restaurant... the same table...
MATT : Definitely not the same waiter.
SLY : What a surprise? Me serving you two lovebirds.
MATT : Sly, what are you doing here?
SLY : I'm your waiter. But enough about me. Here are tonight's specials. We've got "Loser
      Lasagna" Tightlipped linguini, and "Mum's-the-word Manicotti." If you catch my drift.
MATT : We'll need a few minutes to decide.
SLY : Great, great, great, great. I can wait.
MATT : Will you get out of here!!!
ANGELA : Matt, what's going on?
MATT : Okay, Angela, here it is straight: I pretended to like you so you'd vote for us.
ANGELA : Oh, Matt.
MATT : Look, I'm sorry. But the thing is I'm not pretending anymore. I really do like you. Do
        you understand?
ANGELA : Yeah, sure, sure. I understand.
TONY : I'm telling you for the last time, I am not -- I say -- not scared!
JENNY : Fine, Tony. If you're not scared, then have it pierced right now. We can do it here.
TONY : Excuse me?
TIFFANI : Yeah. She did mine, and after a couple of days the infection cleared up.
TONY : No, that's okay. I don't want you to go to any trouble.
TIFFANI : Oh, it's no trouble, silly. Just sit down.
TIFFANI : This ought go do just fine.
TONY : You know, I don't know if you guys should be doing this.
JENNY : Well, Tony, if you're scared we can stop.
TONY : I told you, man, I'm not scared.
JENNY : Okay.
TONY : Aiiee!
JENNY : Relax, it's just ice to numb your ear. Now, are you sure you're not scared?
TONY : No! It was just cold. You surprised me.
JENNY : Now, Tony, tell me are you a blleeder?
TONY : A bleeder? I, uh... I don't know.
TIFFANI : There we go. Nice, red hot and sterile! Now, after the needle passes through the
           skin, you'll hear a popping sound.
TONY : Right. Right. A pop.
TIFFANI : Okay, one...two...three...
JENNY : Welcome to the "Fraidy-Cat Club."
BRADLEY : Thank you. Thank you very much.
ANGELA : Thank you, Bradley And The Billionaires. And next we have... California Dreams.
MATT : All right! Let's do it! 1-2, 1-2-3-4.
(MUSIC CUE : "IF YOU LEAN ON ME"
MATT : THERE ARE TIMES IT GETS SO HARD YOU
        CAN CRY,
  THIS WORLD CAN GET SO COLD,
  AND SOMETIMES I JUST DON'T KNOW,
  HOW WE EVER SURVIVE,
  LISTEN BABY...
ALL : EVERYBODY NEEDS A HAND TO HOLD
MATT : TO PICK YOU UP WHEN YOU FALL
ALL : EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMEONE
MATT : AND YOU CAN HOLD ONTO ME,
  ALL NIGHT LONG,
ALL : AND IF YOU LEAN ON ME
MATT : I WILL LEAN ON YOU
ALL : PUT YOUR HAND IN MINE
MATT : WE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH
ALL : I'LL BE YOUR BACKBONE GIRL
MATT : SHELTER FROM THE STORM
ALL : WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
MATT : I WILL KEEP YOU WARM,
  YOU KNOW THIS HEART WILL ALWAYS BE
  AROUND,
  ON YEA,
  I'LL BE THE ONE,
  AIN'T GONNA LET YOU DOWN,
  IF YOU LEAN ON ME
ALL : EVERYBODY NEEDS A HAND TO HOLD
MATT : TO PICK YOU UP WHEN YOU FALL
ALL : EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMEONE
MATT : YOU CAN HOLD ONTO ME,
  ALL NIGHT LONG,
ALL : AND IF YOU LEAN ON ME
MATT : I WILL LEAN ON YOU
ALL : PUT YOUR HAND IN MINE
MATT : WE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH
ALL : I'LL BE YOUR BACKBONE GIRL
MATT : SHELTER FROM THE STORM)

ANGELA : Thank you, California Dreams. The judges will have a dicision in a minute,
MATT : bradley, I just wanted to say you guys were really great. Good luck.
BRADLEY : Luck has nothing to do with it,
            Garrison. We¡®re just better.
MATT : You know what? Even though you may win all the time, you¡®ll always be a loser.
ANGELA : The judges have reached a decision.
ANGELA : The winner of Sharkey¡®s ¡°Battle of the Bands¡±--and the five hundred dollar prize  
        is... California Dreams!
MATT : Hey, Angela... After all I did, why¡®d you still vote for me?
ANGELA : Because you guys were the best.
MATT : Well, wait. How about joining us for a little victory party?
ANGELA : Matt, you don¡®t have to do this. You won. You don¡¯t have to pretend you like me
           anymore.
MATT : I¡®m not pretending.
ANGELA : Why should I believe you?
MATT : Because only a guy who likes you would go out of his way to get these...
ANGELA : Tickets to Beethoven.
MATT : So what do you say?
ANGELA : I say: Yes! Definitely, yes!

-THE END-