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“Guess Who's Coming To Brunch" / Wednesday - January 6, 1999
SLY : Uh, excuse me, what is it exactly that you guys ard doing?
MATT : Taking a break.
SLY : Oh, I get it. You're resting your artistic karmas.
TONY : No, you butthead. Jenny had to go to the bathroom.
JENNY : Priorities in this place are warped. While millions are starving all these rich people
care about is whether or not to get a black or white Mercedes.
SLY : C'mon Jenny, it's not that simple. Are we talking convertible or hard top?
KIMBERLY : Excuse me.
SLY : Oh, sorry.
TONNY : Let me get that for you, darling.
KIMBERLY : Ah, that's okay I can do it myself...
KIMBERLY : You're the drummer, aren't you? You guys are great! I'm Kimberly Blanchard. And
you are...?
TONY : Whatever you want me to be.
KIMBERLY : Oh, yeah? Well, how about... available?
TONY : I could definitely be that. I'm Tony Wicks.
MATT : Tony.
TONY : Huh?
MATT : Come on, break's over.
TONY : Yeah right. Don't you go anywhere.
KIMBERLY : Okay.
TIFFANI : Oooh. I think she likes you, Tony.
SLY : Forget about her. Her father's a millionaire. And besides, she wouldn't even go out with
me.
TONY : That means she's got good looks and good taste.
TONY : Hey, Matt, let's play "Rain."
MATT : We never finish a gig with "Rain."
TONY : I want to play "Rain." I Want to play "Rain." I want to play "Rain." I want to play "Rain"
I want to play "Rain"...
MATT : Okay, okay. We'll play "Rain." Okay, this is going to be our last...
TONY : ...Our last tune of the night. It's a very special song, for a very special lady. Let's do
it. One, two, three, kick it.
(MUSIC CUE : "IT'S GONNA RAIN"
ALL : RAIN
TONY : FALLING BABY, YEAH
TONY : I CAN SEE IT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES
AIN'T NO CONSOLATION FOR YOUR EGO
WHEN A LOVE AFFAIR DIES
SHE GIVES BACK THE KEYS TO YOUR
HEART AND THEN YOU SPEND THE NIGHT
WHERE THE MEMORIES END)
MATT : Tony, Tony, are you okay?
JENNY : That amp blew out right in his ear.
SLY : This man need help. Is there a lawyer in the house?!
TONY : No, man, I'm all right. I'm all right. Just a little shaken up.
KIMBERLY : Are you okay?
TONY : Oh, yeah, much better now that you're here.
KIMBERLY : Are you sure? I was hoping I could take you outside for some air.
TONY : Oh, funny, I was just telling them that I need some air. A whole bunch of air. It was
terrible, I couldn't, I couldn't hear...
TIFFANI : Advertising jingles?
SLY : It's easy. All Matt has to do is come up with a quick song to sell a product.
MATT : No way, Sly! I'm not writing songs about something like zit cream.
SLY : Fine. Then you come up with six hundred dollars for a new amp before Saturday's gig.
JENNY : Maybe he's got a point. And, for once it's not the top of his head.
MATT : All right. What do you have?
SLY : Ta-da!
MATT/JENNY/TIFFANI : "Uncle Slappy's Root Beer?"
TONY : Man, I forgot how cool Disneyland could be.
KIMBERLY : Yeah, you really like the 'Haunted Mansion'. We must have gone on it what ten
times.
TONY : Well, I'll be honest with you -- it's not the ride I like. I like it when you get scared
and squeeze me tight.
KIMBERLY : Well, I'll be honest with you -- I was never really scared.
TONY : You are so hot, Kimberly. I am so juiced that we met.
KIMBERLY : Well, we almost didn't meet. I had my heart set on going to school in Paris this
year. My father wouldn't let me go.
TONY : What?! What kind of father wouldn't let his daughter go to Paris? Boy, when I meet that
man I'm going to tell him...thank you very, very much.
KIMBERLY : So, uh, you want a milkshake or something? Since you paid for Disneyland, it's on
me.
TONY : No, nah, nah! Let me tell you the "Tony Wicks Do's and Don't's of Dating." Number
one, don't call your date by your ex-girlfriend's name. Number two, do pay for your
woman, even if it means working your butt to the bone...
KIMBERLY : And three, don't be a dummy. If your date's dad is loaded, then let her pay.
TONY : Yeah, I guess we could add that to the list.
KIMBERLY : So, uh, is there a rule about kissing?
TONY : But of course. That's rule number four. Do kiss.
SLY : All right boys and girls. Let's hear the song that's going to make Uncle Slappy happy,
huh?
GIRLS : IF YOU'RE SWELTERING IN THE DESERT, TONGUE IS BLOATED FROM THIRST.
DRINK 'UNCLE SLAPPY'S ROOT BEER', CAUSE DYING WOULD BE WORSE.
JENNY : The last line was my idea.
SLY : Excuse me, the idea is suppose to make people want to drink the stuff, not hurl.
MATT : Well, the stuff tastes terrible.
TIFFANI : Yeah, you can't expect us to lie. It wouldn't be right.
SLY : I'm not asking you to lie. Just, uh, take the facts and twist them. Massage them around
so it makes people want to buy the junk.
TONY : Then why don't you write the jingle, Sylvester? You're a natural born massager.
SLY : Hey, you're right -- I'll do it. Thanks, Tone.
KIMBERLY : Hi.
TONY : Hey.
KIMBERLY : Hi.
TONY : I missed you.
KIMBERLY : I missed you more.
JENNY : Hey! There are single people here.
TONY : So, what's up, sweet thing?
KIMBERLY : Well, my parents want to meet you. How does brunch at the Yacht Club on Sunday
sound?
MATT : Ooh. Meeting mom and dad. Sounds serious.
TONY : Sounds great. I can't wait to thank them for bringing you into the world so you could
meet me.
SLY : Oh, please. You could pull this totally cool act off on Kimberly, but I know deep down
you're shaking in your undies.
TONY : What are you babbling about, Sylvester? I could see being nervous if I were you --
cause you're lame. But Tony Wicks never gets nervous. never.
TONY : Oh, I'm nervous, I'm nervous, I am definitely nervous.
KIMBERLY : Tony, relax. Just remember, the key to my father is to laugh at all of his jokes.
Do that and he'll love you.
TONY : Right. Right. Laugh at all of his jokes.
KIMBERLY : Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy.
KEN : Oh, hi, Kimberly.
LILY : Hi.
KIMBERLY : This is Tony.
LILY : So, finally. This is the Tony I've been hearing about.
KEN : Kimberly hasn't stopped talking about you for days.
TONY : Ha, ha! That was a good one Mr. Blanchard.
KIMBERLY : That wasn't a joke, Tony.
TONY : Oh. Well, I've heard a lot about you, too, Mrs. and Mr. Blanchard.
KEN : Oh, no, no, no. Call me Ken and this is Lily.
TONY : Okay. Pen and Tily.
KEN : Please, sit.
KIMBERLY : Relax. They won't bite.
TONY : Yeah, I guess. I mean, we're all regular people. We all put on our pants one leg at a
time.
KEN : Oh, not me. I jump in both legs at the same time.
KIMBERLY : That was a joke, Tony.
TONY : That was the most delish-a-delic-taste-treat I have ever sampled.
KEN : What?
KIMBERLY : That means he enjoyed the meal.
TONY : Yeah!
LILY : Excuse me -- I need to go to the ladies room.
KIMBERLY : I'll go, too. I need to freshen up.
KEN : That's women's code for, "Let's go talk about the guys."
KEN : So, Tony, Kimberly told me about that amplifier that blew up in your ear. Are you all
right?
TONY : Oh, occupational hazard. Rock and Roll's a very tough business.
KEN : I'll tell you what. I'd like to help you out. Let me buy you a new amp. Uh, well, would a
thousand dollars cover it?
TONY : What?! Yeah, yeah, definitely. But, why?
KEN : Because I want you to do something for me.
TONY : Ken, Kenny, Kenneth, you name it, you got it.
KEN : Stop dating Kimberly.
TONY : Heh-heh, you're joking, right?
KEN : It just doesn't work. You're both from different worlds.
TONY : Different worlds? You mean because I'm black?
MATT : I can't believe it. He actually asked you not to date Kimberly because you're black?
JENNY : What did you do?
TONY : I whipped out my basketball and did a rap while I shot hoops. What do you think I did?
I told him to forget it.
SLY : Who does he think he is? Offering you an amp to stop dating his daughter... the man's
rich! He could've at least thrown in a new drum set.
TONY : It's not like I've never met prejudiced people. It's just that the dude seemed so cool.
DAD : Well, don't be surprised, Tony. A lot of people pretend to be open minded until they
have to deal with someone who's different.
TONY : Well, what about you, Mr. Garrison? Would you have a problem if I started dating
Jenny?
DAD : No. You I wouldn't mind. But, if it were Sly, I'd put a fence around my house and get a
guard dog.
SLY : Why?! Because I'm Italian?
DAD : No. Because you're you.
MATT : So, what did Kimberly say?
TONY : I, uh, didn't exactly tell her. I don't want to get her upset.
JENNY : Well, if it were my dad and you didn't tell me, I'd be even more upset.
TONY : Yeah, I guess. It's just not going to be easy to dis her dad.
KIMBERLY : Tony, you've been uptight all night. What's up?
TONY : Okay, here's the deal -- have you ever dated a black guy, before?
KIMBERLY : Why?
TONY : Because I'm black.
KIMBERLY : You're kidding?! You're black?! I just thought you were a white guy with a deep,
dark, tan.
TONY : Ha, ha, ha. I'm serious. Have you ever dated a black guy before?
KIMBERLY : No, you're the first "black guy" I've ever dated. And I'm okay with it.
TONY : I'm glad you feel that way, because your dad is not okay with it.
KIMBERLY : What are you talking about? My father really likes you.
TONY : Of course he likes me. Everybody likes me. What's not to like? "Likeable Tony", that's
what they call me.
KIMBERLY : It's not funny.
TONY : I know it's not. Look, your dad offered to buy the Dreams a new amp if I'd stop seeing
you.
KIMBERLY : Well, you probably misunderstood. My father is very generous.
TONY : No, Kimberly. Your father is very prejudiced.
KIMBERLY : This is outrageous! My father is the least prejudiced person I know. He raised me
to be colorblind. He gives lots of money to the NAACP, to The United Negro
Collage Fund...
TONY : Then he must do it because he feels guilty, because I'm telling you the truth.
KIMBERLY : I don't know why you're doing this, Tony. But, I'm not going to sit here and listen
to it.
SLY : MI-MI-MI-MI. Matt, give me an "E"
MATT : I could give you a "Z" and it wouldn't make any difference. Just sing your jingle, Sly.
SLY : Okay, here we go. IF YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER NOT GET ANOTHER COLD.
DRINK UNCLE SLAPPY'S ROOT BEER, KILLS FUNGUS, GERMS, AND MOLD. HEY!
JENNY : Sly, we can't use those lyrics.
TIFFANI : Yeah. They're all lies.
SLY : Who cares?! I just want to get an amp.
TONY : Hey.
JENNY : Hey, how'd it go with Kimberly last night?
TONY : Well, we ate a little, danced a little, I told her the truth, and she broke up with me a
little.
TIFFANI : I'm so sorry, Tony.
SLY : Sorry, nothing. I'll go out with her next. Fathers always hate me. Maybe he'll buy me a
car.
TONY : Sylvester, you go near her and I'll hit you so hard it'll knock down your house.
JENNY : Tony, what happened?
TONY : She thought I was lying. She didn't want to believe her father could be like that. So it's
done.
TIFFANI : Oh, come on. You can't just give up.
TONY : Yo, forget it. Story's over.
DAD : Hey, you guys just got a delivery.
MATT : That's great. What is it?
DAD : I don't know.
JENNY : Well, who's it from?
DAD : I don't know.
TIFFANI : Well, where's it from?
DAD : I don't know. But can you help me before my back cracks?!
SLY : Easy.
MATT : All right.
SLY : Whoa! It's a 'Sonic Blaster Amp!' This baby's worth at least a thousand bucks.
MATT : I know it's great. But who sent it?
TONY : Kimberly's dad. I don't believe that guy! He must think I broke up with her. He thinks
he bought me off.
TIFFANI : What are you going to do?
TONY : I'm going to tell him what he can do with his amp!
TONY : Is this seat taken?
KIMBERLY : Tony, what are you doing here? Tony, I told you I didn't want to see you anymore.
TONY : Yeah, well, tell your father, because he thinks I'm the one who broke it off. He even
sent me this amp to seal the deal.
KIMBERLY : Daddy?
LILY : Ken, is this true?
KEN : I, I did it for Kimberly.
KIMBERLY : Daddy, how could you?!
KEN : It would have been a very tough relationship.
TONY : Yeah, and people like you make it even tougher.
KEN : Look, Tony, Tony, you're a very nice, young man...
TONY : How would you know? You can't see psat my skin. Just like you can't see me and
Mimberly as a guy dating a girl. Only as a black guy dating your white daughter.
KEN : It's not that simple.
TONY : Oh, sure it's simple. You think you're better than me bacause your white. Well, you're
not.
KEN : I think I've heard enough, Tony.
TONY : Yeah, well, I said enough.
SLY : These lyrics are terrible. Uncle Slappy will never go for them.
TIFFANI : Oh, Sly, don't be such a poop. I'm sure he'll love them.
SLY : Ha! Youd don't know Uncle Slappy. He's a very serious businessman and he doesn't like to
kid around.
UNCLE SLAPPY : Ta-da! Uncle Slappy is here! Sylvester, my man! Slap me five. Up high!
Down low! Oh, too slow!
JENNY : So, that's why they call you Uncle Slappy.
UNCLE SLAPPY : No, actually, my name is 'Slapowitz', but, uh, I thought it was too silly.
SLY : All right, Uncle Slappy, have a seat. We've got a great jingle for you. You're going to love
it. Girls.
GIRLS : FOR GUYS AND GIRLS WHO WANT A DRINK, WHETHER YOU'RE SHORT, TALL,
THIN, OR FAT DRINK UNCLE SLAPPY'S ROOT BEER, BECAUSE IT TASTES LIKE
THAT!
UNCLE SLAPPY : It tastes like that? But what is that?
MATT : Well...anyone can say their soda tastes 'great' but...
TIFFANI : ...If they say it tastes like 'that', then everybody will wonder what 'than' means...
JENNY : Right! So, they'll all rush and buy it and try to find out what 'that' tastes like.
UNCLE SLAPPY : Ah, that's great! I, I, I mean... it... that. Whatever! Here's the money.
SLY : Here's the lyrics.
SLY : Let's go get that amp, huh?!
MATT : Great!
MATT : Hey, Tony. Tony, did you find Kimberly's dad?
TONY : Oh, yeah. I gave that quasi-liberal-two-faced-bigot-butt his amp back, and told him a
few things on the side.
JENNY : Well, did it make you feel better?
TONY : I thought it would, but it didn't.
TONY : Kimberly? What are you doing here?
KIMBERLY : I followed you, Tony. You were right about my father. I just don't know what to
do. I miss you.
TONY : Well, if you really mean that, then you need to tell your dad.
KIMBERLY : I know. I've just never gone against him before. But, you're right -- this time I've
got to say how I feel.
TONY : Now I feel better.
SLY : All right let's test out this new amp. BA-BOOM!
TONY : You over-amplified-volume-pumping-sonic-ba boom-brain. I''m going to slap your
head silly.
SLY : Ooh, look who's here.
TONY : You're lucky, Sylvester.
TONY : Hey, hey. Come on, I saved you a special seat. Front row--so that nothing else can
come between us.
KIMBERLY : Uh, Tony, can we talk for a minute?
TONY : Sure. What's wrong?
KIMBERLY : I tole my father that I wanted to keep seeing you. But, he wasn't very happy about
it.
TONY : Oh, well, all we can do is hope that after some time he'll get to realize how very, very,
very cool I am.
KIMBERLY : I don't think so.
TONY : What? You don't think I'm cool?
KIMBERLY : No, no, of course I do. It's just not going to work...my father is sending me to
Paris.
TONY : What? I don't get it. I thought he didn't want you to go.
KIMBERLY : Yeah, well, after our talk he changed his mind.
TONY : I don't believe this. He couldn't buy me off, so he's buying you off.
KIMBERLY : Maybe.
TONY : Don't you see? If you give in to him, you're saying what your dad is doing is okay.
KIMBERLY : That's not fair, Tony. He's my father and I love him. I mean, I know he's wrong
but I can't just blow him off. Maybe when I'm older I'll be strong enough to stand
up to him. But right now it's too hard.
TONY : Doing the right thing isn't always easy.
KIMBERLY : I know, I'm so sorry.
TIFFANI : What's the matter, Tony?
JENNY : What happened?
TONY : The dad guy won.
MATT : Oh, man.
SLY : That stinks.
TIFFANI : What are you going to do now, Tony?
TONY : Well, I'm never going to accept prejudice. All I can do is try and show people that
different doesn't mean bad.
JENNY : You're right, Tony.
SLY : Yeah. Are you felling all right?
TONY : Yeah.
SLY : Are you sure?
TONY : Yeah, I'm cool.
SLY : Good. Then can you get on stage and please make some money.
MATT : So, you still want to start with "Rain"?
TONY : Nah, nah, let's play "One World."
SLY : Yeah!
MATT : All right. Let's do it. One, two, three, four...
(MUSIC CUE : "ONE WORLD"
ALL : WHOA, WHOA, WHOA
ONE WORLD
WE'RE LIVING IN ONE WORLD
MATT : HERE WE ARE DEEP IN SPACE
THIRD STONE FROM THE SUN
JENNY : NO ONE SOUL IS OUT OF PLACE
THE SAME HEART BEATS IN EVERYONE
ALL : HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY
TONY : TOGETHER WE SAIL POINTS UNKNOWN
TIME IS ON OUR SIDE
JENNY : A TERRIBLE WONDERFUL TIME TO BE
ALIVE
ALL : ONE WORLD
MATT/JENNY : SACRED GROUND
FEEL IT TURNING
ALL : TURN IT AROUND, ONE WORLD
MATT/JENNY : PROMISED LAND
WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND
ALL : WE'RE LIVING IN ONE WORLD
ONE WORLD
WALLS COME DOWN
MATT/TONY : WE CAN TURN IT
ALL : TURN IT AROUND, ONE WORLD
MATT/TONY/JENNY : FAMILY, WAKE UP AND SEE
ALL : WE'RE LIVING IN ONE WORLD
WE'RE LIVING IN ONE WORLD
TONY : IT'S NOT A BLACK AND WHITE THING
MATT : IT'S ABOUT THE RIGHT THING
TONY : SISTERS AND BROTHERS,
SOUL HAS NO COLOR
EVERYONE OF US IS ONE
MATT/TONY : ONE
TONY : UNDERNEATH THE SUN
MATT/TONY : SUN
TONY : WE HAVE BEGUN TELLING EVERYONE ABOUT LOVE
MATT/TONY : LOVE, PUT AWAY THE LOADED GUN
TONY : USE YOUR IMAGINATION
MATT/TONY : WE ARE ONE NATION
TONY : EVERY BOY AND EVERY GIRL
MATT/TONY : COME ON EVERYBODY WE ARE ONE WORLD
ALL : ONE WORLD
MATT/TONY : PEACE!
ALL : SACRED GROUND
MATT/TONY/JENNY : FELL IT TURNIN
ALL : TURN IT AROUND, ONE WORLD
MATT/TONY/JENNY : PROMISED LAND, WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND
ALL : WE'RE LIVING IN ONE WORLD, ONE WORLD
MATT/TONY/JENNY : WALLS COME DOWN, WE CAN TURN IT
ALL : TURN IT AROUND, ONE WORLD
-THE END-
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