¡°CIAO, JENNY¡±/ Monday - January 11, 1999

TIFFANI : Hey, guys, you're looking at Cliffside Hospital's newest candy striper.
SLY : Hey, I love candy. How much does it pay?
TIFFANI : Nothing. It's not about being paid, it's about helping sick people.
SLY : Aw, that's easy. Just tell them to stop eating so much candy.
MATT : Did you think that was funny?
JENNY : No, I'm laughing because if my audition goes well today, I get to put eight thousand
         miles between me and candy brain here.
JAKE : What are you talking about?
JENNY : Today's my audition for the Music Conservatory in Rome.
JAKE : Rome? As in Italy?
JENNY : Do you know of another?
JAKE : Well, no, no... it's just, you know, so far away. And I would miss you...you know, in the
       band...stuff like that.
JENNY : I know, but the idea of finishing high school in Europe is kind of cool.
MATT : Yeah, besides, it's a great opportunity. Some of the most talented musicians have
        studied at the Conservatory. Eric Clapton, Eddie Van Halen, Yoyo Ma.
SLY : Yoyo Ma? That sounds like something Jake says when he's hungry. "Yoyo Ma, what's for
      dinner?"
TONY : Matt, Matt, scratch my back and fast, please.
TONY : Oh yeah...that's it. Right there. Right there. Feels gooooooood...
MATT : Tony, I'm not comfortable with this.
TIFFANI : I'd get that checked out if I were you. It could be a rash.
MATT : Gross! I'm going to go wash.
TONY : Aw, it's nothing. Another day and it'll go away by itself.
TIFFANI : I wouldn't be so sure. There's a woman at the hospital who started out with a rash,
           but it developed into a disease called Dermagilligus.
TONY : Der-der-dermagilligus? Sounds serious.
TIFFANI : It is. If not properly treated, it can spread like wildfire into your internal organs and
           phhhhhht! Not to worry you.
TONY : Worried? Who...who...who...who's worried?
SLY : You...you...you...you...
MATT : Not bad, Jake. Jenny'll be really flattered you wrote some lyrics about her.
JAKE : It's not about her.
MATT : Right. "DARK EYES, DARK HAIR. WHEN I SEE YOU I STOP AND STARE.
        YOU'RE MATT'S SISTER BUT I DON'T CARE."
JAKE : Okay, so maybe it's a little too obvious.
MATT : A little! Why don't you just rent out the Goodyear blimp and write, "I love you, Jenny."
JAKE : Okay, I'll change it, big mouth!
SLY : You're wasting your time. I wrote her a love song once. It didn't work.
MATT : It wasn't exactly a song, Sly. All you did was chant, "you want me and you know it,
        you want me and you know it."
MATT : Oh, that must be Jenny. I wonder how the audition went.
JAKE : Yeah, you and me both. If she gets in, she goes to Italy, and there goes my chance to
       be with her.
SLY : Sure, but look on the bright side. If she goes to Italy, you and I can go babe hunnting  
      together.
JAKE : I will never ever be that desperate.
DAD : WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE. THAT'S AMORE.
MATT : You got in!
MOM : We don't know yet.
DAD : Yes, of course she got in! The judges practically said so on the spot.
MOM : They said "thanks for coming, we'll call you."
DAD : Yes, but it was the way they said it.
JENNY : Trust me. I was up against some incredible talent. There's no way I got in.
JAKE : Good.
JENNY : What?
JAKE : Um...Good...I mean good talent is hard to find. And you're primo talent. So, if you're
       worried, then those people must have been...good.
JENNY : Thanks, Jake. That means a lot to me.
JAKE : Good.
TIFFANI : Aw, Tony. The rash has spread, hasn't it?
TIFFANI : Where to?
TONY : I'd rather not say.
MATT : Hey, Jake wrote a new tune. Let's try it out.
JAKE : Yeah, it's kind of a love song.
SLY : I've written better.
MATT : It's in the key of A, uptempo, follow me for the changes. One...two...three...four.

(MUSIC CUE : "IT MUST BE LOVE"
MATT : MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT LIKE NEVER BEFORE
  MY KNEES GET WEAK WHEN YOU WALK IN THE DOOR
  I KEEP THINKIN MAYBE THIS TIME
  BUT I CAN'T SPEAK AND I DON'T KNOW WHY
  I DREAM ABOUT YOU NIGHT AND DAY
  WHAT COULD MAKE ME ACT THIS WAY
MATT/JAKE : MUST BE LOVE
MATT : THE WAY THAT I FEEL
MATT/JAKE : SOMETHING INSIDE OOH
MATT : TELLS ME THIS IS REAL
MATT/JAKE : NOW I KNOW WHY
MATT : IT'S YOU I'M THINKIN OF
MATT/JAKE : NOW I KNOW IT MUST BE LOVE
JAKE/JENNY/TIFFANI : OOHH
MATT : BEFORE ANOTHER DAY GOES BY
JAKE/JENNY/TIFFANI : OOHH OH
MATT : I'LL TELL YOU ALL THE REASONS WHY
JAKE : NOW I KNOW WHY
MATT : IT'S YOU I'M THINKING OF
JAKE/JENNY/TIFFANI : OH OH
MATT : NOW I KNOW
MATT/JAKE/JENNY/TIFFANI : IT MUST BE LOVE
MATT : THE WAY THAT I FEEL
MATT/JAKE/JENNY/TIFFANI : SOMETHING INSIDE OOH
MATT : TELLS ME IT'S FOR REAL
MATT/JAKE/JENNY/TIFFANI : NOW I KNOW WHY
MATT : IT'S YOU I'M THINKIN OF
MATT/JAKE/JENNY/TIFFANI : NOW I KNOW IT MUST BE LOVE...
MATT : MUST BE LOVE
MATT : MUST BE LOVE)

JANNY : I don't know what to say.
JAKE : Don't say anything.
MATT : Boy, all that singing's made my throat dry. I think I'll go in and get some water.
TIFFANI : Good idea. I'll join you.
TONY : Ditto. Come on, Sylvester.
SLY : No, thanks. I'd rather stay here and watch.
JENNY : Did you really mean what you wrote?
JENNY : I think that's a "yes" but I'm not completely sure.
JAKE : Then let me say it again.
JAKE : This is intense. I can't believe this.
MOM : Jenny, the Conservatory called! You're a finalist! You might be going to Rome!
JENNY : Rome?
MOM : Yes!
JENNY : Yes! Rome!
TIFFANI : Tony, I found this magazine at the hospital. It has an article on Dermagilligus.
TONY : Oh, it's cool, the rash went away. I'm totally itchless.
TIFFANI : But I told you, Dermagilligus isn't just a rash, it comes in stages. But if you like
           living on the edge...
TONY : Give me that.
TIFFANI : Jenny must be really nervous about her second audition to the Conservatory.
MATT : Not as nervous as Jake here.
JAKE : I'm not nervous. So what if she goes to Italy...a place where studs named Marcello can
       hit on her without having to answer to me... You think that makes me nervous? Well, let
       me tell you, Jake Sommers doesn't do nervous!
MATT : So how about those Dodgers?
TIFFANI : I'm going to miss her, too.
TONY : Oh, no! This is terrible! According to this article, I might have Dermagilligus after all.
        Stage one-a spreading rash. I had that. Stage two-shortness of breath. I got that. And
        stage three is a stiff neck.
TIFFANI : Ah, you don't have a stiff neck.
TONY : Ow! Now I do! Get this thing sway from me. I ain't even want to know anymore!
SLY : What a nut case, huh? You have to be pretty lame to believe everything you read.
SLY : Baboom!
JAKE : What are you babooming about now, Winkle?
SLY : Oh, nothing. Just the solution to your problem with Jenny.
SLY : Wooh! I'm telling you, Jake, it's perfect. All I have to do is hypnotize Jenny into blowing
      her audition and shaloma, Roma.
JAKE : You're wasting my time. This'll never work.
SLY : Sure it will. It tells you how to do it in the magazine. It's a piece of cake.
DAD : Oh, hi, guys.
SLY : Observe. One large guinea pig.
SLY : Mr. Garrison! Just the man I wanted to see.
DAD : Forget it, Sly. I'm broke.
SLY : No, I was just doing a school project on hypnotism, and I was hoping you can serve as a
      subject.
DAD : Well, sure, but I have to warn you, I'm not very suggestible. You know the saying: "The
      tougher the subject, the sharper the mind."
SLY : Understood. Just close your eyes and relax.
DAD : Okay.
SLY : Your arms are heavy... and your legs are...
SLY : Behold. Gumby man.
SLY : Now listen carefully. Whenever you hear the world "goodbye" you will automatically give
      me ten dollare.
SLY : I'm going to snap my fingers, and you'll awaken, alert and refreshed.
DAD : I told you it wouldn't work. I'm too smart for this.
SLY : Yeah. You're right.
SLY : Goodbye.
DAD : Oh, here's ten bucks, Sly.
SLY : Ah.
MOM : I'm so proud of you, honey. You're not nervous at all.
JENNY : Well, what's the point of worrying? I've done everything I can to prepare.
TIFFANI : You sure have. What dress are you going to wear?
JENNY : My red one with the ruffled hem.
JENNY : What?
MOM : Nothing. Nothing... I just think your blue outfit is more appropriate. But the red dress
       works.
JENNY : No, no, fine, fine, I'll wear my blue outfit, with my white heels.
TIFFANI : You're going to wear heels?
JENY : Aaaaaaargh!
TIFFANI : Hey, that reminds me, I'm working in the psychiatric ward today. Don't want to be
           late. Bye.
DAD : Let's go, Hon. Movie starts at five.
MOM : Oh, honey, I don't know if I can, Jenny is very...
JENNY : Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
MOM : Are you sure?
SLY : So, Jenny, the word on the grapevine is you're a little nervous about your audition. Oh.
JENNY : Well, maybe just a little bit.
JAKE : I'm sorry, babe.
SLY : Well, today's your lucky day. I know the perfect way to relax you.
JENNY : If this is a cheap way for you to give me a massage, Sly, forget it.
JAKE : No, no, Sly has a great idea. He can totally calm you down with hypnosis.
JENNY : Hypnosis? I don't know, Jake, it sounds a little bit out there.
TIFFANI : On second thought, Jenny, maybe you should wear your green skirt.
JENNY : Hypnosis, huh? When do we start?
SHORT MAN : Shall we begin?
JENNY : You bet. My selection is called "Castles in Quicksand."
SLY : This is going to be great! Every time she sings the word "baby" baboom.

(MUSIC CUE : KEYBOARD TRACK
JENNY : WELL I COULD LOVE YOU BABY...)

JENNY : Speaking of babies, did anyone ever tell you you're balder than my two month old
         cousin?
BALD MAN : Huh?!
JENNY : And obviously not as articulate. Ho!

(MUSIC CUE : KEYBOARD TRACK
JENNY : ...WITH A NERVOUS LAUGH I SEE YOU TRY TO
  COVER THE HURT, TRY TO JUSTIFY.
  YOU BETTER LET GO REAL SOON BABY...)

JENNY : Nice hair, lady.
WOMAN : Thank you.
JENNY : Know where can I get a wig like that? Ho!

(MUSIC CUE : KEYBOARD TRACK
YOU CAN'T BUILD CASTLES ON QUICKSAND.)

SLY : Yeah! And the wig lady is down for the count! Bom bom bom bom bom bom. Bom bom
      bom bom bom bom. Ow ow ow!
SLY : What's the matter? I thought you wanted this.
JAKE : I did. But now I feel kind of bad.
SLY : Bad? For what?
JAKE : For humiliating her, Winkle. We're making her blow the biggest thing of her life, because
       we're selfish pigs.
SLY : Sure, if you put it like that. Come on, let's get out of here.
JENNY : So, little man, should I call you Tommy or Mr. Thumb? Ho!
MATT : Hey, Tiff, what's wrong?
TIFFANI : Remember that patient who had dermagilligus? She's gone.
TONY : Gone?
TIFFANI : Yeah. It's awful. Just when you get to know someone...they check out.
TONY : Check out? Oh, man, I guess I don't have much time. Jake, I want you to have my
        drumset. Matt, I want you to have my blackbook. The girls with the checkmarks kiss on
        the first date.
TIFFANI : Tony, you don't...
SLY : Hold it. He didn't give me anything yet.
TIFFANI : And he's not going to. Tony, the woman didn't die. She got better and went home.
           Besides, I found out you can only get Dermagilligus while having a baby.
TONY : Hav-hav-having a baby? Then you mean that it's a woman's disease?
MATT : Yeah, so either stop complaining or put on a dress.
TONY : Give me my book back!
JENNY : Sly! You weasel! You were supposed to relax me, not hypnotize me to insult the
         judges! I'm going to kill you.
JAKE : Jenny, wait. It wasn't all Sly's fault. I, ah, I, ah, I wanted him to do it.
JENNY : What?
JAKE : I was afraid you might get accepted and, you know...split on me
JENNY : You wanted him to do it?
JENNY : Oh, Jake. For you to do all this, you must really, really care about me.
JAKE : Oh yeah.
SLY : Hey, what about me? I was the one who did the hypnotizing.
JENNY : You're right, Sly. Come here.
SLY : Ow!
JENNY : Because of you, I almost didn't get into the Conservatory!
TIFFANI : What do you mean "almost?"
JENNY : They loved me. They thought I invented a new form of music: Shock Rock.
SLY : Congratulations!
MATT : So you're going to Rome after all!
JENNY : No, I'm turning them down.
MATT : What?
JENNY : How can I leave when there's somebody here who cares this much about me?
MATT : You've got to get Jenny to go to that school, Jake. She can't blow this opportunity.
JAKE : Don't you think I know that, Garrison. I feel guilty enough already.
JAKE : I'm afraid I'm about to do something I'm not very proud of.
JENNY : Hi, Jake.
JENNY : Come on, let's go.
JAKE : Go where?
JENNY : For a picnic, remember? We're going to ride up to Laguna Park and watch the sunset. I
         made a special dinner.
JAKE : I'm sorry, I've got other plans.
JENNY : What other plans?
JAKE : Hey, I don't have to report to you. I told you I've got other plans. Now if you'll excuse
       me.
JENNY : Jake, what's going on?
JAKE : Isn't it obvious? I have a date with Lola.
JENNY : But what about...
JAKE : Hey, you didn't think you were the only one, did you?
JENNY : No, I guess not.
MOM : I guess after what happened, Jake won't be here to see you off.
JENNY : I guess not.
MOM : I'm sorry, honey.
TIFFANI : Jen, I got you a going away present.
JENNY : Oh, Tiff. It's gorgeous, but what happened to the other half of the pendant?
TIFFANI : I'm wearing it. This way, we'll always have a piece of each other. You're my best
           friend, Jenny.
SLY : Well, Jenny, I got yo something to remember me by.
JENNY : Gee, thanks, Sly. I really needed a travelling dart board.
SLY : Good one. Goodbye, Jenny.
SLY : Thank you, Mr. Garrison.
TONY : Uh, nobody said anything about gifts... Um, I know it's kind of lame...
JENNY : I love it. It's you, Tony.
TONY : It is, isn't it?
MATT : Here's a recording of our last gig together. If you get homesick, you can just listen to
         this and we'll be there.
JENNY : That's beautiful, Matt. I'm really going to miss you.
MATT : Me, too. Goodbye, Jenny.
DAD : Sorry, Sly, I only have a twenty.
SLY : That's okay. Goodbye, Jenny.
DAD : Keep the change.
MOM : Snap out of it, dear.
DAD : Hey, what are you doing with my money?
SLY : Time to go! Catch you later.
DAD : Come with me, Sly. You're going to help me pack the car.
MOM : You okay, honey?
JENNY : Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a minute, okay?
MOM : Okay.
JENNY : Goodbye, house... Goodbye, kitchen... Goodbye, refrigerator... Goodbye, table... Goodbye,
         Jake...Jake?
JAKE : I, ah, couldn't let you go without saying goodbye.
JENNY : Well, I'm glad you came.
JAKE : Jenny, that bimbo was a put-on. I just couldn't let you pass up the opportunity of your
       life because of me.
JENNY : Yeah, I kinda figured that.
JAKE : I'm really sorry. I never cared about anybody like this before. I mean, I wanted you to
       stay--for me. But I realized it was more important for you to go--for you.
JENNY : Ride with me to the airport?
JAKE : I wouldn't miss that for anything.

-THE END-