¡°Fallow Your Dreams¡±/Monday - January 25, 1999

JAKE (SINGING) : I'M ALL ALONE, DON'T WRITE, DON'T
 PHONE -- IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME BACK,
 YOU'LL BREAK MY HEART BONE.
JAKE : So... what do you guys think?
SAM : About what?
JAKE : Uh, my lyrics. You know, the ones I just sang ten seconds ago.
SAM : Oh! Well, I thought they were... uh... You know, it's really hard to find the words.
SLY : Yeah, but not the sound...
JAKE : You all feel the same way?
ALL : No, no, don't be silly...
ALL : Well... yeah, yeah, we do...
JAKE : Oh, yeah?! Well... you're right. Something's off. I mean I just can't seem to write
       anything lately.
TIFFANI : Look, Jake, it's been ten days since Sly sent our tape to Crocodile Records.
MARK : Yeah, and if they like it, it could mean a lot for all of us. So maybe you're just a little
        nervous.
JAKE : Hey! Jake Sommers doesn't do nervous.
TONY : Well, then, maybe you're just a dried-up-creatively-bankrupt-has-been.
JAKE : Alright, I'm nervous. Ya happy?
MARK : Come on, it's a school night, and we've got that aptitude test in the morning, why don't
        we call it quits?
TONY : T-t-test? I didn't hear anything about a test.
LORENA : Relax, Tony. It's just an aptitude test. You just have to answer test. You just have to
           answer questions about what you like to do and what you're good at.
TONY : Oh, how am I supposed to know what I'm good at? I gotta go home and study!!
LORENA : Are you looking for something?
SLY : Yeah, I'm searching for my aptitude... And ba-boom! You're it!
LORENA : Listen, Ferret Boy, if cupid himself came down and shot me full of arrows, I'd still
           think you were a cockroach.
SLY : Oh, yeah. She wants me.
MARK : Sly, are you blind? The woman hates you.
SLY : Ahh, that's just cause she knows me.
MARK : Exactly. So pull back on the drooling and find something you have in common.
SLY : Hmm... like maybe a common "aptitude?"
MR. GREEN : Ladies and gentlemen, as your guidance counselor, I want to welcome you to the
              most important fifty-minutes of your life... more important than your birth. This...
              is your destiny!
TONY : I apologize for being late.
MR. GREEN : Don't apologize to me, Mr. Wicks. Apologize to your future.
TONY : Oh, man!
MR. GREEN : In these next few moments, each of you will discover the profession for which
              you are best suited. I hope you are fully prepared.
TONY : I'm prepared. I am completely and utterly in a state of total preparedness.
MR. GREEN : Take out your number two pencils.
TONY : I'm not prepared! I'm not prepared! Oh, man, what am I gonna do?
TONY : Thank you.
MR. GREEN : You may begin.
MR. GREEN : I hold in my hand the key to your future. I shall begin with... "a green pepper
        and a quart of milk, don't forget, you nincompoop!" Oops. Wrong list. Samantha
              Woo, according to your aptitude test, you should become... A photographer! Tiffani
              Smith, your destiny is as a veterinarian...a worthy calling...but not as worthy as
              Mark Winkle's, whose future is as a guidance counselor... the noblest of all
              professions.
MR. GREEN : Mr. Wicks, I have bad news for you... You're to waste your life as a musician!
TONY : I knew it! I knew it! All that studying paid off! I knew it!
MR. GREEN : We have two future fashion designers among us. Miss Lorena Costa...
LORENA : Ole!
MR. GREEN : ...and Mr. Sylvester Winkle.
LORENA : Oy Vay!
MR. GREEN : Jake Sommers... you will flourish as a Floral Engineer.
JAKE : Hey -- that sounds interesting. What is it?
MR. GREEN : You're a florist, leather boy.
JAKE : Yeah, right. Look, I'm a songwriter. I've been doing it since I was a kid. Doesn't the test
       say anything about music or writing?
MR. GREEN : I'm afraid not.
MR. GREEN : Each of you will research your aptitudes and give me an oral presentation one
              week hence. Hand these out, will you?
SLY : I was just wondering...since Lorena and I have the same aptitude, maybe we should...
      research it together?
LORENA : I'd rather kiss a frog.
MR. GREEN : An excellent idea. You can do a joint presentation.
SLY : Ribbit, ribbit...
MARK : Hey, Tiff. How's it going?
TIFFANI : Oh, great. I'm volunteering at the animal clinic this week. There's this puppy --
           he's the most adorable little thing you've ever seen in your whole life!
LORENA : What happened to your finger?
TIFFANI : The little sucker bit me.
SAM : Now nobody pay any attention to me. Just act natural...and...
SAM : hey, I said act natural. Not like a bunch of grinning geeks.
TONY : It's not that your lyrics are bad, Jake, they're just not musical, man. I know about
        music, because after all, it is my aptitude.
JAKE : Well, Mr. Music, I hope you have an aptitude for flying.
SAM : Eergh!
MARK : Relax, Jake. Every writer goes through a dry spell. It doesn't mean a thing.
JAKE : There, ya see, Wicks? I'm just going through a dry spell. It's happened to Mark, too.
MARK : No it hasn't. I was just trying to make you feel better.
SLY : Eh, who ever heard of a dinky little outfit like Crocodile Records anyway? They're a bunch
      of hacks.
TIFFANI : Oh, no! They turned us down? Why?
SLY : Well... they loved Mark's music.
JAKE : What'd they say about my lyrics?
SLY : And they say about my lyrics?
SLY : And they flipped over the girl's vocals...
JAKE : What'd they say about my lyrics?
SLY : Did I mention they're a bunch of hacks?
JAKE : What did they say about my lyrics, Winkle?
SLY : Well, uh... They hated them... sorry, Jake.
MRS. STIMPSON : Well, Lady, what do you think? Lady's delighted we hired you.
JAKE : Thanks, Lady... Huh?
MARK : Excuse me, sir. We're looking for a small, tasteful arrangement. Something bold.
TIFFANI : Something with originality.
TONY : Something with petunias.
JAKE : Knock it off, guys.
MARK : Hey, you've missed practice two days in a row. I hope you're coming tonight.
JAKE : No can do. I'm stuck here till nine.
TIFFANI : Well, aren't you over-doing it? I mean, it's just a class project.
JAKE : Oh, yeah? Tell that to Crocodile Records. Tell it to Mr. Green and his aptitude test. I
       mean, come on, even you guys thought my song was lousy.
TIFFANI : Come on, Jake, there must be a bright side to this.
TONY : There is. We'll get a discount on Mother's Day bouquets.
MRS. STIMPSON : I have to leave early, Jake. Lady just isn't quite herself.
TIFFANI : Oh, maybe I should take a look. I'm volunteering at the animal clinic. Hi, little kitty!
TIFFANI : Ow!
MRS. STIMPSON : That's odd. Lady likes everyone.
SLY : Not tall enough... not beautiful enough... not hot enough. I give up.
LORENA : Sly, it's not like you to give up without getting your face slapped first.
SAY : I'm trying to find a model for my latest design, "La Costa De Lorena." But none of them
      can do it justice.
LORENA : "La Costa De Lorena." You named a design after me?
SLY : Well, after all... you inspired it.
LORENA : I'm very flattered, Sly. No one has ever named anything after me. Except of course,
          my father's hotels, the "Lorena Magnifico" the "Lorena Fantastico" and the fabulous "
          Lorena Hotel and Casino" in Las Vegas.
SLY : See, the only problem is, I can't find a model who can live up to the name. She's got to
      have beauty, passion, intelligence...
LORENA : Class...
SLY : Face it, we're talking a goddess here!
LORENA : Okay. I'll do it.
SLY : You will?
LORENA : I inspired it, it's mine. I'll try it on tonight. My place, eight o'clock.
SLY : Alright.
SLY : Yo! Mr. Guidance! You're a genius.
MARK : Forget it, cuz. I'm broke.
SLY : Not that. Remember when you told me to find something in common with Lorena?
MARK : Yeah?
SLY : Well, I took your advice and copied her aptitude test!
MARK : Oh, man, why was I born a Winkle? Sly, I did not tell you to cheat. I have to tell her.
SLY : Okay, but you'll be breaking the Guidance Counselor code.
MARK : Code? What code?
SLY : You know, the Code! It's like Doctor/Patient, Attorney/ Client... Pilot/Stewardess. If you
      betrayn that sacred trust, you're not worthy to be called... "Guidance Counselor."
MARK : Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut if you promise not to hit on Lorena. Got it?
SLY : You've got my word as a Winkle. I won't hit on Lorena.
SLY : Jake, I need some flowers to hit on Lorena.
JAKE : What, you couldn't steal any from the cemetery?
SLY : No, they close at six.
JAKE : So you want me to pick something out for ya?
SLY : What do you think I am, stupid? I know flowers. I'll take some of those red ones with
      the pedal thingeys.
JAKE : What are you gonna write on the card?
SLY : What? I gotta give her a card, too?
JAKE : Listen, Winkle, nothing gets to a girl more than a card that expresses your honest and
       true feelings.
SLY : No way! If I wrote down what I really feel, she'd slap me.
JAKE : I'll write it. I can feel my heart race...Man, you know you've reached a new low when
       the best part of your day is hlping Winkle get a girl.
SLY : Hey, at least you know it can't get any worse.
MRS. STIMPSON : Jake, dear, Lady says she needs her litter box changed.
LORENA : I can't wait to see Sly's design. Who knows? He could be the next Calvin Klein.
SAM : Ooh, just what every girl in America wants, Sly's name on her butt.
SLY : Le Ba-Boom! I have been possessed by the spirit of the great French designers.
SAM : Well, I'll just go back to my room now... leave you alone to create with Christian Dork.
SAM : Arrggghhh!
SLY : Ah... alone at last.
LORENA : What are you doing?
SLY : It's a tradition among the great designers to kiss their models for good luck.
LORENA : Don't you have something to show me, Sly?
SLY : Uh, uh, uh... Never unweil the masterpiece until the third kiss... French tradition.
LORENA : Never kiss the designer unless you like his work... Mexican tradition.
SLY : Well... if you insist. Voy-la!
LORENA : Oh, Sly... This is hot. I love leopard skin!
LORENA : What are you doing?
SLY : It's... it's... not ready yet. There's a loose... seam.
LORENA : Sly, you're such a perfectionist.
LORENA : How could you do that to La "Costa De Lorena?"
SLY : Hey, don't worry about it. I'll buy, I mean, create another one
LORENA : Au revoir, Sly.
JAKE : Flowers for Miss Costa.
SLY : Bonjour, Sly!
LORENA : They're beautiful!
SLY : Thank you, Mr. Flowers. You're late.
LORENA : "I can feel my heart race, trying to read the look on your face, and see if there's a
           place, in your heart for me." You know, we have another Mexican tradition. When a
           guy writes something like that... a woman does something like this...
JAKE : Arrggh! I hate flowers!
TONY : You see, it's too bad you didn't study. Or else you'd be... MUSICAL LIKE ME! YEAH!
JAKE : Shouldn't you guys be somewhere else? You know, like not here?
MARK : We're practicing late today because of Dr. Doolittle.
JAKE : Who?
TONY : Tiffani. She tried talking to a squirrel and it bit her.
MARK : And now she's talking to the doctor about a tetanus shot.
TONY : Oh, my that's too much baby's breath.
JAKE : Will you get outta here?
TONY : Hey, I was just trying to help you out. What would you do if Lady came in here and
        didn't like your arrangement? Then where would you be?
JAKE : That's it. It's hard enough having a boss from outer space without a visit from Urkel and
       Jurkel. Get out of here. Get out. Get out.
MRS. STIMPSON : Now you've done it. You've ruined Lady's birthday bouquet. She has
                   something to say.
JAKE : Oh, yeah? Well, you can't fire me. I quit!
TONY : Hey, checkout Tiffani! She found a baby bird on the ground and now she's climbing the
        tree to put it back in its nest.
TIFFANI : Ow! I'm only trying t help you! Stop pecking me! Ow! Ahh--!
TONY : Oh, man! Tif fell out of the tree!
MARK : Tiff! Are you okay?
TIFFANI : I think it's just a sprain. Stupid bird.
TONY : Well, it looks like another trip to the emergency room, hm?
SAM : And here's the one of you guys at Sharkey's. Here's Tiffani and that killer squirrel. And
      here's you kissing Sly--
MARK : Let me see that! When was this taken?
LORENA : When Sly came over to show me his design.
MARK : I cana't believe that! He promised not to hit on you!
LORENA : Why would he promise that?
MARK : Lorena, I can't tell you. I'd be breaking the Guidance Counselor Code!
LORENA : I think I'm falling for him.
MARK : He copied your aptitude test!
LORENA : I'll kill him! The only reason I kissed that miserable, ferret-face, was because of that
           stupid card!
JAKE : What stupid card?
LORENA : This one! I'm such an idiot. He probably copied this, too! I thought nay guy who
           wrote like this, deserved to be kissed... The words were so powerful... I'll teach him
           it's not nice to fool with Lorena Costa.
JAKE : Powerful words, huh?
TIFFANI : So... it's been a whole week, but the animals really seem to trust me now.
MR. GREEN : Well done, Miss Smith.
SAM : Hold it!
TIFFANI : No, no -- No flashes!
TIFFANI : Oh, no, no, no...!
LORENA : The "Costa/Winkle House of Fashion" is pleased to present its latest design, inspired
           by Mr. Sly himself. It's sure to be hot everywhere, especially for guys who treat
           women "The Winkle Way."
SLY : Pst! Lorena, come here.
SLY : You sure this thing is sexy?
LORENA : Trust me, Sly. It's how every woman sees you... in their dreams.
SLY : Oh...
JAKE : Yabba-dabba-dufus!
SLY : I have a suspicion somebody broke the guidance counselor code.
TONY : I have transcended standard pop-music and created the "Wicks Acapella Opera" --
        written by me.
MR. GREEN : Mr. Sommers? Are you ready?
JAKE : yeah, but if it's okay, as part of my presentation, I've planned a little field trip.
MRS. GREEN : Well, Mr. Sommers, what's this got to do with your aptitude? I don't see a
               single flower.
JAKE : Well... I explored my aptitude and... I didn't like it.
MRS. GREEN : Perhaps you didn't give it a chance.
JAKE : Maybe  didn't give myself a chance. See, what I learned this week is that you can't let
       anybody or any test dictate what you do. You gotta listen to yourself... no matter what.
       Everybody got the lyrics I re-wrote?
JAKE : Let's do it. One, two, three, four...

(MUSIC CUE : "WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU"
JAKE : WHAT WAS I WAITING FOR
 THE MINUTE YOU WALKED IN THE DOOR I KNEW
 THERE WAS NOTHIN MORE
 I WOULD EVER NEED
 LOOKIN FOR THE RIGHT TIME
 TO LAY MY HEART ON THE LINE
 BUT WHEN I MAKE UP MY MIND
 I GET WEAK IN THE KNEES
 BEFORE ANOTHER HOUR GOES BY
 I WANT TO LOOK INTO YOUR EYES
 AND OH GIRL LET MY LOVE FLY FREE
MARK/JAKE : WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU
  ALL I CAN TELL IS THE TRUTH
JAKE : NOW IF I COULD JUST TELL YOU
 YOU'D KNOW HOW I FEEL
MARK/JAKE : WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU
JAKE : YOU SHINE IN MY MIND LIKE A JEWEL
MARK/JAKE : AND I'M READY TO PLAY THE FOOL
JAKE : TO MAKE THIS DREAM REAL
MARK/JAKE : TO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE I FEEL
  WHENEVER I
JAKE : WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU
MARK/JAKE : OH, WHENEVER I
JAKE : WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU
JAKE : YEAH, EHENEVER I
 WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU)

MR. GREEN : Well, Mr. Sommers, clearly these tests aren't perfect. There are exceptions to the
              rule and you're obviously you're one of them. Henceforth, I shall only use them as
              a guide.
JAKE : Well... maybe it took being a floral engineer to get me back on track. Even if it looks
       like they won't come true, you can't stop believing in your dreams.

-THE END-