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"The Unforgiven" / Tuesday - January 26, 1999
JAKE : Check it out.
TIFFANI : Oh, wow!
TONY : Cool!
SLY : Baboom! So? The first decent rehearsal space in a month, right?
JAKE : Decent? Man, I miss Garrison, but this place makes his garage look like a... garage.
SAM : I know. I miss Matt, too, but if he hadn't moved, I wouldn't be living here with Lorena
and her parents. She's like the filthy rich sister I never had.
TONY : Whoa! Who were we talking about?
SLY : Yep. It looks like things are going to be pretty good from here on out.
SAM : Sure. Once we get our equipment back from the guy you rented our last rehearsal space
from.
SLY : Yeah. I can't believe he kept our stuff just because I miscalculated the rent a little.
TONY : A little? Man, if Columbus had miscalculated that much, we'd be the "Tokyo Dreams."
SLY : Well, if you guys would just let me book you another gig, we could make the five-
hundred bucks we owe the guy.
SAM : Oh, a gig. That's a great idea. Except for one thing. How can we play a gig without...
equipment?!
TIFFANI : Besides, the last gig we played without Matt was a disaster. So no more until we
replace him.
SLY : Then let's have more auditions.
JAKE : Forget that we haven't found anyone in a month. But even if we did, we'd never know it.
You know why? Because they can't audition without... equipment!!
SLY : The only reason I--
GANG : Equipment, equipment, equipment!!
SLY : Okay, okay, okay! We need five-hundred bucks. We just have to find a smart, responsible
way to get it.
TONY : You got any ideas?
SLY : Yeah. Lorena's right, let's mooch it off her.
SLY : And since she's got the hots for me, I'll ask her.
LORENA : Un momento, when I said your band could practice here, I didn't know it included
"Ferret-Face" Winkle.
SLY : You ask her, Sam.
SAM : Uh, Lorena. Look, we really appreciate your letting us use your loft. Oh forget it, I can't
ask.
LORENA : Please, Sam, even though you've only lived here a month, I feel closer to you than to
my father's stockbroker. Just ask.
SAM : Lend us five-hundred dollars?
LORENA : No way. But help yourself to the chips.
JAKE : Thanks anyway, Lorena. We'll figure something out.
LORENA : Hey, I know. My friend Sheila is having a big party at Sharkey's next Friday. Nah,
forget it. Her father only gave her five-hundred dollars for a band. You're not that
desperate.
SLY : Oh, yes, we are. Okay, we'll need practice, new outfits, a few new songs. And, uh... uh...
What else will we need?
TIFFANI : How about a lead singer?
TONY : How about some equipment?
JAKE : And how about a new manager?
SLY : Baboom!! We're all set. My cousin Mark is moving to town. He'll replace Matt in the
band.
TIFFANI : Oh, thank you, Sly. That was really funny. We needed a good joke.
SLY : Who's joking?
JAKE : You mean, you seriously think we'd let a Winkle play in the band?
SLY : Yeah.
SLY : Go ahead, go ahead--laugh it up. But I'm telling you Mark's incredible. He's not like a
real Winkle, he's got talent.
SAM : Yeah? Well, whose was it before he stole it?
SLY : We're talking child prodigy. He plays piano, guitar, drums -- He sings, he writes, he
slices, he dices, Last time I saw him was five years ago when he played a piano recital
at Carnegie Hall.
JAKE : Carnegie Hall?
TONY : I don't believe it.
SLY : I'm telling you, be played there.
TONY : No, I don't believe the world's most famous concert hall would let an uncultured-onion-
head like you inside.
JAKE : I don't know, Sly. If your cousin's that good, it'll be really cool. But we want to hear him
play first. Understand!?
SLY : No problem. I'll set something up.
TIFFANI : Great. Now that that's settled, let's hit the beach.
SLY : I'll, uh, catch up to you.
SLY : Lorena, I've got great news.
LORENA : You got a job as a speed bump?
SLY : No. Actually we replaced Matt in the band, so we can play your friend's party. Oh, and
do you think she could pay us in advance?
LORENA : No problem. She's got a bank machine in her bedroom.
TONY : Guys! Guys! I had this terrible nightmare that we let Sly's cousin in the band.
JAKE : Yeah, I had that nightmare, too.
TIFFANI : Me, too.
SAM : Wo-Ye. Me, too.
SLY : Give me twenty bucks, Earthling, or I'll date your sister.
SLY : BA-BOOM, BABOOM-BABOOM, BA-BA-BOOM-BAH, BA-BA-BOOM...
SLY : Baboom, baby, not another chord until you love me tender.
SLY : Guys, meet my cousin, Mark.
SLY : I'm a musical prodigy. And I can do everything you can do. Only better.
SLY : Yeah, so you're all fired.
SLY(MARK)/SLY : Heh-heh-heh.
TONY : What do we do, Jake? I'm scared.
JAKE : We tell Sly to forget it. Come on.
TIFFAN : He's amazing. I bet he'd be great in the band.
JAKE : I wonder if he can rock and roll?
MARK : Yeeoow!!!
SAM : We didn't mean to scare you.
MARK : No problem. It's a lot of fun when my heart stops.
MARK : How long were you listening?
SAM : Long enough to know that Beethoven can really rock.
MARK : Oh, that. I, uh, I was just making that stuff up.
JAKE : You mean you "made up" that riff?
MARK : Yeah. It's just something I do.
TONY : I don't know who you are, or from whence you came, but what I do know is the lord-of
-lords-ding-of-kings-creator-dude-of-all-things sent you here for us. Can I get an
"amen?"
GANG : Amen!
SLY : Baboom!
MARK : Oh, great. Sly.
TIFFANI : You guys know each other?
SLY : Of course. This is Mark, my cousin.
JAKE : You were right, Sly. He's perfect.
MARK : Perfect for what?
SLY : Markus, my man, these are my friends, the "California Dreams." They're the band I
manage. And we want you to join. Pretty cool, heh?
MARK : Yeah, pretty cool except for one thing. I want nothing to do with you, Sly. I hate your
guts.
SLY : I swear, Jake! Lots of people hate me--I don't know why.
JAKE : I just want to know why we lost out on the most talented musician I've ever seen.
SLY : Or what? You can't even move.
TONY : Answer him, Sly, or we're going to let go one-by-one. It's like there's a rope with an
anvil over your head, and it's tearing--one strand at a time.
SLY : I can't believe Mark even remembers.
SLY : Okay, the New York Gazette called it "The Carnegie Hall Incident." Yeah.
SLY : Okay, five years ago Mark played at Carnegie Hall. If it had gone well he could have
been famous.
TONY : Less detail -- more story. My grip is starting to go.
SLY : Okay, he was playing the "William Tell Overture." Anyway, in the middle of it, I knid of
yelled "Hi Yo Silver."
TONY : What?! You heckled the man in Carnegie Hall?!! Oh, man, you can't be doing that. Man,
that's wrong. I've got to deck you.
SLY : Yeah, but that's not what got him. He was fine till I started galloping around the stage
shooting bank robbers.
TONY : Man, I should Kemosabe your butt.
SLY : I couldn't help myself, I was a kid. Besides, everyone loved it. Except, Mark. He was
humiliated and ran off the stage in tears.
SAM : No wonder he hates you.
SLY : I know. I got a standing ovation.
JAKE : You know, you're some piece of work, Winkle, I mean, I can't believe you'd dog your own
cousin like that.
SAM : Yeah, he'll never join the band as long as you're the manager.
SLY : Hey, hey, hey... come on, guys, lighten up.
TONY : "Lighten up?" Man, don't you care about people's feelings?
TIFANI : Well, at least we didn't agree to play Lorena's friend's party.
LORENA : You did agree. Why?
SAM : Sly, you had no right to accept that gig without our permission.
TONY : Well, at least we didn't get the money up front.
LORENA : You did get it. Why?
JAKE : Well, at least we didn't spend it.
SLY : We did spend it.
GANG : Why?!
SLY : Would you believe... equipment?
LORENA : I don't know what's going on, but if you mess up Sheila's party -- te pegare tan
fuerte, que regresaras al kinder!
SLY : What?
LORENA : Just don't mess up the party, trust me.
JAKE : Since our "manager" messed up again, there's only one thing to do. We've got to figure
out some way to get Mark in the band.
SLY : Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.
SLY : But only after you thought of it. Yeah.
TONY : There he is! There he is! Hey, Mark! Mark! Come here.
JAKE : Do it now.
JAKE : What are you talking about? You're wrong. This song is great!
TONY : Well, I think it stinks. As a matter of fact, it stinks so bad, if you don't put it away,
the health department's gonna come in here and close this place down.
MARK : What's wrong?
TONY : What? You can't smell that? Take a whiff.
JAKE : Hey, Mark, we're having some problems working out a song and since you're so good,
we thought you could help us out.
MARK : Sure. I'll give it a look.
MARK : This works. It's pretty cool how you bridge to the solo.
JAKE : Ha!
MARK : But...
TONY : Ha, ha! "But!" The man said "but" He must know he's talking to a butthead.
MARK : If you're worried it's too traditional, take the second verse up a half-step.
JAKE : That's incredible! Mark, you're amazing. You're a genius.
TONY : No, man. He's more than a genius. He's a musical-prodigy-bravissimo-brainiac.
JAKE : And good looking, too.
MARK : Give me a break. You guys are just trying to flatter me so I'll join the band.
JAKE : Did it work?
MARK : Sorry. You know, because you're Sly's friends, I thought you'd be a bunch of hacks. But
that song's really good. And I wish I could be in the band.
JAKE : So what's the problem?
MARK : Well...that's the biggest reason I hate Sly. Ever since Carnegie Hall, I haven't been able
to play in front of anyone. I'm too terrified. I've got stage fright.
MARK : You guys are so cool for trying to help me. And if this works, I'll definitely be in the
band.
TIFFANI : Okay. The plan is simple. I got the idea from an old surfer poem: IF YOU HAVE A
GNARLY WIPE-OUT, DON'T GIVE IN TO FEAR OR SELF-DOUBT; HOP BACK ON
YOUR BOARD AND YELL, "COWABUNGA!" AND YOU'D BETTER DO IT NOW
CAUSE YOU AIN'T GETTIN YOUNGA.
SAM : Uh... right. So we set up the loft like a concert hall so we can relive the recital where
you got stage fright.
TIFFANI : I just said that.
SAM : I know, but I said it in English.
TONY : Only this time, Mark has to finish the song, and Sly has to keep his big mouth shut.
Think you can do that, you masked moron?
SLY : Hey, I was eleven years old. I'm a lot more mature now, you dillweed.
JAKE : And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your listening pleasure, Carnegie Hall is proud to
present Mark Winkle, an eleven-year-old prodigy from Chicago. His first selection will
be, "The William Tell Overture."
SLY : Hi-hi-hi-hi-yo-Silver!!! Hi Yo Silver, and away!
TIFFANI : Sly, what's the matter with you? Don't you have a conscience?
SLY : Yes, but I was blessed with a really small one.
SLY : Ow! What was that for?
SAM : Just wanted to know if you felt anything.
SLY : Hey, I'm not a complete animal. I'm actually feeling a little, um, you know, guilty.
TIFFANI : Well, you should. Guilt is the way your conscience tells you you've done something
bad.
JAKE : And I would consider screwing up Mark's life pretty bad, wouldn't you?
SLY : Um... yes?
TONY : Let me put this in terms you'll understand, okay? Imagine you have the chance to book
the Dreams at the Rose Bowl. Your commission is fifty-thousand dollars...
SLY : Sounds good.
SAM : And if everything goes well, the Dreams will go on a world tour...
SLY : Do we get a band jet?
TIFFANI : And beautiful screaming groupies just waiting for the plane to land. Heh-heh-heh.
SLY : We've got to land this plane now.
SAM : Just one problem.
SLY : What? Problem? There can't be a problem.
JAKE : Just as you're about to close the deal, Mark runs in wearing a clown costume and yells,
"boogie boogie boogie boogie." The promoter gets scared and jumps out the window.
TONY : The deal is blown. You're a penniless, babooming bum for the rest of your life.
SLY : That rat! He can't do that to me.
JAKE : He didn't. But you did it to him. Carnegie Hall was Mark's Rose Bowl.
TIFFANI : Don't you get it, Sly? You destroyed your cousin's dreams.
SLY : Oh, man. I hate it when you guys are right. But I gotta admit... you are. I've got to do
something. I've got to apologize.
LORENA : I just told Sheila you guys can't play at her party. She's handling it really well.
SLY : Oh, good.
LORENA : But her boyfriend isn't. He's going to beat the guacamole out of you.
SLY : Mark...
SLY : Please don't go. Look, I know that after what I did, I have no right to talk to you. But it's
important that you hear what I have to say.
MARK : What?
SLY : I'm sorry.
MARK : That's it? You're sorry?
SLY : Yeah. So you forgive me?
MARK : You humiliate me in front of a thousand people, ruin my future in classical music, cause
me to be terrified to even play chopsticks in front of anyone, and you expect
forgiveness because you said you're sorry?
SLY : Not enough, huh?
SLY : Mark, I feel terrible. What more can I say? I'm sorry.
BILLY : Which one of you creeps messed up my girlfriend's party?
SLY : Don't go away, Mark.
SLY : Heh-heh-heh. So you must be Sheila's boyfriend. Look, I'm really sorry about her party.
But can you find it in your heart to forgive me... and my face?
BILLY : Well, maybe if you begged me like you begged him.
SLY : Hey, I already begged once today. I'm not going to... Okay. Please don't hit me, please.
BILLY : Mmmmm, sorry. I thought it might work. I just don't care enough about you.
SLY : Hold that though.
SLY : Listen, Mark? It doesn't really matter if you forgive me, or not, because I won't be able to
forgive myself and I know it's my fault that the world won't be able to hear your music.
And I'm really sorry for that. Go ahead. Get it over with.
MARK : Wait a second. Did you really mean that?
MARK : That's pretty cool, cuz. Thanks. And I guess I've been angry long enough. I forgive you.
SLY : Thanks.
BILLY : Can we get on with this here?
SLY : Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SLY : One more second.
SLY : Listen. I know you're scared to play in public, but if you ever want to try again, the gang
and I will be there to support you. And this time I'll leave my Lone Ranger mask at
home.
MARK : Okay. I'll try to play at the party.
SLY : Alright!
BILLY : Does this mean I can't kick your butt?
SLY : Relax, Billy. If Mark can't play at the party -- I'm all yours. No pressure, though.
MARK : Maybe, this isn't such a hot idea.
TIFFANI : It's okay, Mark--everything's fine. You know the music, right?
MARK : Not a problem.
TONY : And you didn't eat before you got here, so you won't get sick, right?
MARK : Not a problem.
SAM : So you're okay with all these people here?
MARK : That's a problem.
SLY : Mark, it's okay to be scared. But you're really good. I know you can do this -- you'll be
find.
JAKE : Alright! Are we ready to rock?
JAKE : You ready? One, two, three, four...
(MUSIC CUE : "TAKE IT HIGHER"
MARK : IT'S BEEN WRITTEN
AND IT'S BEEN SAID
SOMEONE'S ALWAYS MESSIN WITH YOUR HEAD
BUT NO ONE KNOWS YOU
(HEY) LIKE YOU KNOW YOURSELF
NO NEED TO LISTEN
TO EVERYBODY ELSE
IF YOU'RE ON A DIFFERENT
WAVELENGTH
YOU GOTTA GO WITH YOUR
GREATEST STRENGTH (YEAH)
WHEN YOU SENSE INTENTIONS
COME FROM LESS THAN LOVE
YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING THAT
YOU CAN RISE ABOVE
ALL : TAKE IT HIGHER
MARK : MAKE IT POSITIVE
ALL : TAKE IT HIGHER
MARK : WHAT YOU GOT TO GIVE
ALL : TAKE IT HIGHER
MARK : LIVE AND LET LIVE
RISE ABOVE GO WITH LOVE
HOW HIGH CAN YOU FLY
ALL : TAKE IT HIGHER
MARK : IF YOU WANT YOUR
DUE RESPECT
TRY THE ONE THING THAT
NO ONE WILL EXPECT
ALL : TAKE IT HIGHER HIGHER
MARK : MAKE IT POSITIVE
ALL : TAKE IT HIGHER HIGHER
MARK : WHAT YOU GOT TO GIVE
ALL : TAKE IT HIGHER HIGHER
MARK : LIVE AND LET LIVE (YEAH)
RISE ABOVE GO WITH LOVE
HOW HIGH CAN YOU FLY
MARK : TAKE IT HIGHER TAKE IT HIGHER)
-THE END-
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