¡°Blind Dates¡±/ Thursday - January 28, 1999

SLY : And a big beautiful baboomin day to you all. I've found the girl of my dreams!
TONY : Let me guess. Page twenty-three, Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, right?
SLY : No, this one's real. See I met her on Compuchat, that computer service I was telling you
      about. We've been talking every night for a week.
MARK : That's scary. My cousin goes online and no girl with a computer is safe.
TIFFANI : That's great Sly. What's her name?
SLY : Queen of Hearts.
SLY : Actually, her real name's Allison. See, on Compuchat everyone uses handles.
SAM : What's yours? "Dillweed?"
TIFFANI : You guys! Leave him alone. It's actually kind of sweet.
SLY : And she's perfect for me. It doesn't even matter that I haven't seen her yet.
LORENA : That's great. Are you inviting her to the Romance Dance?
SLY : Are you nuts?! She could be a total bow-wow!
LORENA : Sly, you're so shallow. It shouldn't matter what she looks like. Which reminds me.
           Jake, you have to look totally hot at the dance so I can show you off.
JAKE : First of all, I'm playing at the dance, not dancing. And second, what am I? Some foo-
       foo poodle you want to show off at the Kennel Club?
LORENA : Oh, that's right. You'd never show me off. You'd never ask me to wear a tight leather
           jacket to your motorcycle rally.
JAKE : Woof! Woof!
SLY : Hey, you guys want to come over tonight? I've got an on-line date with Allison at six.
      You guys can meet her and check out Compuchat.
SAM : You mean, go to your house?
LORENA : And then... go to your room?
TIFFANI : Maybe some other time.
JAKE : I'll come, Wimple. I've always wanted to check out one of them computer networks.
LORENA : Hold it. Why do you need computer girls when you've got the real thing, right here?
JAKE : It's not that, it's just that if I...
JAKE : You guys go ahead.
TONY : One Winkle, two Winkle, three Winkle, four. When your date sees your room, she's
        gonna run for the door.
MARK : Yeah, cuz, don't you ever get tired of looking at yourself?
SLY : Never.
JAKE : Hey, guys.
MARK : Jake? What are you doing here?
JAKE : I told you. I wanted to check out Compuchat with you guys.
TONY : But I thought Lorena wouldn't let you come out and play tonight.
JAKE : Hey! Jake Sommers does what he wants, when he wants! And no girl can stop him!
       Please don't tell her, okay?
SLY : Gentlemen, it's time to jump on the information superhighway for a little electronic
      rendezvous.
JAKE : "TO LOG ON, ENTER YOUR HANDLE NOW."
SLY : "MR. BA-BOOM."
SLY : "HELLO, QUEEN OF HEARTS! I WANT YOU TO SAY 'HI' TO MY FRIENDS TONY,
      JAKE AND MARK."
TONY : "HI GUYS. TELL ME, WHAT IS SLY LIKE IN PERSON?" Oh let me answer it! The girl
        has got to know the truth!
TONY : "HE'S ABOUT AS COOL AS A HOT CHILI PEPPER UP YOUR NOSE."
SLY : Tony, I'm gonna kill you!
MARK : "GOOD. I LIKE A GUY WHO'S HOT."
MARK : Sounds like you two are perfect for each other, cuz.
SLY : Yeap! She's gonna send her picture to my printer! I can finally see what she looks like.
TONY : You better brace yourself. 'Cause only hopelessly-homely-desperate-for-a-date-nerd-
        girls call these things.
SLY : Behold the lovely Allison!
TONY : Uh, Sly, what was the phone number for Compuchat?
TONY : You guys would never believe it! I tried Compuchat myself last night. I met a girl so
        hot she made my mouse melt!
SAM : That's incredible! We went on last night, too. And I met a guy so steamy I had to
       squeegee the monitor!
TIFFANI : Well, I didn't fall in love, but I met a lot of interesting people. One guy kept going
           on and on about his sleazy, embarrassing cousin.
SLY : Huh?
MARK : Uh... Hey, I thought you girls weren't into this Compuchat stuff.
TIFFANI : No, the idea of being in Sly's room gave us the willies.
SAM : Yeah, so we came here and logged on with Lorena's computer. She already had the
       number.
JAKE : Oh, she did, did she?
LORENA : It's no big deal. Really, Jake.
JAKE : Right. So when you want to log on it's no big deal, but when I go over to Wimple's to
       log on, it's "el grande problemo!"
LORENA : I just wanted to check it out you know, and see what-
JAKE : Yeah right, where have I heard that before?
SLY : Yeah, well, good thing you got her back by coming over to my place anyway, huh?
JAKE : Heh... heh... ho boy.
TIFFANI : So, when are you guys going to meet your Compuchat friends in person?
SAM : Hey, how about a triple blind date!
TONY : Cool. That way if I don't like my date, I can steal Sly's.
SLY : Hey!
TONY : Well, Miss Woo, you're looking your goo-gah-moogliest tonight!
SAM : Thank you, Mr. Wicks. You're looking pretty hot yourself.
TONY : Well, I'd better be because plan on burning up the dance floor.
SAM : Oh, boy. I hope my date dances as well as you do.
TONY : You're not so bad yourself.
SLY : Ha! Anyone can go dancing. I'm taking Allison for an evening of culture.
TONY : Where to, Sly? The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling?
SLY : No, they were sold out, so I had to get tickets to the theater!
SAM : Oh, boy, it's seven o'clock. Get ready, they'll be here any second.
SAM : Seven fifteen. They're late and I don't like it.
TONY : Neither do I. Nobody stands up the Wick-man!
SAM : Yeah, nobody stands up this "Woo-man" either. They have five seconds to show up or
       we blow them off!
TONY/SAM : One...two...three...
TONY/SAM : ...nine-hundred and four... nine-hundred and five... nine-hundred and six...
TONY : That's it! That's it! They blew it!
SAM : Their loss. They could have gone out with beautiful, charming...
TONY : ...handsome, refined people like us.
SAM : So, you guys want to catch a movie?
TONY : I'd be delighted.
SLY : Nah, you guys go ahead. I'm going to give Allison a few more minutes.
TONY : Yeah. I forgot you're desperate.
SLY : I'm not desperate! I just really, really, really need a date to the Romance Dance.
SAM : See you later, Sly.
SLY : Nine-hundred and seven... nine-hundred and eight...
SLY : Allison!
ALLISON : Sly, is that you?
SLY : Yeah. Are you okay?
ALLISON : Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I just needed a little help finding the door.
SLY : Why would you need help...?
SURFER : Here's your cane, Miss.
ALLISON : Thanks. Because I'm blind.
SLY : We're here. One more over and... let me take your cane.
SNOOTY WOMAN : Watch it! What, are you blind?
ALLISON : No, I'm blind. He's just clumsy.
SLY : I'm sorry. I've never been with a blindie... err, I mean a blind girl before.
ALLISON : I know. I should have warned you. But I was afraid you wouldn't want to meet me if
           you knew I was blind, so...
SLY : Oh, wait a minute. If you were really blind, how could you see the computer screen!
      Who put you up to this? Jake? Tony? Come on out, guys...
ALLISON : I'm really blind, Sly. See, my computer has a voice synthesizer. Until tonight... you
           sounded like this.
SLY : Heh-heh, Yeah, well I uh... I was just seeing how big of an idiot I could be.
ALLISON : Relax, I think you're really brave for bringing me to the theater.
ALLISON : Come on. This'll be fun. I love listening to shows. Which one is it?
SLY : Uh... The Wonderful world of Mimes.
ALLISON : A mime show?
SLY : Hey, they were twenty dollar tickets! I was trying to impress you.
ALLISON : Well, I'm impressed! You're probably the first person in the world to ever take a
           "blindie" to a mime show.
SLY : Well, if I knew you were blind I would have taken you someplace like...uh...um...where do
      you people go?
ALLISON : Where everybody goes. I like the beach, movies, concerts...
SLY : Oh, so I guess you like Stevie Wonder.
ALLISON : You know, you're really funny. Most guys would be too uncomfortable to make a
            blind joke on the first date.
SLY : Not me.
SLY : Shh, it's starting. Look at that... I'm sorry. This is not gonna be easy.
ALLISON : It's cool, Sly, you're doing fine. It might help if you tell me what's going on, though.
SLY : Okay, there's this mime and he's pretending he's in a box. Now he's pretending he can't
      get out...
MARK : Hey, how was the triple blind date?
TONY : She was crazy! First, she stands me up. Then, when I go online to find out what
        happened, she's mad at me for standing her up. Can you believe that?
SAM : Whoa, Twilight Zone! My date tried to convince me I stood him up!
TONY : See, that's too weird! I told her: "I said, look I know I'm the stood-upee, not the stood
        -uper! So you can forget all about me, Hot Mama!"
SAM : "Hot Mama?" But, I'm "Hot..."
SAM : Smooth Operator?
TONY : Oh, boy.
JAKE : You were each other's blind dates and you didn't even know it?
TIFFANI : Sorry to laugh, guys, it's just that you've been friends for so long, we can't picture
           you dating.
TONY : Stupid computer.
SAM : Yeah.
SLY : She ba-booms me, she ba-booms me not. She ba-booms me...
MARK : I take it your date didn't end with the usual "Get lost, ferret face?"
SLY : Oh, I get it. That would be similar to a joke.
SLY : For your information, she's on her way here right now. But I better warn you guys, she's
      blind.
TIFFANI : Wow, Sly.
LORENA : Oh, and you didn't act like your sensitive self and ditch her right away?
SLY : No, it's not like that with Allison. We get along great and I don't want to blow it this
      time. I even gave her a cute little Indian nick-name.
SLY : Hey, "Walks Into Walls!"
ALLISON : Hey, "Two Eyes!"
SAM : They're perfect for each other.
SLY : Guys, I'd like you to meet Allison. Allison, this is Jake...
SLY : Lorena, Tiffani, Mark, Tony, and Sam.
SAM : What's so funny?
ALLISON : You're a girl. I thought with a name like Sam...
JAKE : You can tell she's a girl just by shaking her hand?
ALLISON : I'm pretty good at figuring things out with my other senses.
TIFFANI : Really? Like what do you mean?
ALLISON : Like I bet Tiffani and Jake play guitar, Tony plays drums and Mark is Sly's cousin.
TONY : That's incredible! You got all that from handshakes?
ALLISON : No, Sly told me. But I had you going, right?
SLY : So what do you guys think? Is she great or what?
ALLISON : Okay, what is it? "Thumbs up" "thumbs down?" What?
SLY : What's it worth to you? Heh-heh-heh.
ALLISON : let me feel your face.
SLY : It's one of these "blind" things. She loves feeling my-
SLY : Ow-ow-ow! Okay, okay, okay, they like you.
TONY : This is a match made in heaven.
SLY : Which leads me to the big question. Antoine, drum roll please! Allison, will you please
      accompany me to my school's Romance Dance this Friday?
ALLISON : A dance? Wow, I... don't know, Sly. Can I think about it?
SLY : Huh? Uh... uh... sure. Oh yeah, yeah. No problem. Well?
ALLISON : Not yet.
SLY : How about now? No? Alright, I'll call you after lunch.
SLY : I don't get it. She won't say "yes" to the cance.
MARK : Well, Sly, it can't be easy for her. Can you imagine what it must be like to be blind?
SLY : Nope.
TIFFANI : How about an experiment? We could blindfold you so you could see what it's like?
           Or, uh... not see what it's like.
SAM : That sounds cool.
MARK : Yeah, I'd love to try that, too.
SLY : Well, okay. Alright since you guys are doing it with me.
JAKE : You keep blindfolds in your locker?
LORENA : They're scarves. I have one for every shade of lipstick.
SLY : This is weird. I can't see anything.
SAM : That's the point, you nimrod.
TIFFANI : Can you guys smell that? That's Salisbury steak. I can smell it all the way from the
           cafeteria.
MARK : I can hear cheer leading practice from outside.
SLY : Ow! I can feel the wall on my face!
LORENA : This is wild! I never realized how bubbly soda is.
JAKE : Let me try. Wow, you're right. I never realized how sweet it is, either. Oops!
SLY : Aahhhh! I never realized how wet it is.
SLY : Alright, I've experienced enough.
TONY : Ammm, my nose detects perfume. And it smells heavenly!
SAM : Tony, you're sniffing my neck.
TIFFANI : I can't believe how much more aware I was of my other senses.
LORENA : How does Allison live like this? How does she get around?
JAKE : Yeah. You'd better watch out, Winkle. You take her to the dance, she's not gonna be
       "Walks Into Walls" she's gonna be "Dances Into Walls."
SLY : That's not funny.
JAKE : Hey, it was just a joke. You know I like Allison.
SLY : Yeah, but what if you're right? What if she does dance into a wall? I'll be the laughing
      stock of the school.
ALLISON : Who is it?
SLY : It's me, Sly.
ALLISON : Hi, I'm really glad you came over. I've decided I want to go to that dance with you.
SLY : Uh... about the dance...
ALLISON : I'm sorry I made you wait for an answer, but no guy ever asked me to a school
           dance before. I was afraid I might do something lame like dance into a wall or
           something.
SLY : Heh hah. I never thought of that.
ALLISON : I am so excited. My mom got me this new dress with flowers on it. Well at least
           that's what she told me, I mean it could be covered in bugs for all I know.
SLY : Allison, stop it. I came here to talk to you about something serious.
ALLISON : What?
SLY : I can't go to the dance.
ALLISON : You don't like flowers?
SLY : See, I had these corns--
ALLISON : Corns?
SLY : Yeah, on my feet? They went away but now they're back. So I can't dance.
ALLISON : Corns, huh? I'll tell you what, Sly. I may be blind, but I can see right through you.
            You're just like everybody else. You don't want to be seen with a blind girl.
SLY : Allison...
MARK : Hey, cuz. Isn't the roadie-look a little casual for the Romance Dance?
SLY : Nah, I'm not staying. There's no way I'm letting the whole school see me without a date.
TONY : Could one of you guys help me with my tie? I can't get it.
MARK : Sorry, Tony. Clip-on city.
SAM : I'll do it. I used to tie my father's tie all the time.
TONY : Uh... thanks, Sam. But I think I can figure this one out.
SAM : Sure, uh, suit yourself.
SLY : You guys tick me off. You're here. You're together. You obviously like each other, but you
      won't go for it because you're so worried about what we think. What do you care?
SAM : I'm game if you are.
TONY : Oh, yeah.
TONY : Excuse me. But, this is a private moment.
TIFFANI : Maybe you should take your own advice.
ALLISON : Hello? Who's there?
SLY : It's the jerk with the fake corns.
ALLISON : What do you want?
SLY : Look, I know I screwed up, but I'd really like to take you to the dance.
ALLISON : I don't think so. I don't need a pity date.
SLY : A pity date?
ALLISON : "Oh, no, I hurt a poor little blind girl's feelings. Her life is already hard enough. I
            should take her dancing and bring her a little happiness." Well, I'm not into it.
            Goodnight.
SLY : Wait! I don't pity you. I think you're amazing. And, I know sometimes I can be a little
      shallow.
SLY : Okay, I can be really shallow. Especially when I reject a girl I'm really into because I'm
      worried about how it'll look. Allison I really like you. Sight or no sight. And I don't care
      what anyone else thinks.
ALLISON : Um... would you mind saying that again while I touch your face. You're good. It's
           hard to hear if you're lying.
SLY : I said, I really like you and I don't care what anyone else thinks. So, will you come with
      me to the Romance Dance?
SLY : That felt like a "yes."
ALLISON : It was. Now can I have that rose?
SLY : Huh? Yeah, but how did you...?
TONY : Uh, Sam, would you tie my tie again?
SAM : What happened? I just tied it.
TONY : I know. And I just I untied it.
LORENA : Okay, Jake. I don't want it to come down to this, but if you're going to stay on that
           stage, this is what you're gonna be lookin at... Who wants to dance?
JAKE : How you gonna dance with broken legs?
JAKE : Look, Lorena, if you're so intent on showing me off, why don't you walk around and tell
        people that the lead guitarist is your boyfriend?
LORENA : Oh, like that's enough. Just telling people isn't the same as having you at my side.
ELISE : Whoa, that guitar player is hot!
LORENA : That guitar player is my boyfriend.
MARK : Good evening. We're the California Dreams and welcome to the Romance Dance. It's a
        time for lovers to cuddle close and to dance even closer. One, two...
ALLISON : It's awfully quiet. Is this a mime dance?
SLY : What are you looking at?
SLY : May I have this dance?
ALLISON : Sure, just keep me away from the walls.
SLY : Hit it, maestro.
MARK : Gladly, cuz, Three, four...

(MUSIC CUE : "THE WAY WE ARE"

MARK : TONIGHT IN THIS LIGHT
  YOU LOOK LIKE AN ANGEL
  WE WILL NEVER BE STRANGERS AGAIN
SAM : LOVE PLAYS HIDE AND SEEK
YOUR LOVE MAKES ME WEAK
BUT I DON'T WANT
THIS FEELING TO END
MARK/SAM : THE WAY WE ARE TOGETHER
  IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN WE ARE APART
  YOU HAVE MY HEART FOREVER CAUSE
  THAT'S JUST THE WAY WE ARE)

-THE END-