¡°The Princess and the Yeti¡±/ Friday - January 29, 1999

MR. COSTA : Welcome to Costa Lodge, guys. Glad you could all come to Colorado.
TIFFANI : It's beautiful, Mr. Costa. Thanks again for letting us stay at your lodge.
JAKE : Yeah, and thanks for booking the Dreams to play in your lounge.
TONY : Yeah, but most importantly, thanks for bringing us to Mount Googah-moo. Hellooo,
        snowbunny.
SLY : Hey, Tony, Tony. She's a lady, not some furry, cold-winter rodent. Have some respect.
TIFFANI : Well, this is a new side of you.
SLY : Yeah, well, I'm trying to be a little more sensitive now. Chicks are real suckers for that.
SLY : Ow! Ow! Ow!
MR. COSTA : Well, you kids have fun. But don't forget, I'm counting on your music. I can't
              afford to lose any more guests.
MARK : Why would anyone leave an awesome place like this?
MR. COSTA : I don't know, but I plan to find out. If I'm going to build another ski slope, I
              need to know there'll be skiers to use it.
LORENA : Right, so never mind the fun, a little hard work never hurt anyone.
MR. COSTA : Oh, glad to hear it. You're working the front desk tonight.
LORENA : But, I hate work!
MR. COSTA : Excuse me, Lorena, but we made a deal. You were there, Samantha, maybe you
              can remind her?
SAM : Oh, you mean when she fell to the floor during dinner, grabbed your ankles and pleaded:
      "Daddy, por favor, I promise to work the front desk if only you let me go!?"
SAM : Um... actually, I don't remember a thing.
LORENA : But, Daddy, you know that I'm allergic to work. See?
MR. COSTA : Honey, this really isn't a good time to act spoiled. I need your help this week,
              okay?
MR. COSTA : That's my girl. I'll see you all tonight.
LORENA : Boy, I can't believe he thinks I'm spoiled. Do you guys think I'm spoiled?
LORENA : Good. Then would you mind taking my bag to my room? I'm late for my manicure.
TONY : Well, time to hit the slopes, Jake. How do we look?
JAKE : Like a couple of Pillsbury Dough Boys.
MARK : We do not.
TONY/MARK : Hee hee!
TONY : Well, don't sweat it, Mark. Mr. I'm-too-cool-to-wear-a-snow-suit is going to be so
        cold, we'll be able to rent him out as an ice sculpture.
JAKE : I'll be fine. I'm wearing long underwear.
MARK : Ooh, how sweet. Do they have little motorcycles on them?
JAKE : As a matter of fact, they do. Got a problem with that?
MARK : No, no... actually, I was hoping I could borrow them later.
SLY : Baboom! What do you think?
JAKE : A fake cast, Winkle? What are you doing?
SLY : I'm catching a sympathy ride to chick city. Girls can't resist a guy with a leg injury.
JAKE : Hey, you're right, Winkle. Your first date.

OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Sorry to disturb you folks, but I live around these parts and felt it my
                       duty to warn everyone. Watch out for the traps.
TONY : Traps? You mean like for b-b-bears?
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Naw, there ain't no bears in these parts anymore.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : They yeti ate'em all.
TONY : Y-y-yeti?
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : That's what the traps are for.
TONY : Oh, man, we gotta go home!
MARK : Tony, relax. "Yeti" is just another name for the abominable snowman. And there's no
        such thing.
TONY : Oh, yeah? Well, tell that to the bears. I'm out of here. No big-ol-yellow-yeti-teeth
        are going to bite this Dough Boy!
JAKE : Tony, he's just a crazy old man. Don't let him scare you,
MARK : Yeah, come on. The girls are on the slopes waiting for us.
TONY : Okay... you're right. I am being silly. I just have to adjust my boots. You guys go on
        ahead -- I'll catch up.
JAKE : Sure?
TONY : I'm sure.
SLY : You okay?
TONY : I am okay.
SLY : So there I am, racing down the hill, going for the gold, when all of a sudden out of
      nowheres comes this... Moose--and POW! I'm Bullwinkle toe-jam.
TAMMY : Oh, you poor baby...
TONY : Sly, you gotta come quick! I think I heard the yeti outside the room! He was chomping
        his razor-sharp teeth, like this:
SLY : Not now, Tony, you'll "are-scay off the abe-bay."
TAMMY : "Are-scay off the abe-bay?" What do you think I am, "upid-stay?" I took French.
TONY : Oops-ay.
TIFFANI : Jake, you need a snow suit to ski. You should've listened to Mark.
LORENA : Yeah, why do you always have to be so stubborn?
JAKE : Hey! Jake Sommers doesn't do stubborn. Now put me down.
JAKE : I do, however, do pain.
LORENA : Ooh, look at the time. You guys better get ready for your gig. Meanwhile, I have
           work to do.
MARK : Whoa, I'm impressed. Are you really going to work the front desk?
LORENA : Are you loco? I'm going to work on my downhill. I'm still rusty.

(MUSIC CUE
MARK : MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT
  LIKE NEVER BEFORE
  MY KNEES GET WEAK
  WHEN YOU WALK IN THAT DOOR
  I KEEP THINKIN MAYBE THIS TIME
  BUT I CAN'T SPEAK
  AND I DON'T KNOW WHY
  I DREAM ABOUT YOU NIGHT AND DAY
  WHAT COULD MAKE ME ACT THIS WAY
ALL : MUST BE LOVE
MARK : THE WAY THAT I FEEL
ALL : SOMETHING INSIDE, OH HOH
MARK : TELLS ME THIS IS REAL
ALL : NOW I KNOW WHY
JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM/TONY : OOOH OOOH
MARK : IT'S YOU I'M THINKIN OF
ALL : NOW I KNOW IT MUST BE LOVE
JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM/TONY : OH OH
MARK : BEFORE ANOTHER DAY GOES BY
JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM/TONY : OH OH OH
MARK : I'LL TELL YOU ALL THE REASONG WHY
ALL : NOW I KNOW WHY
JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM/TONY : OOOH OOOH
MARK : IT'S YOU I'M THINKIN OF
  NOW I KNOW
ALL : IT MUST BE LOVE
MARK : THE WAY THAT I FEEL
ALL : SOMETHING INSIDE, OH YEAH
MARK : TELLS ME IT'S FOR REAL
ALL : NOW I KNOW WHY
JAKE/TIFFANI/SAM/TONY : OOOH OOOH
MARK : IT'S YOU I'M THINKIN OF
ALL : NOW I KNOW IT MUST BE LOVE
MARK : HEY HEY MM HMM
  MUST BE LOVE)

MARK : Thank you. We'll be right back after a short break.
SLY : Hey, isn't your dad going to be mad that you aren't at the front desk?
LORENA : Ahh, he won't even notice. I've only been gone for seven songs.
MR. COSTA : Lorena Marina Costa!
LORENA : What does he do--listen at the door?
MR. COSTA : This isn't a joke, Lorena. You broke your promise. But I'll deal with you later. I
              just found out about this ridiculous rumor about a yeti. That's what's scaring
              everyone away. How could anyone be so gullible?
TONY : You got me.
MR. COSTA : Attention, everyone. There's been a story going around about an abominable
             snowman. Now, we all know that these creatures don't really exist. So please just
             don't pay any attention to it, okay?
TONY : Oh no! It's the y-y-yeti!
MR. COSTA : Is everyone alright?
SAM : Boy, that was incredible. I don't think I've ever been that scared before.
TIFFANI : Yeah, I know. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes.
JAKE : Hey, where's Tony?
MARK : I'll find him. He's probably back in the room, trying to stuff himself into his suitcase.
MR. COSTA : Well, why don't the rest of you go back to your rooms and pack, too?
LORENA : Pack? Why?
MR. COSTA : Because you're leaving in the morning. I don't know what's going on, but I can't
              take any chances.
LORENA : But, Daddy, I didn't even get to try out my new ski boots.
MR. COSTA : Don't argue with me, Lorena. I'm still upset with you for breaking your promise to
              work. Now, excuse me, I have to contact the sheriff.
MARK : Hey, guys, the bellboy said Tony took off into the woods.
SAM : Oh, man. We gotta go find him.
SLY : Yeah, but how do we know which way he went?
TIFFANI : Simple. We figure out which way the yeti went... then go the other way.
JAKE : Wait a minute. It's freezing out there. What am I going to wear?
MARK : Hey, Jake, good thing Lorena lent you that ski parka, huh?
JAKE : Ooh, yeah, lucky me.
SLY : You know, Jakie. I just had this funny image of you tip-toeing through the snow drifts
      singing... "Jingle bells, jingle bells..."
JAKE : Ha! And I just had this funny image of you tip-toeing into my fist.
SLY : Ow, ow, my nose!
JAKE : Sing it.
SLY : Huh.
JAKE : Sing it.
SLY : "Ow, my nose! Ow, my nose!"
JAKE : Better.
SAM : Come on, guys, we have to find Tony.
TIFFANI : I've got an idea. Whoa, check out that hot skibunny!
TONY : Googah-moo! Where?
TIFFANI : He's over there!
SAM : Tony, are you alright?
TONY : Oh, I'm fine. Make yourselves at home. Can I get some cookies and milk for you?
        OF COURSE I'M NOT ALRIGHT!
JAKE : Hold on, hold on, I'll cut you down.
MARK : What happened?
TONY : Isn't it obvious? I got scared and ran for the hills. Then I got caught in this stupid yeti
        trap and...
TONY : Why, Jake, I do believe pink is your color.
JAKE : Oh, you think that's funny, do you?
TONY : Yeah, I do.
JAKE : Well, so's this...
TIFFANI : Poor Tony. You must be freezing without a jacket.
JAKE : He can have mine.
TONY : No thanks. I'd rather be Frosty the Snowman than Francine the Snowwoman.
MARK : Hello? Is anyone home..? Hello?
TONY : Oh, good. A fire.
TIFFANI : I don't know about this. What if a maniac lives here and comes back and finds us?
SLY : Chill out, Tiff. I'm schooled in nineteen forms of self-defense.
SLY : ...And they all begin with the word "RUN!"
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : What are you kids doing in my cabin?
SAM : Um... You mean this isn't the health spa?
JAKE : Look, we didn't mean to trespass, it's just that we got lost and it was really cold out
       there.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Well, you're lucky. A couple hours out in that cold, you'd get frostbite. Go
                       on go warm up by the fire, oh, and have some brownies. Made them
                       myself.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Ladies first.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : What are you worried about? These brownies are made from the finest
                       fungus in the forest.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Just kidding. What do you think I am, a hick? Just because I've lived
                       alone in the forest for forty years, and make my own food and clothing?
                       Whoa, I am a hick!
TIFFANI : Wow, these are amazing.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Yep, pine nuts and maple syrup. That's the key. And it's all right outside
                       my door there. Mother Nature's pantry.
TIFFANI : Boy, it must be incredible to live out here in harmony with the wilderness.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Oh, yeah... but not for long. Some bigshot businessman wants to tear
                       down my cabin, put in a ski slope. Some people got no respect for
                       others.
LORENA : Hey, you can't say that. That "bigshot businessman" is my dad.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Oh! Maybe I ought to charge him for your brownie.
LORENA : I don't think that's very funny.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Well, no... neither is losing my home.
LORENA : Come on, guys. Let's go.
JAKE : Lorena, hang on a second.
LORENA : I don't think so. I'm out of here.
TONY : Oh no! I knew it! I'm going to be yeti spaghetti!
LORENA : Tony, it's not real. It's just a yeti costume... Wait a minute... you're the yeti?
MR. COSTA : What were they thinking? Why would they go out in the woods at night?
SHERIFF KRIMSKY : Don't you worry, Mr. Costa. If there's one thing I know, it's how to track.
                      I'll find those kids.
SHERIFF KRIMSKY : Hi, kids.
MR. COSTA : Lorena, where were you? I was worried sick.
LORENA : There was never any real danger, daddy. The yeti is just an old man in a costume.
           He lives in that cabin off the southern slope.
MR. COSTA : Old man Guthrie?
LORENA : You know him?
MR. COSTA : Yes, he's been squatting on the land I bought. I offered hi some money to leave,
              but he refused. I knew he wasn't happy, but I never thought he'd resort to this.
TIFFANI : Well, we just met him. He's actually a nice old man.
MR. COSTA : Well, I still want him arrested. I'm pressing charges.
MARK : Excuse me, sir, but do you really have to press charges?
JAKE : Yeah, he was only trying to scare everyone off because your new ski slope was going to
       destroy his home. I mean, it's not like he ate anyone.
MR. COSTA : I'm sorry, kids. People lose their homes to development all the time. That doesn't
              give them the right to do what he did.
SAM : But this is different. He's lived here forty years -- it's his life. Tell him, Lorena, you
      were there.
LORENA : Don't look at me. It's not my problem.
LORENA : Well, it's not. It's my dad's business.
MR. COSTA : I'm afraid she's right. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to tell the other guests
              everything's okay.
LORENA : Well, who's up for night skiing?
TONY : Man, I never thought I'd say this about another person, but you're even more selfish
        than Sly.
SLY : Hey, I'm not selfish. I just don't care that much about other people.
LORENA : Look, I've got nothing against the old man, but this is business. Not building that ski
           slope would cost my father a lot of money.
TIFFANI : Since when do you care about your father's business?
LORENA : Since he promised I could go to Europe this summer if the slope was a success.
           Now, who's going night skiing?
LORENA : Fine. I'll go by myself.
LORENA : Oh no! It's broken. And these were my favorite ski boots! Ow! My knee! Okay, okay,
           Lorena, don't panic. The key in these situations is to remain calm... Help! Help me!
           Please! Somebody?... Anybody?!
LORENA : Oh, oh, oh, great. I'm going to die out here... and with messy hair, too.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Well, it figures, that's what you'd care about at a time like this.
LORENA : Perfect. Of all the hot ski hunks on the mountain, I get rescued by you.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Thank you.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Boy, you did a nice job on your knee. Here, I'll fix you a splint right
                       quick.
LORENA : I don't get it. Why are you helping me?
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : You're in trouble.
LORENA : No, I mean... after you were so nice to us in the cabin, I still told my father you
           were the yeti.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Yeah, I figured you would...
LORENA : I still don't understand. Do you expect a reward or something?
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Money? That's all you ever think of, isn't it?
LORENA : No, I... Well, yeah.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Well, sometimes people help other people cause they need it. And in
                       this case, oh, you need it.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Let's get you back to the hotel.
LORENA : Wait, wait, wait. You can't take me back. The police are looking for you. You'll be
           arrested. You'll lose your home.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Well, I guess I'll just have to take that chance.
MR. COSTA : Lorena, are you alright?
LORENA : I'm fine. I just twisted my knee.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Howdy. The name's Guthrie.
MR. COSTA : I know who you are. Arrest this man.
LORENA : Wait, Daddy. If it weren't for him, I'd still be out there lost. He saved my life.
MR. COSTA : Oh. Well, I guess I owe you thanks.
MR. COSTA : But I'm afraid I'm still pressing charges for all the damage you caused with that
              yeti nonsense.
MARK : Come on, Mr. Costa. Have a heart.
LORENA : Daddy, please!
MR. COSTA : Well... I'll tell you what. I'll drop the charges on one condition: That you agree to
              vacate your place peacefully so that I can start building that new ski slope.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Well, sir, I'm just a simple mountain man and you're a big important
                       businessman, so I'll try to put this in terms you'll understand : No.
LORENA : Wait!
MR. COSTA : Sorry, Lorena, I've been more than fair.
LORENA : Please, Daddy. If it's money you care about, I'll chip in. I'll work the front desk all
           week... and I'll um... um...
SAM : Give up your trip to Europe.
LORENA : I'll give up my trip to Europe! And, I'll um...
TONY : Give up your allowance for a year.
LORENA : I'll give up my allowance for a -- What, are you out of your mind? Oh, alright! I'll
          give it up for a year.
MR. COSTA : I can't believe I'm hearing this.
LORENA : I can't believe I'm saying this.
MR. COSTA :  I'm so proud of you, honey. I'm glad to see you thinking about other people for
               a change.
LORENA : So you won't evict Mr. Guthrie?
MR. COSTA :  No. I'm not sure what I'll do, but we'll work something out.
LORENA : Thank you, Daddy.
OLD MAN GUTHRIE : Thank you.

-THE END-