"Boyz'R Us" / Wednesday - February 3, 1999

TONY : Hey, it's finally time for my break. I can't wait to dig into this.
TONY : Hey! Hey! Stop it! Buy your own food!
SAM : We can't. We're broke.
TIFFANI : Yeah, and we don't have any gigs until next moth at that beach club.
TONY : No, money, huh? Well, let's see, you could, uh... wish upon a star, you could mug a
       leprechaun, or you could, uh... maybe get one of those things where they pay you to do
       stuff. Now what is that called...?
MARK : Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
TONY : Mark?
MARK : A job?
TONY : Oh...very good.
JAKE : It's not like we haven't looked for jobs. There's just nothing out there.
SLY : BA-BOOM--I GOT A JOB TO-DAY,
BOOGIE BOOGIE BOO.
SAM : Every day, in every way, he just gets weirder and weirder.
SLY : Guys, I got this job singing telegrams. And the company's still hiring.
JAKE : Forget it! We're musicians, not messengers. There's no way we're gonna stoop that low.
SLY : They pay twenty-five bucks per telegram.
TONY : Mm, this milkshake is good. Yummy, yummy, yummy.
JAKE : Where do we sign up?
SAM : Lorena, you're rich. Why do you need a job?
LORENA : I don't. I just want to know what it feels like to be poor.
DARREN : Hey! Hey! Hey! Is that the Wickity-Wickity-Wick-Man I see?
TONY : Darren? Oh, man! Darren!
TONY : I can't believe it's you!
DARREN : Check you out! Looking good, road dog!
TONY : You, too, man! It's so god to see you again.
DARREN : Good, then that means you're not mad at me anymore.
TONY : Me? You were the one who got mad at me for moving out.
DARREN : No way. How can yo say that?
TONY : Easy. When my family was moving out, you called the cops and said we were robbing
       our own home.
DARREN : Okay, maybe, I was a little mad...
TONY : Yeah, but you're here now, man. And that's what counts.
TONY : So what's up? Didn't J.R. come with you?
DARREN : Huh? Oh, nah, nah... I came by myself.
TONY : Oh, well, it would have been cool to see him. But, hey, let me shake you around. And
        introduce you to my new band.
DARREN : Yeah, J.R. told me, the "California Dreams." He said you're good, but can yourip like
          we used to?
TONY : Oh, man, nobody could touch you, me and J.R.
DARREN/TONY : "Boyz 'R Us."
DARREN : We were the best! The phattest in all of South Central.
DARREN : Hey, it's been awhile, can you still...do it?
TONY : What? Are you serious?
DARREN : Well, two years is a long time to be gone from the hood... Come on. Let's see you
           prove it.
TONY : Oh, man, I don't have to prove anything to you... or your brown-paper-bag-wearing-
        doggy-dog-face-that-was-barred-from-the-zoo-for-scaring-the-monkeys.
DARREN : Not bad for an apron-wearing-disease-of-the-week-fearing-chicken-man-with-an
           -ego-so-big-it-orbits-Jupiter.
TONY/DARREN : Your mama!
SAM : Tony and Darren will be here any second.
LORENA : I like it. It's great. It's perfect. Then again, I liked the last outfit you tried on, too.
MARK : And the one before that.
TIFFANI : And the six before that were okay, too.
SAM : Well, excuse me, but Darren's one of Tony's oldest friends. It's important that I look
      perfect when I meet him.
LORENA : Sam, just relax and be yourself. Darren's going to like you.
JAKE : Sure, even if you wear that.
SAM : Jake!
JAKE : I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You look great.
TONY : Yo, guys. Say hey to Darren.
TONY : Darren, this Jake, Lorena, Tiffani, Mark... And this... this is Sam.
SAM : Hi! It's really nice to meet you. I have to go change.
DARREN : Tony, I don't know how you do it. You always find the most beautiful women.
SAM : I'll change later.
MARK : Gee, Darren, you're nothing like I expected you to be.
DARREN : Really? What was that?
MARK : Well, you know... South Central and everything... I mean, I watch "Yo, MTV Raps"...
DARREN : Oh, so you thought maybe I'd talk something like... S'up, blood! Me and my homies
           is chillin fore we goes on our drive-by shootin!
MARK : Kinda stupid of me, huh?
DARREN : Don't worry about it... Opie.
TONY : Uh, this here's Opie's cousin--Dopey.
SLY : Ha, ha, laugh it up, have a good yuck at the Slymeister's expense. But I tell ya, you'd
      better save some laughs for when you see your singing telegram costumes.
JAKE : Hey! No one said anything about costumes. I mean, I'll sing, but I'm not gonna dress
       like some...doof.
TIFFANI : You see, we all got jobs singing telegrams. We don't have any gigs until next month.
DARREN : It's a shame to see all this equipment just sitting here, going to waste.
JAKE : Hey, Darren, Tony told us you play bass, right? You wanna jam later?
DARREN : Now you're talking.
TONY : All right! Jamming together again, man! J.R. really missed out not coming, huh?
TONY : Darren? Hey, hey, man... What's up?
DARREN : Uh, maybe later...
TONY : Hey, it's cool. I know you just met them. But these people are my family.
JAKE : Of course, Opie and Dopie are adopted.
DARREN : All right, man. Look, since you left, some changes have gone down in the hood.
          Some brothers are getting rough and J.R.'s hanging with them.
TONY : I talked to him two months ago. I thought everything was cool. What's up?
DARREN : I'm not sure. Just that we got that music scholarship deal all set up to USC, he starts
          kicking it with these guys. That's why I came, man. To bring you back to talk to
          him. He'll listen to you.
TONY : Brother, I am there. Look here, why don't you stay at my house tonight and we'll over
        there first thing tomorrow?
DARREN : Cool. I'd like to see your folks while I'm here.
TONY : Aw, men, my dad's at an away game with the football team. But my mom's sure gonna
       love seeing you.
SLY : Yeah, yeah, go have your family reunion. We've got telegrams to sing! And I hope I'm not
      the only messenger here smart enough to dress like an idiot!
MARK/JAKE : SINCE IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, YOUR
  BROTHER GARY, HE WANTS TO SEND YOU,
  THIS COMMENTARY : SINCE YOU'RE NOW
  OLDER, AND GIRLS ARE PICKY, YOU'LL
  NEVER GET ANOTHER CHICKY.
MRS. WICKS : Oh, my, look at this one. You two and J.R. in front of the Christmas tree.
TONY : Boy, we're some sister-slaying studs.
DARREN : You know it, cuz.
MRS. WICKS : Yeah, the hottest six-year olds I've ever seen, uh-huh.
DARREN : I remember that Christmas. That was when T got his first durm set.
TONY : Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and you got the kazoo and J.R. got the harmonica. That was the
        Christmas "Boyz 'R Us" was born. We was tough.
DARREN : Tough.
TONY : Tough.
DARREN : Tough.
TONY : Tough.
DARREN : Tough.
MRS. WICKS : No, nuh-uh, what was tough was listening to you practice. so, Darren, are you  
               still delivering groceries for Mrs. Jackson's market?
DARREN : Yes, ma am. I've got enough saved up for two years at City College. We'll see after
           that.
MRS. WICKS : That's great. I know it can't be easy. I'm proud of you. Well, I think it's time I
               said goodnight.
DARREN : Man, it's sure good to see your mom again, Tony.
TONY : Hey, man, you know she always thought of you and J.R. as her own kids... The kids
        she never wanted.
TONY : Hey, man, let's call J.R. and find out where to meet tomorrow.
TONY : Hey, Mrs. Bufkin, Hey, it's Tony Wicks!... What? When?... I can't believe it... Yeah, yeah,
        I'll see you there.
DARREN : What's up man.
TONY : J.R. got beat up real bad. He's in the hospital.
TIFFANI : ...And when we asked for a tip, the woman said, "I will give you a tip. I will count
           to three before I yell for the police."
JAKE : Well, that proves it. This whole job's stupid. Making tips is impossible!
SLY : "I LOVE MONEY, AND MONEY LOVES ME!"
LORENA : Sly, where'd you hit the jackpot?
SLY : Everywhere. These are my tips. For some strange reason, everyone thought I was a
      natural-born clown!
SAM : Go figure.
TIFFANI : Guys, I think we blew it. Apparently the doofier the costume, the bigger the tip.
JAKE : I'm not sure, Tif. Doofy is just cheap, easy jokes. I think people prefer sophisticated
       humor.
TIFFANI : Yeah, I guess you're right. Hey, Markie, boy. Your shoe's untied.
JAKE : Let's go get our costumes.
SAM : Tony! Darren! I thought you guys were going to see J.R. today.
TONY : We did. We saw him in the hospital.
TONY : Well, J.R.'s sister told us his "new friends" wanted him to rob a liquor store with them.
        But he wouldn't do it. So, as a warning not to rat them out, they messed him up.
TIFFANI : Oh, no. Is he okay?
TONY : Don't know. He's unconscious. Lying in this little room with all these tubes coming out
        of him...and um...doctors say we just have to wait...
LORENA : Tony, what can we do?
SLY : Hey, when he wakes up, I'll sing to him in my clown suit.
MARK : Sly!
SLY : What? I wouldn't ask for a tip.
DARREN : Yo, Tony and I are taking care of this, okay? We don't need your help.
TONY : look, guys... I'll catch up with you later.
SAM : You sure?
TONY : Look, ah... Darren, I know how you feel, but these are my friends. They just feel bad.
        Don't take it out on them.
DARREN : I'm sorry, man. But there's nothing they can do. It's all up to you and me now, cuz.
TONY : What are you talking about? What can we do?
DARREN : You know what we can do. We can find these guys who dogged J.R. And pay'em
           back.
MIGUEL : Aaagh!!
SAM/TIFFANI : HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, YOUR GIRLFRIEND
     SURE IS APE FOR YOU! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY,
OO-HOO, OO-HOO, OO-HOO, HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO, HOO-HOO, HOO!
SLY : Hey, guys, I booked us to do a group telegram at Sharkey's tonight. We should get a
      great tip.
SLY : But, but, the guy who we're doing it for is the guy who booked us for the beach club. So
      we've got to be great.
TIFFANI : Oh, we'll be great, alright.
TIFFANI : Tony! How's J.R.?
TONY : He's still the same. But now Darren wants to go find the guys who busted him up and
        get revenge.
LORENA : You're not thinking of going with him, are you?
TONY : Ah... know I shouldn't, but it's hard. I mean, it's hard to explain this. I mean, it's J.R.
        They hurt J.R., you know.
JAKE : Tony, I know how you feel. It's like you've got this anger burning in your gut. Like you
       want to pound your fist through someone's skull, right?
TONY : Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! I just want togo -- POP! POP!
JAKE : Look, I've been there, man. You feel good for about two seconds, man. Then you wish
       you'd never done it cause it just means somebody else is coming back to look for you.
SAM : Oh, Tony, you've got so many good things going for you. You have music, you have
      school... you have me.
TONY : I know all that, Sam, it's just that Darren's counting on me backing him.
SLY : Yeah, but what Darren wants to do is crazy.
TONY : Sly, I know it's crazy! Yeah, it is crazy, isn't it? Yeah. And I know better than this, too.
MARK : Hey, where are you going?
TONY : To make sure Darren knows better.
DARREN : Hey, it's about time you got back. Let's go. I think I know the spot on eighty-ninth
           where these guys hang out.
TONY : Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute, Darren. Look here, I've been thinking about this. And I
        want to call the police.
DARREN : The police?
TONY : Yeah.
DARREN : Man, you've been away a long time. I guess you forgot that in the hood, the police
           don't care what we do.
TONY : Look, man, I know it's not supposed to be cool to call the cops, that you've always got
        to settle the score yourself. But this time's different.
DARREN : Man, what's with you? I thought we were down on this.
TONY : Look, I want these guys to pay for hurting J.R. just as bad as you do. I just want it
       done the right way.
DARREN : Well, that takes guts, my brother. Guts I guess you just don't have.
TONY : No, Darren. Listen, I just think that us going to beat somebody up, cause they beat
        somebody up, is stupid. It's stupid, man!
DARREN : Yeah, you're right. It's stupid, and I'm stupid for ever coming here.
TONY : Darren, wait, wait-- Oh, man!
TONY : Hi, Mrs. Young. It's tony again. Have you seen Darren?... No?... Oh no, no everything is
        fine, fine. It's good luck to call your friend twelve times... Have him call me, please.
        Man, I hope he didn't get in any trouble.
GANG : YOU CAPTURED MY HEART, AND NOW Y HEART BELONGS TO YOU.
GANG : YOU CAPTURED ME HEART, RIGHT FROM
        THE START, YOU CAPTURED ME HEART AND
        NOW ME HEART BELONGS TO YOU!
        AND ONLY YOU!
DAVID : That was great, guys, just great.
SLY : Glad you liked it, because you're going to hear a lot more of us at your beach club next
      month.
DAVID : What? You mean... you're the California Dreams?
MARK : That's us.
DAVID : Uh, no offense, guys, but you guys seem kind of... doofy.
TIFFANI : We're the doofiest! Hyuk, hyuk!
DAVID : Look, doofy may be okay for my girlfrend... but not my club. You're canceled.
SLY : Look on the bright side, he gave us a big tip.
TONY : Shatkey's... Oh, hi, Mom,,, Huh? J.R.'s conscious? Alright!
TONY : Shut up, you guys!... What?... But...
SLY : What's up? J.F.'s awake, right?
TONY : Yeah, he's awake. He's paralyzed. He can't move. He can't walk... He can't feed himself...
        He can't do ANYTHING!
TONY : I, uh, got to do something.
SAM : Tony? You're not going to find Darren, are you?
TONY : You guys can't understand this!
JAKE : Tony!
TONY : BACK OFF!
DARREN : Tony? Alright, you came!
TONY : Yeah, I'm here. Where are they?
DARREN : Well, the main two guys we want are right in there.
TONY : Alright, so we'll wait for them to come out?
DARREN : And when they do, we won't need that bat.
TONY : Why? We're gonna fight, aren't we?
DARREN : Oh, yeah, but it's going to be a short fight. Just two punches. Bang. Bang.
TONY : Darren, are you out of your mind?! man! You can't do that!
DARREN : This is for J.R.!
DEVIN : Hey, hey, hey. Easy, man.
DARREN : You messed up our friend, and now it's payback time.
TONY : No, Darren!
DARREN : Shut up, Tony.
TONY : Oh, fine, yeah, I'll shut up. You just go ahead, go ahead! Yeah! Shoot this fool. Put a
        bullet in his heart. Don't keep this thing going, man. It's not going to help J.R.
DARREN : Oh, man! This is going to even things!
TONY : Put the gun down, man.
GARR : Yeah, listen to your friend.
DARREN : Shut up! We can't just let them get away with this!
TONY : Forget them! I'm talking about you, your life! You kill them, you go down, too.
TONY : Look at me, look at my eyes. I'm your friend man, and I'm not going to let you do
        this...
TONY : You know me. You know I'm not backing off... So put the jun down.
DARREN : But what about them, man? Tomorrow they'll just put someone else in the hospital.
DAVIN : Yeah! Maybe you.
DARREN'S FATHER : I don't think so.
DARREN : Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?
DARREN'S FATHER : We're here to help. And we're not the only ones.
TONY : Jake?
JAKE : Hey, I wasn't going to just sit around.
TONY : Sam? Mom? Guys? What? What...?
DEVIN : Yo, what's the deal, man?
TONY : What are you doing here? This is deep!
SAM : After you ran out, I called your mom.
MRS. WICKS : And I got a hold of your parents, Darren.
DARREN'S MOTHER : We rushed right over. J.R.'s parents are on their way, too.
DARREN : I don't understand...
DARREN'S FATHER : This isn't just between you and them, son. It's between them and all of
                      us. The whole community.
WOMAN : And there's a whole lot more of us than there are of them.
MAN : We've had enough. We're done being scared.
MRS. WICKS : So we're all here. Not just for J.R. -- but for everyone.
TONY : Check it out, man! I get it! We all come together and we refuse to allow these two--
       To make us scared, to make us violent. And that's how we increase the peace. That's the
       real answer, man.

-THE END-